Healing Your Heart From Within

Decided to dance a little deeper in life, and wow can spirit dance!

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Tag: Compassion

The Side Effects Of Love!

By

On May 15, 2022

In The Journey

Each and every thing that we go through down here, leaves a residue, an effect from its action or experience. We can go through many things but it is more pronounced the harder and more painful it is.

But what is that residue, what is left behind in all those experiences.

Each time we are hurt by something, an experience by going through something…we ‘know’ its journey, how it made us feel. And when we see another experience those very same or similar things, we ‘know’ their pain, we feel that experience all over again…but this time it is different. That residue within us can now be defined, its empathy, compassion and love now stands up and can ‘see’ from a whole new direction.

But what are these three musketeers that raise their heads when we see suffering, what instinct brings them to the surface to show their power. It is us…yes, us. We have become these very things by those changes that they brought within us…and attract accordingly.

How many times have you become the defense, swords drawn when another is being treated like you have been.

How many times have you not done it…and felt terrible because your bravery has not yet reached its peak within you.

How many times have you finally taken that one step, shaking like a leaf but daring to do it anyway.

My friend, you have just encountered the side effects of love, of loving yourself enough to stand up and be ‘you’. Yes, that ‘you’ is an encounter with those side effects…the empathy, compassion and love that you have become. You have finally stood in your truth and dared to show it, become something so slowly it has creeped up on you and sang. It has let go of something, something you’ve had for years and years, a condition that we all hold in the beginning. We held a feather, not a sword…and its name was fear, a terror of our belief in ourselves.

But you have slowly moved away from its grip, emboldened your empathy, compassion and love. One drop at a time, each step taken is to have experienced ‘something’ and built your courage to that edge of you, the real you within.

So my friend, you are building something very beautiful. Be proud, be confident, have faith…it all has a purpose. And that purpose is you…just you, but a you that you cannot truly see at first for it takes time from beginning to end. Your building a heart and it needs all of these things so that it can be refined, polished and stand out as it should. But first the ingredients, those residues from that inner fire as you build you, tempered by those many painful things.

So remember, it does hurt but as you go through these many things, something wonderful this way comes. Stand in your side effects of life and know it is creating something very profound, very beautiful and more loving than you can ever imagine. Your becoming that unconditional love, leaving behind what no longer serves and becoming a light that only it can.

And in that incredible journey, I bow to a master, a master of a love that only you can build…by first seeing and experiencing those effects…and then letting them all go and shine as only you can ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

The Balance Of True Love?

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On February 5, 2022

In The Journey

We all know that we can never truly appreciate something unless we have worked at it. Sometimes worked very hard to create or achieve something. We know that when we have suffered a hard time, be it a relationship or a time in our lives…it gives us a full appreciation of the good times when they do come. But if we only ever knew one side of those journeys we would have nothing to compare our experiences with.

One day Spirit spoke to me and said…’If you would wish a better world and take away all those hard experiences would we really have a more beautiful world? Then I will give you a difficult thing to understand but it is a future with none of those hard experiences.’…Spirit then said…’I want you to imagine a generation that are used to everything being good in their lives, nothing going wrong and obtaining everything they have ever asked for…and begin to expect it like a spoiled child. You know the one’s you meet that are utterly spoiled by this, have everything their own way and demanding it be given them because they would not know any other way. Those who do some of the most selfish things you have ever seen. No empathy, no compassion…and love…they would never know its true meaning but a shallow, self centered image of their own. Simply because they cannot ‘see’ another way, don’t understand and appreciate what they do have and how they would be if they lost it. That would be your future. If you think this world is hard now, imagine it full of that. A balance would be lost…in us all’.

So my friends, some do go through the above but they are tempered by those around them. Can see that there is indeed many other ways, many paths to try. And yes this world can indeed throw us into some very hard and painful places…but in doing so we find us, appreciate us, and finally see through those many conditions we have lived through. All of those experiences are making us, developing us, and giving a true understanding of what we really are within so that we can see and appreciate what unconditional love truly is when we meet it. There is indeed a balance to everything, and yes it can swing sometimes too far. But like everything else in this world it will attract that balance by its love or lack thereof. Love wants that balance…love is that balance. So yes, it does ask you to go through some tough paths, but it wants you to find it, feel it, be it.

And through that hard work it is waiting within it, cheering you on like nothing else you could even compare it to. And when you finally see it, I swear in all that I am, you will never not appreciate the path you have taken…not one step will you doubt or deny…because in that love you will finally see it in all its glory, understand exactly what you have done to achieve and appreciate this very moment…and in doing so, finally love the one person you had doubted, thinking you were not lovable, not good enough or not a million other things…because you will see that you needed to doubt, needed to believe you weren’t good enough…so that when you finally saw that it was this exact journey which would give you an appreciation of you and just what you have now achieved because of it. Love wanted you to find it and you can’t be just ‘given it’…or you too would be spoiled and not appreciate its beauty. But in going through what you have, you have created something beyond words. A masterpiece that has taken much time and effort, something that in its beauty will attract many from afar. And they will all ask ‘how did you do this?’, to which you will reply…’I just had hope and faith and listened to my heart, the best that I could!’. And they will ask, why don’t I give them a straight answer of what they need to do? Because they then would not appreciate what it has taken you to find yours…as they must do to find theirs. Each a unique path, just as love is ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

Finding You!

By

On January 14, 2022

In The Journey

You have a friend who can get upset or angry and bitter at times, feeling the world on their shoulders as they tend to get upset and judgemental at what seems to you to just be things that don’t really matter. Your interactions become a bit restricted because of this and you don’t really want to be in such a place of negativity but you have been together for a long time and don’t want to lose those fun things that you do share and the connection you have made over that time.

One day you go back to their parents place and are shocked to see their parents do those same things to them, much anger and accusing fingers of judgement at just little things that you can now see in your friend, an inability to show love and compassion and a hardness in relating to others. You finally see why your friend has acted as they do, as it is all they know from their parents. Your heart goes out to them, you have much empathy and compassion as you finally understand what they have been through and the pain and hurt that it causes themselves and others in all that they are.

Now do that for you…❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

Merry Christmas To All!

By

On December 23, 2021

In The Journey

When we are in a relationship we HOLD that love, don’t ever want to lose it. But that is not unconditional love, it is conditional, it is bound by our needs, those fears of not being loved, hence the love we always WANT, those expectations where we ask the other to not do this or that because it is painful, our fears demanding a love, not giving a love.

