Face Yourself…And Be Free!

The lovely blogger Lorrie asked me about people re-entering our lives in our relationships after my post Reason, Season, or a Lifetime! , and I give my reply below (and thank you Lorrie 😀)…

When we go through something, especially in relationship problems, we always have those events recurring…but, they have a very important part to play. They show ‘you’ how far you have come since going through it. Even to the point where if we haven’t resolved something it keeps coming back up to show you where you are still struggling. And that is where ‘boundaries’ come into it. If you/they have a boundary, something isn’t resolved. All, not some, not every second one, not anytime are boundaries not a fear. They are all built to protect us from something, and we or others put them there so that we/them don’t be hurt by them. And that is built on our fears…otherwise why would we put them there if they weren’t upsetting us. We can shake our heads because the last six relationships all poke us in that fear factor, only because love wants us to understand those ‘conditions/boundaries/expectations’ from our fears and finally let them go into that unconditional love. And sometimes those people can re-enter your life so you can see that you have in fact gone beyond what it showed you, and freed your heart.

Interestingly, the very act of a quarrel or breakup can be the culmination of what you need to see within yourself, even though we usually point the finger at those ‘others’…but…you later may see that partner has resolved themselves in some way. And you may see them being beautiful to someone else and it feels terrible because you have missed out on that ‘nice person’ in what they have now become. But you too have become something else and will then attract accordingly. And I have seen a re-connection for people to see that change in both…and…because it is healed it can go into a wonderful relationship now because those parts of us has changed. We will have understood why we had those fears and let them go. But if not, it will again nudge that fear factor if it is still holding you.

We only have 80 odd years down here and relationships are strong and intense so that we can go through that pain…and step beyond it in understanding it. And as we understand we ‘let go’ those parts and can then freely stand in that love we have found. And trust me, I touched that unconditional love, of where all this leads to, and I saw each and every step down here is showing us something wonderful, even in its pain. This understanding from down here truly will give an appreciation like nothing else for ‘up there’. It is hard, and it does have its beauty as well, but beyond them both is something beyond even words. That is why it is so hard to explain love, words truly cannot express the beauty within it. Wait till you touch unconditional love…and you will, in going through this all.

Now I have missed one very important part in anyone’s circumstance where the ‘other’ is projecting expectations onto you. And these can be built from many different things. But if ‘another’ is, as an example, expecting you to cook breakfast, mop the house, vacuum, feed the children, the cat, the dog, do the washing and ironing, pay bills and do shopping before 10am each day…there is indeed a fear factor at work within them. That ‘need’ to have control is built from their upbringing and I will guarantee that a parent or both or someone they love and look up to has that same attitude and they have been brought up to feel that this normal. Plus, they will feel unloved if they don’t do this, they are trying to get that acceptance from that loved one and so they act like them. It is an unintentional fear, but one taken from those experiences. But in doing this, the world will push back until it finally allows them to break through and see what built it, understand it, and let it go.

Now I needed to say all this so I can then point out the position of someone who feels that control is being pushed onto them. You cannot accept something that you feel is quite unfair. If you were to do the same to them they too would react, so how can they expect you to do this. Now the difficult bit…talk…and talk some more. And in this explain (quietly), how it makes you feel. Explain that if you were asking them to do all these things (and in a way that they would find unacceptable ie mow the lawn, fix the car, pay bills, no TV all before 10am etc etc), and they too would find it confronting, allow them to see that unfairness. BUT…you both must remember, in each case, you are both not used to these things so it places expectations on both your love from either end, the projector and the doer of these things AND this conversation (and it can be upsetting because it brings back those fears), must be kept quietly spoken and allow each to be heard and to be listened to. AND (and this is the hardest of the lot), you both will find that these moments do bring up things from ‘both’ your childhoods. There is no such thing as a one sided argument in these things because in being upset we are reacting to what we believe in what we are, including our fears, and that the other is pushing us towards.

And the only way ‘through’ our fears is to follow them back into where they were built, into that childhood and dare to face something that has ever guided us, true or false. It is a confronting thing and must be done gently, carefully and with love. Even if the ‘other’ goes off, rants, or gets angry. They are touching things that are truly painful. And in that they may even go into a complete denial and point the finger because they feel they are fine and you are just trying to blame them. And to make it even more difficult, over a lifetime they may truly believe they are fine because they cannot see any problem BUT it can be just a lifetime of denial of that pain. None of us want to feel it so ‘keep busy’ with anything else to forget about it. I’ve even had people say they have been so happy in all that they do, how could there possibly be anything wrong. And as a conversation goes on a little unhappiness on some subject comes up, and then when you ask why were they unhappy on some subject or treatment, suddenly a crack appears and you will see that an anger or an upsetting effect taking place…and in there is the fear. Anger or being upset is a red flag for how they feel and in asking them to follow it back, ask them how they have felt at that time in their childhood, a treatment by someone or an attitude and try to feel that moment all over. In there is a realization, a moment of understanding in how it truly makes them feel, and can take a little prodding to break through, and then in suddenly opening to it they will fall in a heap of tears because they have finally admitted something to themselves…and in understanding it, will let go that fear.

