God spoke to me and said ‘I AM THE GIVER OF LIFE’
So I no longer had to worry about that
All I had to do was find that purpose of the life He had given me
Become the love that it leads to, especially myself
Many say that is selfish, self centered
But they are the words of fear
If I become that unconditional love it is just that…unconditional
I give out exactly what I become within
And that is our journey, find that beauty inside
And like anything that is alive, it continually changes
Let that inner seed sprout, let it grow
Until it becomes the beauty that it is
Like a rose beginning in the dirt, it needs it also
Just as our conditional love is needed to become unconditional
And a bloom so far beyond where it began to be almost another being
You already have the seed, plant it, nurture it
Believe in your journey….He does ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋
Tag: self love
God spoke to me and said ‘I AM THE GIVER OF LIFE’
In all those things we ever do in this world, nothing comes close to a greater happiness than when we discover something. Let’s say you’ve never painted before and someone says let’s give it a try. You have never done it before so it doesn’t really mean too much but your prepared to give it a go. You start off dripping paint, splashing the un-splashable and outright smearing reality across surrealism right into abstract in five easy strokes…but…you had a ball.
You couldn’t believe how much fun it was to learn this stroke and that, and the ability to really create something from such a few lessons. Some are easy, some are difficult…but they are the ones that make you the most happy because you have understood them and done fantastic things with them. You don’t fully understand it all but as you do it, the more and more the brush feels like an extension of your hand. You can’t wait to do it again, and again. You’ve found something that truly makes you happy. Rembrandt look out, I’m here 😀
Now apply that to your life…all that dripping, smearing and even experimenting all over, again and again, finding rough bits but getting better and better and astounded when you have one of those breakthroughs and create something that truly feels like you. Especially that love that is one of life’s masterpieces, even if it has a tiny flaw that only you can see. And because of that you put it in the backroom because you want to do better. In fact you will do better because that is just practice till you do get it right, do get it perfect, and this won’t be from rote and teachings but a style that is all your own. And it will answer you the day you create that masterpiece that is you.
You will be mesmerized by what you have created, like a dream on canvas it will glow it is that perfect. You have created unconditional love. You don’t even have to touch it anymore, you have achieved life’s purpose and now you can be that gallery of perfection and be on display as the masters always are…you now know that this could not have happened unless all that went before led you to this moment, teaching your heart exactly how to be…just by being you ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋
As many are aware I recently had a rather abrupt health problem a couple of months ago which I posted about earlier in a few posts as it progressed…’As Above, So Below’, ‘To Live, First Allow Yourself’, ‘A Perspective Of Life’, ‘Hope’, ‘The Last Day’ and now this post. Each time I thought it had touched what it needed to for my understanding and resolved itself, but no, another event would take it a step further so that I could ‘see’ properly. Each moment was a step. Each time I thought that this couldn’t possibly go further or I would die. But it did. And in fact the post on this (‘Hope’), touched something that I haven’t spoken of yet as it has done the one thing that I thought wasn’t possible. I have been shown over the years so many things by Spirit that my confidence in my journey is beyond words, simply because I thought that all my fears had been dealt with, leaving me in such a place that I thought even death no longer worried me in any way.
Ah, the minds and ego’s of men. Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. I haven’t done this post till now because on the night I almost died I was shown something that I literally could not fathom at all, it went against everything I knew up until now, of what I believed of myself. It was so powerful that Spirit left me to digest it, this was somewhere I had to go on my own because what I saw and felt tore my foundations of ‘self’ completely out from under me. It left me in shock because of what I initially saw, to me, I did not think was possible. In hindsight…I needed to see to understand, to see so that I could appreciate just what is there.
Let me explain, and I will say now that I have had to debate long and hard to even be putting this into words as it can be quite abrupt to many because of what I experienced. But remember, THIS WAS SPECIFICALLY MY JOURNEY and what I needed to see…and possibly because it is what I believe happens in all else in our lives. So remember these following next two sentences as you read further below.
‘All events in our lives have their opposites so we can understand. We cannot know and appreciate happiness unless we know and appreciate our experiences of sadness too, as with all of our emotions in our lives.’
So to now go to the ‘event’…I had waited too long in calling the ambulance and had reached a point where I could no longer speak to do so anyway. (IMPORTANT NOTE: I did not know this but (in Australia at least), I found out later that even if I had my ‘location’ turned off on my mobile phone you CAN still call an ambulance anyway and they will track it back to where you live (or where your currently located at), if you cannot speak for any reason).
