Our Search For Love!

When I understood my fears and let them go…I no longer feel the need to be in a relationship. Now I know that sounds strange but that very urge for a relationship is us looking for something, wanting something, missing something…seeking that love and happiness ‘out there’ or in another…but is quietly waiting within us, waiting for us to finally stop and look within, inside those fears we hold and understand them. Because in understanding them we finally see that love and happiness we ever search for is in fact our own, that fact as a child we have covered our hearts from that pain of those we love and looked up to and took it as a rejection of us, but in doing so blocked our own love too. So we go looking for it everywhere, and over such a long period of time, when we do finally find it inside us and see its truth, the urge to find it anywhere else has gone, we do not ‘need’ that love as we have finally found our own. That part of us that always seemed to be missing in our lives.

But, I’m still human and the human condition is one of connecting, sharing and being a part of family, groups etc. But now instead of sharing a very conditional love I now share me unconditionally. And no, I’m not that egotistical that I can purely give of that place as I’m still human, I still kick my toes if I don’t pick me feet up, I still have urges of chocolate (well, not that often 🀣 ), and I still have to breathe and walk and buy groceries…because this is a conditional world, but in showing it all to me I understand it and slowly let it go, becoming something that is as ready as it will ever be to stand at those gates and dare to smile and appreciate with what I was given down here, and in that appreciation give unconditionally that love that was given me.

THAT is all He wants to see, that gift that He gave us unconditionally. We can only love God unconditionally when we finally love ourselves unconditionally, and then become one with Him. And this world is indeed a gift, a purity beyond belief when we see, at the end, that it is indeed all that searching for something that can only be understood when we understand all else…and then by letting it all go.

All things begin with a nervousness, a doubt and even a fear…simply because we don’t understand them. And in experiencing them we do begin to understand them and as time goes by we ‘let them go’. Like a new job or driving a car for the first time, all begin with that nervousness, doubt or fear…but now after years we barely think about them. All that we do is built on exactly these things. And our love is no different, we need to experience it all, all those emotions that build our love…anger, hate and sadness need to be experienced so that we can understand and appreciate their opposites of joy, love and happiness. But in all those experiences we are still distorted by our fears, we doubt ourselves in all we do. And we only ever attract to us ‘wherever we are at within ourselves’…simply so that we can feel and understand ourselves and eventually that unconditional love waiting for us to uncover.

But with all those experiences we will one day see something that we had ever hidden from ourselves, afraid to look because of its pain. But when we have experienced so much, only then will we understand when we see the answer. The one doubt of ourselves had been built by a child…us…and locked away. And that fear was passed onward to a future us, no matter the age. But when that adult finally dares its combination and looks into that hidden place a treasure beyond words will be waiting…an understanding of it all…something that will wipe away everything, and so much so it will feel like your in another world, but this one built by something else. Instead of a world of pain, isolation and hurt, in finally understanding us in that one moment, we will see that all that we held onto is no longer required, no longer has meaning, and no longer is us…and we let it all go, all those ‘conditions’ we had bound ourselves by, is let go…and we become unconditional.

We must experience and ‘know’ conditional to see and understand unconditional. And it is in seeing us, within it all that we have ever done, built on that very fear we had held…that we finally understand our journey. Can now see that it had all had a great purpose, to show us something that cannot be shown any other way. You cannot know what a world looks like without first being shown a map, you cannot know what a mountaineer feels like without first climbing a mountain, you cannot understand love without first experiencing hate (and the opposites of all those other emotions). And we cannot know and understand unconditional love without first experiencing conditional love. We have been given a gift so beautiful to be beyond words…because on that day that you do see and understand ‘you’, you will not deny a step or a stumble you have experienced because you will know without them all you would be lost. It is in having faith in ourselves, trusting in our steps that we do dare to look within, dare to be loved…dare to see a hidden but unintentional child’s view of ourselves…understand it, and free ourselves from it forever ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

57 thoughts on “Our Search For Love!