When you truly understand something, it does lose its fear. And even at that point of understanding it takes time to come to terms with it as it affects so much of their lives, how they have acted with this or that and on it goes. And over the following months and years a huge change will come about in them. So much so that I personally had to ask Spirit because I couldn’t fully understand it all…I walked differently, I spoke differently, I reacted differently, I even cleaned my teeth differently. All because I had let go. The fear kept me ‘on guard’ to ‘everything’. So I ‘held’ my body and mind (in how I thought towards things even), for those encounters, my life was that posture. In letting go it was the most incredible feeling, almost like I was someone else, in heart, mind and body. And then I finally understood…this is what they call a rebirth, you literally change from the inside out and finally become you, the real you and the love you are now totally open to without the condition of fear we hold so tightly.

It is a very powerful time. If you dare to face that part of you ‘back then’ where it all began. You also realize that all of this journey is so you can find this moment, understand that you cannot understand one side of your love, without experiencing the other. Like not being able to truly appreciate happiness unless we experience sadness too. These in themselves are not a horror, even if very hard to go through…but a very profound teaching so that we can see…us…and finally feel that love, that unconditional love gently waiting within us all…through the understanding of our fear and dropping those walls we built for them. It will change us forever, into something so beautifully profound to be beyond words. Just look inside…and be free ❤️🙏

Another question by a great friend Frank asked me…’Unconditional love is the pinnacle …. so I wonder how many people think they have it, but don’t.’…so my reply to his question is below (and thank you also Frank, it helps me also to go back over the beauty I was shown 😀)…

In what I experienced I don’t think it is actually possible to be fully in that unconditional love state ‘down here’. Breathing is a condition, moving is a condition, pain is a condition, let alone our minds being dragged hither and yon. So with so much going on in any moment I don’t think it can be. I touched it…but I was no longer ‘down here’. I had somehow ‘let go’ to be shown from that inner spiritual condition so that I could understand.

When it is touched you never forget it. But because I think most have never touched it fully down here, it is a feeling we get within to ‘know’ we are getting closer to it. When we fall madly in love, it is close because in that moment we have ‘let go’ of so much, and in doing so come closer and that is what we feel truly inside. Our focus is so much more ‘there’ in that love. But in truth, there is a very profound difference because of the ‘physicality’ we still hold down here. And I think, when we go ‘up there’ it is appreciated all the more because of that beautiful difference. Having touched both, I now truly appreciate down here, even in its very difficult and hard paths, because I can see and understand what awaits because of all this journey down here. I can see the doubts and negativities that we have to understand and fight through to reach this place within us. If it was given easily we would never appreciate it. But this struggle is so worth each and every step because it is for our love, to understand what unconditional love really means within ourselves. That understanding is an incredible thing.

And I do know that when we face ourselves and understand those fears, it changes us very profoundly. We can then now feel that final love of ourselves because of what we have gone through, where all of the previous part of our lives we had blocked ‘our’ love. Is it then unconditional love in going through those fears? I think it must be close, as what we learn and understand down here is most certainly taken with us ‘up there’, and because of that openness we create down here, opens us to that love ‘up there’. As above, so below. It is one of those things where the more understanding we have of something, the more open to it we are. And when I touched that place of understanding in myself…’I knew’…I had taken that final step. The feelings with it cannot be confused with anything else simply because of that feeling of love, that very first time of finally loving yourself after so long. I cannot be faked, misconstrued or leave you unsure…unless you haven’t completely understood. Then it will keep attracting to you those things that raise your fears so you can go through them fully and understand. Now don’t get me wrong, I still have claustrophobia even after all I have experienced. And I am facing that and getting better at it…but it is still an issue, a condition to be faced. I’m just waiting for them to invent another way of taking MRI’s in the hospital, that skinny tube they have here locally would make a rabbit claustrophobic 🤣

But is love on different levels?…who knows…but as I say about driving a car, we in the beginning are on guard, fearful of an accident or doing wrong…but after many years we barely think of it, letting go all those fearful things and appreciate what it now gives us. I think in driving that vehicle that is ‘us’, that unconditional love is something we all slowly, and sometimes fast, build towards in all those experiences we have. Spirit showed me unconditional love many years ago, and in doing so I can understand all those experiences I have had since then, and before, are all opening us to that love that is ever there gently waiting inside us. It is only our blocking that stops us feeling it. Understand the block and we will let it go in that understanding and open us a little more each time to that love. And in that final understanding (in going through and understanding our major fear), down here, it leaves you in such a peaceful place, an accepting place where this world never affects you the same ever again, it no longer draws you in like it used to. Almost on another ‘level’, as close to that unconditional love as you can get. Because I can see its purpose from those experiences it is difficult for me to say this is love, or that is not love…simply because in understanding this part of my journey, I can see love in the most horrendous things. I can see its purpose and know that it all is teaching us that unconditional love step by step. I am even reaching a place where I ask…am I helping or hindering in helping someone as they go through something terrible. Until Spirit showed me the integrity of standing in that love so that I will ‘know’ when to or not. Mind you, I too still have lessons. I may ‘help’ and get a bad reaction from it…of which I must ask within where am I coming from…hindering or helping. Aah, I think I’m close to unconditional love…but still human I’m afraid 😂

And the last opening is when we let go this world and fully stand in that incredible unconditional love up there. And the difference is still profoundly like night and day! Can we fail?…never. Simply because of our intent, that always looking for that love and happiness in our lives, and in that we are ever experiencing so many things. And inside us we will have anger issues and a million other emotions but they are all teaching us, to help us understand and go beyond our fears. And you will be very surprised in how even some of those ‘little things’ affect us and create those changes. Face you…accept you, and in that understanding is a freedom beyond words. All else is love giving you a chance to see and understand that beauty within…down here and eventually up there too ❤️🙏


50 thoughts on “Face Yourself…And Be Free!