Anything created on conditions cannot ‘be’ where unconditional is. And in fact it is the opposite to what we think. Anything we have ever striven for…we build. But unconditional is in fact when we ‘let go’…of everything. When understanding something, we release it, no longer having to think it over and over. Understand our fears (or anything else for that matter), and we will let it go. It loses the conditions we had placed on ourselves in holding it, becoming that unconditional love we ever search for.

Just for this Christmas, for a few days…let it all go…the pain, the tears, even the thinking…and just GIVE a hug, even the gift of some time to those around you. If it tugs at any anger or fears…deny them for a while. You deserve that, everybody does. Forget the world, it isn’t going anywhere…but you will go somewhere. Somewhere peaceful, somewhere calm even among the joyful screaming of those children (and some adults 😀), opening gifts. Look at those children’s eyes, copy that sparkle that you can see…it is there in us too, we just cover it over. Breathe…and uncover them for a while…give that gift to you, you deserve them too ❤️

Merry Christmas everyone, may its peace, love and joy visit you all ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋 🎅🏽 🕊 🎄 🎁 ⛄️

Who!

By

On November 10, 2021

In The Journey

For the Gracefuladdict , and He knows who you are, He just wants you to find you too…

It is a very interesting thing to do ‘to find ourselves’. ‘Who am I’ echoes right down our lives in so many things. I got divorced after 26 yrs and found a very codependent man with enough fears to drown a house…and still tripped and stumbled through every relationship that I had…because they are all trying to show us one thing only…us. But those fears we hold don’t allow room for more than one person. But when they do…we have found us.

A clue in that long search…if I ask to treat or be treated in a certain way…then I still have expectations. Any expectation is built on something. Now I don’t expect to be hit with a baseball bat if I expect someone would be kind enough to pass the salt across the table. But if I expect someone to stay at home, clean and cook and ask permission any time they want to leave the room…then I am still holding my fears.

Just ask yourself what we expect, and more to the point, what upsets us the most by the actions of another…there is your pointer to your freedom. Find the meaning behind the pain that those actions make, understand why you react in that way…and that love and happiness you have always looked for in another…you will see it in yourself…and be finally, totally free. The only thing that ever holds us in handcuffs…is us.

But always remember, even if you finally see and understand, you’ve had a lifetime in ‘being’ a certain way. You realize that your fears have actually blinded you to so many things, like a blindfold in life. How many people stop and say, they’ve done it again, same old, same old, seemingly attracting the same type of person or situation because of that very thing. When you finally ‘see’ inside you it will be a shock to the system simply because your mind and body has been ‘on guard’ to so many things.

My understanding hit me so hard that I had to learn to walk again, clean my teeth, be with other people. I’m not kidding, your whole being unwinds and relaxes, really relaxes and you actually have to make a decision…what do I want to do? No more ‘reacting to everything’ but actually being able to make a decision based on you. In everything. You even begin to see again, and I mean that literally because you suddenly ‘see’ butterflies, flowers and on and on it goes. Why? When was the last time you wanted to look at all of nature around you…and…could feel its energy…and it make you smile inside, a real smile that lights you up in appreciation of what you can now see and feel. They do not call it a rebirth for nothing, and finally see and love the ‘who’ in who you really are ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

Why?

By

On October 27, 2021

In The Journey

For a ‘graceful lady’, there is hope in His world, and a love un-imagined…

Yes…why? Why do we go through some of the most horrendous things in this world, experience so much pain and hurt in some place that is supposed to be so ‘heavenly’. A never ending story of suffering and barely a mention of happiness. Or is it?

I thought after years and years of bad relationships I had finally found ‘the one’, she had the most powerful energy, I could feel her heart from a thousand paces, down wind in a gale. So I fell madly, deeply in love, beyond anything that I had ever felt before. Even Spirit has asked me ‘do you wish to be in a relationship with this lady’…to which I obviously said yes please. A week later and I was so happy I had to put weights on my feet to stay down…and Spirit asked me again ‘do you wish to be in a relationship with this lady’…to which I said ‘most certainly’…and felt a little nudge that this was important, but hey, I’m there with bells on. A few weeks later walking around in my cement boots for safety as I was floating everywhere I went, Spirit asked me again ‘do you truly wish to be in a relationship with this lady’…to which I really pulled myself up and thought this is getting serious here, what do I really want. But I knew to touch something so deeply and walk away was just not possible, but with much seriousness I said to Spirit ‘to touch something so beautiful is a powerful thing and so worth its journey…yes, I want to share what we have’. And so on we went, not a fight, not an ounce of anger, no wish to be elsewhere, not even an argument on who’s turn to wash up the dishes…I wanted to…even that told me that this was something special. And it was but not quite for the reason I had in mind.

It wasn’t until almost two years later that we broke up, still no fight, no argument, just a wish for her to proceed in a way that I could not provide at that time. And down, down, down I went. The world went black, life was just a misery beyond words, I could not believe how bad I felt. I knew it wasn’t her fault in any way so there wasn’t even a point the finger and rant and rave or justify my feelings by it. I stayed like this for almost 5 years until one day someone I had just met asked my ‘why’ I still felt as I did. I said I opened with such power in that love, to have it close and lose it all. And this lady said then it must be in you, your the opener and closer. Look inside and ask yourself why do I feel as I do.

And after a couple of months work of trying to understand why I acted as I did, I saw something. I would, in any of my relationships, treat them all the same way. Pull out chairs, give flowers and not steal any of their chocolates even 😀. But they would eventually tell me to ‘ease up, back off a bit’ until it all came crashing down. And if we broke up I would always point the finger at ‘them’ and say ‘how could you not want any of this’, it’s your fault. But that wasn’t the ‘thing’…the thing I noticed was…I was doing all this so that ‘they’ would be nice back to me. I was petrified that they would reject me for who I was…so I had to ask myself why, what was I afraid of, why was I doing all of this.

So the digging began, back through all those same things in all my relationships, even to my friends I would act with ‘what can I do for you, can I help’ etc, etc. And on back to my childhood. And there it was again, trying to do all this stuff so as not to be rejected…but this time it was something different, I couldn’t see why I was trying so hard to be something for my…dad. The one I hated with all my mind. Why would I want to be anything for him. I loathed his existence let alone anything else. And with all these thoughts I realised…there it is, my anger, my hurt, my everything was focused to this one person in my life. Why?

