Decided to dance a little deeper in life, and wow can spirit dance!

Sunrise

Why?

For a ‘graceful lady’, there is hope in His world, and a love un-imagined…

Yes…why? Why do we go through some of the most horrendous things in this world, experience so much pain and hurt in some place that is supposed to be so ‘heavenly’. A never ending story of suffering and barely a mention of happiness. Or is it?

I thought after years and years of bad relationships I had finally found ‘the one’, she had the most powerful energy, I could feel her heart from a thousand paces, down wind in a gale. So I fell madly, deeply in love, beyond anything that I had ever felt before. Even Spirit has asked me ‘do you wish to be in a relationship with this lady’…to which I obviously said yes please. A week later and I was so happy I had to put weights on my feet to stay down…and Spirit asked me again ‘do you wish to be in a relationship with this lady’…to which I said ‘most certainly’…and felt a little nudge that this was important, but hey, I’m there with bells on. A few weeks later walking around in my cement boots for safety as I was floating everywhere I went, Spirit asked me again ‘do you truly wish to be in a relationship with this lady’…to which I really pulled myself up and thought this is getting serious here, what do I really want. But I knew to touch something so deeply and walk away was just not possible, but with much seriousness I said to Spirit ‘to touch something so beautiful is a powerful thing and so worth its journey…yes, I want to share what we have’. And so on we went, not a fight, not an ounce of anger, no wish to be elsewhere, not even an argument on who’s turn to wash up the dishes…I wanted to…even that told me that this was something special. And it was but not quite for the reason I had in mind.

It wasn’t until almost two years later that we broke up, still no fight, no argument, just a wish for her to proceed in a way that I could not provide at that time. And down, down, down I went. The world went black, life was just a misery beyond words, I could not believe how bad I felt. I knew it wasn’t her fault in any way so there wasn’t even a point the finger and rant and rave or justify my feelings by it. I stayed like this for almost 5 years until one day someone I had just met asked my ‘why’ I still felt as I did. I said I opened with such power in that love, to have it close and lose it all. And this lady said then it must be in you, your the opener and closer. Look inside and ask yourself why do I feel as I do.

And after a couple of months work of trying to understand why I acted as I did, I saw something. I would, in any of my relationships, treat them all the same way. Pull out chairs, give flowers and not steal any of their chocolates even πŸ˜€. But they would eventually tell me to ‘ease up, back off a bit’ until it all came crashing down. And if we broke up I would always point the finger at ‘them’ and say ‘how could you not want any of this’, it’s your fault. But that wasn’t the ‘thing’…the thing I noticed was…I was doing all this so that ‘they’ would be nice back to me. I was petrified that they would reject me for who I was…so I had to ask myself why, what was I afraid of, why was I doing all of this.

So the digging began, back through all those same things in all my relationships, even to my friends I would act with ‘what can I do for you, can I help’ etc, etc. And on back to my childhood. And there it was again, trying to do all this stuff so as not to be rejected…but this time it was something different, I couldn’t see why I was trying so hard to be something for my…dad. The one I hated with all my mind. Why would I want to be anything for him. I loathed his existence let alone anything else. And with all these thoughts I realised…there it is, my anger, my hurt, my everything was focused to this one person in my life. Why?

I was determined to understand so I went over anything and everything back then and just became more and more frustrated because all I could see was ‘him’. So uncomfortable was I that I can truly understand why most people will just not go there because it is too painful. So I rang this lady and said this is pointless, there is nothing there but ‘him’ and all that he is. To which she said ‘didn’t he love you’…and down I went, I burst into tears like nothing I have ever touched before and the grief was incredible, like I had burst a wall, an emotional wall that had taken a lifetime to build and held back so much emotional pain and hurt like nothing else. It was the total of all my fears of that rejection from my dad, a lifetime…a huge piece of what I was suddenly let go. It broke…I broke…and suddenly I was free. Behind that wall was that very understanding waiting for me.