  1. They say we hate in others what we hate in ourselves

    Your post was too long, but it all boils down, to coming into unconditional love. I think am on my way there, with each healing of my inner child. I’ve come to realise we are only triggered coz we’ve not allowed ourselves to receive love and love unconditionally. Triggers are there to help us pinpoint where the blockage is. It’s indeed a journey Mark, we have to be ready to pass through the stroms of our wounded inner child. Or else we’ll keep going back and forth not knowing where it all stems from. Once we heal we find out there’s no need to judge and complain others for what they do, coz we see their actions on a broader perspective. Unconditional love is indeed blissful, though it’s not a smooth path as most people think of. Am glad I was here!

    1. Very yes to your first line kind sir, it just takes a while to see it in ourselves.
      And yes also, I try to keep them short but occasionally the wind blows too strong 🤣
      And another yes to that inner child, within it we hold a very profound thing. It is those very fears that we hold that in fact allow us to go beyond them to find that unconditional love. The fear blocks it. Understanding of that fear lets it go. An example was the first time we drive a car, or any first times of something, we are unsure, nervous and not particularly confident so we are constantly thinking about it. But if I come back and see you in 12 or 18 months time, your throwing donuts up the street and barely giving it a thought…because now you are understanding how to drive a car. Understand your fear…and you will let it go too. And an incredible thing happens when you let it go…the unconditional love is sitting right there where it has always been, right inside us. It has only ever been blocked by those walls we build for our fears. And this world is built so that we will ‘meet’ our fears and test our hearts so that we will understand and finally find that unconditional love within us. It is a very amazing and profound thing to ‘see’ it all together and realize that each and every step is teaching us just that.
      Thank you for your share kind sir, I shall try to keep it shorter but alas I’m so keen to share what I found I can’t help myself some days. May your journey find that beauty, that understanding of what unconditional love is. There is no wrong in this journey, and each step is one step closer to that very thing. And as you said, each path is a ‘trigger’ so that we can understand. Each a gift to find it 😀❤️🙏

      1. Sorry for the wind🤣,
        I truly get it, understanding the fear let’s it go. Clarity is king.
        And the example you said about learning how to drive stretches to all other aspects. I think this boils into trusting the process, even a child needs to go through the stages before he or she can walk… so likewise we need to embrace and endure the pain that comes along the journey, “experience is the best teacher” I heard this quote a while ago and it always makes sense to me. We have to face the conditioning of love, learn the lessons then we slowly start noticing our patterns and triggers as we love unconditionally. This is an ever-changing process I think there’s no destination but we’ll keep advancing over time as we shade more layers of blockages that’ll hinder us along the way….
        You as well Mark as you face yourself and become free.

        1. Well said my friend, it is indeed that ever daring to change and go beyond those things that hold us. And even after all I’ve touched and changed within myself, the next day speaks some more 🤣
          May we just dare to go wherever the next change brings us. And yes, experience is indeed the best teacher there is. And there appears to be plenty to go around 😂
          Thank you for the share kind sir, enjoy that sunshine as it comes, within and without 😀❤️🙏

  2. Hi Mark! I’m playing catch up with this post, since I couldn’t access it when your blog was closed for maintenance. The mention of unconditional love grabbed my attention. I think the only unconditional love we can experience from an earthly being on this earthly plane is from our animal companions. Dogs, for instance, love us unconditionally regardless of age, weight, body shape, medical condition, financial status, mood, and personality quirks. Humans not so much. 😅 Never had a human jump up and down and squeal with pure glee every single time I walked through the door. Wishing you a peaceful and enjoyable day and weekend, my friend. ❤️🙏😍

    1. Yes, I was off air for a while and still not happy with this site and its ‘hiccups’. Anyway, the unconditional love is here but so many conditions MM. To breathe is a condition, drag this body around in all its ways, even dealing with those ‘people’ things test us in so many ways. But, they are our teachers toward that love. Spirit showed it to me, I touched it, it was the most incredible thing that I could never make words to express what it is. But I had to ‘leave’ down here to touch it, my body couldn’t touch it…but thankfully my heart did 🤣❤️
      And I’m afraid to say, even our animals have ‘their’ conditions too. But as you said, they must be much closer than us as they are so joyful and happy and do love that instant we walk in the door 🤗 Emotions on their sleeves, whether a bark of joy or a growl for coming into their territory. In fact my brothers young dog had never met me before and barked like crazy and was even contemplating a nip at a stranger in ‘his’ home 😀
      You have a great weekend too and I thank you for your blessings kind lady, and they are returned in kind. I do hope your writing hand and heart is flowing nicely as that love you find wishes to speak truly. You are doing well in listening to it 🤗🥰😀❤️🙏

      1. You made many good points about conditions and those that test us. Your brother’s dog was taking care of business…doing his job. 😂 Hope you two will be best friends soon. Thanks for the uplifting words! Happy everything to you. 🤩🙏😍

        1. Thank you MM, always a lesson for me in there somewhere. And yes we will be best friends, I had the little treat biscuits and he wasn’t getting any until he came and sat in front of me and we had a chat 😂 He is a cross poodle and something and just seems to be a nervy dog anyway. Like all relationships it just takes a little time. And I hope that relationship with your heart is going well too kind lady. I have no doubt it is speaking really well in your writing too. I keep feeling like someone will approach you to write for them. Religious books for a school or just for children. Something. A gift like that can’t be silenced my friend, it is speaking to you as only love can. So lots of love for its direction and good luck with it 🤗😀❤️🙏