I was determined to understand so I went over anything and everything back then and just became more and more frustrated because all I could see was ‘him’. So uncomfortable was I that I can truly understand why most people will just not go there because it is too painful. So I rang this lady and said this is pointless, there is nothing there but ‘him’ and all that he is. To which she said ‘didn’t he love you’…and down I went, I burst into tears like nothing I have ever touched before and the grief was incredible, like I had burst a wall, an emotional wall that had taken a lifetime to build and held back so much emotional pain and hurt like nothing else. It was the total of all my fears of that rejection from my dad, a lifetime…a huge piece of what I was suddenly let go. It broke…I broke…and suddenly I was free. Behind that wall was that very understanding waiting for me.

Now…the why? We spend our entire lives looking for that ‘love and happiness’ out there somewhere. We look and look hoping to find it in someone, even to the point that we project those very fears onto each and every soul that we meet. Why? Because we don’t realise the reason we look out there is because we don’t love ourselves, we have had it driven into us as children that there is something wrong with us, something unlovable because of how we are treated by those we love and look up to. Always with the ‘your useless, get out of the way and let me do it, I asked you to do one thing and you can’t even do that’ and on and on it goes. And we do indeed take it to heart always thinking that there ‘is’ something wrong with us and everyone else can see it too. And at about 9 or 10 yrs old the psychology books say we ‘lock it in’ to who we are. And drag it kicking and screaming into every relationship that we have…even the one with ourselves. Now with everyone it can vary in so many ways that we feel hurt…but…it will all come back to that hurt, rejection, lack of love in how we feel ‘we’ are being treated.

Now…the answer! At that moment that I went down hard in a mass of tears I had a very profound moment and understood two things immediately…I blamed my dad for everything miserable in my life but he actually, unintentionally treated me as he did…because his dad had treated him exactly the same. It was all he knew of being a parent. How many times do you hear…’your just like your mom/dad’, it’s as old as the pyramids that saying, and its true. But the one that bit the hardest was…I could see that was exactly how I had treated my son and daughter, I too had thought I had given them everything, and I had…the good ‘and the bad’ because I knew no other way. It is who I was. Yes…’was’.

Now…the bit that really shocked me! After many years of being a spiritual healer and counselor I had this fantastic idea that if we were able to get to children at a very young age and counsel them through these delicate years and save so many from such horror in their lives…and Spirit said…nothing. I thought bingo, I must be onto something here so I got into it some more and something then became blindingly obvious. Could you imagine going into a school or family home and telling a parent they aren’t loving their child properly. They’d probably at a minimum threaten you, mostly get very angry and a few might go to jail after putting you in hospital. And I thought there has to be something more profound in this…and there was.

We are given this journey, this very, very conditional journey so that we ‘feel’ everything. That ability to only truly understanding something when we experience it. Feel anger so that when we are given happiness we will appreciate it even more…and on through all those emotions. But the pain is the biggest teacher because it is that opposite of the love we feel we have lost. And given that pain so we can fight it, understand it, and finally realize the love inside that is waiting. Only then can we appreciate what we have endured. We only truly appreciate something we have lost, and we lose that love of ourselves in that rejection growing up as a child, not even realising we are doing it. Simply because as an emotionally immature child we have only one way to protect ourselves from pain and that is to ‘put up a wall, an emotional one’, ever building upon it as life pokes that raw thing in our hearts. Leaving us to ever look for that love and happiness ‘out there’ until we realize it is gently waiting within. You are being shown what unconditional love is by being shown conditional, and a more beautiful thing you will not find.

I have seen that light come on in someone who has been to hell and back, shared their journey to help find that lost soul in a world seemingly gone mad. And it is one of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed, seeing someone touch that place within themselves and see a hope and love come alive in a moment. Everyone’s journey is different, each a path to find themselves, but to witness this is like watching the birth of a child, the power and love within it is like nothing else.

Don’t be afraid to look…and yes, it is painful…but inside there is something that will forever set you free. And was I given something terrible, that ‘dark night of the soul?’…yes, and I am forever grateful for it. Why? Because without it I would just be…with it I grew in heart and soul. I endured, I struggled and I cried so many tears. But each one built on what went before and created something beautiful, that is inside each and every one of us. This place is a heaven like you wouldn’t believe when you can ‘see’. Our fears blind us to it all, but that has purpose so that we can travel this very path, to glimpse and see its light to give us something to work towards and find that unconditional love within us all, in all we do ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

Healers!

By

On September 26, 2021

In The Journey

This is a reply to Kristine’s wonderful post It’s In The Sharing!, over at candidkay’s, on that part of us we have discovered in life and our way of sharing it. The wise lady always puts it so well 😀

Ah, the healer in us all. And we can only share what we have become, but those ‘bits’ are indeed treasures. Those who are in that moment will indeed open their hearts, and those not ready will just move on. Even friends will shake their heads at us and gradually/immediately disappear. It all comes down to what we project…if you project being a healed person, then most certainly it will attract those that wish to be there too. You become that healer and it takes a bit to rationalize, especially when you see it so clearly now you have awakened but they cannot. It is because they too must take your journey, and as you well know ‘we took a while’ to see it…a lifetime almost, because it isn’t easy, and it is built that way so we could appreciate the wisdom of it all when it arrives.

I had a friend that I gave all my pearly wisdom to…and it took almost 5 years for her to see. Simply because it wasn’t for her to understand yet, probably because she needed to experience other things first so that what I was explaining to her could be understood for ‘her’ journey later. And most certainly whenever we meet someone and interact it is ‘always’ a two way street, even if to just acknowledge something within ourselves from that connection, as I did in going through that time. And shoot, I even dare to think I have awakened sometimes…and then get sat on my backside from something I haven’t seen. Not that I would repeat doing (ahem), ‘old things’ of course 🤣

Plus sometimes it gets a bit lonely being awake, to share with another with like mind. But like any change it feels just a little more bigger and takes a while to ‘fit into’ what we now are. Remember, it has taken a lifetime to build it, it will take at least a few years to build something wonderful from the space we have now created. And no, once understood we can’t go back, it has changed us forever. But in truth we do realize what it has taken to be this free inside. And in fact, it is on the day that we also realize, having reached this awakening, that we don’t have to heal the world (simply because the world needs its chance to go through all of this and awaken too), and just share a little healing to those that do come our way.

