Decided to dance a little deeper in life, and wow can spirit dance!

Sunrise

Tag: Wisdom

Our Nakedness!

I am walking down the middle of the main street of my town, many people on both sides. Each step I take shows me a different part of the street, a new shop, different people…even the energy can be felt at levels never before touched. I have started at the beginning of the street, slowly making my way along its length and the people are quite loud. It is laughter and becoming quite distinct, and for some reason I’m really affected by it, squirming at each step and afraid that it is at me.

Then I realise why…I’m naked…exposed physically and emotionally, and totally at odds with the environment and bringing myself to the attention of one and all. There is nowhere to go, nowhere to hide…I just have to keep walking. At each step I begin to hear voices now, but they are no longer laughing, they are now voicing their concerns, branding me with their shock at what I am doing, letting me know that this is not acceptable. Many emotions can now be distinguished, laughter becoming embarrassment, raised voices becoming more stern and touching on anger as their judgement comes to the fore. I try to disappear in plain sight but regardless of my direction I must face what is happening.

And in that humdrum of noise it is my turn to be shocked, and strengthened by a lone voice, one of praise for daring the un-darable and standing in the nakedness of my truth, no longer masked by my fears. It puts another brick into the foundation of the path I am walking.

I have almost reached the end of the street and an overpowering urge to stop and look back overcomes me. And in that moment I finally ‘see’ where I have been and realise this is my life’s path. Many judgements from all around, reinforcing beliefs that were never mine, but locking me into their owners. All of these built on the fears that they held from that very same process I now tread.

My walk has taken quite a long time and I now realise that as each step gives me these understandings my nakedness no longer matters, and in fact has built a quiet strength as my belief in self grows. The people back at the beginning of my walk have forgotten me and moved on. I can see everything that has been directed at me was only coming from their fears, their embarrassment, their inability to deal with a moment because of where ‘they’ were at within themselves as they deal with their own ‘naked’ walk.

 

So, what does this all mean. No, I didn’t dream the above, it was shown to me after a little wander into my own main street that lives within each of us. In fact spirit has taken me on a guided tour ‘back’, and I mean ‘way back’ into my past, the beginning of my walk up that same main street to a time of my childhood to where my fears of rejection were really being ‘locked in’ at around that tender time of 9 years old.

That rejection I felt was a lack of love from my father and my attempts at gaining it by doing so many things to please and being knocked back each time until a coping strategy was put in place to deal with its pain. A wall of fear. And each time I faced that rejection in the future it would raise its head.

I thought I had faced that life fear over the last couple of years and understood that journey…and I had as an adult…but that 9 year old was still lost and needed to touch that understanding and the reassurance that it brings.

Over the last couple of years I had met this very nice lady that had an incredible energy that always gives me a signal that something is about to happen. But as the years went by nothing seemed to be occurring so I thought that it was just something in the ‘connection’ and it was doing its thing. Little did I know I was being prepared for that event.

I have visited this ladies home out in the country a few times now, each time to mind her home while she was away or on a mercy errand to help with a healing with her animals. And to be truthful, an enjoyable re-connection with her and my childhood love of nature growing up in a similar place.

But on the second last visit she had given me some Bowen Therapy that released something very powerful within me. And as I was minding her home while she was away at a workshop I was left to fend for myself, not realising I was about to re-enact those childhood fears in a big way.

When I was a child in those moments of rejection I would go out into the nearby forest, lay down in the long grass and just close down and hear the nature all around me, wind blowing through the tree’s, and an intense loneliness would envelop me. The first night at this ladies home after the Bowen Therapy felt exactly like those moments in the forest. Her home buffs against a state forest, so wind in the tree’s, birds and other animals calling…and that loneliness descended like a blanket, to a point that I was almost in shock because of my reaction.

At first I wasn’t sure of what it meant, an emotion that seemed to touch me and leave me drained, but with no understanding to follow. But the next journey to her home months later now finally opened that door, allowed that 9 year old to touch a missing link but with the wisdom of that hindsight above, and look back into my journey to ‘see’ a time traveled and why I reacted as I did.

I’ve seen that my dad had also been treated that very same way by his father and it was all he knew. He could only be what he had become on that journey, given to him by those he loved and looked up to, just as I had through my life. But understanding changes us, and that wind in the tree’s showed me that I have come a long way indeed, so far that I can now see, forgive, release and become the nakedness of my truth, no longer held back by thinking it was ‘others’ and uncovering those things that I had buried through fear.

It was a raw touch of those past feelings of a 9 year old, but for that 9 year old to see those truths and finally understand them released a way of being that had held him for way too long, no longer stealing life by living within those shackles that we mold because of our journey.

The road has cleared a little more, the light is extending further on my path, and an acceptance of myself has shown me that even though these paths are pretty rough, beneath them all is a love like no other, under those muddy steps there really is a yellow brick road for us all. The peace that has descended on me is quite profound, even though I feel I am still in shock dealing with these understandings. So much so that on arriving ‘home’ I feel very disjointed like I no longer live here and feel that I’m in a strange place. But the overall feeling is one of change, the releasing of the old so that a new path can be built. No longer ‘reacting’ to life but one of building a future of wherever I wish to go.

There may be more to add to this story yet as time goes by but its like going through any event, when we look back we see it with new eyes and understand it in its different pieces until an acceptance of who and what we have become because of it settles into place.

And in fact, and to be totally honest…at the moment I just feel like sitting in the sun and eating an ice cream…I wonder where that 9 year old really is right now, do we ever really leave them behind, no longer a part of what we have become? 😀

Finding our Happiness!

All of your life you are seeking that mythical place called happiness. Well…I found it…but not where I was looking.

This world will bring into our lives something called a fear, in our childhood actually, and we spend our entire lives avoiding it, on guard in case it jumps out from who knows where. And one day while I was going through the most horrendous time in my life, I had to look inside it because it had made me reach a point where I finally admitted to myself that I could not do this ‘pain’ thing anymore, I was worth so much more than this.

So I went looking at this thing that kept bobbing up in my life, those relationships that seemed to keep doing the same things to me…and in there was ‘it’. But I had to go digging because as a child my emotional handling capacity was very immature so I had just built a wall, you know, that block, block, block we do with the things we can’t handle emotionally so that it won’t cause us any pain.

But down behind that wall is something so amazing that when you see it, it will blow your mind. It will hit you like a steam train, simply because its simplicity will be incredible. But its power in that moment will awaken the slumberer, again simply because of the understanding of something that has held you at bay for many years. And in that moment the fear will lose ‘its’ power forever.

It will set you free…and a happiness we had searched for, for so long, will empower you with the one thing we have been missing for so long…that ability to love ourselves <3

Is there a 'happy ever after' in this world…you better believe it my friend…and its got your name all over it <3 😀

Compassion!

The lovely Barbara Franken at ‘Me My Magnificent Self’ has asked me to do a guest post on compassion at her website.

To which I firstly say thank you for thinking of me to contribute, and secondly for your site, a wellspring of so much positivity and love with an attitude of finding our own hearts so that we can bless those around us by being the healing and blessing that this discovery brings.

And of course in that discovery is found much compassion as it blossoms from within because we have now understood the meaning of those fears in our lives, and in breaking through them we realise what others are still going through. And in now understanding each side of the equation of fear and compassion, it now opens that love within, for ourselves and in our dealings with those around us.

To this day it still amazes me just how powerful our love and compassion is, for the strength and courage it has taken to step past many painful things in our lives. But the biggest wonder I ever see, is that beautiful recognition I see in the eyes of another as that understanding reaches its final destination…their hearts. The tears begin to flow in an acceptance of exactly who they are as the walls come tumbling down, and a glow like no other begins to shine from within.

To read this guest post on compassion at Barbara’s site, please click here… ‘Compassion!’

And thank you Barbara for allowing me to share my journey on your lovely site, and be a part of that compassion you share with all.

Namaste <3

To Live!

As many would know, spirit spoke to me about 5 years ago and said that I would die when I was 60. And as everything else that spirit spoke to me about has come true, I had no doubt that it would happen.
This left me to face some very big and entrenched fears in my life, and in doing so, thankfully, I have climbed and removed many walls in my life, understood the reasons behind those fears so that I am now free from their tyranny.
Don’t get me wrong, they have a very important part in our lives. In living them and enduring their pain, it shows us compassion and the ability to love ourselves as nothing else can.
So I find myself in a beautiful place in my life…so spirit decided it was time to look a little deeper…much deeper.
Spirit came to me and said (and I wasn’t even thinking of death or anything even associated with it)…’Who said you would not live again!’ And that was it.
It was so out of nowhere that I wondered if I hadn’t ‘seen’ something after all that death had so far shown me.

  1. Would I literally die, but come alive again. Like those stories you hear about people dying on the operating table but ‘coming back’?
  2. Would I truthfully ‘live again’ in the spirit world.
  3. Or would I ‘live again’ in another lifetime.

I have thought about it for a while and the one thing that it showed me promise for on my journey is…it doesn’t matter. And in realising that I’m comfortable that it no longer ‘holds me back’.
Maybe that was what it was for…to ‘see’ that we will all be alive again…once our walls come down <3

My Very First Post – #MyFirstPostRevisited

A tag started by a blogger/writer called Sarah Brentyn, asking us to revisit our first ever blog posts! <3

I have been very nicely asked by my friend Carolina to visit my first ever post…and after 3 minutes of scrolling down the page…ta daaaa!