          1. Haha, dogs are food motivated, like most people. Glad you two had a chat and a snack. Thanks so much for your encouraging words! I’m looking into the self-publishing route, but if someone approaches me, that will be great too! 😍🙏🤩

            1. Ooh yeah, you can lead me anywhere with a chocolate 🤣
              Yes to the self publishing. Talk to someone who has, like Erika or one of the other bloggers, and they may all give you a heads up.
              I haven’t gone there yet, too busy trying to write…but hopefully I eventually will 😂

              1. LOL. Just follow the chocolate. 🍫🍫🍫 Good idea to talk with other bloggers who self-publish. I need some tips. I hope you will publish your book one day. I know from your posts that it’s going to be a great and highly valuable contribution to self-healing and personal growth. 🤗

                1. Thank you kind lady, your words are appreciated very much. I was also ‘nudged’ today about my book. I have given it a ‘little’ hit of 8k words but it isn’t sitting just right yet. I’m still contemplation how to bring it together. And oh yes indeed to the chocolate 🤗🥰🤣❤️🙏

  3. Good to see you back!!! I had to re-subscribe so I wouldn’t miss a post. Hope this new blog beginning is the best for you ever. Probably the hardest thing for all of us is to face ourselves by doing a deep dive. But it’s the only way we can figure out why our relationships go bad. I think unconditional love isn’t that hard when we get rid of the ego always having conditions and expectations. The wounded child just has to go. And I truly understand this because I carried the little wounded kid around with me for decades. You cannot truly find happiness if you keep dragging that kid around because he/she won’t let you be happy. The key is to lock that kid in a closet with the ego and throw away the key. If we can practice living each day in the moment, we will remove the power of the past.

    1. Hey Michele, great to see you kind lady. I’m back. Mind you, it actually wasn’t me…Spirit fired my site back up. I had literally only the day before had checked it out and it was offline. I got up the next morning and it was online…and I hadn’t touched a thing 🤣

      Anyway yes, it is a deep dive to find ourselves and the more I go into this myself and with others, it is all a journey to face ourselves and go beyond whatever holds us. You have explained this beautifully Michele, covered all those things that we hold so hard from our childhood on into adulthood. And that is its purpose, to experience, understand and polish what was until its beauty does indeed shine beautifully.

      And thankfully we don’t have to lock away that seeming monster within, we just change them to become something wonderful in a lifetime of awakening as we truly understand that love waiting inside us. It takes quite a few years, but I think that is so we will appreciate it all and in doing so become that freedom that unconditional love is.

      I touched it, and I swear with all that I am…every single step has a purpose, a pathway, so that we will reach that incredible place. Words don’t do it justice…but there isn’t a thing that I would want more than finding that place within us. That is where it resides, we just have to slowly uncover it in all these experiences and come closer and closer too it. Thank you for the share Michele, may we all see that light within us get brighter and brighter 🤗🥰😀❤️🙏

  4. Hi Mark…I just wanted you to know I read your incredible response…but I am on a road trip…without internet or laptop. I will respond when I am home and can take the time to really dive into your words…sending love and light 😊💜 Thank you for being so thoughtful!!

    1. That’s ok Lorrie, please do enjoy the silence of a break…in fact I’m jealous 🤗🤣 Have a great time then, may it be sunny and green wherever you are. Lots of love and light returned in kind to you also my friend 🤗😀❤️🙏

  5. Ahhhhhh….Mark …you are back!! And I get to respond to your incredible words here! I remember when you first posted this, I read it, but didn’t have time to respond and then when I went back your site was under “maintenance.” So I just read it again. And I think, I could read it once a week for the next year and still get something incredible from it!

    That love is so incredible…I have never had a NDE, nor felt that unconditional love. But I think I have had dream states where I was transported to some place I don’t know…and yet felt so free and so loved! Fear really is the culprit…and what exactly are we afraid of? I instinctively knew that fear was blocking me from something in my life. So I set out on a path that had me face some of the monsters that dwell inside. It is not something that can be accomplished in a day…or a week! And I know that there is still much to learn. But when I read your words and feel the emotion behind them, I always think YES!! YES!! YES!!!

    There are many times that I feel like I’ve been here before. And there are lessons that are taught in many ways, but it seems the ones that involve the most pain somehow have the most impact…at least in the realm of remembering.

    I get…and don’t get…the idea of boundaries. I have one person in particular, that I will absolutely say yes…THIS IS FEAR…but that is because every time I have tried to be in his life…it always ends up…well…let’s just say…he causes me great fear. So while I can understand what you have said here, I just don’t feel like I can subject myself to…him…at all. I don’t know. There is a point where you can do what you can do, but if you don’t have the other party even a teeny bit willing to see any truth…well there’s just not a lot you can do.

    Anyway…I so appreciate you. And I am so happy to see your site is up and running!! Sending all kinds of good energy…I didn’t think I would look at the eclipse today…but a friend gave me an approved pair of glasses and I did watch it on and off. It feels pretty powerful…this energy.

