A Mothers Nightmare!

This is a reply to a post that Spirit has asked me to put up. And the posts themselves are indeed a mothers worst nightmare. To understand this post fully, go to this young ladies three posts and read them in order Chapter 24 , Chapter 25 and Chapter 26 . Then come back and read this post. It may feel a little confronting…but it is a truth…and as hard as it may be, you cannot build love without it ❤️🙏🏽


That is the one thing that is difficult…but is the making of us. We cannot develop empathy, compassion and love without going through something painful. We have to experience it to ‘know’ it truly. But a parent wants to protect that innocence, keep its truth and keep them from this worlds pain. But without those opposites in our emotions we can’t feel its truth, won’t understand that it is in going through and experiencing sadness, that gives us a much more powerful understanding and appreciation of happiness when it arrives, and on through all our emotions.

You will know my friend, because of your journey of what I speak. I can feel you from the rawness touched, the tears untold, of where you words are delivered. You have already touched so much in your heart, let alone this. But it was preparing you…and yes there are many other ways of experiencing life so that those extremes are not needed…or are they. It is that being taken to those extremes that pushes us out of our ‘safety’ zones, tried and true and therefore ‘known’ places. But we won’t move to that one place inside us if we don’t, that fear in our hearts that ‘unintentionally’ is placed into those young lives, simply because we cannot see inside them, the reactions to so many things. They want to be loved so will say yes when a no is needed, and so that we can see where their hearts are. They are afraid to lose that love, that connection that they need from how they have been raised. In all the healing that I’ve done, the one thing that stood out above all else…we are all in fear, and as a parent we unintentionally pass those on…simply because we don’t even understand what they are at the time we bring our children into the world. So how can we teach them the right from wrong within those fears when we don’t understand them ourselves.

And on it goes down the generations…but it all has a very beautiful purpose. This journey IS going to test us to finally step through those fears, just as you have, and become that truth of love inside you. The moment you understand your fear you suddenly understand that after a lifetime of so much conditional love we place on ourselves…it allows us to truly understand unconditional love when it arrives. And it will, exactly as it is meant to. I can describe many things to you, but until you experience them we don’t truly understand. And your little girl is going to go through many of these, but the only thing that will be the most powerful thing you can do, is tell her the truth. Even if it feels a horrible thing to say, they KNOW you are being honest , and of all things it is that they trust, hurting or not.

Truth builds trust and love. Whenever you speak the truth of something to one another it builds trust. Be that trust so that if the need ever arises the first person she will want to speak to will be that person she loves the most. You. Then you can help and protect her in the only way that truly has meaning. For you both.

This life takes us down many painful roads, but as you said, you can’t protect her from them all…but you will teach her the path to trust…honesty…empathy…compassion…and the love that they all build. Without those many emotional roads, there is nothing to build. Yes, it is hard…for you both. And after your journey it will test so much, touch many parts within yourself in doing this…because that is what love is, that building between people regardless of the journey. Trust you, so you can trust her. Love you, so you can love her. Show her the journey by being that love. And yes, you may have not done that well in the beginning…but that is irrelevant. It is what you have become because of it. Be that love you have found within you…and set her free. And never be defeated by it, she has a long way to go to find herself. Look at how long it took you. Breeeeathe, and just be you, the you that you have found. It can be too easy to fall back into stressful ways…but that then is what you will give her.

Be the mother you always wanted, now be that for her…and you. For you both, have a Happy New Year, a delight in what is there, now, for you both. And begin to lay that groundwork of what you truly want it to be.

