The Safety of Awareness

Such a beautiful world. So balanced in all its ways. Yes, even the mistakes have purpose, for now we swear upon our hearts that we will never do it again, like so many other things in our lives. But we do….why?

It seems we have this insatiable need to have control of our lives, be in a place where we can handle most of what is thrown at us. And that ‘security’ is the basis of how we can face the world, even though we still find that many things throw us off balance. And we react to those things because they are the core issues of what we are afraid of, even if we don’t see them clearly all the time.

We spend so much time hiding in fear from the bully up the street, building and building this 30 foot monster until the very thought of going out the front door is abhorrent. But the bully is still the kid up the street that only knows that control of his life by what he thinks is ‘his’ safety. And probably totally forgotten about you unless you happen to be his current weaker opponent to make him feel better about himself.

And as our lives go on we build these safety places, places where we feel in control….falling in love, marriage, a home and even some ‘munchkins’ to build that inner peace (ok, the kids may be pushing that a bit πŸ™‚ ).

But in amongst this we get tested. A button pushed here and there, just so we can feel the other side, see where we are not feeling that safety we are trying to build. In general we go through it and feel relieved that we have passed through this and can move on.

But sometimes we really get something prodded so that we are losing that safety zone. Something won’t let go and reaches a point where we have no choice but to face it and go through, what we feel, is one of the most stressful times of our lives. A life issue…divorce, break ups, a death and even a job loss can take us down this path…because they all point to that one thing inside us all that we all avoid as much as possible…that negativity, our sense of worth in whatever form it takes, about ourselves that has been hammered home all our lives by, originally, those we love, but kept alive by those we attract to us.

Attract I say…yes…how many people have you pointed at and said, “she/he is doing it again”, “they never learn”, “I can’t believe this”, about someone else who is going through, for the tenth time, something that you can see is not right and know the outcome because you have been there. But that is the whole point, it is now no longer your fear, it doesn’t have that fearful hold on you any longer because you have gone through it (or never did because you had no fear of it).

But again, that is the entire point. Each and every time you understand that ‘knowing’ inside because you have felt that pain, that terror of going through something that has tested you beyond what you think you could handle, has raised your awareness, given you the wisdom to see and understand that what was underneath was something that you alone had built to protect yourself, but in truth blocked you from seeing the truth inside. The understanding after you go through this is huge.

And it has been given to you in this way for one reason only…to show you the beauty that is you. Underneath all the uproar and that feeling of, “I can’t do this”, “I’m not good enough”, “I’m going to lose it”, you show the strength that is really inside and you DO go through it, and finally see the truth of what you are inside…and you begin to stand in that awareness. You reach a point of, “I’m not doing this any more”, “I’m worth more than this”, “I deserve more than this”, and you slowly begin to break free.

Yes, it does take time, but that time is needed so that this very situation retests you, and each time you reinforce those words of worth and deserving a little more. Always more tears and even anger. But this anger is because your heart is asking you step past what you thought WAS your safety zone. That place that kept you in control of where you were at. But it was removed and the change was a serious asking of yourself to step out of that safety and move into a scary and strange world, one where you have never been before. And you will even find that you hold on desperately to this situation as it crumbles around you, out of the fear of losing that safety. Especially if it is a love for another.

Those people we give our hearts to are the one safety anchor in our lives that we think we can rely on forever. But it is also the one place that tears our hearts out. And it must or we will never step through those fears in our lives. We will use our love as a shield, to not see something within ourselves we don’t wish to, or even distract us so that we think everything is ok. But it is the power of that love that will take us on that journey within. It eventually makes us see that place we have avoided and suddenly our safe place is gone.

It is a tough journey, but it must be or we would never face what is buried inside. And after all is said and done, we do begin to love ourselves because of it. We are more deserving, we are worth so much more, and this event will bring this realisation and bring us closer to that heart within. Even the anger of being hurt and what we feel by being treated so poorly by those we loved will slowly subside as we realise that we are in a better place, much wiser, much more loving, because we have loved ourselves more and no longer need our love as a shield to protect us.

Our love for self is enough, we no longer need to rely on another’s love to be safe. And that understanding then allows us to give from that place of self love…and attract the same. We no longer ‘need’ to be in a relationship. We begin to understand that by loving ourselves we naturally give that love out. If we are angry, fearful or unhappy…that is what we give out and attract to us. When we love ourselves truly, go past our fears, we then give from an unconditional place, and attract that unconditional love….and no longer attract a situation where it asks us to go through something within.

And as that awareness grows, the more shadows in your life you go through and the more light you let in, the more that unconditional love shines out!

May your heart find that awareness.


27 thoughts on “The Safety of Awareness

    1. Thank you thefeatheredsleep. It is a journey we all take, endure and discover ourselves to find that ‘thing’ we all seek. And as each wall comes down, the view in our lives become clearer and clearer.
      Thank you for sharing. Mark

      1. I appreciate and value anyone who writes so honestly and describes the discovery and journey of their experience. I like that a great deal in your writing. Candor is refreshing in this world.

        1. It is in discovering that truth within. If a person does not speak from their heart, you sense it and it leaves confusion because everyone is different by the masks (fear), that they wear. Everyone’s experiences are different but when we finally break free from avoiding those fears (and actually deal with them), we begin to feel free, unburdened and there is no longer anything to keep us ‘on guard’, so we begin to stand in our truth and it is as natural as the difference of night and day.
          I (hopefully, still got some bits to deal with πŸ™‚ ), project that truth and because others can truly feel that, and are not trying to decipher mixed signals, it is refreshing to be a part of something that allows you to relax and just be ourselves instead of ‘on guard’. That ‘on guard’ bit is so ingrained into us, it is a protection mechanism (flight or fright from a dangerous animal), but in this day and age it has been transferred to our emotional environment and and heightened to such a degree that it becomes dis-empowering.
          Our sensitivities are blunted because we are so inwardly focused and confused by those walls we put up to protect ourselves, and as we go through our fears that sensitivity opens and becomes more pronounced and we begin to really feel our truth that is no longer blunted by those things we held within.
          But it all has purpose, so that we can find what is really inside us all.
          Thank you for sharing your lovely comment featheredsleep, accepted with the heart it was given. Mark

          1. You are a wordsmith. I relate most to your idea of blunted emotions. My goal has always been to talk about emotions candidly. It’s related to a long held fantasy I have that truth is all. Yes it hurts. But the idea of utter honesty is my notion of human redemption from the ninth circle of hell that perpetuates our routine discourse. What a relief to hear unabashed truth! I’m an addict to this reality, saturated by the reverse. I want to hear voices like you on repeat and interrupt the bullshit disco of current society. I adore your thoughts, wish you were my neighbor reminding me to be real, filling my head with refreshing clarity. Thank you.

            1. My pleasure featheredsleep. But it must be remembered that a truth is always caged by the integrity it is given. To tell someone a truth that they look absolutely disgusting in an outfit is not a truth. To tell them that it doesn’t suit them, and then help to find something nicer, is a truth with integrity. That little word makes all the difference in the world. You can speak a truth, even one that can be a blow from which they will crash and burn. But when things have calmed they will understand that even though it may have been the worst thing that they could have heard from you, it was also done with a great love because you do care and no longer wished to see them embroiled in that lie.
              Gently, with love and attitude, and you have stood in your truth. And that can only be found by looking within. Freeing yourself so that you understand this journey called life, and then give from that new found truth. And that can only be found by being embroiled in this life. Love is only ever appreciated when a life of pain is endured. After any hard relationship, it is so beautiful to then be with another that does show and give a love that does hold you in the truth of that person. And is only appreciated BECAUSE of what was previously experienced.
              And slowly, after many of those relationships, we discover something else. An ability to realise that all that we have been through has been exactly what we have attracted to ourselves so that we CAN go past our fears and be that truth within. Which is the ability to finally love ourselves. Reconnect within and no longer be in that space of ‘I’m not good enough, I can’t do this, I’m afraid’, etc. And be free to give from a place that is now our truth, no longer bound by our fears. And it is felt by all around because their is no longer a mask.
              Thank you for sharing. Mark

              1. Yes. Integrity is different from blunt almost caustic truth which is more opinion not universal. A worthy distinction thank you. Too much of a good thing curdles best intention if indeed it was.

                1. Yes, and it is also part of the journey so that we can make that distinction. Painful, yes, but always guiding us ever inward so that we can be the reverse, and be totally giving.

  1. It was some aha/yes moments when I red your intresting words here but I have to read it at least once or maybe twice again to fully take it in and that I do with things that touch me much. ThankΒ΄s Mark for this wise and intresting post of yours!

    1. Thank you Elaine. It does go a little deep, but the thing that I love about our journey is that we can only take in and understand something by where we are at within ourselves, otherwise it will confuse things. God made it so perfect this world so that we are always loved with exactly what is required to advance us as we reach those places within. And that does not mean you have to be at some level or your below everyone, what it means is that we are all at our own levels in certain things. You may be very high in some aspects but low in others, and that is your journey here, whereas others may be very low in where you are at but higher in others. They are all interconnected, a part of the whole you, and your journey may just need to see one sentence from somewhere, and your aha moment will give you a great understanding. That is why I have this blog, to give what I have understood out to others so that they may (or not) touch something that may help their journey. Enjoy the read πŸ™‚ Mark

  2. Mark … You could have written this post just for me… So much of my own journey is held within your words, And the key factor out of all of it was when you said

    “It is a tough journey, but it must be or we would never face what is buried inside. And after all is said and done, we do begin to love ourselves because of it. We are more deserving, we are worth so much more, and this event will bring this realisation and bring us closer to that heart within.”

    Throughout my life I struggled with Self Worthiness.. and sort to please everyone as I climbed my career ladder… Until I fell off it with a thump when I took on too much and carried too much emotional baggage which I had for such a long time kept buried inside Mark.. It all came out in a nervous breakdown… And even then after all that.. Did I learn??? NO I still went back to climbing until my body gave out, with FMS another ‘Sign’ to stop and nurture myself.. I listened, then changed careers and slowly started putting my foot upon the rungs of the latter in that field within support work..
    Last year I felt the same emotions bubbling… but this time I called a halt… as you are aware I retired from the stress… But then I went full pelt into creating, decorating, and in January another knock from the Universe when I had a bad fall,, which knocked me for 6 along with my Aunts passing.. ( who had been a second mother )..

    If we don’t take notice of the ‘Signs’ we sometimes can come full circle.. for lessons repeat when we do not learn from them the first time around..

    I loved what you said Mark in your closing sentence..

    “And as that awareness grows, the more shadows in your life you go through and the more light you let in, the more that unconditional love shines out!”

    This is so Sooooooooo True…

    Many thanks for sharing your personal journey Mark… we all shine the brighter for reading your words. I thank you for your courage in writing and sharing it..

    Blessings Sue <3

    1. Thank you Sue. It is a testing journey, and I have to admit to being a ‘little’ stubborn myself πŸ™‚ But as you now know, it needs to be hard or we won’t break that shell we wrap around ourselves so that we won’t look inside. So the universe with great love has to reply in kind. The Law of Attraction is so spot on.
      I keep being amazed in what I see in others lives and their actions because of how the universe gives exactly what is needed, down to the crossed t’s and dotted i’s, but it is all so beautifully crafted to guide us ever inward to that lovely realisation within.
      And that is one part I have really appreciated in my journey, is that realisation of truly giving, no longer built on the fear that I carried in all that I did in fear of being rejected, but now given because I wish to give, not need to give. It changes so much when that weight of fear is removed, like the difference of day and night, it is that profound.
      I thank you Sue for your lovely words, and to see the freedom now coming from your heart. It now slowly becomes a new path. Even the butterflies begin to look different, but you may have to ask them nicely to no longer lay their eggs on your vegetables πŸ˜€ Blessings to you also xo Mark

      1. LOL… about the Butterflies Mark… yes I had a word with the insect Deva LOL.. and we are coming to an understanding… If I leave something for them they can eat it.. but what is covered up they must try to avoid πŸ™‚

        You are right Mark about me coming to a new perspective… Even though I thought it was clear… Its even clearer as I remove yet more debris of cutter carried around for so long.. I now get to look in the Mirror and actually smile at my reflection and give myself a ‘Wink’ LOL…. shedding the Fear allows you to float much lighter.. And these days there is a permanent grin in place.. .. That I hope to Keep firmly Fixed..

        Many thanks Mark.. I appreciate your thoughtful reply my friend..
        Take care..
        Sue πŸ™‚

        1. My pleasure Sue. Our clearness is a journey in itself. We keep digging at the wall until one day some light comes through, and that moment is when everything begins to change and we ‘see’ from a completely different perspective. That awareness is that light and once recognised will guide us to what we truly are inside. Some old habits persist but now they begin to lose their meaning and we start to step into what now has more meaning to us, and we come from a place of more integrity and love. Glad you are in that awakening and ‘knowing’ who Sue truly is πŸ™‚ Oh, and glad the Deva is onside too πŸ˜€ Mark

  3. Dear Mark,
    Each paragraph in your story tells one of its own. So powerful, poignant, and honest. It makes me want to grab a cup of tea and hear each story of yours that provided the content for the wise words you just shared. You share so much of yourself, but I know there’s more – the wisened brow of somebody who has been there and done that.
    Just the other day, the words “You should know better” and “You know how you could get rid of this problem” went through my head. Along with things like “You have GOT to let go.”
    I should have read your post three days ago πŸ™‚

    1. Thank you Michelle. These are words we’ve all heard as some time in our lives, whether towards us or others. But they have purpose to guide us. In the beginning we feel hurt that others could say these things but eventually we can see what others see and we no longer wish to follow those negativities about ourselves.
      And I don’t mean be what others think we should be because then we aren’t being our truth…we are being somebody else’s. It is to realise that within that beating heart is OUR truth, and none of that will be hurtful or negative to anyone else, but more to the point, it will guide us to ourselves and find that place that says…I am ok, I accept myself for exactly who I am, I no longer feel badly about myself in this way or that. I know what really has integrity or not and I choose to follow that path.
      The day that YOU feel ok within, and you KNOW you have accepted self, then you smile from your heart, and there isn’t a thing in the world that can take that away. Some people will actually feel threatened by it because they can feel that truth that is now you, and because they still feel negatively about themselves they react to it. But deep down is the fear that they have to look within to find that love they see in you…and they are still afraid to do that.
      Your journey is progressing nicely Michelle, I feel the love in your blog…just follow that beautiful heart beating in your chest πŸ™‚

  4. So true, Mark–“Loving ourselves is enough.” And this love and acceptance we have for ourselves will spread out to others and we will attract all of this back to us. It is interesting how feeling anger attracts so much more anger back to us, and how simply being happy and feeling love does the same. Wonderful post πŸ™‚

    1. Thank you Michele. The universe is built on this incredible balance, and even the little energy we think we put out there, will be responded to in kind…and all with a love and care beyond measure. It may seem like we are being picked on and ground down in our journey, but all those things are done so we do come through and appreciate and learn that wisdom that will bring us home…the home of that unconditional love it is trying to show us. Mark

  5. I need to read this again, Mark and let it more fully sink in. There’s a lot in it I think is currently relevant. As Pam said, ‘powerful words’.

    1. Thank you momus. I nearly didn’t post it because it touches on things that get a bit deep. But in saying that I would be against my earlier saying that if someone gives you information, it can make the journey a little easier.
      Mind you, sometimes it’s just time to read good poetry with the stresses of this world…a scottishmomus comes to mind πŸ˜€

    1. Thank you Quiall. Realising on the surface just how we do act and react to our circumstances is hard enough to face, but to begin to see ‘why’ we do can be a struggle. In some ways it can be a bit confronting because of what that means, but when it is finally experienced, then it can be seen for its truth. And after seeing my truth underneath all my actions, even I initially thought ‘how’ can I detach and not want that love from another.

      But slowly spirit showed me that very journey…and I at last realised that I always did ‘need’ another because of how I felt about myself, those fears of not being good enough etc that are hammered in from childhood. And when I finally stepped through those fears, there I was in all my glory. Able to accept me for exactly who I was, as I had let everything go. I accepted, and I automatically gave out from within this amazing freedom and love that just leaves you smiling for its beauty.

      I have friends now that just want a hug because of that peaceful, glowing energy. My healing has stepped into a new place and touches from a much deeper level, that I will admit took me a bit by surprise and has taken a bit to get used to. Life is still here on this planet, I can still trip and get a bloody nose, just like everyone else…but, it is in coming from a new place within so that it no longer attracts ‘those’ lessons. Yes, they rear their heads when we wander off course, which is a good reminder, but much easier to handle because of where I am now coming from. Thank you for your comment. Mark

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