Decided to dance a little deeper in life, and wow can spirit dance!

Sunrise

Tag: empathy

The Key To Freedom!

When we are raised as children we unintentionally take on the fears of those we love and look up to in the way they treat us. We know no other way so take on what we are taught and how we learn from that treatment. Don’t get me wrong, they love us to bits too, in their own ways. But those we look up to have not dealt with their own trauma so unintentionally ‘pass it on’, leaving us feeling rejected in some manner. Usually left feeling unloved (as they were), belittled (as they were), rejected as a person (as they were), in some way and so that anyone, be it friends, lovers or whoever treats us similarly will bring those emotions up that are connected to this.

That is what fears are, a constant treatment and our reaction to it condensing it into those negative reactions that can become very, at times, overpowering (remember you were only a child and your only coping strategies was to emotionally block that pain, build an emotional wall). And in the depth of that we are afraid to think that there is something wrong with us and try to hide it from everyone, even ourselves, simply because its pain, the hurt it gives is beyond words…it is…us.

But there is a key, to which you can apply to all those ‘fears’ in your life. It may be difficult but we would not appreciate it if it were not. It is only after we work hard at something that we fully appreciate it for what it is.

Fear in anything is basically not understanding something. If you are thrown into a situation that you have never been in before, say a new job, we are very nervous, unsure how we will go. And this will stay for a while but as you understand all of its workings it becomes easier and easier until you barely give it a thought.

Emotionally, with a fear, you are being asked to face something that continually upsets you because it always has, because you didn’t truly understand why. You think you do and point the finger at everything else but one…you. Yes, you…it is only you ‘reacting’ from your fear. Yes, ‘they’ are treating you a certain way ‘from their fears’ but you need to break those actions from ‘your’ fears…or you will ever be bound by its claws. Once you understand your fear, it loses its power over you, like that new job above. You have understood it and it will no longer matter to you, so you will no longer need to ‘point the finger at anything’.

Now you have to understand your fear, go back to where it began as a child…and be that child again. How was the treatment making you feel, how did it make you think. Find what it meant personally to you in those feelings, did it make you feel pain, rejection, unloved by the very people you wanted to love you. Understand it truly and it will set you free. That is the core of all of our journeys, understand that rejection AND how it made you feel about yourself and you will see you have carried this into every relationship you have had because that is what you have become because of it. Trust me, how many times has someone your in a relationship with do things that upset you? Many…because that is what your fear is built from, they treat you a certain way and you react to it. Yes, it is you that is reacting, your fears are triggered and you don’t want to go there so you demand that your partner never treats you like that again. And you will pile it with so many ‘reasonable’ reasons so that they cannot ‘see’ the pain beneath it. You curb and curb, project and stifle all around you because of ‘your’ fear. Break the chain, that negative loop that life has developed within you by understanding it, and it will set you free.

Now don’t get me wrong, this very lifetime action has much purpose. When you break free you will be able to truly see it all back through your life. All of your actions within those many relationships but more importantly the one you have with yourself. The belief in who you are and how you have felt because of that ever rejection in those many relationships. It has always asked you to look within and find that love you felt was denied you, and that is what you have always attracted to you in those people that make you feel that way so that you will look, hence those many people that have come out of nowhere and push your buttons. Trust me, that love wants you to look, wants you to be free, and does this with a great love so that you can see and appreciate what it has taught you after enduring such a painful, heartfelt journey.

Look at someone who has been through a very painful journey, see how they now act after it. They become a more loving, empathetic and heartfelt person…because ‘they’ have been through something very profound with ‘themselves’ and that journey has built something that they have never had…trust, and that trust is that belief in who they are and allows that self love that has never been there. It always comes back to how we feel about ourselves, that journey that has stripped us of that belief and that journey to find our way back to us, and realise in doing it, it has created something wonderful, something so profound that when we finally break through and see under that fear in understanding, it will break us into tears. Not fearful tears but big, beautiful loving tears…the one’s that set us free…forever…because we will see that it was all done for us, to guide us to that inner love ❤️

When you finally stop that painful, self denying journey you will see something unbelievable. The fear has made you into a liar (lots and lots of little white lies…and some big ones), to cover all that you do so that you don’t have to face its pain. But when it is understood it loses its power over you and for the first time ever, you trust…fully trust you, and can now speak from your heart, not a lie to be seen. And at that very moment you understand you will feel a huge tension leave your body and for the first time be at peace with you AND the world around you. You will drop…almost everything that you have ever held, inside and out. You no longer have to ‘be’ anything, no longer have to…have to anything. You can now see that freedom, see that it was in fact you who held the reins of that wild prancing mind, and in holding it, it fought tooth and nail back. You’ve let it go and in doing so have now truly found you. It has lost its power over you.

