Decided to dance a little deeper in life, and wow can spirit dance!

Sunrise

A Lonely Soul!

This is a reply to a dear friend who has begun her awakening (not that there is a start or a finish), but who has become much more aware of her journey and so she created this short post called Feeling Distant from those beautiful new feelings found within as she opened to that inner understanding and began to see from a whole new way of being…but was also touching a loneliness as well, something seemingly so foreign to the beauty she was now opening to. Now this bit is a little hard to explain…but I’ll try.

While ever we are in that place of fear in our hearts, we need that connection from others, even though it is bound by those fearful expectations. It is even a huge attraction thing, that always seems to connect with someone that will always press our buttons. But when you see and understand your fear, you let it go, it loses its power over you. It no longer needs those attractions, simply because you are now loving yourself, the one thing that had been missing before…and in doing so, love will no longer draw to you ‘someone’ to press your buttons because you have begun to move beyond fears reach. So now that you are truly accepting yourself, it is a new journey in loving yourself, you will ‘just accept’ so much around you in a whole new way…and it can feel lonely as we are a human being and we revolve around those connections…but you have now stepped beyond them…not totally, but gradually in letting go all those old things that are no longer you.

And it is in that ‘let go’ of the old that those unusual lonely patches are felt, especially after finally touching that love within, the loneliness seems so out of character for this moment. And here is why…

Any relationship has its connection and let go. If you break up or get a divorce it hurts deeply in many ways. The missing of that connection, the sharing, the loving moments, and many other things. If I ask you how you are feeling five years after a divorce you will say I’m ok. Yes, some bits still hurt and sometimes deeply, but in general you will say you are fine. But if I see you again another five years later and ask how you are, you will say that you thought you were ok before, but on now looking back you still had many things to resolve within yourself.

On breaking through into your awareness you too will let go of that old connection, those beliefs that are no longer who you are, the way you were, the things you believed are now an old way of being, and it too needs time to be resolved and let go as you become that new understanding. And even among that there are still many things that were good in that old way of being that you will miss. It is even a grief of what is no longer there, but slowly you know that what you have found within you is something so much more profound, so much more loving so that you can now give from that place so as time passes by you become that new beautiful loving being. And in fact you will have days where that smile within will burst from your chest so that you feel so beautifully alive, and others where that beautiful inner smile seems to have deflated. But that is just ‘feeling’ the new, as you let go of the old. I had even reached a place where I thought I had become depressed it had grabbed me so hard for quite some time, but as time went by I could feel it was only me releasing that old way of being…and the smiles slowly took over so that I could live what I had now become.

And there is one more thing that does seemingly isolate us in that awareness…because you have now stepped into that understanding of why our fears held us as they did…you can now see this in others, see that they too are going through their struggle to find that awareness. If you speak to them of that awareness you have found, they will not understand (unless it is time for them to do so), and it will feel as though you cannot connect with them and it leaves you feeling that isolation and loneliness. As an example…you see a child doing something that is difficult for them and you know that it is something that takes time as they grow to reach that understanding so you help where you can but you ‘let them go’ because you know they will reach this understanding as time goes by (It would be like trying to explain dating to a six year old, it will not compute because it isn’t time for them to go there). Now if you were on a planet full of six year olds, you would begin to feel very isolated as you had no one to relate to at your level of understanding. And when you go through into your awakening it will seem that so many around you are still in that fearful place with none to truly relate to.

But because we no longer relate to others on that old level we will then attract those who have gone through that awareness and be more at ease…and…that awareness is that unconditional love. You could not go there and understand in that awareness until you have removed those conditions you had placed on yourself. Those doubts, disbelief and so many other fears you held against you. And as you resolve those many things in that awareness you will lose all those old feelings of loneliness, loss, grief and many other things. So much so that in going through it all you will understand that this is what it was all for, to find that unconditional love within ourselves and then give from that place. And every one of us is different so you will find releasing things are different for us all. You may need time to let go of a feeling of rejection so that even though you are now in that awakening it may still nudge you at times until you come to terms with letting it fully go. You have had an entire lifetime of being this way, it does take a little while to ‘let them go’. Awakening is quite fast because it gives you a quite sudden understanding, but us stubborn humans can still hold some things hard, but we will let them go, all of it. Now don’t get me wrong, my awareness is still going strong 10 years later…and still has me kicking my toes occasionally to let me know there is much more beauty to see in it all. Does it ever end…well…does love?