  1. Mark, once again, you understand our human foibles and lead us with the inner knowledge of love to where we can all benefit. Thank you for showing us the way…XO

    1. My pleasure Yvonne, just passing on what I felt and was shown by Spirit. It is amazing to see someone ‘see’ something within themselves, that understanding light in their eyes. They are never the same after it as it has adjusted their fear, reduced it in a way that its affect can now be seen from a whole new way of being…and it changes them forever. And that is all it is, once something is understood it is that powerful it can move us where nothing else will. may you ‘see’ a clear heart in your understanding dear lady ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  2. Wonderful words dear Mark.. Not many get to attain the level of perception you have dear friend.. As you see deeper within your BE-ing that which we crave in external love and friendship, connection and companionship.. Is also to be found within..
    When one learns that one is Complete and Whole and Content within who they are.. And can see that They are not separate at all.. But have always been unconditionally loved.
    And all that was needed was for them to go within and find their own hearts and love it unconditionally as perfect in every way….

    We seldom can express in words how that feels…. And while I do not always feel it ALL of the time… When I do… its indescribable.. But you described it perfectly ..

    Sending Love and well wishes dear Mark… May each of your days be filled Unconditionally with Mountains of LOVE.. ❀️ πŸ™‚

    1. Thank you dear Sue, it is an incredible journey, so much of it perfectly interweaving and connecting so that we can see. And yes it is hard or we wouldn’t appreciate what we are given. Like all things we do it is appreciated so much more if we have put in a lot of work…and our hearts…it has touched, felt, endured so much that we are carving, polishing and becoming something so profound that on the day of its discovery not a soul is un-thankfull or would change one step that they have taken…because they can finally see that it all has had a beautiful purpose, created the exact thing we have always looked for…love…the real one within us, no longer bound by those many conditions that bind us to them. When I saw and understood it, the weight that I held dropped away. It was like I had carried the world on my shoulders and finally saw that it was only me holding it there…and it no longer had meaning so I let it go. And something wonderful blossomed in that very action, a real love, a pure love as it was no longer bound by anything in this world. Yes, we are still living here with its many conditions like breathing and working, but the weight let go made it so, so much lighter and easier. And that inner light now takes over because it has been released from its worldly bindings and opens the rest of us. And I can’t stop smiling…because I can now see, in me, that it was so very worthwhile in each step and stumble I took. May that inner light speak to that smile within you dear lady ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

      1. And who knows dear Mark, the very act of letting it go, may have created space for something unexpected to turn up in your life that you had been wanting all along, but in wanting it so much, the universe was delivering your desires by keeping you wanting.

        It’s like women who want above anything else to get pregnant. They want a baby so bad and try and try, until they give up and let go, as they finally release it, thinking its never going to happen..
        Then wow, as soon as they let that thought go they get pregnant..

        I’ve know two ladies like that, and read about many more…

        But you are right the Weight, when we see how we were carrying it around on our shoulders, lightens considerably, once we let it all go..

        Much love and blessing dear Mark..
        I feel 2022 despite all its external turbulence to come, will be a great year for those who let it all go….
        Yes πŸ™πŸ’šπŸ™

        1. Haha, yes, we do get focused a bit don’t we. Part of the ‘letting go’ process to understand we are ‘holding on’. And yes, this year is asking that question within us of what do we really want, instead of holding those things in fear.
          So…the chocolate? 🀣 Mind you, I’d rather hold that than many other things. Love and light to you also Sue, after all you’ve been through may your fears only be chocolate too πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  3. What a beautiful and life-enhancing post, Mark. Reaching maximum unconditional love in ALL areas of life while walking the human path, is perhaps the most challenging of all to master. Spoken frequently by me, unconditional love is not easy to attain and then when we arrogantly believe we have, sure enough we trip up to again learn yep, we have more to understand. You have this way of expression that is unique for this subject in of itself finds one stumbling both in living this way and expressing the journey in words. I applaud you for your achievement, dear friend. Thank you for sharing what you have learned which I know has been hard-won. You are brilliant and I recognize that you are stepping into a whole new arena for you. Welcome to You. xo

    1. Hey Amy, glad to hear that heart dear lady. And I thank you very much for your kind words, you have gladdened a heart truly. Mind you I can’t take full credit, the explanations may be mine but Spirit has indeed given me a great experience (hard as it was 🀣), and then followed up with ‘seeing’ it in depth with my heart. The gift of ‘knowing’ as you are well aware is an amazing thing, those parts that ‘come through’ can be very profound in their understanding and because they gladden our hearts so much we want to tell the world what we found…but…my journey included this little word called integrity. Many are not in a place to understand yet so I must give it so that it can be a guide. And even then I can too eager and Spirit will block me so that I do not interfere with someone else’s journey. You do it in your journey, the paths you take, those incredible photographs that many can ‘feel’ and just you being you my friend. We all attract and give from where we are, and as you well know my friend…when the student is ready, the teacher will come. And I’m still a student…often πŸ˜‚. Thank you for sharing dear lady, and happy to ‘feel’ your heart. She may have been through much but she is so much more open and clear because of it…every step a teacher πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹ xox

  4. Ah Thankyou for your in-depth healing as you write back to me❀️ so nice to feel understood and be supported on this journey. I agree I don’t see the hard changes we go through as negative, but gifts from each other… I actually feel ok today, as if I’m being embraced by loving presence that is helping me through this human time. Here’s to trusting our journey and feeling the wholeness of our own unconditional love❀️ so great fun for you mark😘 much love x

    1. That love is always there dear lady, arms wrapped around us in all we do. And I too add my hug to the mix, I’m sure there is room for one more heart. Take care my friend, breathe with one more step to its completion, it is something very beautiful and when you touch it, you will be glad in every step you have taken. Much love to you also xox πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  5. What a beautiful post of loving wisdom mark❀️ AND so deep our layers of protection we build go on within us! We think we’ve dealt with it all, understand, let go and then we feel it’s head rise, that doubt of how we can manage on our own and love ourself enough😒 More understanding to know? and unconventional love and strength to discover and feel within! Just having one of those days, no girl big pants to find! Just the rawness of feeling a little lost❀️ sending you love dear mark… and yes waiting for that book!

    1. Ah dear lady, it is a very big, hard and painful journey…even though there is much laughter and light between it all that we never seem to remember, but that too has a purpose, it gives an appreciation of those times because we have experienced those negative aspects. And I shouldn’t call them negative because we actually need them for that appreciation of those good feelings, how can it be bad if it shows us the truth of what unconditional love truly is? And in your case my friend being touched so deeply it is asking you to go somewhere into your heart and feel your beauty, understanding something more so that a clearer and more open heart is its destination. Spirit showed me something in ‘The Death’ post up top on the menu bar where I had ‘let go’ down here and as I moved away I initially couldn’t understand why I was no longer worried about who I had left behind here on Earth. But Spirit showed me it was like this…if you have been shopping with a friend and she suggests you go back to her place for a coffee to which you agree but will just quickly go back to your place to drop your things off that you have purchased and meet her at her place there shortly. While you are both doing your things you are no longer worried about the other about anything because you know you will be seeing each other shortly. That is the same if a loved one has achieved their goal down here and have passed on to that destination, they no longer will worry because they know they will see you soon…as you will them. In this world time is a very short thing even if it feels like forever…and finding that unconditional love within this very journey…becomes timeless…where everything ‘just is’ with not a passage of anything. It is an incredible place, our language cannot express what it is or I would try to explain it…and there too we will be. Mmm, that book…I have to try to fit ALL I have written so it can be understood. But life is a book…and we are living its magic every day and slowly understanding its beauty from its pain, and even at the end it has this beautiful coming together of all that we have experienced to show us the answer we have always looked for…and now appreciate…unconditionally. But I shall still contemplate its creation, like the blog maybe it can give a little courage, a little faith for those days where you can’t wear those big girls pants and just want to feel it from another, to take one more breath, take another step, and know that love is waiting for you at its end, the one where this conditional journey is finally let go as we become something wonderful. Have faith dear lady, as I too will, and try to do it justice and write its healing for whoever it may ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  6. I’m reminded of a quote from Marion Woodman, Coming Home to Myself: Reflections for Nurturing a Woman’s Body & Soul…
    β€œChildren not loved for who they are do not learn how to love themselves. Their growth is an exercise in pleasing others, not in expanding through experience. As adults, they must learn to nurture their own lost child. There’s personal anger, but underneath there’s often universal rage; And when we are possessed, God help the man who’s on the end of that. Deep rage is not about the man; Deep rage is this: Nobody ever saw me. Nobody ever heard me. As long as I can remember, I’ve had to perform. When I tried to be myself, I was told, That’s not what you think, that’s not what you ought to do. So, just like my mother and her mother, I put on a false face. My life became a lie. That’s deep rage. We have lived our lives behind a mask. Sooner or later β€”if we are luckyβ€” the mask will be smashed. What a relief to be human instead of the god or goddess my parents imagined me to be or I imagined them.” πŸ₯°