So grab a counselor, a trusted friend, one who you can ‘open’ to in all its painful bits inside and keep pushing yourself deeper, past that wall of emotional protection that has had a lifetime to build and believe in you, that you are good enough to ‘see’ who you truly are. And thank all those people and things who have turned up in your life to bring you home, be they helpers or hurtful things, they have all given you a guide to that love. Even you over time have felt that it was an unusual moment for it all to come together so many times like it has. Trust it, it comes with a love like no other, so that you can be that love too ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

What is love?

In the beginning it is all we are…in the end it is what we become. We are down here to become that love ❤️

Just imagine you are given a gift from four different people. The gift is identical from all four.

The first gift is from your partner, someone you love very much and so you show your appreciation by giving a hug and maybe a kiss as well.

The second gift is from a parent, someone you love very much too but life being as it is you may give a quick hug and at the least a smile and a thank you.

The third gift is from a friend, not your best friend but someone you know a bit so you at least give a smile and a thank you.

The fourth gift is from a small child and in this your empathy almost automatically responds with an ‘Oh isn’t that cute’ with a thank you darling and big hug.

They are all different people, yet its the same gift. You are responding according to your circumstances with each of those people and what you have been brought up with. You have learnt over many years of these many different ways with people and how you respond in your love, compassion, empathy and for that matter all of your emotions you have handled in all those circumstances to become who you are.

You are ‘allowing’ through that love, you are measuring it, you are quantifying it, you are the gatekeeper to its doorway, you are even the captain of its river in life.

But you will only ever fully appreciate that love when you have finally stopped measuring, quantifying, gatekeeping and captaining it…because you will finally see that true love is a gift, unconditional in its giving or receiving. After many, many years of gifts, physical or heartfelt, you will finally remove the tape you measured it by, the weights you quantified it with, the toll your heart paid at its gate, and the flow your mind staggered with in its rapids so that after having endured such a bewildering journey you will finally see that you have only allowed that restricted flow because you could not love freely simply because you cannot love you.

Your life has taught you that you weren’t lovable because of those things you were taught by those you loved and looked up to, how could they be wrong. But they were, only because they too had not seen that their rivers were also blocked by all those things taught from those they loved and looked up to also.

We need to learn and experience it all so that slowly we will understand that no appreciation can be met until we feel and understand its many opposites, comprehend it is only our own hearts that measure this world and blocks it by that very same measuring tape. See everything you measure, especially within you, and understand we cannot do anything but by what we know. How can you build love if you’ve only learnt hate. How can you give a hug if it has never been given to you.

Dare to break your heart free, dare to throw its measuring tape that is fear, away. All it takes is that one urge to go beyond what has held you. You don’t have to do it all at once, that is what life is for, to give you time to become that unconditional within you. Grab a friend, partner, cute child and just dare to do something. Even if to just talk, it too has great loving power. Even a child speaks to us without a word being said.

So, what is love? It is all we do…everything all comes from it, to it, and beyond. Eternity has very big, loving arms. Ask God, He will tell you all about it in each breath you take ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

Just Be You!

In all those things we ever do in this world, nothing comes close to a greater happiness than when we discover something. Let’s say you’ve never painted before and someone says let’s give it a try. You have never done it before so it doesn’t really mean too much but your prepared to give it a go. You start off dripping paint, splashing the un-splashable and outright smearing reality across surrealism right into abstract in five easy strokes…but…you had a ball.

You couldn’t believe how much fun it was to learn this stroke and that, and the ability to really create something from such a few lessons. Some are easy, some are difficult…but they are the ones that make you the most happy because you have understood them and done fantastic things with them. You don’t fully understand it all but as you do it, the more and more the brush feels like an extension of your hand. You can’t wait to do it again, and again. You’ve found something that truly makes you happy. Rembrandt look out, I’m here 😀

Now apply that to your life…all that dripping, smearing and even experimenting all over, again and again, finding rough bits but getting better and better and astounded when you have one of those breakthroughs and create something that truly feels like you. Especially that love that is one of life’s masterpieces, even if it has a tiny flaw that only you can see. And because of that you put it in the backroom because you want to do better. In fact you will do better because that is just practice till you do get it right, do get it perfect, and this won’t be from rote and teachings but a style that is all your own. And it will answer you the day you create that masterpiece that is you.