I didn’t understand when Spirit asked me to wait until the first week of January. Now I do as you have added Chapter 26 since I wrote this above and it gives a greater understanding of that road you traveled Samantha. It can be such a cruel road and you have ‘seen’ it truly, it’s depth…on both sides, has taken you from your world out beyond what you thought was even endurable. But it is those that is the making of us, stretching us out beyond that safety of what I spoke, to ask us ‘another step’, another thought so much deeper…and all to see who we really are, that ‘dark night of the soul’ where we finally do meet ourselves and let go those fears. The day before this all happened is now another world, another place and time. But in its wisdom you have truly seen and let go so much, understood that what was then truly cannot be matched with now, and allowing you to see with an empathy, love and compassion you never thought to ever feel. Yes, it is all a world of so many conditions ‘back then’, but now…you touch a love finally uncovered, an understanding of yourself in going through such a terrible time, you and your daughter, that will leave a mark. And that mark of wisdom has touched you both. You will think you are strong enough, but fear for your daughter of such a path so young tests us like nothing else. And it will leave a trail, it cannot do otherwise, for you both. But in any that you meet who have traveled something so shattering, it lifts them beyond what is normal and will in fact give them a new path, one of a love well beyond the seeming years they are and become a healer of that love, just in being themselves. Even as you will. In attesting it here you are helping others. And yes, she is still so young and may have many ‘issues’ in dealing with life holding them. But that pathway has a love all its own. And in experiencing it, building something more profound.

As for him. In all I have felt in any on that road, they may block and block it within themselves, but like all else that only attracts it all the more. And I’m not talking about what they do, but what they ‘feel’ inside because of it. Trust me, that ‘dark night of the soul’ goes on for as long as they are there. It is reinforced while ever they refuse to step beyond it, they hold that pain of worth and no self love until they do. This may not give peace to others because of their own pain, but it isn’t until they find their own worth again within that path, that it too is let go and releases them. The pain you feel, he too is feeling his own, his path to find himself. Like you it is built on those fears and doubts and cannot be avoided. We all choose our paths to find us, up there as well as down here. As above, so below. It all has a purpose, a very profound purpose.

Love will, and can only find that love within us, ever drawing us to find that love and happiness from birth…and if it means showing us ‘us’ in all we do, then it shall. It wants us to be that unconditional love but we cannot see this until we feel and understand conditional love, all those things we experience and feel ‘down here’. It is all those ‘opposite’ things that teach us. To know and appreciate happiness, is only when we experience sadness too…or with what can we compare it to, and feel and appreciate that worth. And on through so much in life. And when we touch, as you now have, those things that push us beyond our fears, it gladly replaces it with that love we have found in enduring it. The day I finally faced that terror of terrors (for me), and saw what it was, what I had to endure, what path I had taken to understand it…I was glad, overjoyed and would gladly have done it again, even those bad bits endured. Because inside it all is a path, your path to reach a beauty that is beyond words. And when you finally see it…you will understand that it all had to happen exactly as it has, each step a teacher, a very profoundly beautiful teacher.

This world is a hard road Samantha, but it truly wants us to find something very powerful and beautiful within us all. There is a purpose on this road and each step is building that inside us. That man has created his journey, and you have created yours. And yes, it is for both to find that love. Exactly as they need by being those opposites all the world around so that others can see within those paths. Many, many years ago one of the first things Spirit said to me was…we know everything, but we do not ‘know’ it. We must experience it all so that by being down on this conditional world we will finally, truly understand His love, His unconditional love. Or why else would we be here. This world and His world are opposites, we are experiencing one to truly know the other, experiencing our conditional love to finally see, feel and appreciate His unconditional love when we arrive. And that too I have touched…there are no words for something so beautifully profound, but you will be glad of all that you have experienced in that one moment of understanding.

Love and light for you all Samantha, and I hope this builds a bridge for you and your daughter, one where you can always meet in the middle…and sometimes just rest and watch the water go by…and feel it too has a purpose…an unconditional purpose ❤️🙏🏽

26 thoughts on “A Mothers Nightmare!

    1. It can indeed Michele, but I do understand it is those incredible things we go through that are the making of us. And I must say Samantha was the one that endured something quite traumatic, for her and her daughter. That takes a great courage, faith and love to go through. In fact she took that courage further by posting it all to bring ‘her’ out of what it held in going through it before I came along. That takes a lot of doing and she should be proud of that. I didn’t do anything but give her those messages that I had been given through my journey. And yes, sharing something that should be seen in each of us to allow us to have strength in whatever we face. And open those pains and fears to allow us to be set free too. To know that even among such a raw, painful place, there is something so incredibly beautiful at its end. A hope that it can be gone through, wherever we are, and set us free. Thank you for sharing kind lady, may your freedom not be a hope but a fact in having gone through your own journey ❤️🙏🏽