    Sending love and light ❤️

    1. An amazing thing Lorrie, I didn’t bring me back…Spirit did. I kept checking my site for some reason and suddenly it was back up online. And I hadn’t touched a thing. I can feel a timing thing within it 🤣

      Anyway, I thank you for your reply, it was a lot to take in all at once. This life is a big class so that we can resolve things usually slowly but with the odd ‘confrontation’ to go through something. And I keep pointing at those childhood states because as a child we are taking it all in, everything in. And those we love and look up to are just passing on the best they can, and unintentionally their fears as well. It most certainly isn’t a blame game or anything like that, and in fact it is a very powerful teaching. To feel that early rejection of our love in some way is showing us conditional love. Our conditions placed on it because of that early hurt. To go beyond it we must always check in on ourselves and ask why is it so hurtful.

      Now I must point out something here. If we had a lovely perfect upbringing, had all that we ever wanted, lived a life of happiness…we would have no handling capacity for ‘life’. The stresses would really hit us simply because we have had no experience in handling those things. I have seen children especially, come into a situation beyond their coping and just drop in tears and almost go catatonic because of the impact. Life must have those ‘bits’ so that we do learn. Be it another child pushing in in front of us in a line, to a grown man still doing it. And it all teaches us…’us’.

      So in your comment on boundaries, they are the walls we build simply because our handling of what we are facing has its limits…until we understand. And you most certainly do not have to keep putting yourself in these situations, the simple fact is…you are now aware of what those walls are, those limitations we place on ourselves. And that is not wrong. If we learn to drive a car, we get a nice ‘us’ type car to do it in, we don’t go get an F1 racing car that would probably make a mess of us at the first corner. That is us ‘knowing’ how far we can go, and as time goes by and our confidences rise, we move those walls further and further back. But with one exception. All other experiences tend to be confronted quite often, ie constantly driving a car so that we do gain those experiences and get better at them. But we understand them and can do those bit at a time and go beyond those boundaries. The fear in those relationships are not known, we are forever being poked by them but can’t seem to go beyond them because we are afraid of that unknown. And this is a child’s fear, something truly anchored in place and taken on into adulthood.

      On the day you see and understand what that fear truly is…you will be so amazed at what it was, at its hold on you…but more importantly, you will see and understand that it had to be exactly as it was…so that ‘you’ could understand what unconditional love is. We must learn that ‘conditional love’ first so that we can understand. It is just like experiencing sadness so that when we do experience happiness it is so much more appreciated. Like that child that has a perfect upbringing, they have no handling capacity of stressful situations when they arrive into adulthood and cannot appreciate how they are handling something.

      Those big events in our lives, and especially facing our fear, build much empathy, compassion and that love we are ever looking for. Facing those many things does have a great purpose. And as life goes by we do get better at it (though sometimes it doesn’t feel like it). So be proud of what you have achieved already kind lady, there is no failure in any of this, even though at times it feels like it. But that is just those doubts and negativity we have of ourselves because we can’t understand it. This entire journey is ever about our intent, that need to find that love and happiness in our lives, and we will…we do, each and every step that we take. It may not seem like we are going anywhere but each of those steps do dig away at those walls. Even unconditional love ‘knows’ you are trying to face you. You ‘want’ to go beyond this place that holds you back…and you will. That is what this journey is for…so you can see that love in you. You are already a part of it, and it touches you in so many ways…so that you can see that.

      Nearly did another post Lorrie 🤣 I can’t help myself because of what I have seen and touched. It’s like I’ve found the greatest chocolate shop, overflowing with wonders…and I want to share it all 😂 Much, much love and light to you kind lady. This is a big journey but I promise what you find through it is such a beautifully profound wonder my friend, and you will be glad when you look back at each and every step and see it all for the wonder that it is, and be free in the understanding of that love 🤗❤️

      Oh, and enjoy the eclipse. Beyond ‘us’ this world has many, many incredible things to see and appreciate…just while we have a rest now and then to find that love that is us. Much love and light to you also Lorrie, enjoy the journey and the gift beyond it 🤗🥰😀❤️🙏

      1. Oh, Mark, I can totally relate to what you say here, and I am so impressed with your responses…I wonder if you type fast…I feel like you do, but not as fast as your mind is creating the words…I’ve a feeling they just…come! and come fast!

        I know that everything happens exactly when, and how it must. I just wish sometimes that I didn’t “go away.” As a young child, in the middle of the trauma and abuse, I knew the love you speak of…and I always had a strong faith that no matter what was happening in my physical world, I would always be connected to Spirit and, therefore, I would be okay.

        But something happened. And I can almost pin point the moment in time that I felt forsaken…that I was angry…that I turned my back and set off on a journey alone. This journey was painful and it was a journey AWAY FROM LOVE…plain and simple. Not only away…but deep into the self-abusive side of things.

        Had I not traveled that road, I don’t think that the capacity for love would be as great as it is…so in essence I am saying that I totally agree with everything you wrote above. But it was painful…and I am realizing that half of my fear in life is FEELING THAT PAIN! And this person that I speak of…the one that I need clear boundaries with…may just hold some answers to that pain.

        Someone told me recently that I have a “default smile.” It was a little disconcerting, as I didn’t understand really what that meant. But they said that sometimes, I have a smile on my face, and it is incongruent with either the words I am saying, or what is going on in my life. With much thought and feeling I’ve come to realize that it is a defense mechanism to not only hide the pain from others…but to hide it from myself.

        So I am exploring all of this. Always with interest in how it all comes together…all a part of a master plan where each step is revealed exactly…precisely as it needs to be.

        So I love to hear your perspective, and I love that you make me think more deeply. And I love my life…ALL OF IT…which is such a blessing…and difference to how it used to be. I just sometimes wish I didn’t have to leave the journey when I did…but I know it was necessary. And here I am, writing a post back to you!!!

