For the Gracefuladdict , and He knows who you are, He just wants you to find you too…

It is a very interesting thing to do ‘to find ourselves’. ‘Who am I’ echoes right down our lives in so many things. I got divorced after 26 yrs and found a very codependent man with enough fears to drown a house…and still tripped and stumbled through every relationship that I had…because they are all trying to show us one thing only…us. But those fears we hold don’t allow room for more than one person. But when they do…we have found us.

A clue in that long search…if I ask to treat or be treated in a certain way…then I still have expectations. Any expectation is built on something. Now I don’t expect to be hit with a baseball bat if I expect someone would be kind enough to pass the salt across the table. But if I expect someone to stay at home, clean and cook and ask permission any time they want to leave the room…then I am still holding my fears.

Just ask yourself what we expect, and more to the point, what upsets us the most by the actions of another…there is your pointer to your freedom. Find the meaning behind the pain that those actions make, understand why you react in that way…and that love and happiness you have always looked for in another…you will see it in yourself…and be finally, totally free. The only thing that ever holds us in handcuffs…is us.

But always remember, even if you finally see and understand, you’ve had a lifetime in ‘being’ a certain way. You realize that your fears have actually blinded you to so many things, like a blindfold in life. How many people stop and say, they’ve done it again, same old, same old, seemingly attracting the same type of person or situation because of that very thing. When you finally ‘see’ inside you it will be a shock to the system simply because your mind and body has been ‘on guard’ to so many things.

My understanding hit me so hard that I had to learn to walk again, clean my teeth, be with other people. I’m not kidding, your whole being unwinds and relaxes, really relaxes and you actually have to make a decision…what do I want to do? No more ‘reacting to everything’ but actually being able to make a decision based on you. In everything. You even begin to see again, and I mean that literally because you suddenly ‘see’ butterflies, flowers and on and on it goes. Why? When was the last time you wanted to look at all of nature around you…and…could feel its energy…and it make you smile inside, a real smile that lights you up in appreciation of what you can now see and feel. They do not call it a rebirth for nothing, and finally see and love the ‘who’ in who you really are ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

26 thoughts on “Who!

  1. Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all and after a divorce (or break up) it becomes necessary to see beyond the pain, incorporate the wisdom that’s left after all is said and done and move forward with great tenderness in order to find ourselves again and ‘rebirth’ the authentic loving selves we are. Well said as always Mark. Beautiful post my dear friend. I loved it! πŸ¦‹

    1. Beautifully said Yvonne, I can feel much wisdom in your words my friend. A known road and the experiences they bring. And it is a big journey, but one full of love, even as hard as it is. We just have to learn how to see and understand it. Baby step for us all in each situation, especially in those hard times like that divorce. It digs down deep and fractures so much of us but eventually, beneath it all, is something very profound, that understanding of what love truly means to us all. Thank you for sharing dear lady πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  2. Baby steps along our journey. It’s been said that we are our worst enemy. It’s hard to take a real good look at ourselves, but look we must if we ever hope to have a happy life and maybe share it with someone. Love, love, this post Mark πŸ™‚

    1. Thank you dear lady, it is a hard journey but it needs to be that way so we will appreciate what we find beneath it all. And you are right, we are our worst enemy, but thankfully our greatest triumph too. Thank you for sharing Michelle, I too have taken many of those baby steps…and sometimes even backwards and landed on my rump, just as they do πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹ πŸ˜‚ 🀣

  3. Essential wisdom you are telling today Mark… to notice what it is from others that pushes that button! Sometimes we try and do what we think is right for another but they tell us it’s not what’s good for them! A little shock wave flows through the body as we feel rejected! Yes that old programme of needing to be loved, of doing the right thing! So we feel the rejection and embrace it with the love that we know we are too. Eventually we feel more and more love and yes, that smile on the face comes when we feel so smothered in our own love. Thankyou Mark for your smile and loving wisdom today. Much love Barbara x

    1. Hey Barbara (and thank you for putting your name here, or your ‘anonymous’ may get bitten by the spam handler 🀣). And yes, that button is a raw place, rubbed the wrong way often. But when we realize it is asking us to look at ‘us’ we will finally break through those years of habit and find that freedom, love and happiness we have ever looked for. Understanding is a powerful thing, especially when it is of us. It rids us of a blindfold to life, even if it is used for a great purpose, but the end result as you said is to finally love the one person we have denied it to…us. Much love and light to you also my friend, and thank you for sharing xo πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  4. “The only thing that ever holds us in handcuffs…is us.” That is the crucial sentence. We can never blame others. If I don’t like something in a person it is me that has the problem, but not the other person. So, I rather accept it and let the person be the way they are… and as you said … I become relaxed.

    1. The ‘let go’ is an incredible thing Erika, it practically leaves you in shock because you are now another person. No longer ‘holding’ onto everything. It was so different my voice change because of that tension removed from just being me. Many commented on it because my voice was deeper and so different from what it was. And I think that all came from as a child when we protect ourselves the first thing we do is protect our heart, arms come up to wrap or protect our chest and we ‘tense’ so this lung restriction affects our voices. A lifetime of this, even though we no longer hold our arms up to our chest these days…much. And it is something that we never notice…until we stop. Thank you for sharing dear lady, I hope your handcuffs have dissolved with a free heart πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

      1. That is the point. What was once a protection has become an unconscious habit and turned into a prison… and this all without us realizing that it is that way. Because it is what we are used to and what we think is normal. We have forgotten how it was before and that it can be different. I think that is the crucial point of all changes. That we remember that it can be different.