  1. I am conflicted here as therapeutic support and heart felt guidance feels to me to be between the two people involved. May love and understanding resolve trauma and wounds of the heart in all of us. Holding space is sacred. 💖🙏🏼💐

      1. Haha, aren’t they what! A little word here or there, changes everything. It is like standing next to a lake and Spirit says something so simple…like walk across the lake. It has so many connotations let alone every emotion, belief and habit known to man…oh ok, I just make it too hard from something that is really simple. Jet ski’s can do it in an instant. It’s just our minds get in the way 🤣❤️🙏🏽

    1. Yes, they are both obviously at different levels of understanding which can make it quite difficult physically, mentally or spiritually. I’ve been with a friend through a difficult time and I was stunned by the counseling…but…I was told by Spirit quite strongly to leave it alone, it was his journey. Here, ‘thankfully’, I was given the nudge spiritually to give Samantha support for her journey, so that she can give through it as only a mother can give to her daughter. Considering the journey I think I would have been a teapot. And yes indeed, to hold that loving space is indeed sacred dear lady ❤️🙏🏽

        1. I dared to question our journey in this crazy place…so with great love He gave me a gift so I could see below the noise. But only after I too fell into each and every lesson myself. There are no words…truly ❤️

  2. Dear Mark, I went along to Samantha’s three posts and read her heart wrenching story.
    Your words are a true testament of love, Mark, in that your wise words share not only empathy and compassion, but you See how out of darkness comes Light, and a deeper understanding of the many layers which goes into our emotional teachings.
    So many of us have had to learn on our own, without a wise Mother like Samantha to guide her child in her healing journey.
    She most certainly understands as you do the damage that is held in trauma may cause if her daughter cannot heal and release her experience.

    Thank you Mark for your profound words which are healing in themselves.

    Wishing you a Blessed and Loved filled 2023 as you help more learn the art of Love overcoming Fear, as we learn to Let go, and love ourselves more deeply.
    Much love.. Sue ❤️

    1. Ah dear Sue, the journey you so well know. Touching and daring so much to open a heart long held. We are on a tremendous journey, and so beautifully built so that it is our own strength and courage that dares us to take those steps…unconditionally. If it wasn’t we could not see.
      Samantha did say about counseling, and I do hope a good one. Her daughter must have that outlet to express it all in how she feels…but not make it an intensity that teaches her that this is all that life is. She needs to eat chocolate, and not think of it. Dance, and not think of it. Fall in love, and not think of it. But that is the thing of fear, we are ever on guard for it, and it does have a great purpose…it teaches us, and dares us, to go beyond it…and find that love and happiness we have ever looked for. And it is there among it all gently waiting for us ‘to’ dare its path.
      Much love and light to you and yours also Sue, may your garden grow, your heart prosper, and your love unconditional kind lady. Thank you for sharing it here 😀❤️🙏🏽

      1. Thank you dear Mark for sharing this story and your wise comments .
        Would that the world were full of Mark Lanesburys lol 😂 we would live in a beautiful world . X 💕

        1. Oh dear lady, never that. We’d be bored to tears 🤣 But this many splendorous world has it all, so we can see the love through it. One thing that always amazes me…underneath the hubble and bubble of life this incredible thing called love brings together…everything…and I mean it all. It wants us to become that love and it will give us that chance. We attract it in that love and happiness we ever look for…so it gives just that…but a lot of it is in going through something to get there. It wants us to be that beautiful clear love but we are holding onto so much that we can’t until we go through those things we hold onto, understand them, and let them go. Always unconditional love is a choice, that is why it is unconditional. The only rules that exist are the ones we hold, those choices that change as we face them. And again, that is its magic. By going through those ‘bits’ we hold, we can then appreciate unconditional love from what we have been through to achieve it.
          Sorry, nearly another post. I’ll tuck that away for later. And thank you for sharing also my friend, and it is going to be a very beautiful world…something wonderful 🤣❤️🙏🏽

  3. What a story and a journey, Mark. Thank you so much for sharing a painful, but necessary story to understand. I have done no scientific research on this, but it’s my opinion that people coming out of the Covid have either heightened their sense of empathy, or shut it off completely. I’m happy my heart still works…despite all the times it breaks for self and others.

