Decided to dance a little deeper in life, and wow can spirit dance!

Sunrise

An Unconditional Dilemma!

Where do I begin…I mean really? I had learned something many years ago, but found it so confronting that I had hesitated in applying it to the many situations I found myself in. This world allows only so much, many lines drawn in the sand or else…else what?

Where is that line you ask, upon receiving the 50th definition of what is allowed. The one that bespeaks of the terror and horror’s of what will happen if you do cross that line.

As a spiritual healer and empath, spirit has taken me on a great journey. I wanted to ‘see’ the truth of our paths, and understand its purpose. Little did I know that the first and last was to feel and face myself, for within that was a great truth…an unconditional one. For myself, and in that understanding, for others also. Hence the dilemma.

This world says, as a healer (or any other modality), that you must never ‘get close’ to your client, you must apply yourself diligently from a professional standpoint and never cross that ‘line’.

So off I went, manual in hand to heal the world.

And then it happened…I was asked to see a lady who had been attacked and almost killed by an assailant. I walked into her hospital room and in that one instant that our eyes met, I felt every emotion known to man…and many others that I had never touched before. The utter desolation that came from her as she cried out was so deep that she at first couldn’t make a sound, until finally a heart wrenching sob broke open a heart that was closed over from the shock of what had happened to her, and was something that I will never forget.

Her arms opened to just be held, supported, from something that her mind was staggering to comprehend. And allow her to release the fear that was locked inside and help her find a balance so she could understand.

I opened my arms as my heart went out to her and hugged her from somewhere I didn’t even realise I had within. At the time I didn’t realise just what had happened, only that I could not give to this lady without being totally unconditional. There are no rules when you stand in this space.

And as the days and weeks went by, I also saw that it could be no other way. I either stood in my truth within and healed from that place, or I followed the rules and gave from a superficial place that would have been felt by her and closed her heart back over, never releasing what had happened.

And over that time of being together in that place, it allowed her to go very deeply within and release a lifelong fear that had always kept her in a dark place, interfering with her life in so many aspects. In doing so we had become quite close because of what had been so closely shared. It is an awkward thing to understand, simply because you are sharing a love, an unconditional love, something that we all want so desperately in our lives but blocked by this conditional world.

But as time went by we both realised our journey together had a purpose, to look within ourselves, heal what no longer had purpose, and then move on. I also learned a huge thing in that healing, to be able to ‘touch’ anothers heart, go through whatever feelings they produce to be healed, and let go unconditionally. To heal by the integrity and love that unconditional is.

Yes, I crossed so many lines of this world, but ‘we’ healed two people in that journey, and closed over and healed the lines that this world builds.

And the manual…well, it had a purpose…so that I could see its folly and understand a greater truth within us all โค๏ธ

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35 Comments

  1. Iโ€™ve heard that healers give of what they themselves have learned and healed from. Looking back on my own journey I would agree with that! Sometimes the lessons are very difficult to learn but they offer the deepest returns! Blessings to you!

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Yes they do give from that healed place. It isn’t possible to heal someone of anything that they haven’t experienced because without experiencing it they don’t understand. It’s like me trying to teach someone to fly a plane…and I’ve never been in one. Now don’t get me wrong, most emotional experiences can be ‘partly’ helped or healed in another, and it is a great thing when at the least you are getting or giving empathy and compassion from a healing from other experiences…and sometimes that is all that is needed. But to ‘fully heal’ it must be done by themselves, but a healer is there to emotionally guide from their own experiences (unless they are being guided themselves). And by the way, I am referring to a spiritual healing, counseling etc, not all of the many other different energy healings, they work in another way…sort of ๐Ÿ˜€, they too need to be ‘healed’ to be open to bring that healing through. It all comes back to that love within us, if we are not healed and are blocking (you know, those walls of fear we build around our hearts), is restricted by those very fears. Now to confuse it some more, I have seen and felt fantastic healers, it is their gift…but still be blocked within. Now there is a contradiction but like anything in life there are people with a ‘natural gift’ at different things. Never been trained but do something beautifully. And yes, those experiences we have do give the most deepest returns because we have gone through them and ‘know’ the courage, trust, faith it has taken to achieve them. An appreciation, a self love is created in doing that. That loving truth is self love, it can only be found within ourselves by testing it and seeing who we really are within. I, personally, have been down that ‘dark night of the soul’ to touch who I really am and have been blessed with seeing and feeling what it means for our hearts in all we do. It is a journey we all make to find ourselves. The outcome was because I asked God to show me why this world is such a mess (I was in the middle of a divorce), what purpose or meaning could any of this possibly have. So I was shown, and in that healing I now share the love I was shown within that. And no it wasn’t given to me, I had to experience each and every one then have Spirit ‘give further understanding’ within it. Shown the forest for the tree’s so to speak. It was given to me unconditionally so I now give it unconditionally here. Love and light to you also Tamara, I hope this hasn’t been too confusing. ๐Ÿ˜€ โค๏ธ ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ ๐Ÿฆ‹

      • Not at all Mark! I totally understand what youโ€™re saying! I went through experiences with 4 different psychics over a span of a few years where they gave me almost identical messages.

        They told me I had agreed before coming into this life to go through all the troubles I did so that I could then help others. I didnโ€™t get it at first, thatโ€™s why the universe had to keep sending me people to give me the same message! I didnโ€™t have the benefit of a healer or of any counseling so everything I learned was by going through it and then Spirit teaching me what it all meant.

        My publisher of an illustrated childrenโ€™s book told me I needed to write down my philosophical thoughts and make a book. He basically gave me permission to write, which was important because my husband at the time wasnโ€™t wanting me to step out of my box.

        As I started writing, sentences and ideas were given to me. Iโ€™m told thatโ€™s being an intuitive. It was such a great gift because through the writing process I learned so much!

        Those psychics had told me Iโ€™d write. The last one told me my books would help many people. I found that incredible because I was struggling to write the first one!

        I guess because my lessons felt so hard won, I keep writing to help others like myself who are alone struggling to heal and donโ€™t know how to do it!

        • Mark Lanesbury

          That unconditional love we finally find in ourselves just naturally want to help others. We want them to find what we found, that love and happiness we have ever looked for, inside us, not ‘out there’. We all do indeed have gifts in so many ways, it just takes a while to believe in ourselves and step into our shoes. And all the while we attract where we are at, just those souls to help us take a step…or two ๐Ÿ˜€. From all that I’ve read on your blog you are sharing that loving journey dear lady, a greater love you cannot give. Take a bow โค๏ธ. By the way, Spirit still won’t allow me to comment on your blog, I get a ‘feeling’ of interfering with who and what you are on your journey…plus your doing fine, your type of healing is singing as it should ๐Ÿ˜€ โค๏ธ ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ ๐Ÿฆ‹

          • Wow! Thank you so much for this amazing feedback! It truly is very helpful and hits the notes at the exact time I need to hear them!

            I totally agree with what youโ€™ve saying about sending the love outwards to others once we have found it! I spend years desperately looking for love and approval from others and from God, until I learned I already had divine approval (as we all do) and that meant I was worthy of it. That knowledge really knocked me over, and helped me to finally learn how to like, then to love myself! Underneath everything I teach, that is a nugget I try to impart.

            I get a lot of people visiting my blog posts daily and what Iโ€™m getting from that is Iโ€™m touching people who arenโ€™t ready to be seen yet, for following, liking, commenting, are all ways we are seen. I was feeling down that โ€œI wasnโ€™t good enoughโ€ to inspire people to do those things which for other bloggers create โ€œsuccessโ€ but then I remember the wonderful words and feedback I DO get.