You will be mesmerized by what you have created, like a dream on canvas it will glow it is that perfect. You have created unconditional love. You don’t even have to touch it anymore, you have achieved life’s purpose and now you can be that gallery of perfection and be on display as the masters always are…you now know that this could not have happened unless all that went before led you to this moment, teaching your heart exactly how to be…just by being you ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

Life!

As many are aware I recently had a rather abrupt health problem a couple of months ago which I posted about earlier in a few posts as it progressed…’As Above, So Below’, ‘To Live, First Allow Yourself’, ‘A Perspective Of Life’, ‘Hope’, ‘The Last Day’ and now this post. Each time I thought it had touched what it needed to for my understanding and resolved itself, but no, another event would take it a step further so that I could ‘see’ properly. Each moment was a step. Each time I thought that this couldn’t possibly go further or I would die. But it did. And in fact the post on this (‘Hope’), touched something that I haven’t spoken of yet as it has done the one thing that I thought wasn’t possible. I have been shown over the years so many things by Spirit that my confidence in my journey is beyond words, simply because I thought that all my fears had been dealt with, leaving me in such a place that I thought even death no longer worried me in any way.

Ah, the minds and ego’s of men. Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. I haven’t done this post till now because on the night I almost died I was shown something that I literally could not fathom at all, it went against everything I knew up until now, of what I believed of myself. It was so powerful that Spirit left me to digest it, this was somewhere I had to go on my own because what I saw and felt tore my foundations of ‘self’ completely out from under me. It left me in shock because of what I initially saw, to me, I did not think was possible. In hindsight…I needed to see to understand, to see so that I could appreciate just what is there.

Let me explain, and I will say now that I have had to debate long and hard to even be putting this into words as it can be quite abrupt to many because of what I experienced. But remember, THIS WAS SPECIFICALLY MY JOURNEY and what I needed to see…and possibly because it is what I believe happens in all else in our lives. So remember these following next two sentences as you read further below.

‘All events in our lives have their opposites so we can understand. We cannot know and appreciate happiness unless we know and appreciate our experiences of sadness too, as with all of our emotions in our lives.’

So to now go to the ‘event’…I had waited too long in calling the ambulance and had reached a point where I could no longer speak to do so anyway. (IMPORTANT NOTE: I did not know this but (in Australia at least), I found out later that even if I had my ‘location’ turned off on my mobile phone you CAN still call an ambulance anyway and they will track it back to where you live (or where your currently located at), if you cannot speak for any reason).

So I was on my hands and knees on the floor of my kitchen, I couldn’t breathe but for a very tiny gasp in and out due to my lungs inflaming (from the emphysema), to the point that even the gasp of air had to be forced in and out. It is such a pronounced moment that you can barely think of anything but trying to get some air. I first tried to reach my hand out to ‘something, anything’ to help me…but there wasn’t anything there. What do you reach for to help you breathe? I started to even move out of the kitchen towards its doorway…seeking…what? And in that instant two things happened. The first was…I was thinking this is it, I’m going to die and all I could feel was this incredible loss and dare I say it (this scared me more than anything else that happened)…it was like every piece of love that ever existed was taken from me and left me absolutely rejected and tossed into hell. It was the most horrible thing I have ever touched in my life, I felt that I had not been good enough and there was no other chance at anything. I was done, had my chance and lost it. It was just so terrible I can hardly put it into words.

I do not know how long this lasted for but it must have only been seconds when the next instant hit with even more force than the first. And it was in that moment that God (and I do mean God), touched me with a very profound touch and thought of…I am the giver of Life…and left me stunned as He moved away. Spirit was there but this moment gave such a feeling that I was to understand that the gift of Spirit had shared so much with me but only God had the gift of Life.

Trying to absorb such an incredible moment while barely able to breathe was hard enough but I think the important part was understanding that, like all else in this world there are always two sides. Like happiness and sadness, neither can be appreciated for what they are unless they are both experienced and felt for what they truly are. I have experienced life in so many ways over the years and to now have that ‘life’ taken away has stripped me bare of any attitudes of confidence or knowing or what’s important or not. It leaves you KNOWING that down here is one of the most incredibly beautiful gifts we will ever be given…so that we can see truly the gift of unconditional love. We must touch this conditional side in all that we do down here so we can know and understand unconditional love.

And just so that my ‘condition’ was understood properly, I had very, very slowly begun to breathe again, slowly getting a tiny bit more and a tiny bit more until I felt I’m ok. So I sat up on my heels and went straight into another coughing fit to take me back to no breathing again, even worse than what it was before. To which Spirit said…you are being shown this a second time so that you do not ‘justify’ this event as ‘chance’…life is a gift, appreciate that gift.

