This is a reply to a dear friend who has begun her awakening (not that there is a start or a finish), but who has become much more aware of her journey and so she created this short post called Feeling Distant from those beautiful new feelings found within as she opened to that inner understanding and began to see from a whole new way of being…but was also touching a loneliness as well, something seemingly so foreign to the beauty she was now opening to. Now this bit is a little hard to explain…but I’ll try.
While ever we are in that place of fear in our hearts, we need that connection from others, even though it is bound by those fearful expectations. It is even a huge attraction thing, that always seems to connect with someone that will always press our buttons. But when you see and understand your fear, you let it go, it loses its power over you. It no longer needs those attractions, simply because you are now loving yourself, the one thing that had been missing before…and in doing so, love will no longer draw to you ‘someone’ to press your buttons because you have begun to move beyond fears reach. So now that you are truly accepting yourself, it is a new journey in loving yourself, you will ‘just accept’ so much around you in a whole new way…and it can feel lonely as we are a human being and we revolve around those connections…but you have now stepped beyond them…not totally, but gradually in letting go all those old things that are no longer you.
And it is in that ‘let go’ of the old that those unusual lonely patches are felt, especially after finally touching that love within, the loneliness seems so out of character for this moment. And here is why…
Any relationship has its connection and let go. If you break up or get a divorce it hurts deeply in many ways. The missing of that connection, the sharing, the loving moments, and many other things. If I ask you how you are feeling five years after a divorce you will say I’m ok. Yes, some bits still hurt and sometimes deeply, but in general you will say you are fine. But if I see you again another five years later and ask how you are, you will say that you thought you were ok before, but on now looking back you still had many things to resolve within yourself.
On breaking through into your awareness you too will let go of that old connection, those beliefs that are no longer who you are, the way you were, the things you believed are now an old way of being, and it too needs time to be resolved and let go as you become that new understanding. And even among that there are still many things that were good in that old way of being that you will miss. It is even a grief of what is no longer there, but slowly you know that what you have found within you is something so much more profound, so much more loving so that you can now give from that place so as time passes by you become that new beautiful loving being. And in fact you will have days where that smile within will burst from your chest so that you feel so beautifully alive, and others where that beautiful inner smile seems to have deflated. But that is just ‘feeling’ the new, as you let go of the old. I had even reached a place where I thought I had become depressed it had grabbed me so hard for quite some time, but as time went by I could feel it was only me releasing that old way of being…and the smiles slowly took over so that I could live what I had now become.
And there is one more thing that does seemingly isolate us in that awareness…because you have now stepped into that understanding of why our fears held us as they did…you can now see this in others, see that they too are going through their struggle to find that awareness. If you speak to them of that awareness you have found, they will not understand (unless it is time for them to do so), and it will feel as though you cannot connect with them and it leaves you feeling that isolation and loneliness. As an example…you see a child doing something that is difficult for them and you know that it is something that takes time as they grow to reach that understanding so you help where you can but you ‘let them go’ because you know they will reach this understanding as time goes by (It would be like trying to explain dating to a six year old, it will not compute because it isn’t time for them to go there). Now if you were on a planet full of six year olds, you would begin to feel very isolated as you had no one to relate to at your level of understanding. And when you go through into your awakening it will seem that so many around you are still in that fearful place with none to truly relate to.
But because we no longer relate to others on that old level we will then attract those who have gone through that awareness and be more at ease…and…that awareness is that unconditional love. You could not go there and understand in that awareness until you have removed those conditions you had placed on yourself. Those doubts, disbelief and so many other fears you held against you. And as you resolve those many things in that awareness you will lose all those old feelings of loneliness, loss, grief and many other things. So much so that in going through it all you will understand that this is what it was all for, to find that unconditional love within ourselves and then give from that place. And every one of us is different so you will find releasing things are different for us all. You may need time to let go of a feeling of rejection so that even though you are now in that awakening it may still nudge you at times until you come to terms with letting it fully go. You have had an entire lifetime of being this way, it does take a little while to ‘let them go’. Awakening is quite fast because it gives you a quite sudden understanding, but us stubborn humans can still hold some things hard, but we will let them go, all of it. Now don’t get me wrong, my awareness is still going strong 10 years later…and still has me kicking my toes occasionally to let me know there is much more beauty to see in it all. Does it ever end…well…does love?
Now I’m going to add something here that may seem very contradictory…but…I have reached a place in understanding that if someone close to me passes away, I celebrate their journey, give thanks to all that they have given me, whether deliberately or just in me understanding something from them…even if only a smile when I felt down. Now, if it is someone very close, like say my mum, it will affect me deeply…but gladly so because of what I have just said. Yes, I’m human and it is such a profound connection…but I now know it has been a very beautiful one so that I could be who I am, as she was from me. And having gone ‘up there’ I also know that we will connect again…so it isn’t the loss that it once was. In fact it holds me in so much love for how much I can see it has given me…unconditionally. When all those pieces come together I can only stand with such profound loving tears in its understanding, to see my life come together in so many ways…there are no words for it…because unconditional love is beyond it all. I can see just how incredible that it all comes together to create something that is just indescribable it is that powerful.
And our journey is a long drawn out process so that we can truly ‘feel’ its touch, so that we can understand it fully and appreciate what it has given us. You have felt its pain but in feeling that you have created more self love, simply because you have created more empathy and compassion in doing it. You now give out what you are, feel from what you are…and love so much more profoundly because of it. This world is a very loving balance, there will always be a teacher, always a student, and attracting accordingly so that we will indeed pass this class of love. And always because a very, very loving hand will guide, and guide, and guide us towards that beautiful destination. But never given or we would never appreciate it, but discovered through that journey within ourselves…only then will we appreciate just what we have achieved in discovering that love.
And as for that lonely soul my friend…that’s ok too…it is just us experiencing that part of us so that we can appreciate the beauty behind it all. Experience one side of something so that we can appreciate the other, waiting for that understanding through us in that journey, to find that inner love patiently waiting inside. Until we have let it all go, resolved all that we are and stand in that place ‘up there’. I’ve only touched ‘unconditional love’ in its purity once…but in that moment was something so profound…I was everything, knew everything, understood everything…and was just ‘still’ not a movement need be made…and the feeling…trying to describe that is, believe me, something truly beyond words. And will be appreciated like nothing else when you see the truth within it all…because…you have understood you ‘down here’ in going through this incredible journey ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