Now…the why? We spend our entire lives looking for that ‘love and happiness’ out there somewhere. We look and look hoping to find it in someone, even to the point that we project those very fears onto each and every soul that we meet. Why? Because we don’t realise the reason we look out there is because we don’t love ourselves, we have had it driven into us as children that there is something wrong with us, something unlovable because of how we are treated by those we love and look up to. Always with the ‘your useless, get out of the way and let me do it, I asked you to do one thing and you can’t even do that’ and on and on it goes. And we do indeed take it to heart always thinking that there ‘is’ something wrong with us and everyone else can see it too. And at about 9 or 10 yrs old the psychology books say we ‘lock it in’ to who we are. And drag it kicking and screaming into every relationship that we have…even the one with ourselves. Now with everyone it can vary in so many ways that we feel hurt…but…it will all come back to that hurt, rejection, lack of love in how we feel ‘we’ are being treated.

Now…the answer! At that moment that I went down hard in a mass of tears I had a very profound moment and understood two things immediately…I blamed my dad for everything miserable in my life but he actually, unintentionally treated me as he did…because his dad had treated him exactly the same. It was all he knew of being a parent. How many times do you hear…’your just like your mom/dad’, it’s as old as the pyramids that saying, and its true. But the one that bit the hardest was…I could see that was exactly how I had treated my son and daughter, I too had thought I had given them everything, and I had…the good ‘and the bad’ because I knew no other way. It is who I was. Yes…’was’.

Now…the bit that really shocked me! After many years of being a spiritual healer and counselor I had this fantastic idea that if we were able to get to children at a very young age and counsel them through these delicate years and save so many from such horror in their lives…and Spirit said…nothing. I thought bingo, I must be onto something here so I got into it some more and something then became blindingly obvious. Could you imagine going into a school or family home and telling a parent they aren’t loving their child properly. They’d probably at a minimum threaten you, mostly get very angry and a few might go to jail after putting you in hospital. And I thought there has to be something more profound in this…and there was.

We are given this journey, this very, very conditional journey so that we ‘feel’ everything. That ability to only truly understanding something when we experience it. Feel anger so that when we are given happiness we will appreciate it even more…and on through all those emotions. But the pain is the biggest teacher because it is that opposite of the love we feel we have lost. And given that pain so we can fight it, understand it, and finally realize the love inside that is waiting. Only then can we appreciate what we have endured. We only truly appreciate something we have lost, and we lose that love of ourselves in that rejection growing up as a child, not even realising we are doing it. Simply because as an emotionally immature child we have only one way to protect ourselves from pain and that is to ‘put up a wall, an emotional one’, ever building upon it as life pokes that raw thing in our hearts. Leaving us to ever look for that love and happiness β€˜out there’ until we realize it is gently waiting within. You are being shown what unconditional love is by being shown conditional, and a more beautiful thing you will not find.

I have seen that light come on in someone who has been to hell and back, shared their journey to help find that lost soul in a world seemingly gone mad. And it is one of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed, seeing someone touch that place within themselves and see a hope and love come alive in a moment. Everyone’s journey is different, each a path to find themselves, but to witness this is like watching the birth of a child, the power and love within it is like nothing else.

Don’t be afraid to look…and yes, it is painful…but inside there is something that will forever set you free. And was I given something terrible, that ‘dark night of the soul?’…yes, and I am forever grateful for it. Why? Because without it I would just be…with it I grew in heart and soul. I endured, I struggled and I cried so many tears. But each one built on what went before and created something beautiful, that is inside each and every one of us. This place is a heaven like you wouldn’t believe when you can ‘see’. Our fears blind us to it all, but that has purpose so that we can travel this very path, to glimpse and see its light to give us something to work towards and find that unconditional love within us all, in all we do ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

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49 Comments

  1. What a beautiful post Mark! It is sad that you had to go through all this pain but it was meant to be on your path! Fear is our worst enemy but when we face it we heal! This is happened for your highest good, it was the way to make you realize it all. The dark night of the soul has the purpose to go to find truth in the only place we can find an answer and it is within. Spirit and your soul knew that you would make it through! Much love and light, shine bright Mark πŸ™‚