    1. Thank you Michelle, Samantha has indeed gone through something that does indeed also teach us so beautifully. It’s like all the opposites I speak of, as in needing to experience sadness to truly appreciate happiness when it comes. But also in that, I am seeing that the more powerful the experience the more empathy, compassion and love that it creates within us, for having experienced it. Those people going through tremendous accidents, or horrors in some way are ever profoundly changed by them, feel that those many things we hold no longer have a purpose and let them go. Our ‘dark night of the soul’ does indeed gift us that understanding, and builds a love like no other…and sets us free. Your heart is indeed free dear lady, your blog, and no doubt your new book will attest to that. Thank you for sharing dear lady, may the new year go well in that freedom 😀❤️🙏🏽

  4. I’m so thankful to know you from afar. Since I started this blogging journey, you have helped me in ways that are difficult to name…it’s like having a sort of mentor or lost family member cheering me along from across the world! It’s amazing and I thank you from the depths. I thank you especially for sharing your words and these particular chapters in the hopes that they may move another in some helpful way ❤️

    1. Dear lady, I bow to you. You have taken a path beyond words, touched so much in it all…and then had the courage to express it so that others may comprehend something that is beyond comprehension. That ‘dark night of the soul’ touches us all, in many ways…but the love through it all is a marker on our souls, that light we have all been looking for.
      As hard as it was, you are now sharing what you have become because of it. There is no other ‘thing’ that can create it but the daring of your heart, the taking of those steps, the courage to be strong within it all. And the birth of a love immeasurable.
      And thank you for your words in your comment. I was gifted with its understanding on my path. That ‘dark night of the soul’ may scare the many, but it is in doing as you have done that an inner understanding of what we do down here has indeed shown us a great purpose. I am a sign post, as you too will now become. Simply because you will now give out that love in the empathy, compassion and love this journey has now built. You can only give out what you are…and you have now touched and become that love, even among its anger and pain it teaches something very powerful…beautiful…and profound. You have beaten it by daring it…and been set free.
      It takes some time for it all to settle, but as time goes by those changes within become more distinct, a peace and a let go of what was, will change you…as only love can do.
      Thank you for sharing and guiding me, and may your journey always be that change we seek ❤️🙏🏽

  5. Wow! I find it hard to comment the words that I know live in my heart, but are not always so easily expressed…especially after reading the 3 chapters and your beautiful response here, Mark!
    Truth is the thing that perhaps stood out most to me…and truth I found in all your words. An unimaginable nightmare, for sure…and hard to believe that it is all part and parcel of life…that these experiences lead us to finding the truth about ourselves…the truth about life!
    Your words touched me deeply, and the whole exchange touched a nerve of familiarity. I’ve been through the dark times…I’ve lived at the bottom of a dark…dank…well, and felt there was no way out. These experiences…these opposites…yes…they may be necessary to understand our place in the world, and yet they can feel so excruciatingly painful to go through!!
    Many blessings to you, my new friend. I understand where you come from and I vibrate to a very close frequency.
    I hope the New Year appeared dressed in love and peace, and that you know your truth in all ways!

    1. It is indeed a hard path Lorrie, and I can feel so much pain endured to live it. But as I said, we live it in so many ways…day after day, to find something so beautiful. And Samantha, and many others, have taken a path so powerful that only that place can crack the pain of this world wide open and set them free.
      And that truth of love is ever asking us to look inside, but do we dare in these things that bring so much pain and tears…but it is within them all, pushing us to have courage to take that step we ever hesitate at.
      But beyond it, in an instant we understand it’s purpose, love’s purpose so that we can see.
      Thank you for sharing dear lady, a light I can see from those very steps you have taken. A great year is coming, regardless of its steps, as we all tremble, dare our worth, and break free too. May your understanding keep flowering that love ❤️🙏🏽

      1. Ah! Mark, such beautiful words and deep wisdom…I am Blessitude! It is an amazing place to come to: to walk through the pain and be able to find pure love in your heart and then offer forgiveness to the person who created the pain! A full circle, not unlike God’s relationship with us! A line Samantha wrote in her statement about forgiveness…where she said she forgives him because she knows he must have immense pain also to be able to do those things! That is where forgiveness can often be found…where we dare to see and feel the perpetrator’s own pain!! Not everyone can get there, but it is a recognition that we truly are all connected, and we can’t point a finger at someone else without three fingers pointing back at us! None of us are perfect…maybe perfectly flawed…but we all bleed when cut and I know of no one…who has never been cut!
        Thanks for making me think, and remember. I used to be afraid to remember some things, but now I celebrate all that has revealed who I Am!
        Sweet Blessings 😊💜🙏