Here is my very first Blog Post:


THE JOURNEY HAS BEGUN!

Ok, I’ve created a few pages, rearranged a few things , and now getting used to WordPress and its particulars. The first four pages are up, The Journey, The Heart, The Beginning, The Reverse and these will be followed by The Fear, The Love, The Truth, The Dreaming and The Death (I hope to complete these over the next few weeks). And maybe more as I do this wander through life and the urge to ‘live’ and feel some of the most incredible things. I become more amazed as spirit shows me some of life’s ‘realities’ under our day to day life that we all lead.

For many years it has been a slog, as it is for most all of us initially, but that is only to show us one side of the coin, a familiar track that has been taught to us by our parents, family and friends and of course, let us not forget the ‘system’ of schools, law and community. Now I’m not being derogatory by the previous statement as they are needed very much to assist in the creation of who we all are. A lesson in this very physical world showing us how to live and be a part of this world we live in.

It’s when we reach those places in our life where we realise ‘there has to be more’, and then we start to look, to search, and try to understand just what it is we are missing. It can be frustrating just trying to come to terms, with what it is, that we seem to be trying to achieve. So the hunt begins. A clue here, a hint there, and sometimes we lock onto something that appears to be what we are after but it doesn’t quite fill the void. So we keep looking. And looking.

And then one day after some serious searching throughout your life, you finally begin to realise that the most happiest times in your life have been when you have actually given to yourself. Released any expectations of yourself, and just been in the moment with something you have enjoyed doing. Whether it was an occasion with family or friends or something you enjoy doing for yourself. After doing this it leaves you with a smile, even if not so much an external one, but one that you feel within.

It is then that you begin to realise that the more you give to yourself, the more you give from that place. The more happier you are within, the more you radiate that out from where you are at. The important bit is to be that Truth, live that way on a day to day basis. If you do this with integrity, and not selfishly, everything begins to change. You begin to change, and all those negative things that you seem to attract to you before, change to a more positive and happier outcome.

Yes, life can still throw things in your direction but the more you follow this path the more you realise that ninety nine percent of the time we keep this ‘what if’ going in our heads and ninety nine percent of the time…none of it happens. And the reality is you always put your best foot forward anyway. Tell me when you’ve deliberately done something wrong? Made mistakes yes, sometimes some doozies (me too), but never deliberately. Learn, take in the wisdom that it taught you, and let it go. The lesson is for you, no one else, just you.

It takes time, but hey, you’ve got the rest of your life to do it. Don’t make it a chore, just take one day at a time. Live now and let the world take care of itself. It will, and with that new attitude begin to love the most important person in that world. You are more important than you realise. You are starting a new you. You are beginning the realisation that you are a part of the most incredibly beautiful creation that ever existed, and ever will.

It all begins…with a smile…and another…and before long it just comes naturally!


Here we come to the rules:

Obvious rules:

No cheating. (It must be your first post. Not your second post, not one you love…first post only.)

Link back to the person who tagged you (thank them if you feel like it or, if not, curse them with a plague of ladybugs).

Other rules:

Cut and paste your old post into a new post or reblog your own bad self. (Either way is fine but NO editing.)

Put the hashtag #MyFirstPostRevisited in your title.

Tag…um…tentwotwelve five (5) other bloggers to take up this challenge.

Notify your tags in the comment section of their blog (don’t just hope they notice a pingback somewhere in their spam).

Feel free to cut and paste the badge to use in your post.

Include “the rules” in your post.

Completely silly rules that I’m making up as I type:

Transmute yourself from wherever you are to a nice tropical island for a two week stay at absolutely no cost,
and force yourself to enjoy it! 😀

Here there are my tag choices:

Amanda

Pam

Anne-Marie

You are by no mean obligated to participate but if you do would be a fun way to look at your Blog growth and transformation!

My thanks to Carolina at Yesterdayafter for including me in her Tag, and it was fun to look back to the beginning and see where my blog’s travel began!

Love and light to you all!

Mark

P.S. No, I normally do not do any awards or such, but for only the second time since I’ve been on WordPress, I have dared, simply as it was different and ‘touched’ what I needed to see! 😀

Change…it is our birthright!

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”

Rumi

“And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?”

Rumi

“You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.”

Rumi

First Love! (Part II)

What can I say, that first encounter (First Love!) was over 12 months ago.
She crossed my mind often, in between life’s many wanderings…but not to make ‘that’ meeting again.
It felt like a loss, but not, because I was blessed with touching something so beautiful for what it was.
So I moved on, lived in a world somehow devoid a little because it felt so wonderfully close and personal, but never to be touched.
I had even tried to measure it against what I thought my life should be like, constantly a part of someone who made me feel that way.
Fool…expectations are a brace for the unwary, wanting of something that I couldn’t find in myself.
And because of that realisation, I let it go…gently, oh so gently.
And so in doing this, I allowed it to happen again…just by minding my own business, expectation-less and celebrating a birthday with a friend.
And there she was…I wasn’t sure what to do at first…a quick hello because of how unsure I felt, many people around us.
But the glow in that smile, the sparkle in those eyes could never hide this…this ‘connection’ beyond time.
We mingled with friends, always aware of a darted eye, a comment, and that smile that can only come from one place.
I also became aware my jaw was hurting again, like the first time, from smiling so much…but I didn’t care. I would recite a prayer 5 million times just to see her smile.
Many little chats began, but broken because we realised we were ignoring everyone else…but flowing so smoothly.
And suddenly we were by ourselves, wiping up the dishes, a chore by anyone’s standards…but we didn’t see it.
And even that came to an end, and my time was up, I had to leave…but never wanting to.
Unsure of what to say to end this day…I lifted my arms to show a farewell at the least by that embrace.
And it happened…….we gently embraced and joined together in the most beautiful serenity, melting into each other.
We floated in a sensation that when we met before was but a gentle flutter, now turning full force.
The world did not exist, nothing did but that beautiful touch within.
A moment as the ego wanted to know what it meant, but I released it and moved beyond it into acceptance. Just a perfect moment where everything was…was…just so perfect.
Not a word was spoken, it didn’t need to be. Not a movement was made, it was no longer required…we just were.
I have felt many things in this life, touched many hearts, experienced much love, physically and spiritually in the healing’s around me.
But this…words could not utter what was there in that moment…I was lost…and found…in the simplicity of that connection.
A singularity where all comes together in that one instant of time, to touch that perfection.
We finally released each other, very reluctantly, after what seemed like forever, and searched for a way to be together again.
And the universe opened and showed us a way…she would be back in two weeks.
I left. I smiled inside and out, my jaw hurting like crazy…by a pain I did not want to stop.
Two weeks?…14 days? Could I wait that long.
This is only day three…and look at what I have written.
Even my heart is beginning to ache…but it too is a pain I would gladly endure forever.
But above all that, is the one thing that is there above all else.
I ‘knew’, even before a word had been spoken…a calm ‘knowing’ that I was already there, a connection unlike any before.
Soul Mates? Or is that just the Universe opening a gate, to help us to walk through and find that truth within.
I’m reaching for the latch…hesitating…but I am lost already, and know it.
Smiling the smile of the heart, I follow my path…touching that place within us all, with a love like no other to guide us truly.

***Footnote: Well, a little time has now passed since I wrote the above, spirit had asked me to ‘delay’ putting it up. And I realise why now. I’ve had time to digest something that still leaves me amazed at this connection. But it wasn’t meant to be.
The lady in question is going through a very difficult time in her life so is in no space to be wanting a relationship at the moment.
So, what does that mean…well, I do now realise, because of the previous relationship that I was in, that if it didn’t ‘connect’ with the incredible power that it did, I may not have told myself ‘it is time to move on’, and wanted to. It isn’t until we are faced with these issues that we really look within and make those decisions. Don’t get me wrong, I have been quite happy in going where I have gone in life, but I think it may be time to ‘change’ my direction, hence the ‘contact’ with another beautiful soul.
But beyond that…I was allowed to touch something…feel and see something that is within us all. And I smile all the more inside for the ‘knowing’ of that beauty, and what is gently waiting as we step past our fears, and open truly to a whole new way of being 🙂

The Traveler!

The soul…eternal…connected…sharing…as one.
But just imagine being eternal…ageless…forever part of these multiverses.
A balance…at times physical…emotional…spiritual…independent, in the many forms taken.
A ‘life’ that goes on and on, forever seeking….something.
It cannot just ‘be’, for it is always absorbing, accepting from all around.
Otherwise it would stagnate, diminish and be absorbed into what ‘is’.
In all its ever journey’s it senses, touches, and experiences all around.
For a knowledge like no other, that thing that we all seek…even in our part ‘down here’.
All parts living a journey, to blossom, reveal and understand that path.
Cycles upon cycles, ever reaching to find that something, that meaning to sate that urge within.
Until our path is revealed, each time a blossoming in knowledge as that understanding is reached.
But where are we going? What purpose does a destination have in forever.
For if we found it, we would also stagnate, purpose released.
Then a traveler must be a purpose within itself, that constant journey, a journey to find self.
That place that is changing within, in each experience that we do.
Each time building self, that love within from those many understandings that they give.
Showing us ourselves in each passing moment…to be felt, realised…savored even.
We are travelers, moving, always moving…but within that movement blossoms a love,
even as a flower does, always changed, no two the same, but so beautiful within themselves.
So I bid you welcome fellow traveler, I greet you and share this moment in time.
May your travels enlighten, touch that soul, to begin another journey as each change brings a new love within.