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Hey Carolina, great to hear that voice dear lady. And thank you, we all will make it as it is designed to show us the way. (Pssst, yes I’m a bit stubborn πŸ˜‚). And fear is a terrible thing to face but it is the opener of our hearts, if it didn’t push us we would forever lay on sun lounges by the pool drinking wine and chewing delicacies, never to understand unconditional love by experiencing the conditional we make. Glad to hear from you my friend, I hope all is well in your world (considering all the conditional bits going on everywhere). Love and light to you also, may your journey have found its destination too πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  2. Greetings dear Mark,

    Your heartfelt words couldn’t have come at a better time… Most of which I can honestly say I too have felt this light and sometimes darkness. Thank you for sharing your heart and truth. As always, much peace and love to your heart ~*~

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Hey Linda, it has been a while. I fear your journey has indeed taken you far, far forward…even if it has felt backward. But truthfully it will seek your heart my friend as bad as it sometimes feels. It will show you those things we hide, we fear and we just don’t want to know. Be it from others or ourselves. But trust me, in behind it all is something wonderful, beautiful and heartfelt. It will break you free from a path you ever thought was such a death until one day something will let go, usually when you are in a corner, afraid, full of tears and beyond hope. And a light will come on, something so powerful that it will change you forever. And in the wake of its understanding you will be set free…because that very understanding will break its power over you, so that from that day forward a smile will appear, a real one from deep inside…because you will now know who you are. And a love will appear, the one you have ever looked for…yours ❀️. Glad to hear your voice dear lady, and I hope you are well too. Much love and light always ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  3. Ohhh I’m sorry about your computer.. but very happy you are ok πŸ’œ

  4. Today i completely missed your input and kind words on my blog. I hope you are well and know you are appreciated πŸ’œπŸ™πŸ’œ

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Dear lady I have just spent two days with my computer in pieces, software climbing the wall and me not far behind it so I may have missed a bit. If I made a comment it would probably be 1’s and 0’s. Bear with me while I reload my life πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹ πŸ˜‚ 🀣

  5. Anonymous

    A powerful story of love Mark… I remember you writing about this lady and being so in love long ago when I began following you❀️ and then there was quiet 🀫 What relief we feel when we realise it’s nothing we have done wrong but a misunderstanding of how in each experience there is always, with no exception an element of love in all experience, for better or worse, in which to discover and nurture ourselves! I had to giggle at your wanting to tell all the children, as we’ve all talked about this, AND then we realise it’s their experience to cherish❀️ Thankyou Mark for being totally open and being of service to all your friends here❀️ I know we all inspire others, children too by hearing our true stories. Sending loveπŸ•ΊπŸ™

    • Anonymous

      You’ll have to guess who anonymous is in this instanceπŸ€£πŸ˜‚

      • Mark Lanesbury

        Yes dear lady, this anonymous thing becomes frustrating when there is 4 or 5 visitors the same. I ‘feel’ but alas, even I can only reach so far. I’m more attuned to hearts calling out their energy, and Spirit bonding me to their call πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹ πŸ˜‚ 🀣

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Well, the words feel like a Barbara to me, that delicate dance around a love discovered in her beautiful journey 🀣 The lady I speak of was indeed what we call a soul mate, she gave of a love so profound so that I could go where that love was needed…within me. So she made me find it by the very path she took. And yes, those children need this path too, so they can find what I did…a love so beautiful that can be found no other way, that stumbling, rocky path to guide is ever inward to a loving freedom like no other. Thank you for sharing kind lady πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹ πŸ˜‚ 🀣