Now I’m going to add something here that may seem very contradictory…but…I have reached a place in understanding that if someone close to me passes away, I celebrate their journey, give thanks to all that they have given me, whether deliberately or just in me understanding something from them…even if only a smile when I felt down. Now, if it is someone very close, like say my mum, it will affect me deeply…but gladly so because of what I have just said. Yes, I’m human and it is such a profound connection…but I now know it has been a very beautiful one so that I could be who I am, as she was from me. And having gone ‘up there’ I also know that we will connect again…so it isn’t the loss that it once was. In fact it holds me in so much love for how much I can see it has given me…unconditionally. When all those pieces come together I can only stand with such profound loving tears in its understanding, to see my life come together in so many ways…there are no words for it…because unconditional love is beyond it all. I can see just how incredible that it all comes together to create something that is just indescribable it is that powerful.

And our journey is a long drawn out process so that we can truly ‘feel’ its touch, so that we can understand it fully and appreciate what it has given us. You have felt its pain but in feeling that you have created more self love, simply because you have created more empathy and compassion in doing it. You now give out what you are, feel from what you are…and love so much more profoundly because of it. This world is a very loving balance, there will always be a teacher, always a student, and attracting accordingly so that we will indeed pass this class of love. And always because a very, very loving hand will guide, and guide, and guide us towards that beautiful destination. But never given or we would never appreciate it, but discovered through that journey within ourselves…only then will we appreciate just what we have achieved in discovering that love.

And as for that lonely soul my friend…that’s ok too…it is just us experiencing that part of us so that we can appreciate the beauty behind it all. Experience one side of something so that we can appreciate the other, waiting for that understanding through us in that journey, to find that inner love patiently waiting inside. Until we have let it all go, resolved all that we are and stand in that place ‘up there’. I’ve only touched ‘unconditional love’ in its purity once…but in that moment was something so profound…I was everything, knew everything, understood everything…and was just ‘still’ not a movement need be made…and the feeling…trying to describe that is, believe me, something truly beyond words. And will be appreciated like nothing else when you see the truth within it all…because…you have understood you ‘down here’ in going through this incredible journey ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

Previous

Love!

Next

Ego…Life’s Test Pilot!

17 Comments

  1. Thank you for this inspiring writing. You have a beautiful heart and I’m thankful for your presence in my life. Enjoy the day and those to come πŸ’•πŸ•ŠπŸ’•

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Thank you Linda, as I am thankful for your friendship. How could I go a day without listening to a very heartfelt writing from you. Have a beautiful day too dear lady, may it inspire more πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  2. Mark, what a profound post and gift you have given to your friend whom is struggling with these emotions right now..
    You are a true blessing to all who come into your orbit my friend.. I know your wise words and wisdom will help your friend no end.. For your wisdom has held me safe many times in those times of self doubt..
    Learning to listen to the heart as it opens, as we release wounds is often raw and can feel a very lonely process… To have others hold your hand through that experience is a wonderful gift..
    So I say thank you for this profound piece of insight into letting go with love… And allowing More love in to take its place..
    Love Sue ❀️

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Thank you beautiful lady, and it was my pleasure to be a part of your journey. And I might add, you very often open my eyes to much wisdom. I think wisdom can be like a diamond, as we grow and move in that growth our light is shone out to many, in many ways. There isn’t a soul who does not shine out those parts that they have succeeded with. Even a child can innocently say something and completely stun a room full of people, that gift of the heart still being able to flow through them. And yes dear lady, it is a vert raw path in so many things, but it is that very rawness that asks us to step another step, see truly inside us those things we try to hide from even ourselves and break free to touch such a magnificent love. And it is through those times that it is indeed so loving to have a friend, a partner, and even sometimes those words we read or hear to comfort us to know we aren’t going crazy, even though at times it feels like it, but in fact gives us a comfort and confidence that we will be ok, will understand this path and find something very beautiful at its end. Thank you for sharing that found love Sue, your wisdom also a beautiful light for many to take heart in also. Love and light dear lady, may its peace always hold you in its love πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