    1. Very true dear lady, we are indeed a reflection of that environment we were brought up in, ever struggling to find why. But the one part missing that we ever search for is this…because of that very environment we are being shown what ‘conditional’ love is, all those bits that are tacked onto us because we don’t know any other way. We think those negatives are us and want to over come them by going beyond their pain…so we ask everyone to not treat us this way or that, ever clashing because it rocks everyone else’s boat in the asking. And also never wanting to look within ourselves because it is even more painful. Of course we can ask others to change…its not us…but to the other , that is being asked to look within to that very painful place within them…so they too can’t look inside. But one day it will come when everything falls to pieces in our relationships for the tenth…twentieth time and we finally do ask ourselves why. In tears and at the end of any tolerance for anything we look, look deeply inside to ask ourselves why…and it is all those very painful bits in all our relationships, that common theme that you feel you have been treated that you will find that child, that place in our childhood that those we love and looked up to…had treated us until we, in the only way we knew how, put a wall around our heart to block that very pain, and in some way coped by rejecting any who treated us the same. If they treated us the same, we blocked our love to them, even pleaded them to not treat us this way or that…or…even put up with it in terror of being rejected…again. Find that pain, find that rejection by others…and that we even give ourselves, that doubt that we are unlovable in some way, and reinforcing that fear, for not being loved is all our fears in all those many ways that those treatments represent…and we will find the very answer we’ve never been able to see…in our fear. Ever pointing the finger at another…not realizing it is our fear…not theirs (even though they have their own), that is causing it. But deep down inside our fear is something we have ever covered, something so painful to that child we never want it to see the light of day. Find it, dare it and you will break that seal, go through that ever fear and finally see the fear of a child…but above all ‘feel’ what that moment truly means because when you do finally touch it…a let go of something that can only be explained as a weight like the world you had ever carried in all you did will be lifted, all those ‘conditions’ of your love towards everything, including you will fall away…and tears like nothing else because you will finally ‘see’ what that fear had been all along, and within that understanding an incredible, profound moment where you can see it was all needed, all of it, so that you could touch this moment and understand one thing only…what unconditional love is…because in that one moment you understand what conditional had done, and in letting it go…you become that unconditional love, no longer binding you or anything else because your fear is gone, you now understand it. All of those emotions have their opposite and you cannot understand and appreciate one without the other. No one is truly happy unless they have experienced sadness too, and on into all of those emotions and they all need to be touched, felt and understood as they are the conditions of our journey so that we can finally see and understand unconditional love…it is indeed the only thing we take back with us. Thank you for the share dear lady, I will have to have a look at that, it explained it very well πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  7. Lovely post, Mark. I do believe that once we accept and love ourselves we are set free and able to love and accept love unconditionally. Getting to that point may take time, but getting there is well worth it.

    1. It is the most magical moment we can imagine dear lady. I spent a lifetime doubting me, as those I loved and looked up to did also. But that is built on their fears and doubts of themselves. It is as natural as breathing but it is creating something very beautiful. We cannot know unconditional love unless we know conditional love first, and in conditional love is its many emotions we touch them all until one day we see that fear within us, understand it was unintentionally given by those we love and look up to so that we can finally understand and let go those conditions…then there is only unconditional left. Its like anything we do, we worry and doubt ourselves and its so prominent in our lives. Until we understand it and begin to let it go until we eventually no longer give it a thought. Conditional love is the same as everything else, we ever doubt it until we finally ‘see’ why we hold it…and let it go too. That is why I am so at ease now, my life no longer holds…anything. The only thing I’m still doing is…breathing, being physical (I can still kick my toe πŸ˜‚ ), and someone can still go off or give me a serve…but all I can see is my journey in them (for whatever their journey is), and have much empathy and compassion for them. It is no longer about me, even though they may be being angry at me for this or that, I know it is their journey so I try to assist as it is aimed at me so I help them to resolve it. When I walk on it is no longer there as a negative, afraid or aiming it at me (unless I did do something mind you), then heal my journey and actually thank them for something I didn’t see. But I’ve found that when I resolved my fear I began to be that inner truth so that my actions ‘know’ if its wrong for another so I just don’t do it. Mind you, I have eased something back so I don’t hurt someone…but that in itself is a lie and it isn’t helping them but reinforcing that negative part of their journey. Mmm, sorry got a bit excited Michele, and you are very right, when we get there we do indeed see it was so worth every step we took πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  8. Self rejection can sadly run so deep for those of us who never found healthy mirrors.. more of my pain heals as I realise even more deeply wounded parents could never give us this and in denying who we are lead us to turn away from that. but until we turn to hear that hidden child’s cry we will be forever haunted and empty inside.. We must find our home inside before we can be healthy enough to open that home based on healthy unconditional self love to another human being.