Namaste

Seeking Love!

In all that we do in our lives, the largest most meaningful act that we do…is to seek love. It is the one thing that drives us, above all else…to find a love that will complete us, give us that happiness we so desperately search for, and a smile that goes on forever!

But each time we think we’ve found it, through those rose coloured glasses (initially) that block out those bits that may seem a little rough around the edges, it slowly resolves to its truth. Those once overlooked parts slowly creep out of the closet along with a dose of reality that make us take a step back to figure out just where we are in this maze of feelings.

And each time it slowly pushes a button, which we ignore for a while but slowly it becomes three feet across and weighs a ton. Try doing that up on your jacket with a one inch hole.

So what does this all mean, this never ending search for someone ‘out there’ who will fulfill this lifelong attempt to find this place that is supposed to be the nadir, the elixir of eternal happiness.

Each time we ‘find’ that special someone we do go through that ‘rose coloured glasses’ period for a reason. It will show us, and hold us, in a very beautiful connection of love. Move the earth, walk on water and a happiness like no other. It is teaching us this love so that we understand that ‘oh so beautiful feeling’, and what is possible in this incredible journey that we are on.

But the button bit also has a purpose. The pain that slowly rises up among this blissful place asks us to look within. Yes, in the early relationships we always point the finger at the other party and know by how we are being treated that this is not love. And these things can test us like no other. A love that holds us there desperately wanting to be loved but constantly being pierced by this pain.

But this has purpose too. We don’t want to leave, but can’t stay either. This, push me pull you, constantly waging a war of attrition trying to find a way through. And as each battle is raged we look for a way out, to repair or finally give up the ghost on something that has so much meaning for us. Yes, we are afraid, petrified of losing the beauty that has so much meaning for us…because within that is the one thing that drives our hearts like no other. But it also has the other thing that tears it apart as well…fear!

And that fear touches a pain from our childhood, a feeling of rejection, a hurt that at that age leaves a very big mark in our lives. And the ones we love with an open heart later in life, also touch these places, and the feeling is so raw and painful. It is this that shows us our journey, to look within and find what that pain means within us.

It will hide deeply because we’ve had a lifetime of burying it, hiding it and avoiding anything that brings that pain to the surface. But it is only by looking within, seeing it in its true light, that we can finally understand what it was that we felt was so painful, and let it go in that understanding.

And then we are free…free to love ourselves, forgive others and move past those bars that kept us viewing life from a distance. It truly does show us within that we ‘do matter’, and very much so. It shows us, in understanding our fear, how to love ourselves.

When I finally found it I was in shock because even for someone with my awareness, I had hidden it, disguised it, and gave this mask to myself and out into the world. And in that understanding I was free, and I don’t mean just free to do whatever I wished….this freedom is like nothing else, because you see, my fear had bound me in everything I did, it was a part of every breathing moment in all that I was. It’s like wearing a helmet 24 hours a day, you slowly get used to it and it becomes second nature, but you can’t see properly, you can’t do things because it confines your natural movement, it weighs you down in all that you do. But when I truly ‘saw’ what it was…I broke into tears and a weight like no other left me, I literally floated for weeks after it.

And because it was gone, I viewed everything from a complete new way…and the incredible part was…I was no longer guided by this fear…I no longer needed to be guided, I could now choose my path, where before it was chosen by the fear.

AND, the part that has totally blown me away…I no longer ‘need’ to find that love ‘out there’. Yes, I would like to share my love with someone, but it is no longer driven by that ‘need’ that had always been there, ever driving me to find that love and happiness for myself within another. I can now see that it was all a projection, I was always sending my fear ‘out there’ and attracting accordingly so that I ‘can’ deal with my fear, understand and release it, to find that freedom and love within.

It is a very strange place, because of that lifetime of always seeking love with that weight on our shoulders, things all take on a new light. I can now truly see so many things that before were blindfolded to me because of my fear. I now have ‘time’, and lots of it. The urge to do something or be something is gone, it no longer matters. I matter, as another beautiful blogger, maryrose, has given me the key many, many times in her beautiful replies. And while ever ‘I matter’ and I learn that loving myself is the key, then that is what I will always attract into my life as a natural course, just as the sun rises and sets every day, displaying a unique and beautiful sight each time in its journey.

It isn’t easy to seek our love, that is why it has so much impact in our lives. But in finding it, it will leave a mark like nothing else ever will…a love that will never be blocked out by life again because we have loved ourselves to find it…and a love like no other…that IS unconditional love.

May you be the love that you seek.

Namaste

An Experience of Death!

This post below (Part 1) is from my original page ‘The Death’ up on the menu bar. It was an encounter that I was privileged to experience and feel with spirit in my journey to understand my fears as I go through life. It was also a very profound and life changing event that has changed me forever. I was shown just what happens as we let go of this journey of life down here, the emotions, feelings…but most of all, the understanding that what we have experienced down here, isn’t the end of the journey…but a profound learning in building that unconditional love in us all.

For others that have read this post, I’m also adding a new section (Part 2), at the bottom of this post for something that I found I needed time to digest and understand, as it was very much outside what we normally view as death. We usually view it from where we are now at, down here contemplating ‘is this it’, ‘what comes next’. But the view I am adding is what I was shown from our spiritual side and just what this journey means to us, as a spiritual being experiencing ‘life’ in our journey.

This can be quite confronting, depending on your beliefs and attitude towards death, but it also does something else that I feel needs to be shown, and that is a truth that will ease our fear of death and help remove that ‘unknown’ factor, at least enough to allow us to understand our journey down here a little better and how we view what we think is the ‘so called’ final act within it.

In removing something that we carry with us all our lives, it can do something wonderful…allow us to live…free from a fear that weighs us down like any fear, and be the truth within, no longer reacting to things around us, but acting from choice and choosing to live while we are down here in this beautiful place!


Part 1.

Death!

Um, let’s change the subject!

Why? Are you afraid of death? I was, and I have to admit something here, not only was I afraid of death, I totally swept it under the carpet and didn’t want to go there unless I absolutely had to. A family member or friend passes away and you have no choice but to bring it back into view and face that thing that hovers in the back of your mind to which we block nearly all the time. It’s healthy to respect our time down here and know it’s for a finite time. Our fear is only produced because of how we are brought up around it and that little thing called the ‘unknown’ when we finally go there.

Now if it was an easy thing to do we would give it no wisdom, no respect and end it all because things were getting hard and life was becoming quite painful. But that fear, that unknown, allows us to give it the respect it deserves. Like all other aspects of our lives, The Love, The Fear, The Heart, The Truth etc, we do not know or understand these until we go through that journey that relates to each and every aspect of ourselves. That hard and sometimes quite painful time so that we can experience each facet that is our true selves so that we can understand and gain that wisdom of all of these to create the balance that is as unique as it is beautiful. Like a diamond. No two ever the same but indescribably beautiful in their own right.

I felt this on different occasions and it wasn’t until I read a book called ‘Journey Of Souls’ by Michael Newton that I let out this huge sigh and felt this incredible release, and understood and realised I was holding in this absolute fear, ticking away underneath, of a time that IT was going to sneak up on me and drag me away. The explanation in this book had finally touched something within me and for the first time in my life I could let go of this ‘thing’ that had been a part of me, kept in denial, and affecting a lot of things I did, felt and understood within my life. It was amazing just how it affected my attitudes and directions I would take because of that fear. I felt almost afraid to do things that would appear to be simple to most people (then again for them, maybe they weren’t), but kept me from stretching out, and to put it bluntly, live!

So after reading this book about the journey of souls as told by a lot of people under hypnosis, explaining the different aspects of the soul and how it integrates with our bodies in its journey, I let this fear go. The relief and realisation that I had let this affect me in so many ways also let me understand that like all other aspects of our learning and wisdom, I needed to feel that side first (The Reverse), before I could move into that, release and understand where I had come from, so I could now move into where I wanted to be. So many things that had been affected by my holding that fear was now being looked at from such a different space like night and day. The let go, the release, and actually just be me. All this time I had thought I was me. Not even close. I could now see because I had let down that protection, the walls that I had around me, physically and emotionally, I had now let myself see further than ever before. Step out into life differently, freely and more accepting of just why I’m here. I could now see beyond the wall and realise I was deliberately choosing to live. And that fear, the fear of dying, was the wall, and it was keeping me from living. Always it’s the reverse of what we think it is, but with that understanding we begin to realise it’s always the fears that keep us from really going where we want to go. And when we finally realise this, the walls come down, the fear subsides and at last, with the blinkers removed, the vista changes to one of wonder. Of a new experience, a new attitude and a new way of being.

Now up to this point I had thought that I had a good understanding of just what death was, an end to a path that had given me the wisdom and knowledge to realise my truth by releasing so many fears and balancing out my life in such a way as to be able to come from a place within that was truly unconditional. Little did I know. Now don’t get me wrong, ALL I have previously said is my truth, and also very much needed to understand my path as I strive to live on this planet. Spirit in its wisdom let me absorb all that went before so I could truly understand it, integrate it within and be able to express it properly here so that others may understand. But there was one thing missing from the equation that I have mentioned previously, and that is true understanding, to actually experience and feel the action so that you really do understand what has occurred. Like my previous comment, ‘you can be told that if you put your hand in the fire it will hurt’, but you never truly understand it until you do actually burn your hand, and know the incredible pain, agony and hurt that is created by that act. Something you never forget and can describe in detail because of the physical and emotional imprint it leaves on you.