So I was on my hands and knees on the floor of my kitchen, I couldn’t breathe but for a very tiny gasp in and out due to my lungs inflaming (from the emphysema), to the point that even the gasp of air had to be forced in and out. It is such a pronounced moment that you can barely think of anything but trying to get some air. I first tried to reach my hand out to ‘something, anything’ to help me…but there wasn’t anything there. What do you reach for to help you breathe? I started to even move out of the kitchen towards its doorway…seeking…what? And in that instant two things happened. The first was…I was thinking this is it, I’m going to die and all I could feel was this incredible loss and dare I say it (this scared me more than anything else that happened)…it was like every piece of love that ever existed was taken from me and left me absolutely rejected and tossed into hell. It was the most horrible thing I have ever touched in my life, I felt that I had not been good enough and there was no other chance at anything. I was done, had my chance and lost it. It was just so terrible I can hardly put it into words.
I do not know how long this lasted for but it must have only been seconds when the next instant hit with even more force than the first. And it was in that moment that God (and I do mean God), touched me with a very profound touch and thought of…I am the giver of Life…and left me stunned as He moved away. Spirit was there but this moment gave such a feeling that I was to understand that the gift of Spirit had shared so much with me but only God had the gift of Life.
Trying to absorb such an incredible moment while barely able to breathe was hard enough but I think the important part was understanding that, like all else in this world there are always two sides. Like happiness and sadness, neither can be appreciated for what they are unless they are both experienced and felt for what they truly are. I have experienced life in so many ways over the years and to now have that ‘life’ taken away has stripped me bare of any attitudes of confidence or knowing or what’s important or not. It leaves you KNOWING that down here is one of the most incredibly beautiful gifts we will ever be given…so that we can see truly the gift of unconditional love. We must touch this conditional side in all that we do down here so we can know and understand unconditional love.
And just so that my ‘condition’ was understood properly, I had very, very slowly begun to breathe again, slowly getting a tiny bit more and a tiny bit more until I felt I’m ok. So I sat up on my heels and went straight into another coughing fit to take me back to no breathing again, even worse than what it was before. To which Spirit said…you are being shown this a second time so that you do not ‘justify’ this event as ‘chance’…life is a gift, appreciate that gift.
Again, I very slowly regained my breath till I eventually dared to attempt to sit up again. After a long time I got up as it appeared that the emergency medicine I had taken earlier had finally began to work (or maybe God’s compassion), and went and sat on a chair and could do nothing but try to understand what I had been shown. Yes, it was terrible, but as I say, on its other side is something so profoundly beautiful. It has taken me a long time to digest something that most never get to see…except those that have survived ‘their’ encounter with death from accidents etc. And even they may not touch these things but I do know this…you are forever changed by touching its doorway, and in that I believe is its purpose. Like all else it gives us an understanding of what we truly do have down here, and will appreciate even more when we go up there.
Please believe me, I now understand better what life is, and what its like to have it taken away. Down here may seem like a hell some days, but truly it is a place in our hearts that we change each day as we experience it in all its ways. It can do nothing but change us each step we take. I was blessed…yes blessed, with seeing and touching something beyond words. I will never be the same…as you will also each step you take. Yes, it does hurt, but its opposite is to heal in a way that opens and allows us to appreciate that love hidden behind our walls. I thought I was impervious to life’s pain…Life had other ideas, so that I could see the beauty that God has given us with a great love, an unconditional one so that we will take those steps to feel and touch that love and happiness we have always looked for ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋
A reply to Erika’s post at What if…I only had one day left!
I began to write a reply Erika but spirit ‘touched’ my heart to see something that this moment ‘What if…I only had one day left’ would bring…….
Slowly I touched those many things that I thought mattered. Slowly I released each one as they were accepted as what I had achieved, arrived at or were even created.
But at the end, after touching these things, only one thing remained. An acceptance of myself. Yes, I wanted to live…especially after truly realising what ‘life’ really was and could now appreciate it all the more because of that. But I have no control of when or even how I leave this world except by living it consciously with the love I have discovered in living this life.
So what is left…just me. And it is an unusual thing to not ‘attach’ to something in this world as we usually do. And it is then that I feel a very profound moment…I have always been a part of ‘everything’. This sudden ‘let go’ of ‘here’ is that moment of change, that creating a vacuum to allow something else to come forth. Become something that cannot be achieved ‘as is’, but be created from it.
A new journey, a new way of being, a part of something that has been created in each journey we make. Something evolving…that love, like any love, becoming more beautiful and profound each experiencing and understanding of it within that we feel regardless of that ‘moment’ that touches it. And becoming a part of it again and again, each time more refined.
So…is this that step…into that vacuum. In fact I think it calls me as love always does. It is only this way of being, that holding on to ‘life’ that holds me here…do I dare to ‘let go’…for that is what love is…unconditional. My holding on is in fact a condition. Dare I?
I have touched that moment when I felt there was nothing left, fighting for breath when I couldn’t breathe, realising that there was nothing left but that will to live, fight for ‘life’…and it is a very profound moment. I have a few times now come to this moment where breathing becomes harder and harder and I call an ambulance, each time a little harder as any medicine used seems to struggle a little more.
Emphysema has no master.