Again, I very slowly regained my breath till I eventually dared to attempt to sit up again. After a long time I got up as it appeared that the emergency medicine I had taken earlier had finally began to work (or maybe God’s compassion), and went and sat on a chair and could do nothing but try to understand what I had been shown. Yes, it was terrible, but as I say, on its other side is something so profoundly beautiful. It has taken me a long time to digest something that most never get to see…except those that have survived ‘their’ encounter with death from accidents etc. And even they may not touch these things but I do know this…you are forever changed by touching its doorway, and in that I believe is its purpose. Like all else it gives us an understanding of what we truly do have down here, and will appreciate even more when we go up there.

Please believe me, I now understand better what life is, and what its like to have it taken away. Down here may seem like a hell some days, but truly it is a place in our hearts that we change each day as we experience it in all its ways. It can do nothing but change us each step we take. I was blessed…yes blessed, with seeing and touching something beyond words. I will never be the same…as you will also each step you take. Yes, it does hurt, but its opposite is to heal in a way that opens and allows us to appreciate that love hidden behind our walls. I thought I was impervious to life’s pain…Life had other ideas, so that I could see the beauty that God has given us with a great love, an unconditional one so that we will take those steps to feel and touch that love and happiness we have always looked for ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

A Perspective Of Life!

….continued from posts ‘As Above, So Below!’ and ‘To Live..First Allow Yourself!’

Is it that moment you look into your newborns eyes and feel a connection way beyond words. Cheer on a friend who has finally stepped into their dreams after so much work. That moment your standing at the alter watching your partner in life walking down the aisle or maybe even just by being happy because at this moment life is good…just as it is.

To achieve all of these, and many, many more of these magical moments we must experience what it took to bring them into being. The struggles, the sweat, the physical and emotional toll that they all take in some way as we build something. A hope, a dream, an expression of something that gives us meaning in all that we do.

I have spoken of these in many ways, how we must experience and know these meanings to understand them truly. One cannot truly understand and appreciate happiness unless they know and understand sadness, and on through those many emotions. They are all a ladder that we climb to see higher and higher, that beauty we can see further and further in life with the wisdom that they show.

I am currently sitting at my kitchen table, among the mess that the ambulance officers had swept away to help me through another quite abrupt ‘life’ experience. My body is still reacting to the medicine I had been on until it decided an allergic response was necessary, careening my immune system so wildly that most symptoms I told the ambulance officer left him shaking his head. My lungs are now filling with fluid and barely enough room left to breath. And after our little chat and a nebulizer to ease my breathing I could feel his empathy as he obtains a promise from me that I will ring my doctor first thing in the morning. I shake my head as I realise I’m being blocked again and need to step through this on my own. And no sleep for at least 12 hours as the adrenal rams my heart up, eyes wide open and a shaking like tree.

In the last two hours this had rapidly reached a point where this emergency call had to happen. To even move about I’m literally gasping like a fish out of water and as I had earlier looked up I see I have to go 30 feet to unlock the door to let them in. Do you know how far 30 feet is? And I am amazed at the next thought from spirit…’it just depends on your perspective’.

And in hindsight life is definitely like that..all of it is our perspective. If your just ducking out for some milk, it does not even compute. But right at this moment and your at your last breath, it has all the meaning in the world. If I don’t unlock that door, they can’t get in.

So my beautiful friends, life does indeed come right down to you, what experiences you get from those many millions of miles you travel, and is indeed in return giving its all to you. Each moment changing that little barometer within to seek that ultimate goal of unconditional love we all look for. And yes, it will step on your toes because you only have a lifetime…this lifetime…a bare 60 odd years to achieve so many things so that the beautiful flower within you will blossom and reach for the sun.

And just to make sure I was listening spirit asked me ‘now that you have perspective, what do you want to do with this time that is left you?’. I sit there and ponder…and each and every thing I come to is summarily dismissed as it no longer has meaning. Until I reach one, one thing that had automatically gone to the bin in that first instance because it just didn’t register but now in hindsight it has more meaning than all that went before…this post.

How many people really get a chance to say thank you to all those that gave him perspective, gave him a love profound in their words and care. Told him of hopes and dreams so that he could indeed find perspective in his own. And I have too, in that few feet to my door is a perspective I didn’t know I had. In feeling I was losing life I had in fact gained it, and in that one magical moment realised that it all was built on a love profound, the one that touches us all.

So remember, all it takes is perspective…your perspective to share that love. Each and every moment a jewel is being formed, a black coal pressured into a majestic diamond sparkling to the world. It takes both sides of every moment to see the heights of that beauty and realise the wisdom it shares with us truly.