    1. It does run deep dear lady, so much so it can feel an unbreakable wall in our hearts to never let anyone in…or us out. But thankfully life will poke and prod our journey so that we can see…slowly, and sometimes too fast to truly comprehend…but with great love make us see the conditions we have bound ourselves by, understand that it was just a child trying to comprehend all this pain and deal with that lack of love in whatever form that it takes, and finally see that it was done unintentionally (and I mean that from knowing that our parents were still in their pain and fear so that they knew no other way, and brought us up with that prominent in their lives). One of the hardest things to do after seeing and understanding our fear, and then realizing that our parents were also in their own fears…is to forgive them. Simply because we have had a lifetime of resenting or even hating them for what we feel that they did. And the easiest way to do this is…look at our own children…and see us in them, those actions and attitudes that they can’t help but pick up from us…because we too passed our fears onto them. It isn’t a deliberate thing, we love them very much…but we just don’t know any other way but what we are…and so unintentionally pass our ‘bits’ onto them. But remember, this journey is there for a very profound reason, we must know conditional love or we will not recognize unconditional love. It is in seeing that pain within us that we finally understand that the love and happiness we have ever looked for…was our own. We had ever held it at bay because of the self doubt or lack of belief in ourselves that we have ever felt from our upbringing. And the very moment we see and understand that fear within us…we will see it all in that understanding…and realize this journey has indeed given us a gift, a very, very unconditional gift…that ability to truly know unconditional love within ourselves from doing this very journey so we can see it ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

      1. Yes this moved me to tears. Fears create all kinds of smoke and mirrors, and sadly we may never get to see the part we played in keeping the conditional love saga playing. Humans have wounds and flaws so much if it is not intentional at all. I can’t NOT FORGIVE MY MUM AND DAD AND MY ANCESTORS AS THEY WERE ALL JUST STRUGGLING TO STAY ALIVE OFTEN AMIDST THE VERY HARSHEST OF CONDITIONS. 🌹❀🌈

        1. But thankfully we are being guided to look and find the real reason for our fear so we can see that beauty beneath it. Yes, it is hard, but that is needed to see…or we would avoid searching into that place that hurts so much. We are designed to avoid pain, it is a natural survival technique but that is in the physical…its opposite is to face those things that hurt us emotionally, understand them, and in doing so they lose their power over us and set us free. In every single person I ask, after they have found the truth of their fear, would they change anything. And each and every one of them said no, and for one simple reason. It is all needed so that we can find us and the beauty that is waiting. Each and every bump, stagger or fall all guided us, and so much so that they all said that even the simplest of things make us what we are so we can find that unconditional love that is waiting for us. Have faith dear lady, there is no such thing as never finding it, you are integrating it each time you see ‘you’ in all that you do, and the more you search the closer you get. Have faith in you and know that your pain is your guide, it is touching you so you will look and unblock a lifetime of wall building around your heart. It is pushing, poking and pulling to help you become free…to love and be loved without that blockage so that you too can be that unconditional love…the love that you finally give you by understanding it isn’t your fault in any way, there is nothing wrong with you at all…but you just need to finally see that and in its understanding, let it all go ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

          1. I think fear is an ocean it feels like that in the body..a wild wild ocean but its mixed up feeling and defences so we need to learn to dive in, down sometimes then surface for air its a wild story process and if we don’t judge but open our hearts we grow and expand in all kinds of terrifying and wonderful ways

            1. It has one common link in all we do…whatever upsets us, whatever makes us afraid or angry…there it is. Look at all your relationships and find that common link that they all do in upsetting you, in how you feel you are being treated. Find that back in your childhood with your parents (it may only be one of them or even just someone who you were raised by or loved very much and looked up to), and ask yourself how does it make you feel, what thoughts does it bring into your heart. In there is your answer, dare to look and see that feeling of rejection and ask yourself why ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