But I do…life, and the love that creates it! ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋
….continued from posts ‘As Above, So Below!’ and ‘To Live..First Allow Yourself!’
Is it that moment you look into your newborns eyes and feel a connection way beyond words. Cheer on a friend who has finally stepped into their dreams after so much work. That moment your standing at the alter watching your partner in life walking down the aisle or maybe even just by being happy because at this moment life is good…just as it is.
To achieve all of these, and many, many more of these magical moments we must experience what it took to bring them into being. The struggles, the sweat, the physical and emotional toll that they all take in some way as we build something. A hope, a dream, an expression of something that gives us meaning in all that we do.
I have spoken of these in many ways, how we must experience and know these meanings to understand them truly. One cannot truly understand and appreciate happiness unless they know and understand sadness, and on through those many emotions. They are all a ladder that we climb to see higher and higher, that beauty we can see further and further in life with the wisdom that they show.
I am currently sitting at my kitchen table, among the mess that the ambulance officers had swept away to help me through another quite abrupt ‘life’ experience. My body is still reacting to the medicine I had been on until it decided an allergic response was necessary, careening my immune system so wildly that most symptoms I told the ambulance officer left him shaking his head. My lungs are now filling with fluid and barely enough room left to breath. And after our little chat and a nebulizer to ease my breathing I could feel his empathy as he obtains a promise from me that I will ring my doctor first thing in the morning. I shake my head as I realise I’m being blocked again and need to step through this on my own. And no sleep for at least 12 hours as the adrenal rams my heart up, eyes wide open and a shaking like tree.
In the last two hours this had rapidly reached a point where this emergency call had to happen. To even move about I’m literally gasping like a fish out of water and as I had earlier looked up I see I have to go 30 feet to unlock the door to let them in. Do you know how far 30 feet is? And I am amazed at the next thought from spirit…’it just depends on your perspective’.
And in hindsight life is definitely like that..all of it is our perspective. If your just ducking out for some milk, it does not even compute. But right at this moment and your at your last breath, it has all the meaning in the world. If I don’t unlock that door, they can’t get in.
So my beautiful friends, life does indeed come right down to you, what experiences you get from those many millions of miles you travel, and is indeed in return giving its all to you. Each moment changing that little barometer within to seek that ultimate goal of unconditional love we all look for. And yes, it will step on your toes because you only have a lifetime…this lifetime…a bare 60 odd years to achieve so many things so that the beautiful flower within you will blossom and reach for the sun.
And just to make sure I was listening spirit asked me ‘now that you have perspective, what do you want to do with this time that is left you?’. I sit there and ponder…and each and every thing I come to is summarily dismissed as it no longer has meaning. Until I reach one, one thing that had automatically gone to the bin in that first instance because it just didn’t register but now in hindsight it has more meaning than all that went before…this post.
How many people really get a chance to say thank you to all those that gave him perspective, gave him a love profound in their words and care. Told him of hopes and dreams so that he could indeed find perspective in his own. And I have too, in that few feet to my door is a perspective I didn’t know I had. In feeling I was losing life I had in fact gained it, and in that one magical moment realised that it all was built on a love profound, the one that touches us all.
So remember, all it takes is perspective…your perspective to share that love. Each and every moment a jewel is being formed, a black coal pressured into a majestic diamond sparkling to the world. It takes both sides of every moment to see the heights of that beauty and realise the wisdom it shares with us truly.
So my friends, I love you all…each and every perspective of you, the ones you shared with me to make me exactly who I am. You shared something so profound in each moment we were together in heart, mind and soul. And for that I am ever grateful. Even if for but a moment…for there are worlds…even in those few steps.
Oh, and just one more perspective…in all that you do, hold your heart in your hands. It is amazing how much more gently we become in making a life with it out in front to see and feel. Could you be angry at someone who was holding their hearts up to you? Lead with your heart and this world will change beyond what you could ever imagine, and trust me, it is much, much more than 30 feet! 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋
Hey guys, I’m just going to put my soul on the table for a minute or two. Not the real one, just the figurative one 😀
The ‘event’ that I could feel coming on has finally arrived. It has caught me out a bit as I knew it was something to do with the physical side of me but this was ‘out there’. I have emphysema (C.O.P.D) from working in the coal industry and I’ve had a very large allergic reaction to a medicine I was on and it has really sent my body into a spin. The more amazing part has been where I am being blocked in all aspects of trying to heal from the outside ‘medical’ world. Spirit only said I need to ‘see’ something within myself…as in, I am going to have to deal with it myself to go where it needs to.
