Becoming The Love You’ve Been Looking For

A wonderful understanding of that search for the love in our lives  <3

Reblogged from Unfiltered From the Heart

Becoming The Love You’ve Been Looking For

Fantasies about knights in shining armor started at a young age for me. I wanted a man to save me from my miseries; to whisk me away on his stead into the sunset. Fairytales, it seems, were a vast part of my psyche.

Then in my late thirties when my marriage dissolved and I was left to face my life, with my miseries and messes, I turned away by looking for the knight in shining armor again; and to no avail. In seeking, I upped my misery. Yet while I sought, I also began to look inward. This blog, in all of its iterations, reflects a good part of that journey.

Today, I am seeing that the love and acceptance I’ve sought in others was quietly waiting…right here, inside of me. Yes, I’ve read in books this concept of self-love. Yet, it was only recently that I began to experience it as a regular part of my daily life and reality.

How has this come to be, you may be wondering? It really is more simple than you may want to believe. If you’ve been following my story, you may see the pattern. It is about the consistent application of self-love and self-compassion in the face of e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

To be more specific: The places where we have built walls must be torn down. Those walls are the thoughts and beliefs that block us from our own light, our own love and in maintaining those walls, it eats up our energy.

This place of self-love is behind those walls. It can feel scary to “walk into” those blockades, for each brick is a thought we have taken the time to place and mortar together to form these walls. Then we take to painting our beliefs of who we are, like murals, on these walls. So to look closely at any of the murals or walls is to question our very own self-concept. It can feel like death to question who we are. In a way it is: it is the death of who we believed we were.

Furthermore, we feel vulnerable when we take those walls down. As each of those bricks was formed in the belief that life or love hurts us. Yet the reality is that those very walls keep us locked in with the pain, while the love we seek remains on the other side of the keep.

The very thing we seek is within us. It is up to us to break down the walls that separate us from ourselves and hence from others. We can be so busy blaming others for our pain that we avoid seeing how we are hurting ourselves and creating the very things that keep us locked in that hell.

So go to those walls. Breathe through the fear, the heartache. Write, cry, dance and be moved by the emotions that you’ve been keeping locked up. In freeing them, you free yourself. With each wall you break down, you will find another measure of love for yourself.

It is in “feeling the rainbow” of human emotions that we become who we are here to be: ourselves unlimited, ourselves being free.


46 thoughts on “Becoming The Love You’ve Been Looking For

    1. It is such a confronting journey, but without it we would never find that inner beauty that is quietly and gently waiting for us to ‘see’ the real us inside <3
      Thank you for sharing kind lady 😀

        1. It will knock on your door occasionally to let you know your on the right path. There may be the odd slippery slope in between but that is to give you an appreciation of those good bits that do come along. If we were just given everything we would lose interest, especially in us. Believe in who you are, right down to those bits you think are negatives, they are only driven by our fears. See them for what they truly are underneath and you will be free <3

                1. Oh its there, and as hard as this may be to understand at the moment, it is in everything. Each time you go through something hard, you feel it. Each time you go through something good, you feel it. And that is what love is. And each time you hide behind that emotional wall to block that pain, love will ‘touch’ you from what you learnt before. Because each time you are going through that rough patch and come out the other side, you cannot be but more compassionate and loving BECAUSE of that very thing. It is like putting your hand over your eyes to turn the sun off. It will darken your outlook for a while but the sun is still there…and you begin to trip over things which gets a bit frustrating after a while 😀
                  Take your hands off your heart, she IS going through a tough time at the moment, but she needs to see the light that makes you want to close her over. Let her understand why that pain is so hard for you, see in truth why it causes such hurt and understand it…and be free…to always walk around with a smile on your face, peace in your heart, and an openness that will touch all that you meet. Oh…and a love that will move mountains…that self love that you are slowly building inside <3

  1. Very beautiful and so true, what we’re often looking for from others is waiting quietly inside of us if we’re just willing to pause, listen and look inward it’s there waiting for us to embrace it.

    1. Tiffany’s post hit the nail on the head Jenna. It takes a lifetime to finally see that inside we are very lovable indeed. We just have to understand those fears that we hold are in fact the walls that block that self love. Understand the why and they lose their power over us…and we are free. Thank you for sharing, may the only power in your life be yours <3

    1. Thank you kind lady, this post by Tiffany touches that depth where our heart is bare, no longer covered by our walls and can be felt for the truth it is <3
      Love and light on your journey, may it allow you to touch that depth also <3

    1. Thank you Sue. It tests us…really tests us inside and out. But I feel you, just as Jesus was, battered and bruised, struggling through those conditions of humanity. But even though he looked a mess, in his eyes were something completely different. A belief in what he had now become, after enduring those many things. You don’t even have to look at your eyes in the mirror kind lady, you ‘know’ in your heart what you have achieved, the road you have traveled and the paths that led to this very place. As the dust settles and you give your heart time to heal, even though the body heals quite quickly our hearts have much more distance to cover and can take years to resolve and settle into what we have now become, you now know a great thing. What it all means! <3
      Big hugs my friend, sending love and light to you as you do the one thing that will heal you the best, and that is to do you, one of the hardest things to do until now…and now you are doing so by saying 'no' to many others, because you cannot love anyone unless you love you first. Not selfishly but with a great integrity. That self love is all He is waiting for, to 'know' you are home. Welcome to a new world, a free world where your heart can finally sing <3

      1. Bless you Mark, you bring tears to my eyes, yet a song to my heart.. You put that perfectly.. No one I speak to really understands, not really. I couldnt even watch the England football match this evening, I took myself into the garden..
        I thought I would breeze through answering comments, yet after an hour I am shutting my computer down .. To leave more for another day..
        Nothing seems important as it did.. And I am in sort of day dream,
        Even when one of our freezers broke without us noticing in the garage, it didn’t matter.. Nothing really matters.. When you feel so full inside.. I know I’m babbling . but I know you understand.
        Thank you again Mark. so much 😀

        1. It can be quite a strange experience to be where you now are…simply because you have never been there Sue. Your body is ‘letting go’ what went before. People don’t understand, and understandably so, when I explain the ‘let go’. You literally have to learn to walk again, clean your teeth again, speak again…all simply because you have released a life long fear that has held your body (and mind, as in how you think and process things), in a way that was always ‘on guard’ for those very fears. You are literally at a place of pure freedom, you now have that ability to completely relax (and that takes time) and in that very process do as your heart truly wishes. You are now beginning to love yourself for the first time. Before it was blocked by that wall of fear. One of the most amazing things I felt as I went through this feeling of ‘out of body’, was the beginning of an inner calmness, an ability to begin to ‘see’ the simplest of things…a beautiful butterfly fluttering past, a blooming flower…where before I ‘didn’t have time or was so focused on the world’ that many of these things go unnoticed. You will slowly adapt as for the first time in your life you will be finally standing in your truth…the real you has been born and opening to a whole new way of being. Be glad, even in its strangeness, a new heart has begun. Oh, did I mention? With the wall come down you also open your senses much more, your gifts will make themselves known in a stronger way, no longer blunted by what went before. The best thing for you to do is ‘go with the flow’ and step into things that do that. Meditation is the best as it allows for that inner and outer balance while your spirit/higher self adjustment within you settles. Go for walks and just enjoy you. As I said it isn’t about selfishness, it is about doing the one thing that we avoid all our lives…loving us. We always give from where we are at…if we are angry, we give from there, if we are sad, we give from there…and if we are being love (by being loving to ourselves), that is what we give out. It is as natural as breathing air. And your current tears (and they do come on so easily), are for you. In your heart you ‘know’ and ‘feel’ that wall is gone and now that love for you has been set free. Emotionally it is a huge, beautiful step and the empathy and compassion for yourself and others will now open, no longer blocked by those fears of life. And as you are beginning to realise, you will begin to let go things that suddenly no longer have meaning, move towards others that now do. And within it all is a new meaning in your life, one that is built from the love now opening.
          And it is most certainly the most beautiful babble I wish to hear kind lady, for within that very thing I hear a heart being born, one much fuller, much clearer and more loving than ever before. Welcome home dear lady, welcome and be free <3

    1. And thank you also for sharing kind lady. I have been a tad quiet because I’m in damage mode (crushed neck disks), and like your last poem ‘Beloved One: Trust’, I was wondering who I should turn to 😀
      The modern world does very little in this area until it becomes so painful that they will try anything to alleviate that pain, and sometimes the patient comes out worse than what they went in with 😀
      So I am on a journey to face that place within, an acceptance of my journey and understand what holds it in place, and in doing so release what no longer serves me <3

      1. I’m so deeply sorry to hear you are in pain, Mark. Chronic pain is so poorly mismanaged by our medical system. My heart goes out to you. I wish I could do more than just offer words of compassion and empathy. ?

        1. That dear lady, in your lovely words, is empathy personified in itself. Thank you for your wishes, they are gratefully received and have at the least brought a smile and inner thanks which is a healing within itself <3

  2. Great share, Mark! It’s easy to get pressured into looking for love outside of us, but it is only through self-love and self-compassion first that we can then truly love others without being overly dependent or possessive of them.

    1. Thank you my friend. And yes, it is always us projecting ourselves onto everything around us trying to find that ‘happy’ place, not realising that it is the fear we are holding onto that we are projecting in the beginning. Once we find the ‘why’ of it and let it go, we are then only projecting the love that we have now become, no longer twisted by those fears. Actually I shouldn’t say twisted because those fears do in fact have a very important purpose. In going through them and enduring their pain, it is by that very thing that we discover that compassion and self love for ourselves and become that happiness we have always wanted. Thank you for sharing your thoughts kind lady <3 😀

    1. Most certainly Himali, our world busily keeps our fears stoked and our walls high. But it isn’t until we realise that it is those very things that are blocking the one thing that will change it all…the ability to love ourselves and the happiness that is actually within that very act. All we have to do is take that one step, find the true ‘why’ of those fears, not the things we keep telling ourselves…and the walls come tumbling down. Love, light and hugs to you also <3 😀

  3. Wonderful share Mark and wise words from Tiffany, I went to read in full and left a comment there..
    Many thanks for sharing my friend and thank you for your love and support.. Means a lot to me.. 🙂

    1. Thank you Sue, her words touched something within us all and left us with a new understanding <3
      And it is my pleasure to be a part of your journey also, you have also 'touched' many with the heart in your words and art also my friend <3
      Sending much love and light for this part of your journey, may it open, heal and release you in the understanding within that you are now traveling kind lady. (((Big hugs))) xox <3 😀

          1. I am closing down right now.. Three hours on here and I’m pooped. So heading for a nap.. LOL.. Who would think the Lap top so draining.. I will be sure to take care Mark.. Thank you.. Much Love 😀

    1. Thank you Michele. They are amazing words because of that truth felt in reading them and that realisation that love is waiting inside for us to eventually believe in ourselves and embrace it <3 😀

    1. Tiffany’s post went straight to the heart Moushmi, it showed us something we didn’t understand because we were too afraid to look. This understanding gives hope where before was only our silence, the silence of those fears we hold. We can reach that self love by going through our fears, they are only built on something we don’t understand, and in that understanding their power over us is lost forever, setting us free to finally, truly, live life…the real version 😀

  4. One of the lovely things about aging is discovering. We don’t find this true self appreciation and love when we are young. It feels so good to have reached this stage in life and to look back at the journey. Great post

    1. Thank you Lyn. It is very beautiful to begin to ‘see’ the wisdom in our journey. To realise we are on the right path and that this journey does have great meaning within it 😀
      Thank you for sharing yours 😀

    1. Tiffany put it into words of truth so that we could ‘see’ within those walls, a better teacher I could not find my friend. Her words were like music as all spiritual words are, as they allow us to ‘see’ that truth within <3 😀

  5. “The very thing we seek is within us. It is up to us to break down the walls that separate us from ourselves and hence from others. We can be so busy blaming others for our pain that we avoid seeing how we are hurting ourselves and creating the very things that keep us locked in that hell.”
    What a blessing this post is today. Thank you. oxoxoxo

    1. And of that I am glad kind lady. Most of our lives we dare not look within because of that pain, not realising that this very act holds it even tighter. But the day that we begin to look within for its understanding, is the countdown to the day we are free from that very pain. May you find that release Michelle, from the courage of that journey you dare to take <3 😀

        1. I hope so Michelle, your return was so gladly received but I felt a tired heart, I hope all is well. The privacy of my contact page is there if you require dear lady <3

            1. Glad to hear that Michelle, can’t have a rose too tired to open her petals to the sunlight each morning. Sending lots of love, light and energy my friend, take care and enjoy the Spring xo <3

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