        1. It is an incredible journey Lorrie. I sit some days and just shake my head as such incredible things that attract others so perfectly. I’ve seen someone in such fear that no one can get near her to speak…and a child will come and share her ice cream, and she broke down from just that simple gift of love. No one wanted anything, no one was interfering…it was just the heart of an unconditional child, did what no other could do. And on it goes. That love, His love…fits everything. We just have to uncover ours, and most certainly not easy, but that very journey will finally allow us to appreciate that love within us…because we will see that each step we have taken, good or bad, has guided us to find it, appreciate it, and become it in doing so.
          And yes, it does indeed take a great inner love to forgive the perpetrator. That was the first thing I began to see in my understanding…this is ‘their’ journey too. We all stagger and sway though our lives, good and bad decisions everywhere…just so we can see and understand, appreciate what we have experienced so that we can understand that love. They all teach us ‘us’. It is but a brief journey down here, but what we take back is eternal. This journey gives us something that no words can express when we see it…I, yes I, the soul who can talk with a mouth full of marbles, underwater…was so gobsmacked into a profound silence in seeing it all, and realizing each and every step was indeed guiding us. And as you so well know, the bottom of that well seems a very long time, and it does leave a mark…but like Jesus’s scars, we too will become enlightened to that love by it. It is a very, very profound gift in enduring it all. Thank you for sharing your well Lorrie, it too held a very beautiful love that it released back into the world. Unconditional cannot be contained. Thank you dear lady ❤️🙏🏽

          1. Oh, I love that, Mark…”Unconditiinal cannot be contained!” No, it sure can’t. And this love is so pure, and so real. And I don’t want to believe that we must suffer to understand it, but that seems to be the way that I reached it. I’m so busy exploring all of these understandings and wondering if there is a pattern…or a guide book that could be written. But then I realize, that while there are some similarities in principles, we each walk our own journey and no two look the same.

            I always have this feeling that I want to make the world a better place; that I want to help people make better lives. I’ve been walking this healing journey for quite some time and while I can impart any tid bits I receive, I also know that each person walks their own journey and get to different destinations via different routes. I don’t think that will stop me trying to help, and when I can connect with a soul like you and UNDERSTAND WHAT THE JOURNEY IS…well…that’s just a wonderfully, beautiful thing!!!

            Thanks for sharing your soul and connecting to mine. I really enjoy this communication 😊🙏💜

            1. Lorrie, you are sharing that love you have found. Just by being you, you are sharing that change. We all think we are only a ‘bit’ in the universe…but we pass on those ‘bits’ and it gladdens the heart of any person we have shared it with, they feel better in themselves and can’t but pass that on to another…and the ripple spreads ever outward dear lady.

              And yes, the opposite happens when we are angry or sad and pass that on too. We are the teachers in all we do, ever projecting what is us. And…it is those opposites that teach us that love. We never ever appreciate anything unless it has taken a great effort on our part to achieve it…and we spend a lifetime looking for that love and happiness ‘out there’, and each and every bump teaches us much, to finally realize it is inside us that it can be found. Realize that it has only ever been kept at bay by our doubts and fears…so that we can see and appreciate that love by daring to go through them…and finally be free of them…and letting go those conditions of fear and anger we had bound ourselves by…and become that unconditional love in doing so.

              One can only become the other by choosing that path…it is unconditional. And once you stand in that inner love, the truth of who you are…you will have ‘let go’ everything and become that balance that unconditional love is. And that beacon goes on forever.

              There are so many of us, so many ways of being. But they all have one common denominator…that love we all seek…and the differences to make us think beyond ourselves. Are we right, are we wrong, test it, test us all. The ego has copped a flogging, but without it where would doubt and fear grow so that we could go through this very journey, and in daring to go beyond ourselves find something wonderful.