So my friends, I love you all…each and every perspective of you, the ones you shared with me to make me exactly who I am. You shared something so profound in each moment we were together in heart, mind and soul. And for that I am ever grateful. Even if for but a moment…for there are worlds…even in those few steps.

Oh, and just one more perspective…in all that you do, hold your heart in your hands. It is amazing how much more gently we become in making a life with it out in front to see and feel. Could you be angry at someone who was holding their hearts up to you? Lead with your heart and this world will change beyond what you could ever imagine, and trust me, it is much, much more than 30 feet! 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

Empathy, a reply to Momus!

My return reply to Scottishmomus’s bullshite-and-empathy

It is very simple Anne Marie, and also quite profound. You have been brought up to be a caring, loving person. Simply because that was what you were shown or its your reaction to what you felt was the opposite of that, being brought up by those you love (sometimes mum, sometimes dad, or both), who you feel have treated you rather poorly and so you try to compensate for that.


And then we project what we are out into the world. You want the world to be a caring, beautiful place…but along comes those that (and as the song says), ‘shat’ on everything they touch and practically force you to live in it.
Your life steps into what it loves to do, teaching, caring, showing and even writing that what you express deep within.


The kids, even though they can be quite draining, leave you with a hope that they have heard you. Will grow up into a world with at least your empathy and care so that you can feel you have achieved something by giving them a start in this world. And they do the one thing in your ‘communicating’ that is an absolute must, it is the other half of communicating and probably the most important bit…is that they ‘listen’.


But here’s the 1st rub, ‘they’, as in those that like to ‘shat’ everywhere…don’t ‘care’ like you do, won’t ‘listen’ to anyone like you, will not ‘try’ like you do…simply because they have not been ‘taught’ as you have or are reacting to their upbringing. In fact, that pride of the world, that thing they call governments etc only attract one type of person…the controller, manipulator…to achieve only one end, to become everything for everybody while feathering their own nest. Every person that I know does not trust them because of that falseness. It is an instant signal they show that puts us on guard…they smile.


The 2nd rub is also very simple, they have been allowed to set up this ‘government’ in a way that they imply your absolute right to make choices by voting. And as soon as you do they then counter that by ‘party lines’ and ‘your choice’ has to follow those lines, even if they are the most honest person in the world. The system is corrupt and I don’t mean just the feathering the nest, I mean morally it is a cesspit.

So you are in fact beating your head against a wall, splattering your hard built sanity into a void of idiots that have absolutely no idea how to apply ’empathy’ because they fear it. They have been brought up in such a way that they wall it up and block its appearance, the exact opposite of you, and focus on ‘their’ ideas.

The only way to ‘live’ in this environment is to come from where your heart is. But to do this you have to let go all of ‘their’ stuff. Just focus on what you believe and give it out. Ignore where they are at…totally. Just give you out to those that want to listen.

And the reason that they win all the time is simply because they browbeat you into submission, screaming and yelling absolute garbage to drown out something that they are afraid of. The only thing that will beat this system is to run for a position that will do one thing and one thing only. Allow the people to have a direct say on decisions that go through parliament, whether by computer once a year on the main topics (that must be stuck by like a referendum). Which can only ever be changed by putting it out to a referendum.

And trust me, the howls from those parliamentarians would be heard from around the world, you would be removing the one thing that keeps that control in their pockets. The money ‘outside’ would no longer have anyone to corrupt to get through their needs and wants (they can’t pay off us millions of people). Hey, for me even suggesting such a thing I might suddenly disappear they are that afraid of this.

Now some sanity. And this can be a little confronting my friend. Those fears that we hold (and I mean all of us), are the very things that drive us in all that we do.

An example: (and I make a great crash test dummy here 🙂 ). I hated my father because I thought he didn’t love me. Fullstop. (I, and everybody else in their own way, lock in whatever their fears are by about 8 or 9 years old. This you can find in all the text books).

I thought I was unlovable so to compensate for that, and in all my relationships I wanted my partner to show that love, I expected them to respond to my overtures (pull out chairs, give flowers and poetry etc), so that I could feel that love…but all it ever did was reach a point that they felt smothered and pushed me away. I had in fact ‘created’ my fear. And we all do it. We ‘project’ our fear by trying to not have it happen.

I had spent most of my life ‘projecting’ because I knew it was everybody else’s fault. How could it be mine with all that I was doing. And this is what we all do in our own ways.

In your case you know you have a great idea, it is fair and gives a real opportunity to everyone to be part of something wonderful. But your great idea for everyone does what my wanting love (also my version), does for me. It puts a lot of people ‘against’ what I am after because it also presses their ‘fear’ buttons.