            1. Your higher self may be asking you to see something. Writing is a good way to bring your heart to the surface and see what it is truly speaking to you πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  9. I just read this morning in the preface of A Course in Miracles β€œ Sin is defined as β€˜lack of love’. Since love is all there is, sin in the sight of the Holy Spirit is our mistake to be corrected, rather than an evil to punished. Our sense of inadequacy, weakness, and incompletion comes from the strong investment in the β€˜scarcity principle’ that governs the whole world of illusions.
    From that point of view we seek in others what is wanting in ourselves. We β€œlove” another in order to get something ourselves. That in fact, is what passes for love in the dream world. There can be no greater mistake than that, for love is incapable of asking for anything.”

    I found the book buried in a box yesterday- read that portion this morning and then your post. Guidance guidance is everywhere!!β€οΈπŸ’œβ€οΈπŸŒˆπŸ¦‹

    1. Haha, yes, synchronicity is from Spirit, a guidance for us all. And yes, that scarcity is but our fears from childhood of losing that love in how we felt we were being treated. A very young mind not able to comprehend that love being removed or blocked by those we love and look up to and putting the only coping strategy they know how to…block that pain, build a wall so it doesn’t hurt, and those actions always reacted to because of how it makes us feel. And those actions can be many and varied, but they all do one thing, feel like they are ripping our hearts out, stealing our love, and we react accordingly. And there is indeed much guidance my friend, and it can come from the most amazing places, as only love can do. And it is all to help us see exactly what that pain is built on, understand it, so that when we let it go, it is that very action that shows us what unconditional love is. We will have taken away the one condition that affects us all in all we do…leaving us in that state of unconditional. One cannot be seen without first going through the other, like all of our emotions. One cannot truly appreciate happiness unless we experience sadness too. As is all of life, we need both sides of everything to be able to see…and let them go…and be as unconditional love is in that discovery πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  10. Good input, Mark. I understand this totally that the tendency to search for happiness, fulfillment, and love in others might have to do with a deprivation of this all in childhood. It makes so much sense, since the child was taught to strive for approval and acceptance, and it makes its worth depending on it. So, as long as this circle is not interrupted, it will be a life-long search.
    As you said, we are depending on each other and that is what we need to understand finally. But it is the meaning of togetherness. It means giving what I brought along down here that makes me whole as a natural flow. But not taking from others to become whole.
    That togetherness is what results from unconditional love. Not giving for expecting something return. Giving because it is my purpose to give. If everybody understands that, receiving is just a natural consequence to keep everything in a universal balance… I think that is called peace.

    1. Well spoken dear lady, it is a long search but that persistence and bravery of one foot in front of the other has a great treasure at its end and a serenity in its understanding. And a beautiful peace it is dear lady, when we do understand. I was so stunned with what I saw inside me, exactly why I held my pain. That knowing that it was that childs understanding of that moment where I couldn’t handle my dad’s treatment of me anymore and I ‘closed’ my heart to him…and forever more closed my heart to anything that did the same. But that childs mind also locked in an understanding, a doubt, that this all happened because of me…or why else would it have happened, and forever dragged that doubt into the future. It’s reality was that my dad had also been brought up the same way and was only passing on what he thought was the right thing, and in that very thing I could see in others and understood that this was the journey, we needed conditional love so that we could understand unconditional love. And as you said, go from being codependent in that love and sharing from that conditional codependency to becoming something that no longer needs anything because it has found that love within themselves, unbinding our hearts simply by seeing that truth within us…that those doubts were never ours but an action by those we loved and looked up to, and mistook their actions for something else. Saw that there was no intention to not love us, but given from that very same place we had been in…hurt and in pain, and thinking it must be us. It is an amazing path dear lady, every action attracting another until we see. All experiencing of it all ever pointing us inward so that eventually we will look and see that truth, and finally understand that this seemingly mad, mad world does indeed have great meaning…and set us free ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

      1. It is interesting since I just talked to my mom about that. How the way we were raised and treated affect us and that it leaves something in us. We may not even notice it consciously but we do notice that at times something holds us back, gives us shivers, reminds us of former situations, it can hold us back from having or telling our opinion. In my case, I avoid conflicts because I never learned how to deal with them. I had to crawl back and take the opinion that I was told to have. As you said, our parents were raised in a way too that shaped them. That is what made me forgive my father. He did not know any better. We do take it over as children since we don’t know anything else and because we need to survive. And we pass something on to our children again because we do what we think is the right thing. Later, when we are adults it is our choice what to make of it, whether we keep it up or change it. It is a simple decision when even it appears much more difficult. Yes, those old pattern can be so deeply rooted that we are not even aware of them. But however, we cannot blaim anyone. If we want a change then we need to change!