Well, to show you how incredible this journey can become, spirit came to me one night and showed me just what it was that I needed to understand as part of my sojourn on this lovely blue planet so that I can express it here and give you some understanding and idea of just what it is we are here for. Now again, I say that this is my journey, but having said that we can all go on a trip to the city or into the country but some will walk, some will take a bus or train and some will even go in a Lamborghini. The whole purpose is to realise what it means to you in doing this trip. I might not even like Lamborghini’s, but I’d love to go for a trip in one though! Just for that experience. Anyway, this is always about you and what you want to understand and feel that this journey does for you.

Now the following is an account of that incredible experience I had during that night, that brought together quite a few of the subjects that I have been writing about. I had been speaking to several friends about the subject of mortality because of the situation I now find myself in. I had been diagnosed with emphysema at the grand young age of 54 (take note of my smoking for 18 yrs, from 18 to 36yrs old, and working within a coal dust environment for the same period, give it up guys!), and was beginning to realise that this had taken place quite quickly. I had only noticed how serious it was over the last 3 years as I was getting quite short of breath and just thought my studies and writing at a computer was generating a lack of exercise and the relevant lack of fitness. So I now found myself realising that this isn’t what I really wanted out of life, I wanted more time, more quality of giving to life’s better things. What are those better things? I soon realised that when your mortality begins to knock on your door, those things I spoke of before, as in wanting to do things that didn’t seem important, and letting go of things that were important at the time, that no longer seemed important anymore, you begin to see your entire journey from a very different perspective. It lets you look back and understand where you have come from, what you have achieved within yourself, and then adjust accordingly to where your heart wants you to go. To give meaning to your journey and give a truth to just what it is that you wish to become within you.

Now at this point of time I had not had much sleep for three consecutive nights so was quite tired so I fell asleep quite quickly and solidly, but at about 4am spirit brought me up to ‘our’ conversation depth (explained in ‘The Dreaming’), and began to show me an understanding that quite literally took my breath away with it’s incredible inclusion of most of what I’ve written about before under the menu headings, and of how this all fits together. Spirit then also showed me something that left me so totally speechless that when I became aware enough to reach over and record this I actually turned the recorder on and just sat there with my mouth wide open and could not utter a thing. It was so profound that all I could feel was this total elation of understanding, grinning from ear to ear with tears running down my face. And after what seemed like ages I started to speak in a totally awed and quiet voice this vision that spirit had given me as an understanding of this journey that we all take, to find us, to create that beautiful creature that is inside each and every one of us, to finally reach that part we all yearn for and become…an enlightened being!

And this is how it works. All of our lives we have lots of fears that we create, cope with and adapt to within our day to day living. These fears are usually quite strong so they seriously affect what we do and so determine our journey by how much power we give those fears. When we go through a fear the huge release that is generated by this action allows the release of walls we have built, physically in the body as well as emotionally, and opens us up quite strongly to a physical release of endorphins etc and an emotional release by crying or screaming out in joy because you have come through such an amazing experience. This is an ‘enlightenment’, an understanding of what went before, what was endured and what you now feel afterwards. I don’t mean we are now ‘enlightened’, what is referred to as someone who has evolved to such a point that they no longer need the physical journey we are now on. But, I do mean it is an ‘enlightenment’ because it creates an understanding for that particular part of what you needed to understand in this part of your journey.

Now as we cover all these fears within our lives we become more ‘enlightened’ on our path to such a point that your ‘wisdom’ and ‘understanding’ has reached a place that allows you to impart this wisdom to those around you just by being who you now are. Those fears include all those things in our lives like The Love, The Reverse, The Truth so they are integrated into just who you are. You have reached a point that you are more comfortable in who you are, what has meaning for you and you integrate that meaning into your daily life. There’s just one more to go, the one thing that we joke about, avoid, deny, won’t talk about unless we have to, and that is our death. We say and give our condolence’s to friends and family and go through some of the most horrendous times in our lives due to the loss of those family and friends and this gets us the closest to it, but we still do not want to dwell on it in any way. And this is very understandable, who wants to die? Who wants this life to end, and more to the point….what ‘IS THERE’ when we finally let go of this path that we are now on?

I’m now going to put into words something that I find difficult to say in the least. I saw what spirit showed me, I understood what spirit showed me and most certainly felt what spirit showed me. But after all that…the experience left me in such an uplifted state of wonder that I feel I may belittle it for my lack of words or description. It’s like a beautiful sunset. You can say it was beautiful, wonderful and an amazing splendour…but when asked to describe it you say…well, it had oranges and purples and a blue background behind it with a yellow sun….and it just doesn’t do it justice in any way. So…here is my understanding of something that we all will one day touch, feel and understand so as to become that which we all wish to become. That ‘Enlightened’ being that has reached its nadir, its peak, it’s understanding of self.

So spirit says ‘You’re going to die!’. Now if you have read my story under The Love you’ll understand my reply of ‘Speak to the hand!’. And to top that off I already had the understanding that spirit had showed me (in November 2010), that I was going to die when I was 60 years old. At the time I was in the most incredible place of falling in love with the most wonderful woman in the world. I could have moved mountains, smiling like an idiot and loving every moment. And out of the blue one night spirit bobbed up and told me that I was going to die at 60 yrs old. Unusual because I always get a panoramic understanding of anything I get from spirit, a total data set that explains the what, why, where etc. But in this instance it was so abrupt and singular that it left a huge imprint on me by the fact that it was so direct and to the point. Now I know why. I needed to be in that space so that I could understand my journey, my mortality and be able to express this here, and now give this understanding for all that read this and take this journey as well.

Well, spirit thankfully thinks differently to me and with the most loving kindness, gently showed me my journey, how I was going to get there and the reason why I would experience this part of my life. After many, many years of dealing with my lower emotions of anger, hate, fear and balancing them with the happiness, love, and truth using The Reverse, The Heart, The Love, The Dreaming etc as my guide to understanding, and in that understanding releasing those fears that guided my life on an everyday basis, it was time for spirit to show me the final act. The one thing that must be faced that we obstinately refuse to touch, and for a very good reason. As I have said before, we only ever learn something when it has a big impact on our lives, affects us in such a way that we cannot but help to learn something from it, and because of that learn the wisdom that is a part of that lesson. Well this is no different. If it was easy, every time we hit a brick wall of pain, hurt and a loveless time in our lives we would just end it all…and miss the one thing that all this is trying to give us, that understanding, the wisdom, so that we can find the ‘enlightened’ and beautiful creature within that we are trying to become. And as life goes on after each of these hard times in our lives we begin to accept that this is an important part of our journey.

It is a very abrupt, to the point, in your face, meeting with death. You begin to realise that this is it, no turning back or maybe tomorrow is a better day. You have to finally stare it in the face. And it was then that I realised something, while I was seeing this ending, this last act….I was going over many, many things that I had said, did, felt and done with many people in my life, I was…letting them all go…releasing all that had gone before…understood that what I had given was the best I could do and accepting of that…and then another understanding came with that…this was in fact a grieving of that life…something that we never seemed to allow ourselves because society says ‘get up, keep going, be strong’. Which is fine for the support that we desperately need at those times in our lives…but do we truly grieve properly…let go of all those hurts and pain that are a part of this time in our lives…that release and acceptance of what we felt for the loss of that partner, friend or family that we were so close to. But in this instance it is the loss of ourselves…the releasing and letting go of who and what we are…that final thing because there IS nothing else…there is no life to turn back to…no getting on with our lives…trying to pull everything back together and begin again…it is the last let go…total and utter release…and just be.

Going into that grief is to totally let everything go. No hanging on to something to support us. The whole idea at the end is to ‘let go’, ‘release all’ to accept and allow self to come through. It’s a total embracing of death that allows the transition. It is giving to self ‘unconditionally’ and accept who and what you truly are within. The relief is incredible. It’s like the release of the entire worlds troubles and the acceptance of unconditional love all at once. It is very difficult to put this into enough words that it can be understood and embraced for all the different things that it means all at once. Like being in a fairground with so many colours, actions, voices and people all around. It gives such an incredible feeling of wonder, excitement and happiness from all that is around you, that you don’t need to understand it, it just is, and you accept it for what it is. Now, truthfully, that description of a fairground is not close, that is just an idea that may give you an understanding of what I’m trying to explain. When all is said and done, it is just ‘total perfection’. I think even a diamond has its flaws, but not this, this IS a total knowing and feeling of the love and beauty of this wonderful universe that we are a part of…eternally!

And this led to another realisation…spirit on its own cannot touch, feel or sense as is done from within this physical body…it is a total, unique sensation and understanding in its own right. It is a never before taken pathway to be shown and given wisdom for the understanding of unconditional love. It is then that I also realise that the actual journey within this body that we do here on this physical plane on Earth, is such an incredible blessing, to be part of such a beautiful creation to enable us to reach such a point within so that we may be complete. It’s a path that can be so painful, so lovely, so at odds from one moment to the next, that when it is that final time, that last step on your journey to finish who you are, and what you have become, the awareness and beauty that is finally understood, gives such an indescribable joy within as you realise it is all totally there in utter perfection for exactly who you are so that you may understand it and know it’s purpose. Regardless of all the mistakes, problems and horrible times that we have endured it is exactly what we needed to do, so that we can find and understand just who we are within.