But just sometimes you want to sit by the waves, a cool breeze on your face and eat an ice cream…the world can wait for an hour or so…simply because you can only give of what you are. Tired, angry or drained of love a good healer does not make…until we learn to understand our why’s and can see, truly see a very simple world but just buried in the avoidance of our fears. Once understood it is indeed a very calm and peaceful place…unless we have a little awakening to do…but that’s ok too, it is all done with a love like no other. Once we step through it will finally be seen and show us how it was indeed all worth every step we took ❤️ 🙏🏽

Thanks Kristine, I had an itch. Must have been from trying to take all those masks off 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

What is love?

By

On July 21, 2021

In The Journey

In the beginning it is all we are…in the end it is what we become. We are down here to become that love ❤️

Just imagine you are given a gift from four different people. The gift is identical from all four.

The first gift is from your partner, someone you love very much and so you show your appreciation by giving a hug and maybe a kiss as well.

The second gift is from a parent, someone you love very much too but life being as it is you may give a quick hug and at the least a smile and a thank you.

The third gift is from a friend, not your best friend but someone you know a bit so you at least give a smile and a thank you.

The fourth gift is from a small child and in this your empathy almost automatically responds with an ‘Oh isn’t that cute’ with a thank you darling and big hug.

They are all different people, yet its the same gift. You are responding according to your circumstances with each of those people and what you have been brought up with. You have learnt over many years of these many different ways with people and how you respond in your love, compassion, empathy and for that matter all of your emotions you have handled in all those circumstances to become who you are.

You are ‘allowing’ through that love, you are measuring it, you are quantifying it, you are the gatekeeper to its doorway, you are even the captain of its river in life.

But you will only ever fully appreciate that love when you have finally stopped measuring, quantifying, gatekeeping and captaining it…because you will finally see that true love is a gift, unconditional in its giving or receiving. After many, many years of gifts, physical or heartfelt, you will finally remove the tape you measured it by, the weights you quantified it with, the toll your heart paid at its gate, and the flow your mind staggered with in its rapids so that after having endured such a bewildering journey you will finally see that you have only allowed that restricted flow because you could not love freely simply because you cannot love you.

Your life has taught you that you weren’t lovable because of those things you were taught by those you loved and looked up to, how could they be wrong. But they were, only because they too had not seen that their rivers were also blocked by all those things taught from those they loved and looked up to also.

We need to learn and experience it all so that slowly we will understand that no appreciation can be met until we feel and understand its many opposites, comprehend it is only our own hearts that measure this world and blocks it by that very same measuring tape. See everything you measure, especially within you, and understand we cannot do anything but by what we know. How can you build love if you’ve only learnt hate. How can you give a hug if it has never been given to you.

Dare to break your heart free, dare to throw its measuring tape that is fear, away. All it takes is that one urge to go beyond what has held you. You don’t have to do it all at once, that is what life is for, to give you time to become that unconditional within you. Grab a friend, partner, cute child and just dare to do something. Even if to just talk, it too has great loving power. Even a child speaks to us without a word being said.

So, what is love? It is all we do…everything all comes from it, to it, and beyond. Eternity has very big, loving arms. Ask God, He will tell you all about it in each breath you take ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

Just Be You!

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On June 18, 2021

In The Journey

In all those things we ever do in this world, nothing comes close to a greater happiness than when we discover something. Let’s say you’ve never painted before and someone says let’s give it a try. You have never done it before so it doesn’t really mean too much but your prepared to give it a go. You start off dripping paint, splashing the un-splashable and outright smearing reality across surrealism right into abstract in five easy strokes…but…you had a ball.

You couldn’t believe how much fun it was to learn this stroke and that, and the ability to really create something from such a few lessons. Some are easy, some are difficult…but they are the ones that make you the most happy because you have understood them and done fantastic things with them. You don’t fully understand it all but as you do it, the more and more the brush feels like an extension of your hand. You can’t wait to do it again, and again. You’ve found something that truly makes you happy. Rembrandt look out, I’m here 😀

Now apply that to your life…all that dripping, smearing and even experimenting all over, again and again, finding rough bits but getting better and better and astounded when you have one of those breakthroughs and create something that truly feels like you. Especially that love that is one of life’s masterpieces, even if it has a tiny flaw that only you can see. And because of that you put it in the backroom because you want to do better. In fact you will do better because that is just practice till you do get it right, do get it perfect, and this won’t be from rote and teachings but a style that is all your own. And it will answer you the day you create that masterpiece that is you.

You will be mesmerized by what you have created, like a dream on canvas it will glow it is that perfect. You have created unconditional love. You don’t even have to touch it anymore, you have achieved life’s purpose and now you can be that gallery of perfection and be on display as the masters always are…you now know that this could not have happened unless all that went before led you to this moment, teaching your heart exactly how to be…just by being you ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

Life!

By

On February 10, 2021

In The Journey

As many are aware I recently had a rather abrupt health problem a couple of months ago which I posted about earlier in a few posts as it progressed…’As Above, So Below’, ‘To Live, First Allow Yourself’, ‘A Perspective Of Life’, ‘Hope’, ‘The Last Day’ and now this post. Each time I thought it had touched what it needed to for my understanding and resolved itself, but no, another event would take it a step further so that I could ‘see’ properly. Each moment was a step. Each time I thought that this couldn’t possibly go further or I would die. But it did. And in fact the post on this (‘Hope’), touched something that I haven’t spoken of yet as it has done the one thing that I thought wasn’t possible. I have been shown over the years so many things by Spirit that my confidence in my journey is beyond words, simply because I thought that all my fears had been dealt with, leaving me in such a place that I thought even death no longer worried me in any way.

Ah, the minds and ego’s of men. Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. I haven’t done this post till now because on the night I almost died I was shown something that I literally could not fathom at all, it went against everything I knew up until now, of what I believed of myself. It was so powerful that Spirit left me to digest it, this was somewhere I had to go on my own because what I saw and felt tore my foundations of ‘self’ completely out from under me. It left me in shock because of what I initially saw, to me, I did not think was possible. In hindsight…I needed to see to understand, to see so that I could appreciate just what is there.