        1. Again that is well spoken dear lady. In the beginning we don’t have any choice because we don’t know any better, we are our environment and this can be seen in that age old comment ‘your just like mom/dad’. We love and look up to them and want to be just like them, and especially when it is feeling that love and safety from them. As a child, if it is threatened to be taken away they react very badly. When they are toddlers and mom or dad go away to work they get very upset or when they go to school it can be a traumatic experience to be left at the gate. Those experiences of having love or having it taken away (we must remember this is a very immature emotional handling child), causes a lot of angst. Now that example is just basic but as time goes by their ability to cope with these gets better…but…what is their coping strategy? And this is a classic…when they are adults they ask a partner to ‘not’ treat them a certain way, or to love them a certain way because they don’t want to ever feel that ‘fear’ of losing that love that they had as a child. And if you look at your current fear it isn’t what we label it but that deep core basic feeling of losing that love in that action. That feeling of rejection in that action. That loss of love and safety we have ever been brought up with. And this can be in many things that are done…been yelled at for doing something wrong, being made to feel useless (and this is simply because the parent knows no other way of teaching or getting something through to the child, they too have been brought up this way and know no other way), even being threatened with having that love taken away, simply by telling the child to go away, it just reinforces that feeling of love being stopped if you don’t do this or that. There are so many things that are all coming back to our biggest fear, the losing of that love is the next thing in line after having our breath taken away, it is our life to keep breathing and it is even more to have that love taken away. That is why it feels like we are dying when we break up with someone, our heart is the first to go, the breath the second. And then down comes every thing else. No hope, no purpose…simply because it is the most important part of our life. And it does have great purpose, all those conditions we have placed on us, we keep…and then in our struggles find that meaning behind them and finally realize that our fear is built by a very young mind, covered over because we don’t want the world to see we are afraid…and petrified that it is all as it is…because there must be something wrong with us. But the day we see its truth, understand that we have labelled our hearts with a false label that there is something wrong with us, when it is in fact something that has been unintentionally passed on by those adults who also know no better, haven’t resolved their own fears by the time we are born and pass them on to us…so that one day in our own fears we will look deep and see that very thing, finally understand it, and let it go. It is such an in ground thing fear, that when we finally see what it is built on and let it go, the weight and release of a lifetime way of being is unbelievable. It’s like the difference between night and day it is that profound…and that freedom I speak of, you can barely put words to it simply because in seeing it for what it is, you finally lose that lifetime of doubt of you…and can love the one person you have never been able to because of that doubt…you. I did it again, almost another post πŸ˜‚ 🀣 πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

          1. Haha, yes, that would make an amazing post actually. But seriously, everything you mentioned stroke a chord in me. We might have lived in different places in this world but our hearts made similar experiences. Every example you shared feels like part of my own history. You so nailed it. And yes, the fear of losing or of re-experiencing is so big that we desperately hold on to it. It is so big that we don’t even dare to let go of that huge misunderstanding but try to keep up “our search for love”. Indeed, experiencing that letting go is the most liberating experience of all. We let go of any dependency and even fear has lost its grip. Wow! I am not that far yet, but only imagining to drop that weight brings tears to my eyes.
            Thank you for that comment-post,Mark. It is a blessing to have you hearπŸ’–

            1. Now that is the biggest healing of all dear lady, to be brave enough to actually talk with someone of those fears…and…have someone actually listen and hear your pain. Sometimes it doesn’t even need an answer, simply because the ability to share something kept so deep, so hidden and be able to finally open and speak its name, is a freedom all its own. Having been ever afraid that someone may have seen that there was something wrong with you, that you were unlovable, that there was something wrong that another can see and so reinforces your belief that you are unlovable, the most painful thing you have ever faced in your life…and keeps getting touched in that instant that you break up with someone. They don’t have to say a word, our hidden pain overtakes the moment and just reinforces our belief and drags us deeper. But there is a healing, there is a way out, and in doing it, it will show us something so profound to be beyond words. A love we ever thought was not us…but now is in that understanding. Never to be taken again, by us or anyone else. A freedom in our hearts, to now share unconditionally as all else is let go, no longer bound by our fear ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

              1. Agreed, It is a big misconception that oppressing and ignoring solves a trauma. Only in opening a window to let it fly off helps – like, as you said, simply speaking about it and giving it a name. That process of opening up is probably the crucial one that solves many other problems too. Thank you for that added aspect, Mark!

                1. That child has had a journey where it feels blocked in so many things that it becomes used to ‘holding’ everything in because they feel it is them that is the problem. And the many experiences forever rubbing that pain builds that wall, I always speak of, over their hearts to cope with its pain but also hides its origins from them as well. It takes our journey to reach a point where we don’t want to do this anymore and finally dare to face what has ever given so much pain. And it is in there that this incredible, wonderful discovery awaits us…to finally see that all that pain in fact is giving us something incredible, the ability to ‘see’ unconditional in its discovery. That cannot be done without first doing the journey that we do. Did we have a choice for all of this? We are here aren’t we…we have chosen! And at its end we would have it no other way, because when we see its beauty we will be glad in heart and mind of every single step we have made πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

                  1. You should hold lectures, Mark. You have so much to say and you do it in a way that everybody undertands. It triggers that spot in us where the truth is hidden. Wonderful insights that truly support everyone’s development and make their own struggles shine in a new light.

                    1. Um…is that a book nudge? πŸ˜‚ And well said Erika. When we hear a truth it is that love inside us acknowledging it, can actually feel it and be attracted to it. Like everything else we do, we attract from where we are at, and love is always there. When we do something good, we feel good all over, when we hear something truthful to that love, we feel good all over. It is guiding us just by being that love. And it only gets harder to feel when we are on a path moving away from it…because we are blocking it. Like all other emotions we must feel both sides so we can move to the one we seek, that love and happiness we ever look for. Some become so pained in fear they totally block those feelings and proceed on that path, waiting to be shown or guided. I want you to imagine being Putin and actually being in a place where you can give an order to kill. You and I both know to us it would be repulsive, would in fact rather die than do it. Look at the persona of Hitler or any other starters of war, they do not have the compassion or empathy. Now don’t get me wrong, of course we will all ‘protect’ ourselves, it is as natural a part of us as breathing, even if very abhorrent. But that love is ever residing within and tuned to that love. Yes, we block it, but if we didn’t we wouldn’t understand it and in the process touch that incredible beauty that unconditional love is, the one thing that this is all for…and the only thing we take back with us πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

                    2. And no starters of war or at least their work “survived”. Love has the last word, always. Love is the only power that can produce lasting creations.
                      Yes, Mark, a book would be awesome. You have so much to say and your words reach exactly the people who need it and the spots in us that we need for growing awareness and healing.
                      Let it flow… like you always do πŸ’–

                    3. Well said Erika, that balance is indeed love and what everything is measured against. And thank you for your kind words, between you and Spirit a rumbling has begun, time to contemplate that journey I think πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

            1. Most certainly Erika, even though painful it shows us that one side that must be experienced and felt so we can understand the other. It’s a bit like that mountain I speak of…it’s a hard climb, scary, bumps, bruises and a lot of sweat and effort…but that incredible feeling when we have conquered it and know we were good enough to do it AND finally SEE the magnificent view that they spoke of but cannot be comprehended until you too are standing in that place…cannot be described, it must be experienced to understand and feel such an incredible moment…and KNOW it has all been worthwhile πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

              1. Yes, absolurely, in the painful lessons we get the essence. And however painful it was, once through, once understood, once really learned, nothing compares to that immense feeling of freedom and happiness. As you said, it is the moment we recognize why we had to go through certain situations and what all led to the ultimate understanding πŸ’–

                1. It is that journey of journeys, within and without ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  11. Beautiful Mark. Its so difficult to describe the ineffable, but you do it so well. Thanks for this!πŸ™

    1. Thank you kindly, it is but an understanding from thankfully experiencing it all, and sharing as it was given me…unconditionally ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

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