It was then that I felt it…I’m wishing to cry at this very moment because of the beauty and love of what this moment means…the understanding of all that went before, the feeling of completeness, the truth of accepting the love that was integrated in all that I had done, the knowing that I can now let go, I am realising that it’s over. I’m coming back to who I really am. Returning to that instance of total and unconditional love. Truly a total acceptance of just being as one again. And as I let go and accept, I feel a release of my body, but there is no fear, no worry of ‘what if’, it’s a complete release of that Lamborghini that has seen me out for many, many years and release it with love as part of who I once was. I am now ‘coming home!’. Coming home to what I’ve always been and now realise, I am. The journey before is now the thing that is ‘not real’. Totally understood but now realised within to be an incredible experience and to add to something that is a completion of who I am. The love that is a part of us always, no matter where we are!

To finally understand this journey, that process of life and the many amazing things that we do within that life, I can now look back and truthfully see, feel and understand it’s purpose. All those things that we toss away in frustration, yell at in anger and even those moments where we really lose it and do some of those things that we totally regret forever are here for a reason. They show you….you! It makes you look inside and talk to yourself over and over and over. Trying to understand why, how you can change it and most importantly give you understanding as to whether you want to be like that or create something better that you do want to be. It’s a long slow process, even though sometimes you want to get off this crazy ride. But in hindsight you will realise that you are probably glad that it did take it’s time and you were able to really gain the understanding and wisdom that is needed for that journey. All of the things that spirit showed me were for my benefit, but for me to understand I needed to go through and feel each and every part so that I may fully understand it all. From the ‘dark night of the soul’ to truly look within after a horrendous part of my life, to understanding myself within so I could partake of life again, then give from each understanding I made as it was integrated into who I was. Each and every aspect I was given changed everything. Allowed me to drop more and more fears so that I could be who I truly am, and more importantly have the understanding that it all comes back to that one thing that everything is a part of…unconditional love! When you finally understand it, it’s meaning, it’s place and it’s part of creating everything by being a total process. The up’s, the down’s, the hate and the love, you then understand it IS a total part of everything. You cannot have one without the other. It is an incredible perfection that allows us all, with all our so called imperfections, to be totally loved and included individually within this beautiful place, and be helped and guided to reach that wisdom and the total love that is there for all.

Just remember, this creation we are a part of, this body that is helping you on your journey, your spirit within that whispers to your heart, is all here for you. It is your time, your creating expression from what you have learned and understood, and your building of that beautiful creature within so that you may reach that place that we all yearn for while on this journey down here. That place of total and unconditional love where all is in place within, the final and total acceptance and love of ourselves, makes us the perfect creation we are meant to be. And finally reach that place, that yearning to connect, and be a part of all that is.


Part 2.

The above post is everything that I was shown on that journey with spirit…bar one other ‘small’ event that has taken me some time to digest, simply because it is something I have never seen before. And I will be the first to admit that it rocked me, simply because this life teaches a very high understanding of our journey, but as for death, very little. And maybe it is for me to understand for MY journey. Like what I have written above, you may ‘see’ much within it or only confirm what is already known for yourself. Most information can be felt by the truth it portrays within you. You can ‘feel’ a truth by simply in how it makes you feel within. When you sit and speak your heart, totally open, to another, it is a very peaceful, releasing and positive feeling for you. If it is not a truth, it is felt as a binding, uncomfortable and negative experience.

WARNING: Please read all of this section in total or it can be taken out of context. Within your spiritual or soul form you are totally ‘aware’ of everything all at once. There are NO confusing ‘what if’s’ or ‘maybe’s’ or any hesitation whatsoever. You just are. I’m trying to explain something that is a very small fraction of what I felt as part of that whole. As I spoke above of that ‘fairground’ feeling with so much happening around you all at once, it is a million times more complex….but so very much simpler within that state.

Death continued….

So there I was…taking in such an enormity but total understanding of that process of letting go, transferring from that human relating of life to what I really am within, that all knowing, beautiful and peaceful soul that is my normal state. I was in such a loving place that I felt complete, I was home. And in that split second of letting go to start moving towards ‘whatever’ was next…I’ll never know…until I do actually die. Spirit had blocked any further understanding from that point. But in that split second before then, I had seen and felt an incredible understanding that shocked me, and I think that is what had broken my connection with spirit at that point, purposely, so that I could understand what I had been shown.

What I had been shown up to that point is all that mattered for now, it is all that I needed to understand and relate to for where my journey has been going. That split second held a wealth of information and it has taken me over two years to digest and come to terms with what had been shown. And not because of what I was actually shown, as it was a very small piece of that event, but by what it meant to me back down here. (By the way, my references to ‘up there’ or ‘down here’ is just for ease of understanding).

I saw and felt the Earth (down there), but it was disappearing very quickly…but that wasn’t what rocked me…it was the feelings and thoughts that went with it. All I could sense at that time was…it is done…let it go, release it…it has served its purpose. Even the people that I loved and held so close…no longer mattered. I was shocked by my off handed manner. My journey had been completed and so what went before was now irrelevant. There was no longer anything to worry about, I had done what my soul needed to do. Now remember that this is instantaneous, everything is just ‘done’…if I thought I knew what living in the ‘now’ was, I really didn’t have a clue till I felt all of this…it just ‘was’. I’m trying to explain something so that you can understand what I was trying to come to grips with. And it was shown to me this way so I could understand it ‘up there’, and then relate it ‘down here’

Now, if you thought the above was in your face, that’s understandable. So this next bit I’m going to try to explain it in my way the best I can so that you can ‘see’ something and allow you to relate to it properly.

The above didn’t matter to me for a very simple reason…I ‘knew’ that I would see them all again. I didn’t need to think about them in any way quite simply because I didn’t need to worry about it. There were no thoughts of ‘what if’, ‘when’, ‘how’, ‘why’ etc. Remember, the soul is instant, that ‘knowing’ is all. We are only slowed down on Earth to absorb what we are experiencing in human form. Up here it just ‘is’. Now please, do not think that our loved ones are not within our soul/spirits thoughts…with great love they are FULLY aware of our journey back down here and what we are experiencing so that we will be complete in our understanding. I’m only relating this tiny piece for the simple reason that it has great meaning for us to realise ‘some’ of what is happening ‘up here’.

To give this more understanding, let me explain it this way. Let’s say that you are spending time with a friend, you’ve met them at your rendezvous, spent a good time together and you now decide to go to your place for a cup of coffee. Your friend says ‘I’m just going by my house so I can pick some flowers, I’ll meet you at your place in 20 minutes’. You go home and prepare the coffee. In that 20 minutes you do not give your friend a second thought. You have no reason to think anything about them, to worry or even think that they wouldn’t be turning up.
WHY….because there is no need to give it any thought….just as your soul/spirit is doing ‘up there’. They KNOW you will be together again, there is no reason to even think otherwise, it is a ‘known’ quantity. The time between when they have passed over and left the Earth, and when you will be together again, is but a moment.

And I think the reason it has taken me so long to digest all of this, and put into words, is because I have never looked at it in this way. Down here is a whirlwind of ‘what if’s’ of what is ‘up there’. A lifetime of not knowing, and to be truthful because of that, not wanting to look at it. Suddenly I’ve been shown something that really does affect a lifetime’s way of being.

So, what DOES this mean for us ‘down here’? Everything! It allows us to release a fear, you know, one of those things than we drag around all over. Those things that test us in so many ways so that we can go through them and find that love that is inside us all. This journey has so much beauty within it, even though those tough moments really test us to such a degree. I have seen something that has given me such a relief, release and such a greater outlook on life. It is a game changer in everything that I do BECAUSE of that understanding about death.

For most of us we have touched death in varied ways. Acquaintances, friends and those very heartfelt connections of our loved ones that have passed over. The grief is one thing that holds us so tightly because of the loss of that loved one and the beauty that was shared, within that loss. But grief has a huge purpose, it allows us to see and feel something that is built on a love like no other. It also allows us, by that loss and pain, to look within and find another love, one built on the empathy that comes from going through such a time, a healing love that leads to that love within.

I have written this above to give an understanding so that our journey may be a little less fear and pain, and a little more healing love inside so that our paths in that awareness will be built on a stronger love and empathy, and a knowledge that what is waiting, is a beauty beyond anything I could describe. We will miss those that we love, but we will also be with them again…the flowers they are picking as they drop in home…will be a love and beauty like no other.

Ask anyone who is in their sunset years knows how fast time really goes down here, it is much faster than we give it credit, and we can see that as we get older. It is a very short time, and within it is crammed a huge amount of beauty, all so we can find ourselves, that unconditional love that is a part of us all. All too soon this magic is swapped for another (up there). But down here, this magic cannot be experienced up there, that is why we are here. This is ‘our time’ to find that beauty within, not to be experienced in this way ever again. Our journey has great meaning for us all…and then we too will be sharing those beautiful flowers with those we love again.

Namaste

The Force!

May the Force be with you…and it always is…calling, calling, calling!

Many times in our lives it will knock, just a light brush to see if your ready yet. Those odd moments when it makes us sit back and digest this occurrence because it is an event that doesn’t gel with our ‘logic’ and ‘science’ that this world teaches.