              And regardless dear lady, I can feel your heart from here. You are exactly where you need to be to find you, in helping others as you do. I was going to heal the world too until I realized I didn’t need to. It was in that healing others that I found myself…and in there was the key. I can only ever give out what I am, what I understand. And as time goes by I open a little further and then give from that place…until I saw something so powerful that it rocked me. I cannot love anyone truly, until I love myself. How can I give a love that I don’t know. I’ve ever doubted, always fearful…all because That inner thought is based on a rejection as a child by someone I’ve loved and looked up to (my father). which left me afraid of me, doubting me, thinking I am unlovable. And that child did the only thing that I knew to do, block it, and block it so hard it pushed people away, afraid that they too would hurt me. And on and on through life it went, ever ducking and weaving to avoid that pain.

              But it was ever only us that held it, only ever us in its fear. And that climb out of that deep, dark well is the most powerful thing we can do. The most profound journey in coming back around full loop to find that love within us again, and in doing so realize what unconditional love truly is by experiencing them both. One must be experienced to understand the other.

              Horrible parent/s, or those we love and look up to? Or both? Oh yes, but it is one of those amazing things in life, hard as it is, we would gladly do it again in an instant when understanding it. It is the making of us, from experiencing it all. Life shows us ‘us’ 😀❤️🙏🏽

              1. Ah! Mark!!!! I just wrote the longest response to you from my heart…and it appears it got lost in the ether….ugh!
                It truly was a dictation from my soul and I am so sad to see that it did not reach you…I could never repeat it because it was automatic (maybe by some small miracle it is lost in your comments…)

                Please know that you touched my soul. Please know that I understand everything you have written, and please know that I am so grateful we have connected.

                Perhaps later I will try again, but for now, I wish you all Sweet Blessings ❤️

                1. Oh dear lady, I feel truly for you. That is how I do most of my writing, I ‘connect’ with that heart space and it just flows. And when you truly touch within it really allows us to ‘see’ so much. While you write you ‘touch’ so much and open, to yourself importantly so we can understand our journey. Maybe it was asking you to touch your journey…for you. Just in the writing of it opened something to see…and be free. I thank you though for the heart I can feel that went into it. When we touch those parts that are raw and we dare to see it, it is such a refreshing, opening to something that we have held for so long. Even if we feel we have dealt with many things, they take so long to remove completely. As an example…after going through my divorce I was asked 5 years later ‘how did I feel?’, and I said I am fine now. But even years after that there was still things that I had felt not resolved. Life takes a long time, thankfully, so that we can truly ‘feel’ us in it all, resolve those things we hold (stubborn we are, its that safety zone we try to stay in 😀), and really then appreciate what we have traveled to find us.

                  And many have had trouble with my blog, things disappearing and I looked everywhere for your comment, spam, the lot, and I couldn’t find anything. So frustrating as it has happened on many sites for me. I can comment one day, not the next, it just refuses me access. Most of the time I check the bottom right corner when you scroll up and down a little ‘following’ box appears with three dots. Click on the dots and it will say login, meaning you are actually logged out on that site…even though you have signed in when you open your dashboard for your site and the WordPress dashboard to start your blogging. I’ve had it happen within 2 minutes of starting. WordPress has a problem, I think their server capacity is juggling and if it feels you haven’t done anything for a while you get ‘dropped out’.
                  Anyway Lorrie I am glad we have touched, thank you for the heart, soul and blessings you shared now, and before, it has given us much in the sharing and very appreciated. God asked me to share His love, the power of its understanding, so others can see and feel it too. Love and light for your journey Lorrie, He does not forget anyone 😀❤️🙏🏽

  6. What a lovely tribute to love, light, truth and happiness. I know, as many do, that the road we see our children on can bring us happiness or pain. When pain arrives I trust and believe in my own that these hardships will bring about strength in the spirit. Thank you for this and you! Much love and light to your heart 💕🕊️💕

    1. Thank you kind lady, it is a tribute to that love, and all the paths we take to find it. But my heart has to go out to such a journey, something that does indeed tear our hearts to find such a place. And yes, I said I would do it all again in an instant because of what I found…but …this lady, any mother, would truthfully know a nightmare was born to find it. Much love and light to you also Linda, I pray your heart open in understanding too.
      Rumi said…’Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there’ ❤️🙏🏽

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