        Sure hope you have a brilliant day, filled with love and sunshine!! ❤️

        1. Your journey is exactly where it is meant to be Lorrie. I too many years ago went somewhere that is beyond words. But, and as you see in others, especially those you know and you see in going through something and gone to such depth, it changes them and sometimes quite profoundly. Simply because they have faced themselves. And in that understanding they learn to forgive themselves, others, and in doing so gain much empathy and compassion…and of course that self love that was ever kept at bay from where we all were. There is a great wisdom in that, even though it may not look it on the outside. To dare to face ourselves is going in the direction of light, no longer keeping ourselves in the darkness of those doubts and negativity that we ever held inside. To understand it may have come from others actions, but now realized we are the only one’s to keep it there. It is a big journey…but it is also a big love when dared.

          A default smile is like anything we do, it is a coping strategy. We each have our own way of doing this, until we understand what built it, and let it go. I forever wanted to be accepted (my fear was to be rejected), so I did everything I was asked, especially in my youth. And did some of the craziest things that were just plain stupid…but…fear will make us do these things so that we don’t get rejected. And there is a million ways to be rejected. but it ever comes back to that feeling inside us of not being loved. That feeling can be raised in so many ways, but always coming back to that feeling of not being loved in that action. And in your instance, and everyone else’s, your partner, friend or whoever who raises these feelings inside you…do not have the answer. It always comes back to ‘our’ reaction and the why within that. In my instance I ever pointed the finger at my partner, all of my partners because each had their way of triggering it…but…and this took a long time to see, I was the common denominator, not them. It was then I realized that it was me each time reacting because I didn’t like this ‘something’ that they did. So I followed that feeling back, back through the relationships, back into my childhood where I found that treatment ever present from my dad. It was his treatment of me that built that fear, but it was my ‘locking in’ my reaction to it, locking in anything resembling it as someone else also not loving me…and carried on into adulthood. These are those things we ask of a partner to ‘not treat me this way’…and those are the expectations we place on others.

          So when I found that it was my ‘locking in’ to others, those expectations…I had to break that cycle. But first I had to understand it, go back to those terrible, fearful moments, and understand one thing. That person isn’t doing it deliberately, and that person is usually someone we love and look up to as a child, a mom or dad or even both. They too are acting from something that they too are fearful of, and HAVE NOT RESOLVED WITHIN THEMSELVES YET so can only give out of what they are. We only ever give of what we are. And a classic example of that is when a brother or sister or friend says…your just like mom or dad in some action you do. We love them so want to be just like them in growing up…and we lock in who we are by about 10 years old, with those bits we have been taught. Even to a point we may hate something about our parents and swear we will not be like them in any way…but by then it is usually too late as we have already begun that process…or…go so far in the opposite direction that we then become something else, it too with its own problems.

          This is a very conditional world, but it does have a very beautiful and profound answer in its destiny. Hard, oh yes. But as I said before, if it wasn’t we would not build that empathy, compassion and love in going through the. Even I on some days think…just send me the answer in an email, I’ll pretend its great and smile a lot inside. But I know in being given it for nothing I would never appreciate it at all. And now, I do know what is there. It is hard and it does take us to difficult places…but the beauty through it is beyond words. When I finally saw it…tears, big beautiful tears in seeing the gift I had been given. Each and every step is the making of us, so many things that don’t seem to be anything, are so powerfully profound.

          Take a deep breath kind lady, and know in your heart that each and every step is creating something wonderful…and that smile will become more that inner love that is you. Big hugs, much light, lots of love for this path my friend…there is an answer in each of those steps…as awareness opens to you. And be proud of what you have achieved, even now, there is no failure. It is ever in that intent in your heart 😀❤️🙏

          And thank you for your kind words Lorrie, they are very appreciated 😀❤️🙏

  6. This is such a timely reminder re others being our mirrors … to move forward, we must heal the parts of ourselves that feel lacking in some way. It’s as if the wounds bind us … until we find the key to unlock our wounds, we are bound to the other. When we don’t heal it w one person, surely there will be others that trigger the same wounds. Much love to you!

    1. It is a very meaningful and powerful journey tiffany. And you are right, those biggest mirrors are those we connect strongly with, a partner in marriage or even those friends. It may not seem like it at the time but they are asking us to look deeper within to understand ‘us’ and go beyond those fears. Such powerful things but ever a guide to that inner us. When I finally understood I was so stunned of what lay through them, finally seeing that what we branded as a horror was in fact a great benefactor in leading us to that love within. Thank you for sharing kind lady, I hear your journey in your posts and the love found in your words 😀❤️🙏

    1. And there is no need to kind lady, I am giving a ‘general’ description at those we love and look up to but our environment will still have that very thing to poke us with anyway. In our friends, boss’s, workmates and especially that growing up place called school. I have no doubt there are those parents who compliment beautifully, raise their child a delight…but in doing that find that their child’s handling capacity in life still tests them in some way still in that environment. Most ‘rejections’ within are felt by us all, but the builder of that can be so many and varied to be beyond words. And I have no doubt I speak with a lady who has found much empathy, compassion and love in her journey, regardless the path taken. And had a great start from those very same parents 😀❤️🙏

  7. Such profound answers to both questions Mark.. And you touched upon the many aspects of both conditions.. I think I say conditions, as we often place our own limitations upon ourselves both in feeling, trusting, and communicating out those feelings in our relationships with others, of those we get along with and those whose energies are not always in alignment with our own.