Let me explain, and I will say now that I have had to debate long and hard to even be putting this into words as it can be quite abrupt to many because of what I experienced. But remember, THIS WAS SPECIFICALLY MY JOURNEY and what I needed to see…and possibly because it is what I believe happens in all else in our lives. So remember these following next two sentences as you read further below.

‘All events in our lives have their opposites so we can understand. We cannot know and appreciate happiness unless we know and appreciate our experiences of sadness too, as with all of our emotions in our lives.’

So to now go to the ‘event’…I had waited too long in calling the ambulance and had reached a point where I could no longer speak to do so anyway. (IMPORTANT NOTE: I did not know this but (in Australia at least), I found out later that even if I had my ‘location’ turned off on my mobile phone you CAN still call an ambulance anyway and they will track it back to where you live (or where your currently located at), if you cannot speak for any reason).

So I was on my hands and knees on the floor of my kitchen, I couldn’t breathe but for a very tiny gasp in and out due to my lungs inflaming (from the emphysema), to the point that even the gasp of air had to be forced in and out. It is such a pronounced moment that you can barely think of anything but trying to get some air. I first tried to reach my hand out to ‘something, anything’ to help me…but there wasn’t anything there. What do you reach for to help you breathe? I started to even move out of the kitchen towards its doorway…seeking…what? And in that instant two things happened. The first was…I was thinking this is it, I’m going to die and all I could feel was this incredible loss and dare I say it (this scared me more than anything else that happened)…it was like every piece of love that ever existed was taken from me and left me absolutely rejected and tossed into hell. It was the most horrible thing I have ever touched in my life, I felt that I had not been good enough and there was no other chance at anything. I was done, had my chance and lost it. It was just so terrible I can hardly put it into words.

I do not know how long this lasted for but it must have only been seconds when the next instant hit with even more force than the first. And it was in that moment that God (and I do mean God), touched me with a very profound touch and thought of…I am the giver of Life…and left me stunned as He moved away. Spirit was there but this moment gave such a feeling that I was to understand that the gift of Spirit had shared so much with me but only God had the gift of Life.

Trying to absorb such an incredible moment while barely able to breathe was hard enough but I think the important part was understanding that, like all else in this world there are always two sides. Like happiness and sadness, neither can be appreciated for what they are unless they are both experienced and felt for what they truly are. I have experienced life in so many ways over the years and to now have that ‘life’ taken away has stripped me bare of any attitudes of confidence or knowing or what’s important or not. It leaves you KNOWING that down here is one of the most incredibly beautiful gifts we will ever be given…so that we can see truly the gift of unconditional love. We must touch this conditional side in all that we do down here so we can know and understand unconditional love.

And just so that my ‘condition’ was understood properly, I had very, very slowly begun to breathe again, slowly getting a tiny bit more and a tiny bit more until I felt I’m ok. So I sat up on my heels and went straight into another coughing fit to take me back to no breathing again, even worse than what it was before. To which Spirit said…you are being shown this a second time so that you do not ‘justify’ this event as ‘chance’…life is a gift, appreciate that gift.

Again, I very slowly regained my breath till I eventually dared to attempt to sit up again. After a long time I got up as it appeared that the emergency medicine I had taken earlier had finally began to work (or maybe God’s compassion), and went and sat on a chair and could do nothing but try to understand what I had been shown. Yes, it was terrible, but as I say, on its other side is something so profoundly beautiful. It has taken me a long time to digest something that most never get to see…except those that have survived ‘their’ encounter with death from accidents etc. And even they may not touch these things but I do know this…you are forever changed by touching its doorway, and in that I believe is its purpose. Like all else it gives us an understanding of what we truly do have down here, and will appreciate even more when we go up there.

Please believe me, I now understand better what life is, and what its like to have it taken away. Down here may seem like a hell some days, but truly it is a place in our hearts that we change each day as we experience it in all its ways. It can do nothing but change us each step we take. I was blessed…yes blessed, with seeing and touching something beyond words. I will never be the same…as you will also each step you take. Yes, it does hurt, but its opposite is to heal in a way that opens and allows us to appreciate that love hidden behind our walls. I thought I was impervious to life’s pain…Life had other ideas, so that I could see the beauty that God has given us with a great love, an unconditional one so that we will take those steps to feel and touch that love and happiness we have always looked for ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

A Perspective Of Life!

By

On November 30, 2020

In The Journey

….continued from posts ‘As Above, So Below!’ and ‘To Live..First Allow Yourself!’

Is it that moment you look into your newborns eyes and feel a connection way beyond words. Cheer on a friend who has finally stepped into their dreams after so much work. That moment your standing at the alter watching your partner in life walking down the aisle or maybe even just by being happy because at this moment life is good…just as it is.

To achieve all of these, and many, many more of these magical moments we must experience what it took to bring them into being. The struggles, the sweat, the physical and emotional toll that they all take in some way as we build something. A hope, a dream, an expression of something that gives us meaning in all that we do.

I have spoken of these in many ways, how we must experience and know these meanings to understand them truly. One cannot truly understand and appreciate happiness unless they know and understand sadness, and on through those many emotions. They are all a ladder that we climb to see higher and higher, that beauty we can see further and further in life with the wisdom that they show.

I am currently sitting at my kitchen table, among the mess that the ambulance officers had swept away to help me through another quite abrupt ‘life’ experience. My body is still reacting to the medicine I had been on until it decided an allergic response was necessary, careening my immune system so wildly that most symptoms I told the ambulance officer left him shaking his head. My lungs are now filling with fluid and barely enough room left to breath. And after our little chat and a nebulizer to ease my breathing I could feel his empathy as he obtains a promise from me that I will ring my doctor first thing in the morning. I shake my head as I realise I’m being blocked again and need to step through this on my own. And no sleep for at least 12 hours as the adrenal rams my heart up, eyes wide open and a shaking like tree.

In the last two hours this had rapidly reached a point where this emergency call had to happen. To even move about I’m literally gasping like a fish out of water and as I had earlier looked up I see I have to go 30 feet to unlock the door to let them in. Do you know how far 30 feet is? And I am amazed at the next thought from spirit…’it just depends on your perspective’.

And in hindsight life is definitely like that..all of it is our perspective. If your just ducking out for some milk, it does not even compute. But right at this moment and your at your last breath, it has all the meaning in the world. If I don’t unlock that door, they can’t get in.

So my beautiful friends, life does indeed come right down to you, what experiences you get from those many millions of miles you travel, and is indeed in return giving its all to you. Each moment changing that little barometer within to seek that ultimate goal of unconditional love we all look for. And yes, it will step on your toes because you only have a lifetime…this lifetime…a bare 60 odd years to achieve so many things so that the beautiful flower within you will blossom and reach for the sun.

And just to make sure I was listening spirit asked me ‘now that you have perspective, what do you want to do with this time that is left you?’. I sit there and ponder…and each and every thing I come to is summarily dismissed as it no longer has meaning. Until I reach one, one thing that had automatically gone to the bin in that first instance because it just didn’t register but now in hindsight it has more meaning than all that went before…this post.

How many people really get a chance to say thank you to all those that gave him perspective, gave him a love profound in their words and care. Told him of hopes and dreams so that he could indeed find perspective in his own. And I have too, in that few feet to my door is a perspective I didn’t know I had. In feeling I was losing life I had in fact gained it, and in that one magical moment realised that it all was built on a love profound, the one that touches us all.

So remember, all it takes is perspective…your perspective to share that love. Each and every moment a jewel is being formed, a black coal pressured into a majestic diamond sparkling to the world. It takes both sides of every moment to see the heights of that beauty and realise the wisdom it shares with us truly.

So my friends, I love you all…each and every perspective of you, the ones you shared with me to make me exactly who I am. You shared something so profound in each moment we were together in heart, mind and soul. And for that I am ever grateful. Even if for but a moment…for there are worlds…even in those few steps.

Oh, and just one more perspective…in all that you do, hold your heart in your hands. It is amazing how much more gently we become in making a life with it out in front to see and feel. Could you be angry at someone who was holding their hearts up to you? Lead with your heart and this world will change beyond what you could ever imagine, and trust me, it is much, much more than 30 feet! 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

As Above, So Below!

By

On November 16, 2020

In The Journey

Hey guys, I’m just going to put my soul on the table for a minute or two. Not the real one, just the figurative one 😀

The ‘event’ that I could feel coming on has finally arrived. It has caught me out a bit as I knew it was something to do with the physical side of me but this was ‘out there’. I have emphysema (C.O.P.D) from working in the coal industry and I’ve had a very large allergic reaction to a medicine I was on and it has really sent my body into a spin. The more amazing part has been where I am being blocked in all aspects of trying to heal from the outside ‘medical’ world. Spirit only said I need to ‘see’ something within myself…as in, I am going to have to deal with it myself to go where it needs to.

I’ve had three trips by ambulance in the last year with regard to this as this medicine has made my immune system go haywire and they just observe you for an hour or two and as soon as you say yes to the magic question ‘are you feeling better’ they push you out the door. Even my specialist I made an appointment with has totally disappeared (I thought it was just the covid-19 virus distracting so many at this time so us ‘normal’ sick people just got shuffled down the line but a phone call would have been nice). There is no medicine to replace what I had been using, my doctor has been ignoring me (simply because he can do nothing), and my questions must go to the local chemist to find what the cause is below the obvious ingredients. And it appears my allergy to sulphur (its a preservative in everything (especially food), as well as sometimes part of the healing in medicine), is in my medicine but for some strange reason it has only now decided to react. But strange I think not, as I ‘feel’ it has been waiting for its time in my journey.

And just to really ram home the timing of this event, I had caught pneumonia in june and as I’m also allergic to all antibiotics (most groups have sulphur in them), the only way I could heal myself besides my own hands on healing (and a thank you to Rhapsody for her recent distance Reiki, I slept like a baby 😀), was to reduce that medicine so my immune system could restore itself and fight off the pneumonia (the medicine is a steroid and an immune suppressant to stop my immune system attacking my lungs, emphysema is an autoimmune disease). And you wouldn’t believe it, the really bad constant headaches I had suffered from for years from crushed disks in my neck…stopped. So I went on and off the medicine over the next six weeks and sure enough as soon as I stopped it, the headaches went, as soon as I restarted back they came. I was so stunned that I had in fact been feeding the headaches because of this medicine, not because of the injury. And then to really make sure I was going to go through something and face it bare bones, over the years I found that I was allergic to all over the counter and some scripted pain killers and couldn’t even fight the headache pain. I stopped testing the script ones because the allergic reactions were so severe I just wasn’t game to keep killing myself. For 4 years I have been bringing my brain to the boil for nothing (grrrrr, while shaking head). They kill you while trying to heal you…go big pharma ☹️

Actually that isn’t true, I’m now about to face something that is very important in my life and couldn’t have got here without this journey….I have to remember that. It is what this world gives us so that we can find us, and that love we so diligently search for is in fact through that pain, emotional or physical…otherwise we will never appreciate the beauty that we are, in that very discovery ❤️

I can feel specifically that this is a rebirth, a letting go of the old to bring in the new. I am effectively allergic to the 21st century and I am letting so much of it go and it is an interesting experience to lay at night not being able to breath and ‘feel’ that you could die at any moment as the emergency ventolin is working less and less. Spirit showed me death so that I could see it truthfully and it holds no fear for me (‘The Death’ up on my menu bar at the top)…but I have never actually experienced it (there is a very big difference in its totality), so I’m being shown my mortality as ‘The Death’ did in a way that leaves nothing to question but the way I am facing it by who I am within.

And amazingly, as I am ‘clearing’ myself physically, my spiritual sensitivity flows more smoothly. My inner ‘sense’ feels more balanced. It is like I’m stepping out of my own way even further. Even physically my sense of taste and smell has increased dramatically. Hey, I can smell the insides of a chocolate wrapper from a thousand yards…go figure 😂 🤣

So at this point dear friends, I am doing as I tell all others…I follow my heart, the love that I know I am, and going where my highest good shall be found. In this I am being shown a deeper meaning to the beauty that I have seen and felt. But I do know this, and amazing as it may sound…after seeing so much pain in life but understanding that it does have a great purpose in the love that we all seek, I know that if I was to die (and I do not know if I am), I will go to an absolutely magnificent place…but…I now know that ‘down here’ holds just as much beauty and I would miss it totally, simply because…with no fear it all changes and down here is just as majestical as heaven is…and as I ‘feel’ this a tap on my shoulder from spirit says ‘as above, so below’…we just have to understand it, to see it in our journey. We are given this with so much love because that is its design. It can do no other but gradually show us its beauty, that beauty that is love and within us all…wherever we are.