It will be just enough to ask that question…is it true? Was I imagining it? And our awareness has now been nudged.

We will let it go…but with an ear cocked in case it flirts with us again.

And it will…because we want it too. By being aware we have told the universe we want to understand this ‘thing’, see what it means to us and how it will affect our lives.

And after each time it knocks on our door, we gradually build a belief…yes, we begin to believe because it has done that magical thing that even in this world tells us it’s true….it happens more than once, even twice or three times…but by then we ‘know’…and the ‘knowing’ within begins.

And it will be exactly what is needed so that YOU can see it in action within your life. You begin to understand that it has laws, just like this world (‘as above, so below’). And the more you walk in your truth, integrity and love, the more you attract those things that you have always hoped for in you’re life. Because this world is full of its reverse, the hate, anger and fear.

This world will test you in every way it can…so that now that this understanding of another world has been shown to you, you will slowly see the wisdom of that journey, and realise that to have that happiness in your life that we all so earnestly seek, you can now trust what you have now been shown within.

All it takes is that first step…you know, the one that says ‘no’ to the infidelities of this world, the one that finally shows that you are now going to be loving to yourself by standing in that truth and integrity, and no longer stand in the fears of this world and say ‘yes’ to everyone else but yourself.

Each time you go to do something that you are not comfortable with you will know you are not standing in your truth. And I don’t mean using it as an excuse to not do something, it is the integrity that your heart also shows you each time in any circumstance. By standing in that truth and follow what you know within is the right thing, you also begin to attract that beauty back into your life.

And it is all being done with love, because by standing in that truth within you ARE giving that love to you, and that is what you will now give back out, and attract accordingly. It is as natural as the air you breathe in and out every day. It is a balance like no other, and you have total control of the entire journey.

Take a step….I dare you 😀

Loving Ourselves!

Loving ourselves (unconditional), is our natural state, it is only the fears and walls that we build that block it. And as each fear or wall is removed we begin to ‘feel’ on a much different level.

It becomes easier and easier to understand and have much empathy for another, because of the love we actually give ourselves BECAUSE we have looked into those fears, had the courage to face them, and once understood we release them, they no longer hold us in the patterns that we give them.

Most people do not understand what it means to love ourselves. When we love another it is built with so many expectations (and I might add, a needed lesson like any other), because we look for beauty, attitudes, strength, and those other things like money, security etc. But when we give love to ourselves….there is no expectation, it is an unconditional love.

We don’t first look for something so that it is accepted when we face our fears, there are no conditions when we finally gain the courage to look within, see our pain for what it is, and finally understand what had kept our walls in place and then by removing them in that understanding, give that love to ourselves within that healing.

We remove the duality of feeling a low sense of self worth (by isolating ourselves by building walls to keep it at bay), and finally accept ourselves for exactly who we are. That is unconditional love, and not an expectation within miles.

Once we give ourselves that unconditional love, we then give from that place. It isn’t until we love ourselves that we truly can love another, with no expectations.

The following is a very profound and beautiful verse that a lovely lady (Christy) shared with me as a guest post on Michelle’s Lipstick and Laundry blog:


The Uses of Sorrow

(In my sleep I dreamed this poem)

Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.

(by Mary Oliver, from Thirst, Beacon Press, Boston, 2006)


And yes, that box full of darkness has great meaning. We cannot know that unconditional love until we know conditional love, it has great purpose.

Be brave, be strong and believe in you…for through that darkness is a beauty beyond measure. It is the truth of what you really are.

Namaste

I’m Ok!

But if ok is enough, then you would never appreciate the discovery of that love within. It all leads back inside to finding your truth, that understanding that all your ‘looking’ for something out there, is really back inside your heart. And the only thing that is blocking it, is the fear to look within, that self doubt that we all have from years of having it drummed in that we aren’t good enough, not loveable which builds a wall of self doubt.
Look within, search for that part that upsets you the most, a switch that gets thrown when someone treats you a certain way and upsets you to the core, even creating an anger that you always try to suppress. And we all avoid looking because of that fear, who wants to go into something that makes us feel that way.
But there is your journey, because when you finally really look deep into it and for the first time ‘see’ what has been driving it for all these years….you will finally UNDERSTAND it…and it will no longer hold that fear anymore because you now see why it has held you fast…and you let it go, your life will change to such a degree it will feel like you have been released from jail after 50 years, it is that profound.
You will be changed forever….AND you will feel more closer and loving to yourself because you now see what has kept you in this unloving place. And in that love, you will find that thing that we all search for….happiness.
We had not allowed ourselves to touch that place within through those beliefs of ourselves….now there is no wall to block the truth of what we really are within. The duality that we all must face, to find that unconditional love within us all, can now be felt, seen and released, and we begin to stand in that truth….and just be glad and smile in that knowing 🙂
That is our path in all that we do down here on this lovely big blue planet. It is to find ourselves in the millions of ways that it is possible as we trip, stumble and sway to the rhythms of life. It all points back to how we feel about ourselves and how we express that out into the world.
We all seek that happiness, that well of love that will lift us out of all that we go through and save us from the pain and hurt that this life brings. But within it are great wisdom’s to find that self truth. How can we know and appreciate love unless we are treated poorly….how can we find our compassion and empathy unless we have lost and suffered. All we go through cannot be understood until we actually go through and feel them, the good and the bad.
This journey is filled with great pain, but also tempered with great love so that we UNDERSTAND what it is when we finally step into that love of ourselves….that unconditional love of self. And it is all given with a great love so that we CAN see that journey.
We all know when a truth touches us inside….follow that path…for it is the path home, to that happiness we all seek within.

Self Love!

It takes a big event in our lives to reach that place within where we finally stop, and sometimes after a very long time of persevering with something…a marriage, relationships with friends or family, a personal situation or even at work, and come to that place where we can see that enough is enough.

It is a very pivotal moment. It draws the fears to the surface but now instead of recoiling and trying to shove it down so it can no longer be seen as we usually do, we finally reach a place that we no longer wish to fight this any more and so we step through it. And it will push buttons that you have never tested before, a strange world where you stand up inside and take those first tentative, wobbly steps to reclaim a sense of self and a realisation that ‘I am worth so much more than this’.

And finally, in that realisation you will achieve something that a lifetime had not. The ability to give within…to give that self love from a truthful place and realise you ARE worth so much more.

So starts the journey to stand in that truth and become what this path seeks, the creation of a love that builds an understanding of love inside, but all starting from a place of fear so that we can see and appreciate what it has taken to find that place within. Both have much purpose, as one cannot be achieved without the other. Hard yes, but if it was easy it would be forgotten in a moment.

That relationship you have persevered with has given you the one thing that you have been seeking all your life…to find that self love and the true happiness that it holds.

Lets say your going through a divorce. And your ex-partner was to find another partner who makes them feel all happy, alive and excited with life…inside they will still be seeking their self love in that need to be with another…based on their fears. That happiness they seek can only be found in that self realisation. If you have found the reason that drove your fears within that relationship, you can now release them but not through anger or hurt, but from a place of understanding as you will now realise ‘why’ you were attracted to that relationship. This will allow you to forgive them (and yourself), now in your self realisation of what you have now understood…as they may not have found the beauty of what you have now become, and still looking to fill the pain and loss in their hearts.

This may take several relationships to ‘see’ that you seem to be hitting the same snags in your relationships, going through the same patterns, but this has purpose so that you ‘can’ see what is holding you back, the fear that will be underneath all your actions and keep you travelling that journey. Until finally it all comes to the surface and it cannot be hidden any longer. This is your moment, your chance to release something that has held you forever in a half truth of life, a place that had happiness but always marred by this thing that would pounce to always let you know that it was still a part of who you are.

And as that uproar settles you are now free to truly look inside and understand that the more you act in that self love, and I mean that with integrity and not a selfish way, your life will now slowly find a happiness, a true happiness where you no longer seek another based on those earlier fears of ‘not being loved or insecurity’ because you have now found that within yourself, the entire purpose of your journey.

Self love is an ability to truly look inside and realise what those fears were, and see how they have driven your life in so many ways and held you in those patterns. To face them IS self love for you will give to yourself something worth more than any other thing in this world. It is a freedom that is unbelievable when you finally step past it and feel that freedom for the first time, and in doing so you realise just how constrained you have been in all of your life. That fear constantly held ‘out of sight, out of mind’, not realising just how conformed you have become to living with it riding on your shoulders.

And as time slowly goes by you become more relaxed, more ‘seeing’ the world from a whole new perspective as you are no longer ‘on guard’ for the fear that was always there as you went about your life. This freedom begins to rebuild what you ‘want’ to be, rather than feeling ‘forced’ to be something by the world around you. A happier place where even if anything comes up in your life, your ability to cope is more at ease, relaxed and understanding….because you have been there, have much wisdom because of that journey and can now help others from now being in that place…and glad to do so.

The anger and pain that usually comes with these events are a part of being able to ‘let go’ from the loss of the security and love that we feel we are losing. And usually because it feels like a total rejection of who and what we are, and a very painful experience that hurts because we feel so unloved…and that is the key…it is a fear that is built on our own self worth. Our own inability for self love. And this is built from childhood and the relationships we have with (usually), our parents and how they were able to express the love that THEY were shown by their parents….and on and on it goes. We are always trying to find what we feel we haven’t got. And we feel we haven’t got that love, and the happiness within that, so we try to find that love in others…but it is in our self love that the answer is hidden.

We have been through a childhood where we have felt either a rejection of love, a hurt or a denial by someone we loved and looked up to. And in that is built our self worth. Are we loveable or not? That self worth takes a battering at this time and we spend the rest of our lives trying to rebuilt that feeling of love and connection with another, to rebuilt that loss we hold forever in our hearts as a consequence of this hurt, and to find that happiness again that has so much meaning within it. But when each time we are with another and they do something that gives us that feeling of rejection again, it re-ignites that fear and we jump straight back behind those emotional walls to keep that pain out.

Holding onto the pain and fear will only hold us in that pattern. We must look within it to find why it makes us feel this way…deeper in your heart to find what you are afraid of, and seek its meaning. In that you disarm it, realise the truth behind your fear…AND LET IT GO.

In total truth the above journeys do have great meaning…those relationships that seem to be a horror at the time ARE done from a place of great love, so that we DO find that self love within. Those instances where the world seems to be crumbling around us DO allow us to eventually come to that place within, and in doing so we heal that hole that always seems to be in our lives, and completes us in such a way that we ‘let go’ and no longer hold onto so many things that in the end, have no meaning or worth and opens us back up to that love and eventually give back out what we have now become.

Because I have been on this journey from a healer’s perspective and actively searched for meaning within my journey, spirit has shown me a great deal of understanding as I step through my fears and see those fears within others. We all must go through them to find that self love within, and gradually we are shown where the love really is…inside us, not ‘out there’. And in that realisation we finally see that all the stress and pain in our lives are all built upon the foundation of our fears that we have held in place since childhood. It is our path…a painful one but with an outcome that will far outshine all that went before.

Some people come to us to teach us a lesson about ourselves. And this is the only way to find our truth, to look deep inside by going through a tremendous upheaval so that we can finally see the truth of what we are within and ‘know’ the love of ourselves. If we didn’t we would always be wandering around pointing the finger at the world for the pain that we are in. If you look around you will see this, but eventually they begin to realise that they are changing, and in that change they find a new heart, a new direction and a peace that goes with that understanding. There is a silver lining to all events, it is made that way even though at times it may not feel like it, and slowly we are guided to find that truth within.

This world has many things for us all…much beauty AND much fear, so that we can become what we all truly seek. It is a balance where we will attract exactly what we need to find that beautiful heart within and finally understand the love that we are.

Where is your heart now?

Look inside, find that self love…your happiness is there…that unconditional love that is who you are…you are so worth it!

The Walls of Jericho!

Yes, those walls of Jericho were an amazing sight to the enemies of those times. Never to be breached as they were so well built to only allow friendly passage and not those who were against what those within believed and lived. Well, until the spirit of God arrived within the Ark to bring it tumbling down.

A little like those walls we build within, to stop that invader that would dare attack us, try to invade OUR space and force their ways on us. And to test whether those walls are there for the right purpose. Enable those that think like us free access, and refuse entry to those that hurt us and cause pain.

And those invaders are there to do exactly that. They are showing you your fears and walls that we all build to protect ourselves, and they have great purpose.

As you test those walls you realise why they are there, and understand that they were your only way of protecting yourself from what you felt was a very hard, unloving and hurtful experience in your life, so you put up a wall so you no longer get hurt.

And that is usually done as a child when your coping strategies were very immature because you were so young, so a wall goes up because you know no other way to protect yourself, and you then begin to avoid those situations like the plague. But when you begin to realise why you put those walls up and you start to see those coping strategies for what they are and how they are blocking your life, you begin to understand how that blockage is affecting you. And in that understanding that comes from your spirit within, after many, many years, you finally release something that feels like the weight of the world (and to you, it is), has finally been lifted and everything from that moment on changes forever. The change is so huge that you feel a little lost in the beginning because you have never been in this place before. Your life has never had such freedom and an ability to stop and smell the roses….literally.

We don’t realise that this fear has been so integrated to our lives that we are always ‘on guard’ in everything we do…from when we get up of a morning, working, playing or even scratching our nose, it has always been a part of who you were.

Now you are free, and it can almost feel like you are in shock because of that release. But it will be like no shock you have ever felt before. And when reached, you slowly make choices for you for the first time…and not from a place of fear where you are always second guessing yourself so that you don’t have to face that fear. It is a magical place that freedom, as it gives you unfettered access to that beautiful thing inside your heart….you…the true you, that has wanted to escape to a happier place forever. And now you are finally there.

As you release that fear you are no longer giving from a place of fear. We actually project those fears out from us everyday.

As an example, and this is me personally, I always gave to a lady with everything that I was….I would take them out, give them flowers, be courteous by pulling chairs out for them to sit etc. I would smother them in love….but that was the problem, after a while they would hold their hands up and say ‘whoa, that’s lovely but please just slow down a bit’. And I would be all offended, thinking I was being rejected for giving that love. I would point the finger and say ‘it is their fault, how could they possibly not want to be loved’. And because all my relationships ended like this I would always think that they had been hurt by some other man and found it hard to accept that love from some one. Any excuse in fact, bar the one that mattered.
Because I felt rejected from my parents as a child, and felt that total fear of being unloved by the very people that I looked up to and loved, I would bury my loves, with love, so that I WOULDN’T BE REJECTED.

And there lies the rub of my journey. I projected my fear onto all those that I loved. I wanted to be loved so badly, and not be rejected, that I led with my fear.
It is such a subtle thing these fears, and we do the most incredible things to not go through them, not realising that they are there for all to see…AND that they actually attract exactly what we need to go through them. How many fears have you avoided? None, zip, nada!

With great love the universe wants you to understand…you. And within that understanding come back to your truth. Not a wobbly version that is trying to avoid the pain that is carried within your heart for what seems like forever. But the real you within that is a very beautiful and loving person entirely. And as you break free and release that fear, and those negative feelings about yourself that go with it, you finally find that thing that you have always been looking for. That journey of seeking to find that ‘happiness’ somewhere and finally be at peace.

And it can be found…where it has always been, but hidden behind a wall of fear. That fear has great purpose, for it has led you to find this place…and finally understand, and appreciate the beauty that is within each and every one of us BECAUSE of what we have been through.

You are a beautiful soul…something that shines out forever. Believe in that, for at each turn in life a little more is set free and you begin to shine a little brighter each time to stand in your truth and release what you know is no longer you…and be that love that is always there.

Your walls of Jericho will crumble at a shout from you, and a determination within to seek the fear that holds those walls up. They will crumble in an instant when you find that truth that is you…and release you from their bondage forever, to finally be set free.

Where is your love!

Giving love to another will touch that person within, and change them.
Who will then touch another, and change them also.
And as this change goes on and on, eventually this change will come full circle and be expressed as love back to you…but changed in its journey by the love expressed differently by each individual.
Each individual helping another in their journey, loving in their own unique way.
Graduating in its wisdom by the many emotional ways of pain, anger, fear, gratitude, faith and love that is experienced in all walks of life.
To eventually reach that beauty of unconditional love, that place within when all is finally completed.
No more karma, experiences or lessons needed….perfection within itself.

For each and every heartfelt motion given from within, is for you, even though it is given to another. And in its perfection, when giving love to another, it raises you even closer to that love within, opens your heart from the fears and blockages of life, and with a glow unmatched by anything else in this world, brings out much that is hidden….your truth within. Those things that you only ever say to one that you love and respect, to let them feel that truth within that is the true you, so that they may feel the beauty that is inside, and know that it is with great love that you are sharing something so deep within.

It is a connection that we all yearn for, a connection that only occurs a few times in our lives but drives us ever onward to find that thing within that always seems to elude us. But it is only when we can remove those walls of life around our hearts that we can finally see the truth that has been within us all the time. It is a needed journey, so that we can appreciate what is really there, a journey to understand what that love really means, and bring us to that final acceptance of self.

When understood, this is the perfection of love, all else is but a guide.

Where is your love for self?


This came to me after reading a quote from the lovely lady from Soul Gatherings. Thank you Theresa!

The Safety of Awareness

Such a beautiful world. So balanced in all its ways. Yes, even the mistakes have purpose, for now we swear upon our hearts that we will never do it again, like so many other things in our lives. But we do….why?

It seems we have this insatiable need to have control of our lives, be in a place where we can handle most of what is thrown at us. And that ‘security’ is the basis of how we can face the world, even though we still find that many things throw us off balance. And we react to those things because they are the core issues of what we are afraid of, even if we don’t see them clearly all the time.

We spend so much time hiding in fear from the bully up the street, building and building this 30 foot monster until the very thought of going out the front door is abhorrent. But the bully is still the kid up the street that only knows that control of his life by what he thinks is ‘his’ safety. And probably totally forgotten about you unless you happen to be his current weaker opponent to make him feel better about himself.

And as our lives go on we build these safety places, places where we feel in control….falling in love, marriage, a home and even some ‘munchkins’ to build that inner peace (ok, the kids may be pushing that a bit 🙂 ).

But in amongst this we get tested. A button pushed here and there, just so we can feel the other side, see where we are not feeling that safety we are trying to build. In general we go through it and feel relieved that we have passed through this and can move on.

