Loving Ourselves!

Loving ourselves (unconditional), is our natural state, it is only the fears and walls that we build that block it. And as each fear or wall is removed we begin to ‘feel’ on a much different level.

It becomes easier and easier to understand and have much empathy for another, because of the love we actually give ourselves BECAUSE we have looked into those fears, had the courage to face them, and once understood we release them, they no longer hold us in the patterns that we give them.

Most people do not understand what it means to love ourselves. When we love another it is built with so many expectations (and I might add, a needed lesson like any other), because we look for beauty, attitudes, strength, and those other things like money, security etc. But when we give love to ourselves….there is no expectation, it is an unconditional love.

We don’t first look for something so that it is accepted when we face our fears, there are no conditions when we finally gain the courage to look within, see our pain for what it is, and finally understand what had kept our walls in place and then by removing them in that understanding, give that love to ourselves within that healing.

We remove the duality of feeling a low sense of self worth (by isolating ourselves by building walls to keep it at bay), and finally accept ourselves for exactly who we are. That is unconditional love, and not an expectation within miles.

Once we give ourselves that unconditional love, we then give from that place. It isn’t until we love ourselves that we truly can love another, with no expectations.

The following is a very profound and beautiful verse that a lovely lady (Christy) shared with me as a guest post on Michelle’s Lipstick and Laundry blog:

The Uses of Sorrow

(In my sleep I dreamed this poem)

Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.

(by Mary Oliver, from Thirst, Beacon Press, Boston, 2006)

And yes, that box full of darkness has great meaning. We cannot know that unconditional love until we know conditional love, it has great purpose.

Be brave, be strong and believe in you…for through that darkness is a beauty beyond measure. It is the truth of what you really are.


26 thoughts on “Loving Ourselves!

  1. Mister Mark, You’ve taught me everything you’ve written here. You are always near and never let me forget what it is I’m supposed to be doing. One word of negativity or doubt in myself, you always set me straight. You’ve helped pull me up out of that deep, dark hole, more than once, but I hope, for the last time. I’m so thankful to have you as my friend. You’ve taught me more than you know. You are a great teacher of the “inner self.” You’ve shared your wisdom with me. You’ve taught me to have courage and to believe in myself, first, because I can’t love or believe in anyone else until I love and believe in myself! Thanks for being a part of my life and for being the great friend, you’ve become. Have an awesome day, my dear friend. See ya around, dude!!! 🙂

    1. Thank you very kindly Tammy, and it is my pleasure to share a friendship that has probably been going for eternity :), or maybe even longer 😀
      It has been a very big journey hasn’t it Tammy. You must have ticked ALL the boxes ‘up there’ before you came down to this life. Trying to outdo everyone else 😀
      But above all else my friend, you learned to love you….more than anything that is the core of this journey, and in doing so you have shown many others your journey, and in that you are being the change that you wish to see in the world.
      Take a bow Wild Flower, the times have been crazy, the music has been wild…but most of all, your heart is free 🙂
      Thank you for sharing all of that with me, I too have learned much from your journey, it is always a two way street these interactions, so much love, light and blessings to you Tammy, thank you 🙂

      1. You’re welcome, you’re welcome, kind Sir. Yes, the journey has been a long one and one never knows how much longer it will be, but I think long after our journey here, we’ll still be friends, somewhere, wherever we may be, maybe wherever we originally met in the first place, but I hate to break it to you, I think you’re stuck with me til the end of eternity. You’re like one of my spiritual guides since I’ve never seen you with my eyes. Just shows that love and kindness come from the heart and not by how someone looks. I don’t care if your 3’9″, 400 pounds, with 3 eyes, no nose, and 3 legs. LOL it doesn’t matter is the point I’m trying to make. I’ve never laid eyes on you, yet you’ve become one of my best friends. There, now may I please listen to some AC/DC????? Actually, I’m getting ready to watch the KC Chiefs in the first round of the Play-offs. GO CHIEFS! I’ll be back later, dude. Have a good one. xx 🙂 Wild Flower 🙂

        1. You are also welcome kind lady, an interesting journey it has been 🙂
          And no AC DC while you watch the Chiefs, you have to focus so they get across that LINE 😀

    1. It is a great cure Craig, as we go through all our ups and downs it slowly teaches us to finally look within and ‘see’ for the first time a way of stepping away from all the pain and hurt that we so closely hold to our chests.
      Much wisdom, much beauty and much freedom is gained from that one thing.
      Thank you for sharing Craig, many blessings for you also 🙂

  2. Hi Mark, thank u for this. Mary Oliver is one of my very favourite teachers – first time I read this quote tho. There’s a wonderful interview of her by Krista Tippett (On Being). I think you’ll really appreciate the candor. Bright Blessings! W

  3. Such a lovely post, Mark. It seems we humans have problems with accepting and loving ourselves. But it’s true, how can we ever accept and love others if we can’t do the same for ourselves? Thank you for sharing Christy’s poem, it was just beautiful.

    1. Thank you Michele, it was the poem that brought the post up. Something needed to be expressed 🙂
      And we do struggle with that self love, but being part of the journey so that we can understand and integrate it into our lives to finally see that truth within.
      It is a long journey, but we do tend to fight it a little bit, but the end is oh so worth it 🙂
      Thank you for sharing.