      • I am grateful Mark that our Paths merged for it has indeed be a delight in travelling with you as we explore new horizons and obstacles before us… Each one meant to strengthen us as we climb over them one by one..
        Much love returned Mark πŸ™‚

  3. Ananda

    Mark . Thank you for sharing this πŸ™

    • Mark Lanesbury

      My pleasure Ananda, a gift given me with a great love…I can only share the same way. And mostly I also realize that any map, be it physical or emotional, can encourage a heart on its path. Thank you for sharing this path also πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  4. Our journey at times can be a lonely and painful one. You are a good friend Mark because you are an understanding presence who quietly listens without getting caught up in their pain. Each day is new as we take baby steps along our path. Beautiful, Mark.

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Thank you kind lady, and it does at times seem a lonely path. But I think in the long run an ability to say…’yes, we have done this…all of it, within ourselves’, and find that beauty quietly waiting within. Thank you for sharing dear lady, another soul sharing that love found on her home run πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  5. You are a good friend and wise man Mark πŸ’•πŸ™πŸΌπŸ’

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Thank you dear Val, your words are appreciated. And the wisdom I was given with a great love so that I could see and understand that this all does indeed have a great purpose. It may be cloudy on some days but I promise there will be plenty of sunshine to make up for it. Thank you πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  6. A beautiful reply Mark, that place of loneliness is a beautiful sign for me to breathe deeply into myself, and allow myself to fall deeper within, into my own loving space, guiding me into a new world where new experience awaits❀️ AND of course breathing into how I am missing my love but also understanding the gift❀️ Feeling grateful for our magnificent life! Sending love downunder❀️

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Ah dear lady, in your case you are doing this so raw and I can feel that so truly. It is ok for me to say that a loss of such magnitude is so much easier for me…but I have seen and touched its conclusion. You my friend must go through this so that you can understand it from the full impact of that loss…which…is so painful. Like your world has been torn asunder. But that will guide you, it will open you, and it will show you that gift of self love because of that pain. And in doing so teach you even more profound empathy, more compassion so that the self love that I speak will find you…because you must in feeling it all. In truth…a scream, tears in all their shades and just a heartfelt hug so that you can take another step, can try to take another breath as that rawness never seems to end. And in that my friend you do indeed have that hug from here, and much love and compassion inside it. And the loneliness…it will take time…but even a masterpiece requires it. And you are indeed creating something wonderful…and Tom has been, and still is, a true partner in guiding you to this place. Big hugs Barbara, breathe gently and know that love is always there ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  7. Good morning 🌞 I cannot thank you enough Mark. I really needed to hear this understanding.
    Of course I will read your words over and over because I always find a new nugget of understanding in them.
    My heart rings in this truth and learning to love myself unconditionally is such a special gift.
    In my early recovery I went through something similar but on a different level. When I came out of rehab I had to disassociate from all people who used drugs and drank problematically. Well this eliminated everyone I had been hanging out with. I was physically alone. But it was worth soooo much more to protect the gift of sobriety and align with others who were also staying sober.
    Now I feel this is like the spiritual version of that β™₯️
    Again if I did not say thank you – thank you πŸ™ your kindness and caring come straight from your spirit and it ends up soothing mine πŸ’œβ€οΈπŸ’œπŸŒˆπŸ™

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Now that makes understanding my post so much easier having been through something similar, I’m glad it has been relevant to what you are feeling. It is a very powerful journey dear lady, it takes us through so many things…but them all a gift by that unconditional love. It does take time to resolve so much before and so much after any event, but that awakening is such a whole new world that it is so powerful in who we are becoming. Glad that it spoke, and hopefully something else to ‘let go of’ πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

Leave a Reply

Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén

%d bloggers like this: