Finding Your Heart!

(An old, but important reblog for a friend)

But which one? The one that goes pump, pump…or the one we feel every little emotional vibration with? Or are they the same one?

The Journey we all make within, one way or the other, can come at any time in our lives. Usually at a time of deep emotional upheaval due to a loss of something…a partner through divorce, the security of a job, a death in the family or even from facing a fear …and sometimes all of them. And in response to this we often feel the pain deep inside with an emotional agony that we think will never leave us. We have all been there sometime in our lives and know this isn’t an easy time.

It takes a long time, going through the stages of grief, anger, fear, loss to finally reach an acceptance of what has happened. This can take years and in the final view, we look back at different times in our life and see that we actually change over this time frame and see we have actually changed in how we feel about what has happened. Why? Is it because we are not as close to the situation any more…or maybe we have reached an understanding that yes, we have lost something but now that the waves of emotion have finally settled to a more manageable level we can see that we have come to a point of accepting, and have changed in such a way that many of those things we used to worry about, don’t really matter anymore, are no longer important, and our direction in life has taken on a whole new meaning for us. We find that as our life progresses we are able to handle these situations in a much better way.

As a child when we lose something it is called a ‘spak attack’, as for them this is an absolute loss and the only way to express this is directly from the heart. Scream, yell and cry your eyes out. (And I might add it is a very good way to release tension and stress from the body…but you try and do this each time, as an adult, that you don’t get your way and watch out…the boss, wife, boyfriend is going to be loooong gone very quickly). As a child gets older this is…beaten, scolded and ‘learned’ out of them. They begin to take on the persona of those adults and people around them, mainly because they are people that they love and look up to, until such a time, usually around eight years old, that it is locked in, walled up, covered over and second nature to them, and these attitudes are carried on into adulthood. And of course how they act, to them, seems so right and correct, that they react so badly to all the other children and their ‘right and correctness’ that they close down that tiny little pump, pump thing, (or was it the other one?), so that they can no longer be hurt by it any more. They are all so sure that they are right in their attitude, (well, it was taught to them by their loved ones), and they might agree with the stronger children, (who wants to get taunted, embarrassed, abused or bashed?), but deep inside they still side with mum and dad.

So now we have the little problem of all those things tucked away inside, ready for those unwary souls that want to be a part of who you are. Boss’s, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, partners, husbands and wives. And what a Pandora’s box! I’ll always remember my first girlfriend. How on earth did she make me do all those things…the guys would laugh their backsides off…but I came back for more, and more. What was this funny attitude I had…this gooey, intense, adoring, couldn’t stand to be away from her type feeling…ever. Where did that come from? Yes, I loved my mum and dad, brothers and sisters. But this, it was like a Bullet Train, so fast and POW, at the platform already and didn’t care where we went. Then she broke it off…the world came crashing down…I felt like I was dying. She had pulled out my heart and left it on the street to be downtrodden forever.

And as we progress into this world of pain, love, pain, love…we reinforce those things we are taught from youth by closing down our hearts from pain, opening it up to love, over and over. Until one day you just can’t do it anymore, your so tired and scared of being hurt, that you decide to close up shop and not let anyone come near that poor little pump, pump and its emotional connection to you.

But what if we knew, really knew, that we had actually put ourselves in this position in the first place? What if it was meant to be! What if it was needed, so that we could truly understand what it was like to be down at the lowest point in fear, anger, pain and hurt from our reactions to all those things that happen in our lives…so that when we ARE at the opposite end, and are happily ecstatic, madly in love…don’t you think we would be so much more appreciative because of what we have suffered and now learned what it was to be like at the bottom of the human emotional ladder? The learning we understand when we know that ‘opening our hearts’ is actually a beautiful place to be. Giving you great strength and fearlessness to deal with everyday life? The healing that takes place when we open, and in that healing being able to heal others? The ability to create on such a level that it amazes you, let alone those around you? This learning is so powerful that as each and every one of us interact it creates a wisdom within that is taken wherever we go and used as an encyclopaedia for everything we do. If you haven’t learned it properly, you do it again, (and even keep telling yourself inside ‘why did I do that again, I know better!’).

And that is just on the outside, physically. On the inside is just the same, you do the range of emotions and learn from that as well, with many an admonition to never do that again. But we do…why…because the urge to feel that one thing that we are missing in our lives, and comes closest when we are in love…is to love ourselves…totally and unconditionally. If you think I’m wrong, then why is it that we always put ourselves down, feel that we are not capable of something or avoid something through fear. Think about it, we act exactly how we think of ourselves. If you are angry, that’s how you act. If you are happy, that’s how you act. If you unconditionally love yourself, that’s how you act…how many people do you see that love themselves unconditionally. Not many, I’m sure.

What would it be like to live with people like that, no stress, no pain, no anger…sounds like heaven. Do you think I’m kidding you? You don’t think that we go along each day convincing ourselves that everything is ok and concentrate only on the good bits and ignore the rest? Yes, that works for a while, but I’ll let you in on a little secret…YOUR Higher Self, Guide, Spirit, God deliberately puts you into a position so that you face that very fear/problem you were so desperately trying to avoid. If you battle it out to get your own way and avoid it…it will roll back up down the track a bit further. Still think I’m rambling on…then tell me, which one of those fears/problems have you been able to avoid and it’s never come back? Zero, nada…not a one! Because that is where you wish to go…and you know this deep inside. And when you look back you will actually see some of the things that you do…the arguments, actions and things that at the time seemed the right thing,(and to your Self, it is), but looking back you cringe and think ‘did I really do that’.

And when you have time to really absorb this you will finally realise it has turned out for the best. There will be turns and twists that make you feel that the world is out to get you but in the end you WILL be able to smile again, you WILL be able to feel again…and above all, you WILL be able to LOVE again. And each time from a much better place. Yes, sometimes they create more fear, like scared to open up to someone again, but that is your journey that you chose, and you WILL get past that too, and each time be more beautiful inside as you realise you are coming home…to you…where all the love in the universe is…and always has been.

As you begin to understand this, be prepared to feel something…something that you know within is a deep truth…that could only come from one source, and learn to listen to what your Higher Self, Spirit, Guide or God is really saying…to show you a path that is eon’s old and as fresh as today…and a healing for that little pump, pump that you hold so dear!

24 thoughts on “Finding Your Heart!

    1. Thank you Barbara. And it is a beautiful journey. Admittedly it can be very hard in the beginning, but slowly we find that it is in fact leading us to that one destination, that place within that we fight in the belief that we are not lovable, but in truth it is the very place that holds the key to that freedom and happiness that we have searched for all our lives. And it is only then that we realise that we needed to go on the path that we did…so we could find that love…and become the unconditional love that we are truly inside. Thank you for sharing kind lady, may your journey (as it has 🙂 ), always be with that light of love 🙂

    1. Thank you kind lady, that is very appreciated. It is a long, slow journey…but eventually we see the light inside, and finally understand we are being guided to love ourselves in all that we do.
      As you already know Sheri, from the beauty you have discovered in your journey, and in turn a wisdom for others.
      May your light be always a beacon to others…for it is always dark until we see that light in another, and be guided by that understanding 🙂

  1. Timely post, Mark. This week I’ve been dealing with those heart twisting problems that seem to have no end, but I understand the lesson and realize it’s just something I have to work out on my journey. Your words have helped be a lot to continue to be strong and stay on my path.

    1. Thank you kind lady. You will be strong because that is built on the love and wisdom you’ve already created. It is always a never ending supply because we do have the courage to face what ever comes our way.
      If it reaches that point where it can get a little in your face…..stop, take time out for you and breeeeeathe. You can’t help anyone if your curled up in a ball on the floor….it is not selfish, just being loving to yourself…so that you can help others from that place 🙂
      Blessings and love for any twisty bits in the events in your life Michele, trust your heart, it will guide you truthfully 🙂

    1. My pleasure Michelle. A long journey to find you, so that little pump, pump will be really appreciated as it guides you through, and finds the truth of unconditional love.
      There are many walls that we build, but they have much purpose in the act of bringing them down. Look at it as an indoor rock climbing adventure 😀
      Thank you for sharing my friend, and also your many adventures you are currently doing besides the ‘rock climbing’ 🙂 xo

  2. Wonderfully written Mark.. When we finally go within and confront our selves, we begin to see that each of those rejections, and wounds we tore ourselves apart with at the time were all part of the process to awaken us up..
    Then you step aside and see how the pump really works… 🙂 And you come out from within smiling as you see how often we wounded ourselves unnecessarily.. We then see how much all of those dark moments in our lives were there just so we could eventually see the light..
    An excellent write Mark…
    May we continue awakening more souls up and getting their own ‘pumps’ working as they spread out more love.. Its not ‘out there’ as we thought.. But we carried it around with us all the time.. 🙂
    Love and Blessings dear Friend..
    Oh and the final part of Muna’s Vision Quest is scheduled for Saturday 🙂

    Hugs Sue <3

    1. Yayyy, looking forward to that Sue, the story has been great, much wisdom my friend 🙂
      And thank you for your words on ‘Finding your Heart’. It does always seem like a very dark tunnel, but without it we would not understand the journey, and the appreciation from it, BECAUSE we have been there, ‘know’ it, and now understand.
      And in that understanding is the realisation that it always comes back inside to that little pump, pump that carries us through so much and how we actually feel about ourselves. That final realisation that we HAVE gone through what we have, specifically to get us to understand and SEE that truth.
      And the walls come tumbling down 🙂
      Thank you for sharing my friend, especially after all your PC hiccups, must be all those retrogrades everywhere 😀
      Big hugs in return, I think you need one or two….may have to have another break away somewhere <3

      1. Lovely to see this reply Mark.. with all my computer hic-cups and being away, this reply didn’t show in my notifications..
        Yes its certainly a journey and a half my friend.. But finding your HEART is the KEY that opens us up to what this Journey has been all about 🙂 <3

        1. Yes, it is in finding your heart Sue, a pity your PC doesn’t have one 😀 , you could just give it a big hug and it would be right for the next 10,000 hrs 😀 <3

  3. I am grateful for your post. I enjoyed reading it. I certainly have had to repeat some experiences over and over until I understood why and got the lesson.


    1. Us humans need that reinforcement just to make sure we’ve got it down pat. Plus, it also reinforces the appreciation when we do come out the other side and can see the self love for ourselves, which in turn is then given to others because we are in a much better place. And all the way through, like attracts like so that we can reach that pinnacle of unconditional love.
      Thank you Vee (I hope I have that right 🙂 ), and thank you for sharing 🙂

    1. It was that very first taste of rejection (my major fear in life), and especially how it made me feel to be ‘let go’. I do also remember those amazing feelings that went with it, the flight of a butterfly…..then she pulled my wings off 😀
      That first time paraded so many emotions, first time experiences past the adolescence, through the testing grounds of fears, anger, jealousies, blissful happiness and on into love. What a smorgasbord 🙂
      But the beginnings of a journey to realise what I had waiting inside, a wisdom like no other Kristine, and yes, most certainly a gift to be able to acknowledge the journey and accept that it all has a place to find the truth of what I am within.
      Thank you fort sharing 🙂

      1. Ouch. The pulling the wings off. A reminder of what we all go through at some point but I’m always astonished at how we can do that to each other without cringing.

        1. Oh we do cringe Kristine, so that we can then look within. It is very painful (hence the wings removal, I now have a closet full of them 🙂 ), in doing it, and then looking within, but if it wasn’t a very difficult journey we would just brush it off and ignore it. This way we really get to look inside and eventually understand why. That is the key…once understood it no longer has power over us. Fears are only ever the ‘unknown’. Each ‘event’ means something to both parties, it is always a two way street, that is why we have attracted it in the first place, so we can both go there, each for their own reasons.
          At the time we point fingers merrily, but as the wisdom of the journey is opened, we slowly realise it helped us too. And in that we then see it in others because we have now been there and understand, so we then help them as we can.
          Love, and especially of self, cannot help but be a part of what we have now become because of that journey, and we begin to give that out because it has changed us.
          I have many scars, but I wear them gladly for what it has allowed me to find. Healing is change, a release of what was before, to allow what will be within, to become what we all seek, that happiness and love that is always in our hearts.
          Thank you for sharing kind lady, may your scars lead you within to that love we all seek 🙂

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