    1. Thank you Kay, our lives are built on those expectations, but gradually we ‘see’ them for what they are and let them go.
      It is in realising what they are, understanding why we had them in place that we ‘see’ this beautiful journey, and then appreciate because of what is needed to go through them and build that lovely heart within.
      Have a great New Year Kay, I’m looking forward to more of your amazing posts 🙂

  4. To fully appreciate light we need to know darkness. Not that I like darkness, but it visits from time to time to remind me to appreciate the light all the more. Everything and everyone who holds a beacon lights the way. You’re very much a beacon, Mark. A lovely post and I think the reflection on opposites is worth its weight in gold. But, if I win the lottery I’ll send you some. That’s four bloggers I’ve promised that to since I first started here! Better be a big win. 😉
    Happy New Year, Mark and all the best to you and yours in the months ahead. May the lights stay bright.x

    1. Thank you Anne-Marie for your lovely comment, I’ll keep my light burning for those that travel this journey. And your words are always a light in the darkness as well, if I could write great poetry like you I would be exactly what I need to be. Your writing IS that balance where we see light, darkness, laughter, sadness and every other feeling in between :), and it is a pleasure to be able to share your journey, it is also enjoyable and it teaches much.
      Thank you for your kind wishes young lady, gratefully accepted and returned. And I also thank you for a share in that Lottery win…would you like me to start praying now? I’ll time it for about March, does that suit? 😀
      May 2016 bring you many wishes my friend, this year will be a brightening of what is within so we can breeeeeathe a little more. Happy New Year! xo

      1. Oh, I like breathing! Thanks, Mark, for such lovely words. As one of the bloggers here is wont to say, ‘we’re all in it together’.
        I better start buying those lottery tickets! March sounds fine. 😉
        Happy New Year.x

  5. Wonderful Message here Mark.. sometimes that box of darkness takes some time to lift off its lid, but once you get to grips with understanding the gift held within its shadows you then begin to peel away the layers we have built around ourselves for self preservation..

    I am so pleased you are now truly seeing the Inner Love and Light you always have been.. It took myself a long long while to even like the inner me, yet alone learn to love me.. But once that lid is lifted and the light enters our heart centres I can not stop smiling..

    Many thanks for all that you share with us Mark.. May you continue to grow and expand even further as we enter 2016 and beyond..
    Wishing you a Very Happy New Year, may it be filled with Love and Laughter, Happiness and Health..
    Blessings Sue <3

    1. Thank you Sue, beautiful words from one who has seen the darkness and blossomed because of it. It does take many years to ‘see’, and they are hard years, but in the end when we realise ourselves among the battlefields that we go through, a light comes on.
      Sometimes just a glimmer, but slowly and surely it becomes a guidance, one that we can trust and lean on because we have tested it to its greatest degree. And that light is the opening of that love to ourselves, a glow that can never be doused because we now understand what it has taken to reach this point and now gives us more courage and strength to stand in that light further.
      I enjoy your words Sue, it shows your faith and strength in your journey, and it is good to see and hear another brave soul who has tested the mountain and found that apex.
      Your wishes are very appreciated kind lady, and returned, for this year I feel is the blossoming of all we have endured which will allow us to give from another place within us, a place that now has more meaning, love and healing because of what we have seen within us.
      Blessings for your new journey and the transformation that is to come as you stand in that place. Happy New Year my friend. Namaste <3

      1. Bless you Mark for these kind words… I know it within my heart already from the synchronicities that are now coming my way, that our lights can only grow in their shine.. Thank you for being part of my journey for you words often remind me of that path that is also Me… Love and Blessings.. Sue

        1. My pleasure sue, I’m looking forward to this year…it ‘feels’ different, an opening to something, a change from ‘what was’ to ‘what will now be’.
          It’s making me smile anyway…maybe my heart is just ringing in the love of the new year 😀

    1. Hi Shane, great to hear from you my friend. And thank you for your kind words, they also encourage me to keep standing in my truth and share from that beautiful place within 🙂
      Happy New Year, may it be a time to encourage and guide you in your journey within also 🙂

  6. What a gorgeous post, Mark, I’m honored to be referenced in it. Thank you.

    “We cannot know that unconditional love until we know conditional love, it has great purpose.”

    That’s very powerful. It took me a while to understand what it meant by “we cannot fully know a thing without knowing that thing’s opposite.” I’m not sure whose concept that is or where I first heard it, Alan Watts maybe?

    Grateful for the connection.

    1. My pleasure Christy, and thank you for sharing such a beautiful poem. For some reason it ‘clicked’ and brought out the post. The ‘knowing’ speaks or at least my higher self did anyway 🙂
      That saying of not being able to know one thing without its opposite has been around for a long time, and spirit is always showing me the truth within it.
      If we only ever know one way of something, then there is nothing to compare it with so we can only make a decision about it FROM that experience. But in experiencing the opposite end of that scale, THEN we can truly say what it does mean to us.
      I’m just waiting to experience being a Lottery winner, I’ve done poor for so long now 😀 (Mind you, I am very rich within, and that has been definitely touched from both ends of the scale, and there I most certainly prefer to stay 🙂 ).
      Thank you also for a lovely connection too Christy, it has been a pleasure. Namaste

  7. I absolutely love that you and Christy connected. Two of my most favorite people in the whole world.
    “Be brave, be strong and believe in you”
    What a great message. Xo

    1. Thank you Michelle, your words are appreciated. And it was a ‘click’ moment, and I have you to thank for that 🙂
      Your energy attracts the most amazing people young lady, and you weren’t even waiting for a plane 😀 xo

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