P.S. I’ve probably built up enough credits for a miracle or two so who knows, I’ll ‘see’ something amazing and heal myself. And shoot, speaking of miracles, I’ll probably get ‘un-blocked’ and can comment everywhere again…see, there is always a rainbow in our circumstances somewhere…and no, I think the chocolate may have to go this time, wherever I am 😂 🤣

P.S.S. If I go quiet for a while I may be having a little chat with spirit for a bit, somehow I don’t think this is going to be a quick journey. Maybe I’ll get to do another trip up to heaven again. I wonder what varieties of chocolate they have, I must ask 😂 🤣

P.S.S.S. If it is my time, keep an eye out for a white feather. I’ll be whipping around somewhere to show you all I can still tickle your heart and bring a smile 😂 🤣

Take care my friends, may your journey give you a few cloudy days so that you will appreciate the sunshine that our world is…above and below 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

Empathy, a reply to Momus!

By

On September 27, 2019

In The Journey

My return reply to Scottishmomus’s bullshite-and-empathy

It is very simple Anne Marie, and also quite profound. You have been brought up to be a caring, loving person. Simply because that was what you were shown or its your reaction to what you felt was the opposite of that, being brought up by those you love (sometimes mum, sometimes dad, or both), who you feel have treated you rather poorly and so you try to compensate for that.


And then we project what we are out into the world. You want the world to be a caring, beautiful place…but along comes those that (and as the song says), ‘shat’ on everything they touch and practically force you to live in it.
Your life steps into what it loves to do, teaching, caring, showing and even writing that what you express deep within.


The kids, even though they can be quite draining, leave you with a hope that they have heard you. Will grow up into a world with at least your empathy and care so that you can feel you have achieved something by giving them a start in this world. And they do the one thing in your ‘communicating’ that is an absolute must, it is the other half of communicating and probably the most important bit…is that they ‘listen’.


But here’s the 1st rub, ‘they’, as in those that like to ‘shat’ everywhere…don’t ‘care’ like you do, won’t ‘listen’ to anyone like you, will not ‘try’ like you do…simply because they have not been ‘taught’ as you have or are reacting to their upbringing. In fact, that pride of the world, that thing they call governments etc only attract one type of person…the controller, manipulator…to achieve only one end, to become everything for everybody while feathering their own nest. Every person that I know does not trust them because of that falseness. It is an instant signal they show that puts us on guard…they smile.


The 2nd rub is also very simple, they have been allowed to set up this ‘government’ in a way that they imply your absolute right to make choices by voting. And as soon as you do they then counter that by ‘party lines’ and ‘your choice’ has to follow those lines, even if they are the most honest person in the world. The system is corrupt and I don’t mean just the feathering the nest, I mean morally it is a cesspit.

So you are in fact beating your head against a wall, splattering your hard built sanity into a void of idiots that have absolutely no idea how to apply ’empathy’ because they fear it. They have been brought up in such a way that they wall it up and block its appearance, the exact opposite of you, and focus on ‘their’ ideas.

The only way to ‘live’ in this environment is to come from where your heart is. But to do this you have to let go all of ‘their’ stuff. Just focus on what you believe and give it out. Ignore where they are at…totally. Just give you out to those that want to listen.

And the reason that they win all the time is simply because they browbeat you into submission, screaming and yelling absolute garbage to drown out something that they are afraid of. The only thing that will beat this system is to run for a position that will do one thing and one thing only. Allow the people to have a direct say on decisions that go through parliament, whether by computer once a year on the main topics (that must be stuck by like a referendum). Which can only ever be changed by putting it out to a referendum.

And trust me, the howls from those parliamentarians would be heard from around the world, you would be removing the one thing that keeps that control in their pockets. The money ‘outside’ would no longer have anyone to corrupt to get through their needs and wants (they can’t pay off us millions of people). Hey, for me even suggesting such a thing I might suddenly disappear they are that afraid of this.

Now some sanity. And this can be a little confronting my friend. Those fears that we hold (and I mean all of us), are the very things that drive us in all that we do.

An example: (and I make a great crash test dummy here 🙂 ). I hated my father because I thought he didn’t love me. Fullstop. (I, and everybody else in their own way, lock in whatever their fears are by about 8 or 9 years old. This you can find in all the text books).

I thought I was unlovable so to compensate for that, and in all my relationships I wanted my partner to show that love, I expected them to respond to my overtures (pull out chairs, give flowers and poetry etc), so that I could feel that love…but all it ever did was reach a point that they felt smothered and pushed me away. I had in fact ‘created’ my fear. And we all do it. We ‘project’ our fear by trying to not have it happen.

I had spent most of my life ‘projecting’ because I knew it was everybody else’s fault. How could it be mine with all that I was doing. And this is what we all do in our own ways.

In your case you know you have a great idea, it is fair and gives a real opportunity to everyone to be part of something wonderful. But your great idea for everyone does what my wanting love (also my version), does for me. It puts a lot of people ‘against’ what I am after because it also presses their ‘fear’ buttons.

Now the hard bit, I’m asking you to find that bit in your life that keeps upsetting you. All the ways you feel that you have been treated badly and upsets you more than anything. And this will be in all your relationships, mum, dad, partner, your children and maybe even especially those children you teach.

Your trying to give something but you are not being heard, trying to show something but are being ignored, trying to help but are being shunted, pushed, and relegated to the background.

Which part upsets you, what relationships reject who you are. In there is your answer. That very rejection is the very thing that drains you. You are trying to give from who you are but what you are giving is being shunned. That very thing you are trying to give is that inner core of who you are, it is the love you have built forever and it is being rejected. It is upsetting, it is painful, it is very distressing because you have opened your heart to share something that you ‘know’, and it is given with that love. But to have that ‘love’ slapped back in your face is a shock.

And the drain goes on. While ever our fear is with us, we will always react the same way. It is something that we have anchored into who we are. And each time it rears its head we go on the defensive and it drags us downward some more.

A second thing I will mention here is we are all nervous when we try something new, it is natural to be fearful of ‘new’ circumstances, it is a safety mechanism so we don’t do anything dangerous. So new job, new adventure, new relationship…we tend to be on guard until we get our answers to the circumstance and this allows us to relax, be at ease and no longer worry about that circumstance. It becomes second nature so we no longer give it any thought.