Now the hard bit, I’m asking you to find that bit in your life that keeps upsetting you. All the ways you feel that you have been treated badly and upsets you more than anything. And this will be in all your relationships, mum, dad, partner, your children and maybe even especially those children you teach.

Your trying to give something but you are not being heard, trying to show something but are being ignored, trying to help but are being shunted, pushed, and relegated to the background.

Which part upsets you, what relationships reject who you are. In there is your answer. That very rejection is the very thing that drains you. You are trying to give from who you are but what you are giving is being shunned. That very thing you are trying to give is that inner core of who you are, it is the love you have built forever and it is being rejected. It is upsetting, it is painful, it is very distressing because you have opened your heart to share something that you ‘know’, and it is given with that love. But to have that ‘love’ slapped back in your face is a shock.

And the drain goes on. While ever our fear is with us, we will always react the same way. It is something that we have anchored into who we are. And each time it rears its head we go on the defensive and it drags us downward some more.

A second thing I will mention here is we are all nervous when we try something new, it is natural to be fearful of ‘new’ circumstances, it is a safety mechanism so we don’t do anything dangerous. So new job, new adventure, new relationship…we tend to be on guard until we get our answers to the circumstance and this allows us to relax, be at ease and no longer worry about that circumstance. It becomes second nature so we no longer give it any thought.

But our life fears have had no answer for years and years, we don’t understand the ‘why’ simply because they were locked into place by a very immature, childish emotional mind. And the only way that mind could operate was to block that horrible fear, put up that wall so that we had a coping mechanism in place to handle those moments that bring it into the open.

But each time that fears raises its head we will do some of the most crazy things…it is the child reactions that we have put in place all those years ago and reinforced as we grew up…but still not understood. So each time we enter that fear, regardless if its a life fear or scared from the first time jumping out of a plane…they all do one thing.

They put us on guard, they stress the body, they trigger the fright or flight syndrome which all does one thing…it begins to fire the adrenal gland. And how do we feel after being frightened or stressed (physically or emotionally), it tires us out, it drains us and leaves us in almost a state of shock if it is a large enough scare.

Combine that with a circumstance like your fight to get some sanity into a governing system that is built like a brick wall, and most certainly your heart and mind will become drained and leave you with a feeling of hopelessness.

Just remember there are ‘natural’ fears and there are ‘built’ ones. The natural ones are more brief, easier to get over and leave us wiser because we see and understand them. It is the built one that constantly drains us, as we never understand the ‘why’ of our reactions.

Now my fear, once I understood what drove it, became like the natural ones…because I understood it. And like those other natural ones, once understood they no longer have purpose and they lose that power over us. I can see that I don’t have to hold them anymore because they are no longer a danger to me.

My dad did love me…in his own way, simply because it was all he was ever taught. And even if he was the biggest heathen on this earth, he still did not know how to love any other way but what he was shown by his parents and his environment. It didn’t mean he was wrong…I thought he was. It didn’t mean he couldn’t love…I thought he couldn’t. It didn’t make him not my dad…I thought that. And I dragged it all kicking and screaming into my adulthood trying to make everyone else fit the bill. It is always at ‘my end’ that I have to deal with.

Note: After ranting and raving about how bad my father was to a friend one day, she slowly turned to me and said: ‘he’s been dead 13 years, who’s holding onto what and causing you grief?’

(I wouldn’t speak to her for weeks….but dammit she was so right 🙂 )

Once I finally understood, everything changed. And I mean everything. After seeing what I had blocked all my life, after that final admittance to myself that he did in fact love me, the ‘let go’ of so much that I had held inside, I began to ‘see’ the truth around me. I was so focused by eyes that were shuttered by my fear that in that ‘let go’ I finally saw things that were tarnished by those beliefs and realised I was living a lie in everything I did it was that profound.

And once I saw that I also realised that there was soooo much stuff that I was holding onto that was just rubbish. Worrying about this or that and now realising it was a safety mechanism. Gave me something to focus on…so that I wouldn’t have to face those things I didn’t want to.

And over the years afterwards I have become new. I have ‘created’ a new life, something so much more natural because it isn’t forced, no longer built by those fears and the reactions that it triggers. Shoot momus, I even had to learn to walk again because of that ‘let go’. You relax for the very first time afterwards but your legs (and the rest of your body) is so used to being a certain way that it now ‘feels’ so different.

Oh, nearly forgot, because of that ‘let go’ the rest of the world no longer matters. Yes I care very much about it all and those in it…but…I did me first (finally), found what was wrong with me and healed it…otherwise I am only giving out that bent fearful version and actually adding to the cacophony that is already there. Do me and then I can give out that healed loving version.