        1. Well said Erika, and we will get there, as this world ever urges us to those changes. Thank you for sharing, the more guideposts the better. Actually that is something I ponder, there are many more ‘awakenings’ happening now and sign posts everywhere…time has shifted in a way that this awakening process has sped up distinctly in just my lifetime…some event hovers around this. Spirit has made no mention of this, it is just a feeling ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

          1. I think the more misunderstandings we discover inside of ourselves the more open and aware we become that there are more to be revealed. I fully agree, the process is accelerating. Awakening happens and shocks many. And that awakening process can cause big turmoils. However, that again, supports the progress of the process.

            1. Well said dear lady, may it all ever guide us forward πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

    1. Ah dear lady, your journey has been a test indeed. After traveling your path it can bring much compassion and love. It may take a long time to find that heart beating inside but it is required to appreciate what you have become because of it. Take a bow my friend, may the gift it created within be shared with love…or I’ll take your pen and paintbrush off you 🀣 ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  5. Mark, I completely and wholeheartedly have loved what you wrote. After failed marriages ~my expectations never changing and finding the same again and again~I learned to love myself and better~I accepted the love of God as much as I had prayed for others. I beefed up boundaries with respect, yet still kindness. There such a freedom. Bless you my friend! πŸŽΆβ˜•οΈπŸ’š

    1. Thank you kind lady, it may be a long hard journey but it is only doing it with love. When we finally see it unfold our hearts, finally understanding that it was actually guiding us, we will appreciate what we had endured to find something that is a gift beyond words. And yes, words cannot truly express the reality of the freedom it gives, it becomes ‘unconditional’, no longer bound by what we had encased it in, those ‘conditions’ on our love πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  6. β€οΈπŸ’œβ€οΈwow! And first thank you πŸ™ your words ring true and yesterday I had an experience walking with my higher power and it told me basically everything you just did- it will post tomorrow.
    What i did hear from you that nobody’s ever said is to examine those things that still β€œpush my buttons” so to speak in the others. Why do certain behaviors in others hurt me? It is from old learned conditioning in me just like you said.
    My thing now is I tend to not let anyone in or near because my aloneness seems very joyful. My walks in nature are more than enough to feed my soul.
    But there are the others that are interested in getting close and this is where the learning more about myself comes into play…..πŸ’œI think πŸ€”
    I’m so glad you wrote today!! Thank you again!!

    1. I saw your post and realized a quick comment wasn’t going to do it justice so I expanded a bit. And it does need more so that one leads into the next etc. The ‘buttons’ are those things from childhood, a learned pattern passed on by those we love and look up to. They are our teachers as we grow up and unintentionally pass on ‘their stuff’ because they haven’t resolved anything (usually), by that stage in their lives. Now just as an example, if your mom is not able to express herself and holds back, seemingly never saying she loves you…you will learn this trait thinking it is normal…but your heart wants a hug when your hurt or crying it feels like they don’t love you, your rejected in some way and being an extremely young child with no emotional coping strategies you will put up an emotional wall so that it doesn’t hurt as much, even though it is chewing away inside. You can see many other children being hugged and cuddled if they are hurt, but not you. And this brings in the dreaded ‘there must be something wrong with me’, of which you will carry on into life so that when you go into a relationship and ‘hold back’ so you don’t get hurt, the other person thinks you are not into them so that they too step back physically and emotionally until it all blows up and you’ve barely done anything yet and the separation is already there. Now all of this can happen in many, many different ways but they all achieve that hurt, emotional wall, rejection etc. Now on another level, if you have gone through that huge breakthrough moment you will indeed be joyful and happy in being on your own because you know in your heart that your ok now and don’t ‘need’ to do anything…BUT…if your heart still wants all those good bits but not the painful bits…there is still something to look at within yourself. While ever a button exists, an emotional pattern still exists. And again, it does take a while to break down but you will notice as time goes by that it no longer hurts as much as time goes by…but if it still bites and upsets…its still there and not resolved. I hope that helps πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

      1. I am taking it all in – everything you say rings true. I’m learning about this for the first time with real clarity and guidance from gracious people.
        You know a lot about this part of life and you are super passionate about it. It’s the freedom that makes it so appealing. I’ve walked through the fire many times to gain my freedom and I will learn to navigate this piece of my journey too β€οΈπŸ’œβ€οΈit’s nice that you take the time to help me and others heal. I will refer back to your words often. Thank you again Mark.

        1. My pleasure kind lady, it was given to me with great love, I can only give it back unconditionally as it was given me. When we ‘open’ and see the truth behind our journey, we only want others to reach this place too. Of course I understand others need their time to do this so I just become a sign post so others have hope that they too are on the right path. And yes, there are many, many paths but they all lead to that unconditional love, those many paths show the conditions we had bound them by and encourage us to remove them so we can open and see truly who and what we really are within πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

          1. I am so ready to be free and I am always willing to listen and learn. I know that where there is experience there is strength and there is hope. Thank you again new found friend πŸ™‚

            1. My pleasure dear lady, may this pathway your on always have a light ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

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