But our life fears have had no answer for years and years, we don’t understand the ‘why’ simply because they were locked into place by a very immature, childish emotional mind. And the only way that mind could operate was to block that horrible fear, put up that wall so that we had a coping mechanism in place to handle those moments that bring it into the open.

But each time that fears raises its head we will do some of the most crazy things…it is the child reactions that we have put in place all those years ago and reinforced as we grew up…but still not understood. So each time we enter that fear, regardless if its a life fear or scared from the first time jumping out of a plane…they all do one thing.

They put us on guard, they stress the body, they trigger the fright or flight syndrome which all does one thing…it begins to fire the adrenal gland. And how do we feel after being frightened or stressed (physically or emotionally), it tires us out, it drains us and leaves us in almost a state of shock if it is a large enough scare.

Combine that with a circumstance like your fight to get some sanity into a governing system that is built like a brick wall, and most certainly your heart and mind will become drained and leave you with a feeling of hopelessness.

Just remember there are ‘natural’ fears and there are ‘built’ ones. The natural ones are more brief, easier to get over and leave us wiser because we see and understand them. It is the built one that constantly drains us, as we never understand the ‘why’ of our reactions.

Now my fear, once I understood what drove it, became like the natural ones…because I understood it. And like those other natural ones, once understood they no longer have purpose and they lose that power over us. I can see that I don’t have to hold them anymore because they are no longer a danger to me.

My dad did love me…in his own way, simply because it was all he was ever taught. And even if he was the biggest heathen on this earth, he still did not know how to love any other way but what he was shown by his parents and his environment. It didn’t mean he was wrong…I thought he was. It didn’t mean he couldn’t love…I thought he couldn’t. It didn’t make him not my dad…I thought that. And I dragged it all kicking and screaming into my adulthood trying to make everyone else fit the bill. It is always at ‘my end’ that I have to deal with.

Note: After ranting and raving about how bad my father was to a friend one day, she slowly turned to me and said: ‘he’s been dead 13 years, who’s holding onto what and causing you grief?’

(I wouldn’t speak to her for weeks….but dammit she was so right 🙂 )

Once I finally understood, everything changed. And I mean everything. After seeing what I had blocked all my life, after that final admittance to myself that he did in fact love me, the ‘let go’ of so much that I had held inside, I began to ‘see’ the truth around me. I was so focused by eyes that were shuttered by my fear that in that ‘let go’ I finally saw things that were tarnished by those beliefs and realised I was living a lie in everything I did it was that profound.

And once I saw that I also realised that there was soooo much stuff that I was holding onto that was just rubbish. Worrying about this or that and now realising it was a safety mechanism. Gave me something to focus on…so that I wouldn’t have to face those things I didn’t want to.

And over the years afterwards I have become new. I have ‘created’ a new life, something so much more natural because it isn’t forced, no longer built by those fears and the reactions that it triggers. Shoot momus, I even had to learn to walk again because of that ‘let go’. You relax for the very first time afterwards but your legs (and the rest of your body) is so used to being a certain way that it now ‘feels’ so different.

Oh, nearly forgot, because of that ‘let go’ the rest of the world no longer matters. Yes I care very much about it all and those in it…but…I did me first (finally), found what was wrong with me and healed it…otherwise I am only giving out that bent fearful version and actually adding to the cacophony that is already there. Do me and then I can give out that healed loving version.

Once you see and understand those fears that we hold, we then realise that this conditional world is here for a very important reason. We must experience and feel each opposite feeling or to what can we judge each of those individually by? It is that journey to touch, feel and understand all those opposites so that the good and bad, the happy and the sad, the joy and the anger and many other opposites all have one very distinctive purpose. They show us…us. They allow us to experience, feel, reason and argue until that wall we hold loses its argument with us and it comes crumbling down. And we finally see a love and empathy that it has blocked forever…inside of us. And in doing so we realise that much of what went before was a great teacher but the wisdom we have now gained no longer needs those things so they are released.

And with that wisdom, and because of all that has been experienced, we can now see it within others because of their thinking and actions. And in the beginning we try to help them through this world to reach where we are (like the children in your classes…you know, when you finally see that light go on in their eyes when that type of math’s problem gives them that aha moment), but the beauty of it is that they can only hear what they are ready for so that the adventure is a very personal, achievable, and oh so loving thing to break through and realise that it is you and you only that has created this beauty inside. No one else can be blamed or interfere because of that…and that only allows one thing to happen, a love and belief in yourself.

That ending is perfection in itself. And all because you have endured a great journey, achieved something against some of the most tremendous odds, believed when there seemed to be no ending, and found a treasure that when you finally see it, will bring you to tears. Not painful ones from a tearing heart, but ones that finally are built from a love that finally see’s a light where none had been seen before.

Become that light and it will shine out as a beacon of truth forever and attract accordingly.

I look forward to Prime Minister Momus and finally someone I would vote for gladly, someone who has that light that gives hope for the future, simply because I can see her heart and know where she has been to find it 💜

Compassion!

By

On September 5, 2017

In The Journey

The lovely Barbara Franken at ‘Me My Magnificent Self’ has asked me to do a guest post on compassion at her website.

To which I firstly say thank you for thinking of me to contribute, and secondly for your site, a wellspring of so much positivity and love with an attitude of finding our own hearts so that we can bless those around us by being the healing and blessing that this discovery brings.

And of course in that discovery is found much compassion as it blossoms from within because we have now understood the meaning of those fears in our lives, and in breaking through them we realise what others are still going through. And in now understanding each side of the equation of fear and compassion, it now opens that love within, for ourselves and in our dealings with those around us.

To this day it still amazes me just how powerful our love and compassion is, for the strength and courage it has taken to step past many painful things in our lives. But the biggest wonder I ever see, is that beautiful recognition I see in the eyes of another as that understanding reaches its final destination…their hearts. The tears begin to flow in an acceptance of exactly who they are as the walls come tumbling down, and a glow like no other begins to shine from within.

To read this guest post on compassion at Barbara’s site, please click here… ‘Compassion!’

And thank you Barbara for allowing me to share my journey on your lovely site, and be a part of that compassion you share with all.

Namaste <3

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