    As you rightly say often stemming from childhood, behaviours and programming, along with the fear attachment ingrained within us we often unintentionally carry around subconsciously.

    And I doubt there are a very few who can put their hand on their hearts and say they truly LOVE unconditionally.. I know I cannot, though I do try, 🙂 …

    We who try to show others that LOVE and letting go as our way forward, cannot truly experience what that really feels or looks like here in our 3rd Density .. But we strive to keep aiming higher in order to raise our vibrations a little higher in trying to achieve it..

    But it is often difficult in our dualistic reality as we judge others by their actions and deeds, and we do not always see the lessons held within such actions and deeds or the pain and wounds we take on. For we will often consider ourselves victims, when in fact we may be experiencing such lessons in order to grow and learn from..

    So as you also said… it may well be if these lessons keep on repeating, we still have not learnt from them or moved on, letting go and forgiving all involved including ourselves..

    A very thought provoking post Mark.. and Yeah… I did get this one in my notification bar LOL…. at last.. 🙂
    Have a very Freeing and Loving New Year Mark, and thank you for all of your profound heartfelt posts and insights xx ❤️ ✨🙏

    1. It is a big journey Sue, so many parts of us ever being tested so that we can see where our heart is. And all of our experiences are never the same as another, so are viewed from a whole other place. And I think that has a purpose, in as much as, if we were all the same we could just pop over to the neighbor for a cuppa and get our answers…and not get our feet wet, so to speak, by having those experiences.

      And I feel more and more that we do obtain an unconditional way ‘down here’, as best as possible given the circumstances of our physicality down here. But in reaching that I think that is quite profound in itself. Its like anything we master, it isn’t ended but being matured more and more the further our experiences are with something. We don’t ‘reach’ a point and just stop, we will still give from what we have become and keep changing from those experiences. Washing and polishing the car a little more after a drive so to speak 🤣

      I in fact finished this post and then got a call from my ‘past’ which roundly sat me on my backside. Something I thought I knew was distorted by time, and I might add, possibly by what I wanted to see. A little contemplation time required I think…plus, Spirit just nudged me…these things are ‘corrected’ in the ‘now’ so that we can see what we have become over that time in that belief, and a course correction be made in our hearts from our new understanding.

      Phew…the post was big enough (I should have split the two question mind you…but they were related), but things coming in from everywhere at the moment. This might be a big year of answers 😂 And I think you are right, we are trying to ‘raise’ up and stand in what we are becoming. I think this will be an interesting year, that love taking us further in ourselves.

      And certainly these experiences will take us places so that we can see and learn, and they are meant to be at a time and place so that we can understand. We just tend to be ‘judges’ because of our experiences not realizing that they ever get ‘topped up’ to see much clearer further on, and an occasional repeat (even though it sometimes feels like an endless loop), to ensure our understanding. Love is indeed a very profound things kind lady, it is in everything we do as we ‘feel’ everything.

      And a big ‘yay’ for receiving the post Sue, maybe a sign that what we seek will come this year, many answers in our lives to become that freedom that the understanding of that love gives.

      Thank you for sharing also kind lady, I ‘feel’ the love in your words 😀❤️🙏

      1. You are right Mark, in that it is continuous learning and awakening, progressing ever higher as we move through the very layers which often we have wrapped tightly around ourselves for protection..
        Yet as you also said in your post, when we have let go of fear itself, we have then no need for those boundaries in which we put ourselves for fear of being wounded..
        This too easy at times to say, but instinctively at times I feel we can still keep ourselves in that loop..
        Too much all at once would be perhaps too much for any of us to cope with, in our inner-standing of the ALL we are. can be and will become..

        So we are for the most part, scrapping away the layers of those programmes and in doing so, we can often feel raw, exposed, as it takes more healing as we deal with what has festered below the scabs we have temporarily covered over, needs to come out and be cleared and treated in order for that wound to finally heal for good .

        It is a complex process, and many are often too afraid to dig into that sore spot, because its too painful to deal with..

        However I do feel as we are all now in this transformative state, we are going to have to choose… For I feel its time to rid ourselves of the baggage we have been carrying for the new world needs the scars to heal… As we learn that there has to be more self love, for when we learn how to really love ourselves, we no longer abuse ourselves or allow others to. The process is ongoing as you say…
        We are learning those first steps of self mastery in varying ways…

        Always a joy to read your posts and your in-depth thoughts dear Mark… Thank you. ❤️

        1. And to you also Sue, a sharing of our journey so that we all can see that there is a purpose in all we do, to give courage in a difficult journey, and the heart to take one more step to find that part of us ever seeking that love and happiness. A mastery it shall be with a love beyond words.
          Looking forward to more of your posts in the new year kind lady, more answers and more belief in what we are becoming from the faith of what went before.
          Big hugs from down under, to you, hubby and biscuit…and yes, even the garden too, even if soundly sleeping and resting to be ready for the next season of life…as we will too. Thank you Sue 😀❤️🙏

  8. Mark, I love this. Understanding does help release fear. Your words, “And the only way ‘through’ our fears is to follow them back into where they were built, into that childhood and dare to face something that has ever guided us, true or false. It is a confronting thing and must be done gently, carefully and with love”…speak to my heart! Thank you for sharing dear friend.❤️💛♥️ much love from Finn and I!