But sometimes we really get something prodded so that we are losing that safety zone. Something won’t let go and reaches a point where we have no choice but to face it and go through, what we feel, is one of the most stressful times of our lives. A life issue…divorce, break ups, a death and even a job loss can take us down this path…because they all point to that one thing inside us all that we all avoid as much as possible…that negativity, our sense of worth in whatever form it takes, about ourselves that has been hammered home all our lives by, originally, those we love, but kept alive by those we attract to us.

Attract I say…yes…how many people have you pointed at and said, “she/he is doing it again”, “they never learn”, “I can’t believe this”, about someone else who is going through, for the tenth time, something that you can see is not right and know the outcome because you have been there. But that is the whole point, it is now no longer your fear, it doesn’t have that fearful hold on you any longer because you have gone through it (or never did because you had no fear of it).

But again, that is the entire point. Each and every time you understand that ‘knowing’ inside because you have felt that pain, that terror of going through something that has tested you beyond what you think you could handle, has raised your awareness, given you the wisdom to see and understand that what was underneath was something that you alone had built to protect yourself, but in truth blocked you from seeing the truth inside. The understanding after you go through this is huge.

And it has been given to you in this way for one reason only…to show you the beauty that is you. Underneath all the uproar and that feeling of, “I can’t do this”, “I’m not good enough”, “I’m going to lose it”, you show the strength that is really inside and you DO go through it, and finally see the truth of what you are inside…and you begin to stand in that awareness. You reach a point of, “I’m not doing this any more”, “I’m worth more than this”, “I deserve more than this”, and you slowly begin to break free.

Yes, it does take time, but that time is needed so that this very situation retests you, and each time you reinforce those words of worth and deserving a little more. Always more tears and even anger. But this anger is because your heart is asking you step past what you thought WAS your safety zone. That place that kept you in control of where you were at. But it was removed and the change was a serious asking of yourself to step out of that safety and move into a scary and strange world, one where you have never been before. And you will even find that you hold on desperately to this situation as it crumbles around you, out of the fear of losing that safety. Especially if it is a love for another.

Those people we give our hearts to are the one safety anchor in our lives that we think we can rely on forever. But it is also the one place that tears our hearts out. And it must or we will never step through those fears in our lives. We will use our love as a shield, to not see something within ourselves we don’t wish to, or even distract us so that we think everything is ok. But it is the power of that love that will take us on that journey within. It eventually makes us see that place we have avoided and suddenly our safe place is gone.

It is a tough journey, but it must be or we would never face what is buried inside. And after all is said and done, we do begin to love ourselves because of it. We are more deserving, we are worth so much more, and this event will bring this realisation and bring us closer to that heart within. Even the anger of being hurt and what we feel by being treated so poorly by those we loved will slowly subside as we realise that we are in a better place, much wiser, much more loving, because we have loved ourselves more and no longer need our love as a shield to protect us.

Our love for self is enough, we no longer need to rely on another’s love to be safe. And that understanding then allows us to give from that place of self love…and attract the same. We no longer ‘need’ to be in a relationship. We begin to understand that by loving ourselves we naturally give that love out. If we are angry, fearful or unhappy…that is what we give out and attract to us. When we love ourselves truly, go past our fears, we then give from an unconditional place, and attract that unconditional love….and no longer attract a situation where it asks us to go through something within.

And as that awareness grows, the more shadows in your life you go through and the more light you let in, the more that unconditional love shines out!

May your heart find that awareness.

Mark

First Love!

I was just minding my own business, I think
Not concentrating on anything in particular
One of those idle moments when you’re just absorbed in yourself
Off guard, defence’s down, not expecting…anything
And I think that is the secret to this time
The shock of so many things coming together
All in a heartbeat, the twinkle of an eye
The possibility, synchronicities…even the sheer magnitude
Of something coming together in the universe of this scope
Is un-bloody-believable
But there she stood, not spoken or even moved
Just the sheer energy that she gave out left me speechless
Mind you, that is a miracle in itself
And then, as if she knew what was in my DNA, she smiled
I was lost until then, but now really entered somewhere untouched
Thoughts that hadn’t been engaged for…what seemed like ever
Scrambled to make sense of what that smile did within
And then I couldn’t help myself, I smiled back
It felt strange…those particular muscles also haven’t been used forever
But I didn’t care, I felt nothing but the sparkle in her eye
And then she was gone, leaving me gasping for air
Mind altered, perceptions in affray, dopamine charged to high
I was lost again, but this was so much deeper, I almost cried out
But she then returned, and this time she opened her heart and spoke
“Hi!” and smiled THAT smile again
I said, “Hello!” and her smile got brighter
And I knew right then, she was the one, without her I would die.


Note*
I saw some magic in another’s eye, brought back memories.
Thankfully much wisdom has been gained for a more true love by being loving to myself, and then give from there.
And they are all First Love’s as we are always in a more wiser and loving place each time we step past those fears and open our hearts again.
Am I ready? 🙂

The View From Within Here!

And then one day I saw it…and realised all our journeys have great purpose. I turned a corner and died to the things of man, but realised that those things are made of great beauty. The pain, the emotional turmoil that we endure, all take us to that one place we constantly search for in our hearts….unconditional love.

But it can only be found by being born into this world with all that it is, and finally see ourselves, our fear’s, our journey and the love that we understand as each mountain top is reached. We will always attract what is required for that understanding, and then one day we are there…and everything can be seen for the truth that it is…and our hearts open, totally, fully, and we then give from such a beautiful place.

I no longer see what is on the surface of things, because I now see below. I no longer judge another, as I now see purpose. And because of that understanding, I now stand in my truth and give from that place within…unconditionally…for I am no longer chained by the fears of this world!


We begin this journey totally open, innocent and ready for such an imprint from our surroundings. This time is a barrage of emotions and learning, the good and the bad, to create a journey that will test us so that we may find that balance that is in all things.

We see a life of struggle and pain over many years, and even those things that many think small, like a silly argument, build and create so that you may reach great understanding. Slowly and over a great time we poke and prod to see a way out of those things that keep us bound. And finally after much heartache and agony, a crack appears. But it’s like no other crack…each time you look through it all you can see is the fear you avoid, that one thing that you ignore, hide and never speak it out loud, lest it come to life. But the pain from your journey allows no other path, and in trepidation you finally can no longer stay in your circumstances any longer and take that dreaded step that you think will be the end of your sanity.

And at that moment your practically in shock. You’ve done the one thing that you thought you would never do. You burst into tears, scream and even fall into a heap. Your mind is going at a hundred miles an hour. But you’ve done it! You’ve gone through the one thing that you thought would never happen. And you realise…you didn’t die, you haven’t totally lost it (even though it feels very crazy still), and you suddenly understand…you’ve never been in this position before. You have always had that ‘fear’ leading you around in everything that you do. This is virgin territory, never before circumstances where now YOU are in control and not the fear.

And it does take time to get used to. That fear has been there most of your life, it was a part of who you were. Now you are free…released from its servitude and are able to take the reigns and steer whatever path you wish. That in itself can be a little disconcerting to start with, but don’t put expectations on yourself. Give yourself time to adjust to this new place within. And above all be gentle on yourself. That is a very long time to be in a jail from a fear you’ve held within.

Looking back we see those things we’ve been through, but they no longer hold us at bay. No longer constantly in our minds because we’ve stepped through the fear that they created and released us from it’s bondage. Wiser and with more love for ourselves because we now understand that we are worth so much more than those fears and have become more confident in ourselves because of that. This is our healing of that duality that separates us from within at birth, the spirit and the ego, and the journey to find that balance of the two. And we gradually understand ourselves each time we go through those upheavals in our lives, we’ve been through many years of the one side of that balance, it is now time to feel and understand the other and no longer be driven by the fears of the ego. And when we see others go through what we have now experienced, our compassion will arise because we know and understand their journey. We understand that pain and suffering and with great love will help another to find their heart within and see what you now see.

Each time we respect and love ourselves more and more as we go through these things. We realise those many things that initially gave us a feeling of not being good enough or belittled were not true. We ARE good enough, and more than that, we are loving ourselves because we now realise it has taken great courage and love to face this journey and accept just who we are within. Exactly for who we are, warts and all. What is on the outside, in truth, has no meaning at all. For what has been created in the heart…is everything. And everyone is going through their journey, in their own way, to realise that truth within, just as you did. Judgement of another is only built on our own fears. Once released they no longer drive us.

That freedom is the compassion we now use, and is the beginning of that unconditional love we all seek. It is in us all but blocked by our constant struggle by those fears that drive us. When released it allows that compassion to shine through, and as each of those fears are removed there is less and less holding you to this world…and more and more love being expressed by that freedom. And the spirit within starts to shine through, and you truly begin to see much purpose in this journey.

Then you too will understand, and be what you truly are within, that unconditional love that is inside us all!

Life!


I sing a song, a song of life,
a rhythm from deep within
Ancient for its energy,
a tale of where we’ve been
Even to this very day,
our journey has never changed
We seek to find our purpose,
to find what was arranged
And as the road of life,
that bouncing bumpy path
Looks to find our inner heart,
amongst the aftermath
But the wisdom of our truth,
those pearls of yesteryear
Are bound to our destiny,
all of which we share
So hold your strength,
and face this world of stress
For even amongst its scary ways,
is a magic we are blessed
And when we feel the time has come,
to bid this land goodbye
We transform into another,
to begin again on high.

Namaste

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