I’ve had three trips by ambulance in the last year with regard to this as this medicine has made my immune system go haywire and they just observe you for an hour or two and as soon as you say yes to the magic question ‘are you feeling better’ they push you out the door. Even my specialist I made an appointment with has totally disappeared (I thought it was just the covid-19 virus distracting so many at this time so us ‘normal’ sick people just got shuffled down the line but a phone call would have been nice). There is no medicine to replace what I had been using, my doctor has been ignoring me (simply because he can do nothing), and my questions must go to the local chemist to find what the cause is below the obvious ingredients. And it appears my allergy to sulphur (its a preservative in everything (especially food), as well as sometimes part of the healing in medicine), is in my medicine but for some strange reason it has only now decided to react. But strange I think not, as I ‘feel’ it has been waiting for its time in my journey.
And just to really ram home the timing of this event, I had caught pneumonia in june and as I’m also allergic to all antibiotics (most groups have sulphur in them), the only way I could heal myself besides my own hands on healing (and a thank you to Rhapsody for her recent distance Reiki, I slept like a baby 😀), was to reduce that medicine so my immune system could restore itself and fight off the pneumonia (the medicine is a steroid and an immune suppressant to stop my immune system attacking my lungs, emphysema is an autoimmune disease). And you wouldn’t believe it, the really bad constant headaches I had suffered from for years from crushed disks in my neck…stopped. So I went on and off the medicine over the next six weeks and sure enough as soon as I stopped it, the headaches went, as soon as I restarted back they came. I was so stunned that I had in fact been feeding the headaches because of this medicine, not because of the injury. And then to really make sure I was going to go through something and face it bare bones, over the years I found that I was allergic to all over the counter and some scripted pain killers and couldn’t even fight the headache pain. I stopped testing the script ones because the allergic reactions were so severe I just wasn’t game to keep killing myself. For 4 years I have been bringing my brain to the boil for nothing (grrrrr, while shaking head). They kill you while trying to heal you…go big pharma ☹️
Actually that isn’t true, I’m now about to face something that is very important in my life and couldn’t have got here without this journey….I have to remember that. It is what this world gives us so that we can find us, and that love we so diligently search for is in fact through that pain, emotional or physical…otherwise we will never appreciate the beauty that we are, in that very discovery ❤️
I can feel specifically that this is a rebirth, a letting go of the old to bring in the new. I am effectively allergic to the 21st century and I am letting so much of it go and it is an interesting experience to lay at night not being able to breath and ‘feel’ that you could die at any moment as the emergency ventolin is working less and less. Spirit showed me death so that I could see it truthfully and it holds no fear for me (‘The Death’ up on my menu bar at the top)…but I have never actually experienced it (there is a very big difference in its totality), so I’m being shown my mortality as ‘The Death’ did in a way that leaves nothing to question but the way I am facing it by who I am within.
And amazingly, as I am ‘clearing’ myself physically, my spiritual sensitivity flows more smoothly. My inner ‘sense’ feels more balanced. It is like I’m stepping out of my own way even further. Even physically my sense of taste and smell has increased dramatically. Hey, I can smell the insides of a chocolate wrapper from a thousand yards…go figure 😂 🤣
So at this point dear friends, I am doing as I tell all others…I follow my heart, the love that I know I am, and going where my highest good shall be found. In this I am being shown a deeper meaning to the beauty that I have seen and felt. But I do know this, and amazing as it may sound…after seeing so much pain in life but understanding that it does have a great purpose in the love that we all seek, I know that if I was to die (and I do not know if I am), I will go to an absolutely magnificent place…but…I now know that ‘down here’ holds just as much beauty and I would miss it totally, simply because…with no fear it all changes and down here is just as majestical as heaven is…and as I ‘feel’ this a tap on my shoulder from spirit says ‘as above, so below’…we just have to understand it, to see it in our journey. We are given this with so much love because that is its design. It can do no other but gradually show us its beauty, that beauty that is love and within us all…wherever we are.
P.S. I’ve probably built up enough credits for a miracle or two so who knows, I’ll ‘see’ something amazing and heal myself. And shoot, speaking of miracles, I’ll probably get ‘un-blocked’ and can comment everywhere again…see, there is always a rainbow in our circumstances somewhere…and no, I think the chocolate may have to go this time, wherever I am 😂 🤣
P.S.S. If I go quiet for a while I may be having a little chat with spirit for a bit, somehow I don’t think this is going to be a quick journey. Maybe I’ll get to do another trip up to heaven again. I wonder what varieties of chocolate they have, I must ask 😂 🤣
P.S.S.S. If it is my time, keep an eye out for a white feather. I’ll be whipping around somewhere to show you all I can still tickle your heart and bring a smile 😂 🤣
Take care my friends, may your journey give you a few cloudy days so that you will appreciate the sunshine that our world is…above and below 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋
When you are younger and trying to learn to drive a car, you focus on it day in and day out. Studying the rules, practicing driving, nervous and unsure as you hit the wrong pedal or button…again. So focused on this are you that wrong turns are common place, missing the odd stop lights or pedestrian crossing, and even forgetting to put petrol in your car, engine suddenly conking out. And always on guard for that ‘other thoughtless driver’ that may crash into you. But as time goes by you get better at understanding all those rules and regulations, you can see why they are all in place, and it all becomes second nature. And as time goes by barely a thought is needed now, as it is fully understood.
Fear is the same.
This world will give you many nervous moments as you learn to drive ‘your’ car, it will put you in many situations so that you will get better. A stop light here, a corner there. Many other drivers crowding your road who are all trying to do the same. Blocking a movement this way or that, and sometimes cutting us off. We will even forget to fill our car occasionally as we focus on so many things.
But they will all give us something that will bring about something very, very loving and powerful. They will give us understanding…of us. And because you have understood fear, you have changed it. And we too will barely give it a thought…ever again ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋
(This following post I shared with Barbara as a guest blogger on her topic of a Magical New Earth!)
This world is a magnificent place, many things coming together to create something so wonderful that we can go out in nature and immediately ‘feel’ its beauty and relax, ground ourselves in its energy and even come to a stop. If you close your eyes it allows a calmness, a serenity of what it is and if your not careful you will drift off into a sleep that Sleeping Beauty would be proud of.
And in this beautiful world is something else that on the surface cannot be seen. We get up each morning groaning about work and what the day will bring, let alone those things that are buried a little deeper and continuously worry us in all our waking moments. But what if I was to tell you that underneath all this is something so wonderful to be almost unbelievable.
It is true. I have seen and even touched it with my own eyes and inner being. It was beyond words it was so powerful. And had left me in tears because it had now built a new hope within, and begun a faith that this journey was not just a series of blind steps to nowhere, but a very beautifully crafted creation that had only one destination in mind. A destination that I had now seen with my own eyes.
But what purpose does this staggering around on this world have but multitudes of bumps, bruises (emotionally and physically), and an alarm clock only ever attuned to begin more of it each day. How can this be even in the same breath as what I had found.
And this was the part that staggered me when I understood. This very place is one of the greatest places to begin that journey and ‘become’ that destination. We begin it by just coming here to see and feel all that it can share with us, and each and every step will ask us a question, ‘who am I’, to which we will balk, run away or contemplate its meaning. Simply because that is our nature, the nature of a magic like no other. It wants to be found, but like all magic we must first believe in it, only then will it begin to show itself.
Each and every moment it is there, even in the simplest of things, to which can be the most profound moments as we realise what had built it. A smile will leave us speechless in its power, so much so that we cannot help but give it back. And this magic is entangled in everything…but up to us to use it in the faith it was given us.
If it is given with an intent that is wrong, by that very intent will it remove its magic and show us what we had now created. By giving from a positive intent it will increase and flow more freely. It is that balance that the entire universe is built on, understand that intent and your magic will be like an alpine mountain stream, clear, sweet and free.
And we will never understand happy unless we have experienced sadness so that we can see and understand them both. As we must do as we go through life in all those physical and emotional things that touch us in our life or with what would we compare them to. Experience is that understanding.
And in our journey we must experience this balance, it is the very thing that will allow us to truly understand the magic we have created within us. We will attempt many things that will build or destroy, and each of these actions build or diminish whatever we attempt. And in each of these movements will it create many magical emotions that will guide us to that inner place within us all. By how it has made us feel will it build within us a magic beyond words. And in each and every moment will it share so that we can become that very magic we have built. It is so natural that it will always be a part of us, and each time building on what went before.
Balance is in and of itself an understanding. You must understand who you are to find that balance. In the beginning your struggling to breath, eat and figure out who this lovely smiling face is that gives you everything while changing your nappy. And it takes many years to begin to realise the many things that happen to you have two sides. Like taking the car without asking has another side that did not seem apparent at the time…but it will when you return the car.
And just to complicate it a little further, you will also realise you are ‘different’ from everyone else, and I mean everyone. Because this very magical environment you live in is also very different from everywhere else. And this is where the magic comes into its own. You will try to integrate and balance who you are in any circumstance. It will juggle, pull, poke and prod so that you can fit…into ‘you’. Even though it feels like we need to fit into ‘them’. More magic.
You will attempt the ‘them’ for many, many years wanting to go with the flow of that mountain stream. But something keeps building dams on it and blocking forward progress. And this too is the magic of the universe. You are still too unknowing and unbalanced to go with that flow. You have to understand what you are doing isn’t going to fit. After attempt 462,837.
So, after many years, you become disillusioned, tired and just plain had enough (and remember this bit because this is where the true magic is). Your heart feels empty after all this work and nothing seems to have happened that remotely feels like magic. But this is where the magic gets serious and can see that you are now ready to attempt something that only belief can give.
An event will now stop you in your tracks, ask you look deeper into those old bits that you had covered over as not working. That place that you have avoided as useless as all it did was the opposite of what you want. The universe taught you that, if it diminishes you it doesn’t feel good and doesn’t open your flow. But here is the dilemma, you have in fact avoided it because it didn’t work…but never understood why.
Let me show you the secret of the universe…just because a car doesn’t have any fuel in its tank doesn’t mean its unusable…’understand why’ it doesn’t work and it all changes, so much so that a whole new world is open to you when you understand it just needs fuel and you can then travel far, adventure far, and touch and feel so many new things…all because you understood it.
Now when you go poking around in this ‘painful bit’ that didn’t work, like before you will feel those bits that aren’t very comfortable and want to bury them again. But be patient, this has been sitting there interfering with everything that you do. You know that because of the weight it has given you to carry because of you not understanding.
Now remember this bit, each and every thing you do understand…you let go of it. You don’t have to do anything with it because you now truly understand it. Its weight is no longer a yolk around your neck. An example…you realise the car has no petrol. You ‘understand’ that if you put petrol in it you can go anywhere to your hearts content. So you no longer give it any thought. You understand it. But if it is broken down half way to your favourite restaurant, it now becomes a weight, simply because you don’t understand why it has broken down. This can be applied to every single thing in your life.
Now back to the painful bit. Dig. And I mean dig because you have used a shovel in your coping strategies to give it a decent burial because of the pain that it caused. You know the pain, one of those magical emotions so that we can ‘see’. It’s just that this particular emotion you put very dark sunglasses on. And for the life of you, you cannot pinpoint the ‘why’ behind it, but that is only because you don’t want to remember because of its pain.
Now here is another piece of magic, the time factor in you burying it and you refacing it is intended to be a very long time. This thing has been holding you down, back and every other thing you can think of for one very good reason. The magic wants you to see and appreciate all that you have been through for this moment. It wants you to understand that this very painful journey is in fact for you. No one else, no ‘them’, no anything…but you.
The weight has made you feel inferior, lower, ungainly, and just uncomfortable as you have chipped away at it for so long. Remember the disillusionment and empty feelings, those negative feelings of self worth that held you from yourself. Well this moment is where all that magic you have created is about to come together and put so much petrol in your tank that you will now be able to travel forever.
Now I will give my ‘dug up’ bit here as an explanation. Everyone’s is different even though they all lead back to the same place in our hearts.
I had as a child ‘feared’ that my dad didn’t love me, and all through my life I ‘did’ so many things for people so that they too wouldn’t ‘not love me’. But what I didn’t realise was I had buried this, I was just being nice to people because it felt good to me and the responses from others. What I didn’t understand (and remember this fear is blocked by a very young immature mind), was the ‘why’ I had it in place. As I got older I didn’t understand my fear or why I would react to anyone who treated my ‘un-lovingly’.
Find your ‘un-lovingly’ in all your relationships. Find that common denominator and you are standing at magics doorstep. Be courageous and take that final step. Allow it was a long time ago and the X on your map may be a little off. But you are in magics ground now, and it will lead you to your X and begin your dig for something that will change you forever, as any treasure will.
And when you finally uncover that last piece of dirt, allow light into this very dark place, you will for the first time in your life ‘look back’ at what created it. And it will shock you to tears because you can finally, truly see what it is, and the why behind all that you have been in this life. And in that one moment you understand. You see why you have blocked it, why you have become what you are, and why it was needed so that you can now understand fully this journey and why you are here.
I have seen faces so profoundly moved in this moment. Hearts suddenly opened beyond words. And the flame…a flame finally lit by a magic that sits quietly within us all, just waiting for this moment to open that treasure and sing. It will from this moment on shine very brightly, beautifully showing what we have become because we have dared this journey to find something so profound…and finally become what we had always sought…that magic within. It is then that we begin a new journey, this time on a very well lit and loving path home.
Barbara asks what it is that I would envision as ‘a new you and a new life’. Actually I know that we will all become a new us and a new life from this magic that is a part of all we are. It will not matter what happens ‘on top’ because underneath it all is something that will renew all that we are regardless.
But if I was to envision anything, it would be that an event has occurred to ask us truly what has meaning for us, to look deeper in our ‘life’ and see that many things that we held no longer seem to have the importance that they once did, and many other things that didn’t have meaning, now do. That is the magic that we have created within us, it is asking us to look just a little deeper and dare to take this step towards it…for us…and for us all to become the change that we envision ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋
Just Erick (his story in the post below), and I chatting eye to eye about our magic! 😀 🦜
My return reply to Scottishmomus’s bullshite-and-empathy
It is very simple Anne Marie, and also quite profound. You have been brought up to be a caring, loving person. Simply because that was what you were shown or its your reaction to what you felt was the opposite of that, being brought up by those you love (sometimes mum, sometimes dad, or both), who you feel have treated you rather poorly and so you try to compensate for that.
And then we project what we are out into the world. You want the world to be a caring, beautiful place…but along comes those that (and as the song says), ‘shat’ on everything they touch and practically force you to live in it.
Your life steps into what it loves to do, teaching, caring, showing and even writing that what you express deep within.
The kids, even though they can be quite draining, leave you with a hope that they have heard you. Will grow up into a world with at least your empathy and care so that you can feel you have achieved something by giving them a start in this world. And they do the one thing in your ‘communicating’ that is an absolute must, it is the other half of communicating and probably the most important bit…is that they ‘listen’.
But here’s the 1st rub, ‘they’, as in those that like to ‘shat’ everywhere…don’t ‘care’ like you do, won’t ‘listen’ to anyone like you, will not ‘try’ like you do…simply because they have not been ‘taught’ as you have or are reacting to their upbringing. In fact, that pride of the world, that thing they call governments etc only attract one type of person…the controller, manipulator…to achieve only one end, to become everything for everybody while feathering their own nest. Every person that I know does not trust them because of that falseness. It is an instant signal they show that puts us on guard…they smile.
The 2nd rub is also very simple, they have been allowed to set up this ‘government’ in a way that they imply your absolute right to make choices by voting. And as soon as you do they then counter that by ‘party lines’ and ‘your choice’ has to follow those lines, even if they are the most honest person in the world. The system is corrupt and I don’t mean just the feathering the nest, I mean morally it is a cesspit.
So you are in fact beating your head against a wall, splattering your hard built sanity into a void of idiots that have absolutely no idea how to apply ’empathy’ because they fear it. They have been brought up in such a way that they wall it up and block its appearance, the exact opposite of you, and focus on ‘their’ ideas.
The only way to ‘live’ in this environment is to come from where your heart is. But to do this you have to let go all of ‘their’ stuff. Just focus on what you believe and give it out. Ignore where they are at…totally. Just give you out to those that want to listen.
And the reason that they win all the time is simply because they browbeat you into submission, screaming and yelling absolute garbage to drown out something that they are afraid of. The only thing that will beat this system is to run for a position that will do one thing and one thing only. Allow the people to have a direct say on decisions that go through parliament, whether by computer once a year on the main topics (that must be stuck by like a referendum). Which can only ever be changed by putting it out to a referendum.
And trust me, the howls from those parliamentarians would be heard from around the world, you would be removing the one thing that keeps that control in their pockets. The money ‘outside’ would no longer have anyone to corrupt to get through their needs and wants (they can’t pay off us millions of people). Hey, for me even suggesting such a thing I might suddenly disappear they are that afraid of this.
Now some sanity. And this can be a little confronting my friend. Those fears that we hold (and I mean all of us), are the very things that drive us in all that we do.
An example: (and I make a great crash test dummy here 🙂 ). I hated my father because I thought he didn’t love me. Fullstop. (I, and everybody else in their own way, lock in whatever their fears are by about 8 or 9 years old. This you can find in all the text books).
I thought I was unlovable so to compensate for that, and in all my relationships I wanted my partner to show that love, I expected them to respond to my overtures (pull out chairs, give flowers and poetry etc), so that I could feel that love…but all it ever did was reach a point that they felt smothered and pushed me away. I had in fact ‘created’ my fear. And we all do it. We ‘project’ our fear by trying to not have it happen.
I had spent most of my life ‘projecting’ because I knew it was everybody else’s fault. How could it be mine with all that I was doing. And this is what we all do in our own ways.
In your case you know you have a great idea, it is fair and gives a real opportunity to everyone to be part of something wonderful. But your great idea for everyone does what my wanting love (also my version), does for me. It puts a lot of people ‘against’ what I am after because it also presses their ‘fear’ buttons.
Now the hard bit, I’m asking you to find that bit in your life that keeps upsetting you. All the ways you feel that you have been treated badly and upsets you more than anything. And this will be in all your relationships, mum, dad, partner, your children and maybe even especially those children you teach.
Your trying to give something but you are not being heard, trying to show something but are being ignored, trying to help but are being shunted, pushed, and relegated to the background.
Which part upsets you, what relationships reject who you are. In there is your answer. That very rejection is the very thing that drains you. You are trying to give from who you are but what you are giving is being shunned. That very thing you are trying to give is that inner core of who you are, it is the love you have built forever and it is being rejected. It is upsetting, it is painful, it is very distressing because you have opened your heart to share something that you ‘know’, and it is given with that love. But to have that ‘love’ slapped back in your face is a shock.
And the drain goes on. While ever our fear is with us, we will always react the same way. It is something that we have anchored into who we are. And each time it rears its head we go on the defensive and it drags us downward some more.
A second thing I will mention here is we are all nervous when we try something new, it is natural to be fearful of ‘new’ circumstances, it is a safety mechanism so we don’t do anything dangerous. So new job, new adventure, new relationship…we tend to be on guard until we get our answers to the circumstance and this allows us to relax, be at ease and no longer worry about that circumstance. It becomes second nature so we no longer give it any thought.