            Success is what keeps many motivated to keep writing and they will alter their writing or write about what people want to hear, but I have been getting the strong feeling that I need to just keep writing when and what I feel compelled to do, regardless of whether I hit the success milestones, because the people who need help are getting what they need. Of course EGO wants success, but I think my spirit is practicing living and loving without it.

            I do question if I have some kind of aspergers or other issue which prevents people from avidly following or commenting, and I may, for thatโ€™s why I donโ€™t know how to write in such a way which inspires that! If that is my truth, then I donโ€™t have the ability to write that way, no matter how I would try to change myself. Whatever the reasons, I accept myself and any limitations that I have, and just continue to be me and share my thoughts, hoping that those who need to see them are seeing them!

            Iโ€™m deeply grateful for people such as yourself who take time to chat with me! Some of my best conversations happen on other peoples sites.

            • Mark Lanesbury

              Just beware that WordPress is having problems in as much some sites I cannot comment on and a lot of people are having huge problems commenting on mine. It is a very frustrating thing so many may only read and maybe ‘like’ your posts but cannot comment. I think in all I have read of your posts only about four of my comments have gone through. The most frustrating thing for everyone is to spend a great deal of time writing a great comment only for it disappear when they hit the submit button, so they stop trying. But the one thing I will support is you just being you, writing from where your journey has come from and where it is changing, and where you can feel it may go. If your not being you then your here out of an expectation, yours or others. The only thing that I have found that I can do wrong is some of my posts get too big and I don’t know if it is my subject matter is a bit hard to absorb and people have just knocked off work with a glass of wine in hand for a light read…and get confronted with me ๐Ÿคฃ. But anyway dear lady, if you can’t be you then who can you be? Thank you for sharing here and know I’m ‘liking’ your posts merrily but alas the commenting must be one of those things…but much love and light coming with the ‘likes’ though ๐Ÿ˜€ โค๏ธ ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ ๐Ÿฆ‹

              • Thanks so much for your encouragement and kind words! Youโ€™re right about WordPress, some people I รงa like and comment easily, while with others it is a big deal! Authenticity is the best! Years ago I failed at trying to become what and who others wanted me to become, and no matter how much I worked at it I always fell short. When I learned about boundaries and liking myself, those issues disappeared from my world and Iโ€™m happy to just be me!

                Some days admittedly I find it difficult to read lengthier posts, but thatโ€™s a reflection of my own state of mind, because other days I drink up other peoples writing!

                Wishing you a wonderful weekend!

              • Mark Lanesbury

                If you only even help one person with your work on your site, then love has opened their inner door to heal. That is love personified. You have the experience and understanding of your journey, others do not. Going through such a huge emotional and physical journey as you have leaves a great wisdom. That light you have become will attract accordingly, have faith in that. Have a great weekend too dear lady, may it be full of that sunshine within ๐Ÿ˜€
                P.S. I just tried to leave a comment on your recent post but alas, no go. But just remember your love will go where it may, even if you can’t see it’s outcome ๐Ÿ˜€ โค๏ธ ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ ๐Ÿฆ‹

              • Thanks so much! You are leaving a smile on my face! ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

              • Mark Lanesbury

                Then spread it around dear lady, something to change this current ‘atmosphere’. Become the change you wish to see in the world ๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐Ÿคฃ ๐Ÿ˜€ โค๏ธ ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ ๐Ÿฆ‹

              • Thanks you for this! ๐ŸŒฟ๐ŸŒธ๐ŸŒฟ๐ŸŒธ๐ŸŒฟ you too!!