Once you see and understand those fears that we hold, we then realise that this conditional world is here for a very important reason. We must experience and feel each opposite feeling or to what can we judge each of those individually by? It is that journey to touch, feel and understand all those opposites so that the good and bad, the happy and the sad, the joy and the anger and many other opposites all have one very distinctive purpose. They show us…us. They allow us to experience, feel, reason and argue until that wall we hold loses its argument with us and it comes crumbling down. And we finally see a love and empathy that it has blocked forever…inside of us. And in doing so we realise that much of what went before was a great teacher but the wisdom we have now gained no longer needs those things so they are released.

And with that wisdom, and because of all that has been experienced, we can now see it within others because of their thinking and actions. And in the beginning we try to help them through this world to reach where we are (like the children in your classes…you know, when you finally see that light go on in their eyes when that type of math’s problem gives them that aha moment), but the beauty of it is that they can only hear what they are ready for so that the adventure is a very personal, achievable, and oh so loving thing to break through and realise that it is you and you only that has created this beauty inside. No one else can be blamed or interfere because of that…and that only allows one thing to happen, a love and belief in yourself.

That ending is perfection in itself. And all because you have endured a great journey, achieved something against some of the most tremendous odds, believed when there seemed to be no ending, and found a treasure that when you finally see it, will bring you to tears. Not painful ones from a tearing heart, but ones that finally are built from a love that finally see’s a light where none had been seen before.

Become that light and it will shine out as a beacon of truth forever and attract accordingly.

I look forward to Prime Minister Momus and finally someone I would vote for gladly, someone who has that light that gives hope for the future, simply because I can see her heart and know where she has been to find it 💜

The Journey of Awareness!

Our awareness can open on us at any time in our lives. Those times when we are working on something and that light bulb moment will touch us and give us that feeling of elation and happiness because we have understood and completed something, especially if it has taken considerable effort and been very difficult to achieve. And there are many moments in our lives where these wonderful things have happened, giving us more confidence in ourselves and an ability to set our goals even higher, to test us further in our journey and the happiness we seek.

But there is another awareness in our journey, one that may not be as obvious. One where it will touch us but we may only realise it as a happy moment or ‘just one of those things’ and let it go. They can be a ‘moment’ where we seem to come to some point in our lives where we feel this ‘synchronicity’ or ‘coming together’ of an unusual set of circumstances, leaving us feeling quite emotional in some way.

Like the moment where you meet someone for the first time and their energy on meeting can be quite profound or helping someone out even though it may seem something simple but will leave you feeling touched by it in that moment or even days later. These are those times where we are ‘touched’ by something else but tend to let them go because we are not sure of their label.

And as our lives go on and we are faced with more profound and quite difficult things to go through, those awareness’s take on a more subtle but also more lasting place in our lives. As each emotional battle is raged in our lives from breakups to facing the walls that they leave, something else is taking place in our hearts. The emotional turmoil asks us to judge and weigh our every decision, to find that balance so that we can become that happiness we have always sought. But with what do we judge it against? With what do we compare those emotions to?

Those many scars inside are an encyclopedia of those many things we have faced, and among them is the love we have built from those broken places mixed with the delight and wonder in those happy times as well. And our awareness created from this, is life in the many parts that we play. Each and every time we are faced with something that love is brought forward to ‘see’ if it has worth and measured against our own hearts to see if we find ourselves worthy…or not. To test it against where we are now at within our journey, especially that wall we hold to stop the pain in our life, in those many trials and encounters we face. And in those times we struggle, each time covering the scars with a new layer trying to find a way past what didn’t work before.

But the measurement is fixed, even though we have changed in so many ways before. It is asking of us to see but one thing and one thing only. To ‘see’ the awareness of what our love is built on, to really look deeply into those many scars and appreciate what our journey has entailed and built stronger and stronger within. To ‘see’ that we are in fact worth so much more than the walls that we build, understand that those many scars are building an unseen pathway in the beginning, one that is leading us slowly towards that very wall we hold between us and life. Until with much courage, we are finally at its front door, hand raised to knock and ask ‘why’ are you being held out, blocked from the truth of life being held behind its walls.

And in that very moment an ‘awareness’ will descend and touch us with an understanding of all that went before, from the love and awareness that had been built to now raise a blow to open that wall and finally see the truth that had been blocking each step in our lives. For in finally seeing and understanding what created that wall, it becomes powerless, rendered from concrete to dust in that moment of recognition.