But our life fears have had no answer for years and years, we don’t understand the ‘why’ simply because they were locked into place by a very immature, childish emotional mind. And the only way that mind could operate was to block that horrible fear, put up that wall so that we had a coping mechanism in place to handle those moments that bring it into the open.
But each time that fears raises its head we will do some of the most crazy things…it is the child reactions that we have put in place all those years ago and reinforced as we grew up…but still not understood. So each time we enter that fear, regardless if its a life fear or scared from the first time jumping out of a plane…they all do one thing.
They put us on guard, they stress the body, they trigger the fright or flight syndrome which all does one thing…it begins to fire the adrenal gland. And how do we feel after being frightened or stressed (physically or emotionally), it tires us out, it drains us and leaves us in almost a state of shock if it is a large enough scare.
Combine that with a circumstance like your fight to get some sanity into a governing system that is built like a brick wall, and most certainly your heart and mind will become drained and leave you with a feeling of hopelessness.
Just remember there are ‘natural’ fears and there are ‘built’ ones. The natural ones are more brief, easier to get over and leave us wiser because we see and understand them. It is the built one that constantly drains us, as we never understand the ‘why’ of our reactions.
Now my fear, once I understood what drove it, became like the natural ones…because I understood it. And like those other natural ones, once understood they no longer have purpose and they lose that power over us. I can see that I don’t have to hold them anymore because they are no longer a danger to me.
My dad did love me…in his own way, simply because it was all he was ever taught. And even if he was the biggest heathen on this earth, he still did not know how to love any other way but what he was shown by his parents and his environment. It didn’t mean he was wrong…I thought he was. It didn’t mean he couldn’t love…I thought he couldn’t. It didn’t make him not my dad…I thought that. And I dragged it all kicking and screaming into my adulthood trying to make everyone else fit the bill. It is always at ‘my end’ that I have to deal with.
Note: After ranting and raving about how bad my father was to a friend one day, she slowly turned to me and said: ‘he’s been dead 13 years, who’s holding onto what and causing you grief?’
(I wouldn’t speak to her for weeks….but dammit she was so right 🙂 )
Once I finally understood, everything changed. And I mean everything. After seeing what I had blocked all my life, after that final admittance to myself that he did in fact love me, the ‘let go’ of so much that I had held inside, I began to ‘see’ the truth around me. I was so focused by eyes that were shuttered by my fear that in that ‘let go’ I finally saw things that were tarnished by those beliefs and realised I was living a lie in everything I did it was that profound.
And once I saw that I also realised that there was soooo much stuff that I was holding onto that was just rubbish. Worrying about this or that and now realising it was a safety mechanism. Gave me something to focus on…so that I wouldn’t have to face those things I didn’t want to.
And over the years afterwards I have become new. I have ‘created’ a new life, something so much more natural because it isn’t forced, no longer built by those fears and the reactions that it triggers. Shoot momus, I even had to learn to walk again because of that ‘let go’. You relax for the very first time afterwards but your legs (and the rest of your body) is so used to being a certain way that it now ‘feels’ so different.
Oh, nearly forgot, because of that ‘let go’ the rest of the world no longer matters. Yes I care very much about it all and those in it…but…I did me first (finally), found what was wrong with me and healed it…otherwise I am only giving out that bent fearful version and actually adding to the cacophony that is already there. Do me and then I can give out that healed loving version.
Once you see and understand those fears that we hold, we then realise that this conditional world is here for a very important reason. We must experience and feel each opposite feeling or to what can we judge each of those individually by? It is that journey to touch, feel and understand all those opposites so that the good and bad, the happy and the sad, the joy and the anger and many other opposites all have one very distinctive purpose. They show us…us. They allow us to experience, feel, reason and argue until that wall we hold loses its argument with us and it comes crumbling down. And we finally see a love and empathy that it has blocked forever…inside of us. And in doing so we realise that much of what went before was a great teacher but the wisdom we have now gained no longer needs those things so they are released.
And with that wisdom, and because of all that has been experienced, we can now see it within others because of their thinking and actions. And in the beginning we try to help them through this world to reach where we are (like the children in your classes…you know, when you finally see that light go on in their eyes when that type of math’s problem gives them that aha moment), but the beauty of it is that they can only hear what they are ready for so that the adventure is a very personal, achievable, and oh so loving thing to break through and realise that it is you and you only that has created this beauty inside. No one else can be blamed or interfere because of that…and that only allows one thing to happen, a love and belief in yourself.
That ending is perfection in itself. And all because you have endured a great journey, achieved something against some of the most tremendous odds, believed when there seemed to be no ending, and found a treasure that when you finally see it, will bring you to tears. Not painful ones from a tearing heart, but ones that finally are built from a love that finally see’s a light where none had been seen before.
Become that light and it will shine out as a beacon of truth forever and attract accordingly.
I look forward to Prime Minister Momus and finally someone I would vote for gladly, someone who has that light that gives hope for the future, simply because I can see her heart and know where she has been to find it 💜