  2. Stepping away from rules, expectations and limitations is unsettling to the mind. But when you follow your heart and soul you simply know what is right. Love and compassion prevails. May we never forget this . Thank you so much for sharing Mark ๐ŸŒŸ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’›๐ŸŽˆ

    • Mark Lanesbury

      My pleasure Val, it is something we should all meet in our journey so that its truth can be known. And we will dear lady, it is ever waiting to be touched. And thank you for your kind words โค๏ธ ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ ๐Ÿฆ‹

  3. I realized it a while ago that realy liberation and healing can only take place when we open up uncondintionally. As long as we are hiding something or don’t dare to look at something because we are afraid of scaring or hurting ourselves again, we can never really heal. It is like a thorn that keeps stuck inside and depending on our movements it will cause pain again. The solution would be so simple yet it seems so difficult to allow ourselves to just be, just flow, just let go…
    Your lines made this so wonderfully clear again. I too have a best friend. We went to school togethere and have always been besties. He moved to Calfornia and after decades I got reminded of him through dreams. I felt the deep need to contact him. It was a magical time. We both were at points in our lives where we stood close to an edge, close to a huge leap in our development. We both were deeply hurt. We needed each other, the mutual insights and encouragements, and we both made it together yet individually through it. We trusted each other and knew the other one completely understands. That’s why both dared to open up. I am still in awe when I think back how perfectly orchestrated that all was.

    • Mark Lanesbury

      When you touch something like that Erika, suddenly it all has purpose. You can see behind what was and understand it is needed so you can in fact ‘see’ that it had purpose. It was for us to become something more even though this conditional world buries us in its conditions, but without it we are lost. We have chosen this so we can understand. Your journey with your ‘bestie’ is very instrumental in that development, and to have someone during this that understands is priceless simply because it reinforces you, is someone who can help when those ‘conditions’ get dark and share the light when they aren’t. One of those people who you contact after years and just take up where you left off, if that isn’t a soul connection I don’t know what is dear lady. Our higher selves or Spirit or God ever guide us so that we can understand the one and only thing we can ‘take back with us’, and that is that understanding of that love we are made up of. And as messy as it looks down here, I can look back now and see the road map, understand the journey and see a light that only ever seemed a flash in the darkness but now a part of who I am. It always has been there but we needed to see it from a distance first so we could understand and appreciate it fully because of that. It is a beautiful feeling when I know someone has touched that inner meaning and I can see a light come on in their eyes. Their purpose has been lit and they now understand it all hasn’t been for nothing, and in fact it has given them something so profound and beautiful after all. Thank you for sharing dear lady, it is good to see another light dancing and singing in that freedom โค๏ธ ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ ๐Ÿฆ‹

      • You always move me, Mark, when you so detailed and compassionately go into an experience. You know exactly, what I talked about. And that is why people trust you so openly. And that is why it feels so good in your presence… even in the virtual presence, since energy knows no barriers.
        It was strange at times with my best friend. Sometimes I wasn’t sure what this all was for. We came very close (but never too close) and it was confusing at times. When he reached that turning point when he freed himself from the worst, he fell in love with another woman. I was happy for him but also it broke me a bit. Still, I encouraged him to go for it. I was happy that finally he was happy again. Unfortunately, his girlfriend was so jealous. In the beginning, he had my back but after a while he was tired of arguing with her and I became a secret. That was when my heart really broke. Most of all because I saw that she will hurt him terribly which did happen. But as you said, once we are on that journey, in the midst of the adventure, we can only walk on step by step because we cannot recognize the greater context. Now, years later I know, it was meant for both of us to reach a new level of awareness – and only for that reason. Mission fulfilled and that made me make peace with it. I did a good job and so did he. We were completely in sync with our plan and I am thankful that it needed me to support him. What an honor to do that for another person.
        Thank you for your wonderfu words, Mark. You brought tears to my eyes and warmed my heart again. Much love to you ๐Ÿ’–

        • Mark Lanesbury

          Thank you kind lady, I was given a gift, something we all are given in this journey. It is called understanding and not just of our journey but of what that unconditional love is. When we stand in it, finally seeing that all that we have done has great purpose, we let go all that stuff we had dragged around with us. And from there we truly give back out what we have become. And yes, it does have trust, love, calmness, peace and all those positive things because we have let go all the other…but even I, after all I’ve been through and understood, have ‘bits’ everywhere. Chocolate…attractive ladies…kick my toe and swear like a trooper…and even one nasty from my childhood, claustrophobia. I force myself into lifts and the like and it is slowly releasing…until its not…and I realize I still haven’t resolved where it came from. But they are exactly our journey, to find those bits and in doing so find that beauty within a little more as each is let go.
          And as you have so beautifully said, some of them bits require those special others, someone we already love before we meet them. And when we do meet they know us as we know them and not a word has been spoken, a connection ‘before’ and left in our hearts to know this is right and help us become what we seek. Even to the point that my special lady that I met and fell deeply in love with, the one that we connected like nothing else like your friend, absolutely trashed me. But it was that very thing that took me within and showed me something wonderful…me. I still love her absolutely, simply because I know where it came from, I know what she gave me, and I know I would not have obtained this beauty within without her help.
          And the one thing that all of this does is…break our barriers we all hold around our hearts so we can see and appreciate that unconditional love that we are. Yes it is painful but the gift in its freedom is so powerful when we see it that all that I ask say they would never change a thing if asked to do it again, it is that profound. And thanks to those ‘connecting’ souls we are guided by who and what they are to our destination. Are we supposed to fall in love with them, of course, we cannot do otherwise. But is it to last, yes it will always be with us as is its love. But that ‘conditioning’ that this world gives nudges this worlds thinking that we have been broken, our hearts wrenched and turned upside down so that we will look and find…that it is all still there, wrapped behind our walls waiting to be found again. And yes, down here we wish we could be in that place again…and we will…later. But for now the memories of those cuddles and hugs from that special someone will keep our hearts strong, they are an angel beside us, even if sometimes only very brief.
          I have even touched another soul that was an angel down here on earth. The energy was so powerful but like that movie ‘City Of Angels’ they had never been here before and for the very first time they touched with amazement the beauty of just breathing air, feeling it rain, and ‘touching’ another in a hug. She felt so alive…but so lost too.
          And I thank you also Erika, you are a light for the many in your journey as you break free. We always give out what we are, and it gives others courage to dare this journey within also. Thank you, and that love and light returned in kind โค๏ธ ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ ๐Ÿฆ‹

          • Mark, to sum it up, I have no words for all your words. It is that “paradox” that love can hurt us the most, only to lead us to the deepest love of all. We need to fall in love, we need to dedicate and lose ourselves in someone or something to eventually find ourselves – that pure core that is left – the debris. Only then we see who we truly are without any distraction or destortion. And that is when we find true love, because love is all that remains.
            It touched me deeply when I read about your contact to a former angel. I can only imagine what an energy that must have been and how this wonderful soul must have felt being thrown into gravity.
            Thank you so much for sharing all of these priceless and healing experiences, Mark. You have no idea how much I appreciate it ๐Ÿ’–

            • Mark Lanesbury

              And I thank you dear lady, all our connections are a two way street and it still amazes me that we always have come into our lives the exact person to help us break free. And if they happen to sing and write great poetry…a blessing indeed, I thank you ๐Ÿ˜€ โค๏ธ ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ ๐Ÿฆ‹

              • Mark Lanesbury

                Oops, forgot to say…that angel was literally oozing (and I wish I could find another word, this feels terrible like she is leaking or something…well, she was…love ๐Ÿ˜‚), and she was attracting everything and everyone to her like moths to a flame. Men, women, puppy dogs and even wild animals were coming in for a closer look. And the poor lady was just so flustered from this constant bombardment. Even I did. How could I not see what this incredibly beautiful energy was, and in the instant I looked into her eyes all I could feel was this magnificent love…and a very lost heart. I got to speak to her for a while and she came to me later and got my number. We met later where I live and it was just a balance for her so she could settle, find a direction and path to her heart. One would think that if she was ‘oozing’ all that love, what need she of more love…but many cannot see what is already there. I have never spoken to her again…but she was heading for Canada the last I heard…probably living in a forest surrounded by nature everywhere, the human kind can get a bit much for a first trip down here ๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐Ÿคฃ ๐Ÿ˜€ โค๏ธ ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ ๐Ÿฆ‹

              • Yes, I am standing in awe too, every time I notice that. Thank you for your lovely words, Mark. You are a blessing, absolutely ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ’–

  4. Our hearts know truths our minds cannot comprehend.

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Yes. A few times now I have been shown something…and I just could not put words to it, it spoke a completely different language. In fact , I ‘felt’ it in all its glory but if you asked me to describe it…it just isn’t possible. Thank you for sharing Pam ๐Ÿ˜€ โค๏ธ ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ ๐Ÿฆ‹

  5. When your heart is open there is so much that you can give to others and receive from others. Isnโ€™t that one of our purposes in life? To heal? To open our hearts?
    Thank you for sharing my friend.๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ’ช

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Our journey is just that indeed dear lady. All moments ask us to look inside to our love and struggle with what we had covered it with so in our understanding we can finally give truly, that unconditional that we are. And thank you for sharing too, another light on our path ๐Ÿ˜€ โค๏ธ ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ ๐Ÿฆ‹

  6. So inspiring. The old lady reminded me that love is our natural state beneath the stoic exterior we use to survive the violent confusions of the world

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Yes, thankfully it is our natural state Ananda. We just cover it over occasionally to understand and appreciate it properly. Thank you for sharing kind sir, may your understanding know it truly ๐Ÿ˜€ โค๏ธ ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ ๐Ÿฆ‹

  7. I think following our heart is always the right path. Healing and love comes from deep inside something that is never found in a manual. How wonderful you followed your heart Mark. A beautiful and inspiring story for all of us to learn from. Thank you so much for sharing. Many hugs and love your way.

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Thank you Michele, it was indeed a beautiful encounter even if through such pain and terror. That image has always stayed with me of when I walked into the room, the power of what she felt, the tearful face and that it had actually stopped her from breathing. And to finally get a breath and the sob was such anguish when she finally released it. At that instant everything around you is no more, you release everything that you are…and just be there for them in heart and soul. It makes you see what really does matter in our lives. Much love and hugs to you also kind lady, thank you for sharing โค๏ธ ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ ๐Ÿฆ‹

  8. What a beautiful story – thank you for sharing. Iโ€™m so glad you followed your heart.

    Part of your story reminded me of what one of my earliest teachers referred to as โ€œmatching (energetic) pictures.โ€ When youโ€™d pick up on something going on in another person that resonated in you was well. Basically, we were taught to make a mental note as something for us to work on healing.

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Yes dear lady, those moments we touch in ourselves in those events are indeed those magical connections to heal. I’ve never came across one where both parties don’t come out of it without something individually, even if it is only a confirmation within themselves. Thank you for sharing โค๏ธ ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ ๐Ÿฆ‹

  9. This is the truth, isnโ€™t it? We are a part of the process, the shared healing, the transformation. This is especially poignant post on the day of this heart-wide-open full moon in Cancer, and the lines of the world in Capricorn.

    • Mark Lanesbury

      It most certainly is dear lady, as we go through life we touch others as they touch us, slowly teaching and learning of that love. And I didn’t fully realize your comment on full moon in Cancer, I’m a Cancer with a Cancer rising so it has been something within wanting to come out. This event in fact happened many, many years ago and out of respect for the lady involved I had not mentioned it until now. Spirit said it now has a purpose โค๏ธ ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ ๐Ÿฆ‹

  10. Wow! And yes! โค๏ธyou canโ€™t argue with the truthโ€ฆ.nor would you want to.
    Beautiful โ™ฅ๏ธ๐Ÿ’œโ™ฅ๏ธ

    • Mark Lanesbury

      It was a great turning point in my understanding, to stand in that unconditional place, with the integrity that love is, and still give fully, openly a true healing that love is. Thank you for sharing kind lady โค๏ธ ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ ๐Ÿฆ‹

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