And after that wall is removed by the courage, scars and love we have built, a new awareness will have been created, one where we will no longer have to measure anything, because we are now beyond that fixed conditional wall that we had before. For in its removal is created something that has no measure, has no boundaries and is as unconditional as the love it now represents. You have now become that ‘awareness’, no longer being ‘touched’ by it at different moments, but now living and breathing it in its entirety.

The peace and love that you have now become is no longer tempered by any hammer or blow because they no longer have meaning, for love is a shield by the very understanding of its nature. It is a total giving, rendering all negativity powerless.

You are now that beautiful awareness, no longer held back by anything. Standing in its truth is the achievement of enduring life’s meaning…to be conditional, so that you can understand it, bring its walls down, and becoming the unconditional we are meant to be ❤️

To Live!

As many would know, spirit spoke to me about 5 years ago and said that I would die when I was 60. And as everything else that spirit spoke to me about has come true, I had no doubt that it would happen.
This left me to face some very big and entrenched fears in my life, and in doing so, thankfully, I have climbed and removed many walls in my life, understood the reasons behind those fears so that I am now free from their tyranny.
Don’t get me wrong, they have a very important part in our lives. In living them and enduring their pain, it shows us compassion and the ability to love ourselves as nothing else can.
So I find myself in a beautiful place in my life…so spirit decided it was time to look a little deeper…much deeper.
Spirit came to me and said (and I wasn’t even thinking of death or anything even associated with it)…’Who said you would not live again!’ And that was it.
It was so out of nowhere that I wondered if I hadn’t ‘seen’ something after all that death had so far shown me.

  1. Would I literally die, but come alive again. Like those stories you hear about people dying on the operating table but ‘coming back’?
  2. Would I truthfully ‘live again’ in the spirit world.
  3. Or would I ‘live again’ in another lifetime.

I have thought about it for a while and the one thing that it showed me promise for on my journey is…it doesn’t matter. And in realising that I’m comfortable that it no longer ‘holds me back’.
Maybe that was what it was for…to ‘see’ that we will all be alive again…once our walls come down <3

Loving Ourselves!

Loving ourselves (unconditional), is our natural state, it is only the fears and walls that we build that block it. And as each fear or wall is removed we begin to ‘feel’ on a much different level.

It becomes easier and easier to understand and have much empathy for another, because of the love we actually give ourselves BECAUSE we have looked into those fears, had the courage to face them, and once understood we release them, they no longer hold us in the patterns that we give them.

Most people do not understand what it means to love ourselves. When we love another it is built with so many expectations (and I might add, a needed lesson like any other), because we look for beauty, attitudes, strength, and those other things like money, security etc. But when we give love to ourselves….there is no expectation, it is an unconditional love.

We don’t first look for something so that it is accepted when we face our fears, there are no conditions when we finally gain the courage to look within, see our pain for what it is, and finally understand what had kept our walls in place and then by removing them in that understanding, give that love to ourselves within that healing.

We remove the duality of feeling a low sense of self worth (by isolating ourselves by building walls to keep it at bay), and finally accept ourselves for exactly who we are. That is unconditional love, and not an expectation within miles.

Once we give ourselves that unconditional love, we then give from that place. It isn’t until we love ourselves that we truly can love another, with no expectations.

The following is a very profound and beautiful verse that a lovely lady (Christy) shared with me as a guest post on Michelle’s Lipstick and Laundry blog:


The Uses of Sorrow

(In my sleep I dreamed this poem)

Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.

(by Mary Oliver, from Thirst, Beacon Press, Boston, 2006)


And yes, that box full of darkness has great meaning. We cannot know that unconditional love until we know conditional love, it has great purpose.

Be brave, be strong and believe in you…for through that darkness is a beauty beyond measure. It is the truth of what you really are.

Namaste

Happy blogiversary!

I don’t know what happened but my anniversary has snuck by me (August 27, 2013). I’ve been wandering around here annoying people, sticking my nose in hither and yon for over twelve months now. How time flies 🙂

Well, all I can say is…it has been a pleasure to reach this point and become a part of a magical place that has so much empathy, love and sharing. I’ve come across so much beauty within stories, poems and lives, and within those I have been given the privilege of touching the hearts of those who are a part of this creation, who have expressed that love from within those words from all walks of life. This world cannot be but for the love it is built on, so truthfully there is much love to go around.

Thank you for allowing me into your world and be a part of something that has a special meaning because you dare to hold your heart open for all to see, and in that I feel very privileged. Namaste

May there be more magic, beauty and joy to show that beauty within. I look forward to more sharing, and being touched by the creation of what you hold dearly in your heart.

Mark

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