    1. Thank you Karla and Finn. Glad to hear both your love and know you are freeing that love within nicely kind lady. Your journey has indeed been a very powerful thing, to truly face yourself in so many ways so quickly. I did say we mostly do the ‘slow, repeating’ journey…but just sometimes it all seems to happen all at once. And yes, it should be done ‘gently, carefully and with love’ for us all down here…but I think God knows you so beautifully and gave you something so profound with His touch in this time.

      And these paths do bring up those parts we are afraid of, and I know we are strong enough even though it doesn’t feel like it at the time…but you are shifting in these incredible experiences, a heart grown bigger, a mind a little raw still while digesting so much…and a courage that would hold the world on her shoulders. And His arms around you every step of the way kind lady.

      Big, big hugs Karla, I hope you are going well in it all. I did hear of a delay with a hiccup. I hope that has been sorted and a year of healing has begun. Let it indeed be a year of loving kindness, a healed heart, and the profound wisdom that His journey gives. Amen 😀❤️🙏

      1. Mark, your words brought tears to my eyes. “Shifting, ….a heart grown bigger…mind a little raw (yes!)…and a courage that would hold the world on her shoulders. And HIS arms around you…” Amen, Mark. You KNOW love and understanding. Because you’ve been there and experienced it all. Big big hugs back to you, my friend. Here’s to a year of healing, love, and more lessons learned (always!). Much love to you from the Finnster and me! 💛🙏🐩🐬🐘

        1. Thank you Karla, blessings gratefully received kind lady. And a new and beautiful year it is going to be. With a changed love, and a more heartfelt love it will be too because of the gift in those experiences. Empathy, compassion, and a powerful love…our love, to all…as His is to us ❤️🙏
          Much love to you, and the Finnster too 🤣❤️🙏

  9. Hi Mark, this is such an insightful essay with many key moments! One key moment that I thought you expressed so well, and could ring a discovery bell for everyone, was this self observation regarding fear; “…So I ‘held’ my body and mind (in how I thought towards things even), for those encounters, my life was that posture.” To become aware of this, gently and consistently, and work with it, creates powerful changes ❤️ this was a wonderful read! Thank you Mark! ☮️

    1. Thank you Liza, it is a lifetime thing where we have learned in our fears to ‘hold’ ourselves like an ‘on guard’ posture in all of our experiences. I have even found myself changing in different circumstances. Even with an underlying ‘posture’ I would relax more with friends, but still change with different friends. I could feel that change even with strangers, but ever that holding pattern from my fears in my lifetime coping strategies.

      But once I understood my fear, truly saw through it, the ‘let go’ was an incredible thing. I wobbled when I walked, any movement was so unusual…simply because I had finally ‘let go’. I no longer had a purpose for it. And as you have so beautifully said, I then began to gently create ‘me’, the real me, by relaxing into the real me, not the fearful me. Allowing those changes, built from that love I had discovered.

      May we all discover that understanding and the freedom it creates Liza, it is a very beautiful thing. Thank you for sharing kind lady, may your year be full of those discoveries too 😀❤️🙏

      1. I believe we are, but it also feels like layers after layers 🙂. Thank you for your wonderful insights! ❤️☮️

        1. Thank you kind lady. I think their is many layers within us, but I think that is so that it is a more gentle flow so to speak. Though sometimes it may feel like a cliff fall with its depth. But it is those one’s that give the greatest empathy, compassion and love because of what it takes to go through and understand them. But trust me, when you touch that love at its end, you will be glad of each and every step you have ever taken. Truly it is worth it all. Many that I ask all say the same thing, a hard path but worth every step 😀❤️🙏

  10. Mark, I think one of the reasons we may have so much trouble with unconditional love is because we’re a society of “instant gratification”. Unconditional love is too big and too important to be achieved instantly.

    Those of us with pets are extremely fortunate because our pets give us unconditional love by the truckload. Now, that’s not the same as getting unconditional love from another human, but it’s a wonderful thing. We could learn a lot from our furry companions if we paid more attention, like how to GIVE unconditional love ourselves.

    Hope 2024 has started off on a positive note for you and stays that way.

      1. Right back atcha’ Karla! Hi! sweet Miss Finley. You could teach us all about unconditional love!

        1. Aww. “Hi Ginger! I loveeee you! Mom does too! Yes, I love you all unconditionally!”—-Finley (Mom calls me her little 3.0 angel!) 💛

    1. Yes Ginger, we do tend to do the ‘now’ thing before all else. And it overshadows so much. But of course this is the lesson, patience, daring to look at ourselves, resolving those fears in seeing their truth beneath it all.

      And those pets are truly a Godsend, they are the greatest teachers. A friend has such an incredible relationship with his dog, looks after it to the 50th degree…but treats all others so offhandedly. And after a conversation he is ‘on guard’ with those humans so keeps his distance emotionally. But he does not feel that from his lovely pet, he has ‘allowed’ himself to become so close to it that it has brought him to tears just knowing it is reaching its end years and may not be with him soon. A very profound lesson indeed kind lady, and your words truly spoken.

      2024 has indeed started as 2023 ended…with a bang. I feel a year of answers, some a little confronting, others so profound. It is a ‘sensitive’ year I think where we will see so much more…but are ready for it. The last few years seem to have prepared us for this so that we will face ourselves and now be ready for it.

      Thank you for the share Ginger, I have no doubt this year will be full of love too. Hey, maybe I will get a puppy too 🤣❤️🙏

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