  6. What a post! Oh, Mark! Truly you are a blessing to those around you! Several times I’ve gone down to release deep deep pain and wounds so that I continue to embrace Unconditional Love more and more. You are so right …. it is very difficult to do and only those with a courageous heart will do it. Looking back we see with new eyes those things we did unconsciously we were not even aware of, for those things we “inherited”. Now with our new eyes, we can forgive those who hurt us, understand why they acted as they did, and let go the entire mess giving it totally over to a Higher Power. And then we are free. Free. Imagine being free in a world gone mad as it has today. So many cannot understand this and they may even believe it is not possible to be free. Yes it is. I am so proud of you for your continued work, for sharing honestly, something I am not led to do. Just today in fact, I was conversing with God and questioned why is it that what I have experienced in hell and then later on in hell again when I am healing that hell, it no longer seems relevant? And my answer: You are learning how to be Present in every Moment and in the Present only the NOW exists. I know I have crawled over glass to get where I am but the details are not important. What is, are the results. A big shout of JOY!!! Much love to you!! xoxxo

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Ah dear lady, isn’t it amazing when we do step beyond our self made barriers and ‘see’ what is behind it all. It’s like falling in love, and it is, with ourselves for the first time ever. We have held this lack of love towards ourselves for a lifetime and to finally touch it is so profound. And realising that the worth we held for ourselves is that barrier, those beliefs that we hold through our childhood of ‘not good enough or I can’t do it’ etc, etc. Courage and belief that takes a lifetime simply because we think that is us, forever on guard and defending ourselves by avoiding or clashing with those moments that make us feel terrible inside. You have described your journey so well Amy, had the courage to take those steps with your mom and others, and realise it isn’t a battle (even though it has always felt like it), but an understanding of who we are…so that we can love ourselves and in doing that give out that love in what we now have become. Plus Amy, look at the photographs you now take…that is love looking, no longer just a picture πŸ˜€ Much love and light to you also dear lady, enjoy that freedom as those shackles of fear fall to just a memory on your path xox ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

      • Mark, the journey that I did share about my Mother was only the symbol to the Universe that now I am ready to do some serious diving. It was like the red light turned green to GO. Since then I’ve had so many dives I couldn’t even at this moment tell you especially recently as they have become quite intense. My Goal I’ve not ever deterred from yet I must say there have been days I’m so depleted, I feel in my spirit …. enough, no more, I’m done. Then I am lifted back up, nourished, rejuvenated and my walk progresses. I thought years ago I was finished with the shadow work, but oh boy I was very wrong. Today, between the Inner Journey and Ascension symptoms and the real life Lessons that rapidly unfold until I master them, all I can say is a great big whew!
        Most do not understand my Journey for I have been on it for years. My heart reassured me not to look to others in comparison for to do so will only bring disappointment. My frequency is getting lighter, faster, higher even while all around me I continue to physically walk through hell. I have come to love and respect myself so much! In looking at what I have created over the years, the awe that comes over me is immense. For too long, I did not appreciate myself or what I did. Now I look and I shake my head in wonder at how gifted and talented I really am. All of us are when we know who we are.
        Anyways …. keep on keeping on and shine your Light in a world that is slowly but surely coming around to realize how much of our power we have given away and now and into the future, we will take that power rightfully back. Much Love to you this day! xo

        • Mark Lanesbury

          Dear lady, as you have found, the day we step beyond our basic fear we do indeed become awakened. But when that blindness of fear is removed we also truly see what it is built on and can then chip away many more parts of us that we had layered ourselves with, but do it gladly. The feeling it gives is no longer that mad fearful terror but an acceptance that we are indeed a beautiful being within and worth every step we take. And no, others can’t see us for the simple reason it would only add to their pain as they haven’t yet understood the ‘why’ so it only looks like more to face. But once understood in passing by our basic fears it no longer holds the terror that it once did. And I can see your gradually seeing all this in others so you have an empathy for them so give a compassion where before was just that same old argument. And yes, bits of our old stuff comes to the surface occasionally, but it is simply to show us where we now are and does give an appreciation of what it took to become that awakening. And as you say Amy, your photo’s ‘look’ so different because of the light you now see within them. Your eyes have changed, no longer shadowed by a lack of light but can see something beyond that sight, an energy in things that before could not be seen. And the one thing it all has given me is an understanding of what unconditional love is…not fully as I think while ever we are down in this conditional world it keeps us still partially blinded. The day Spirit showed me our ‘let go’ it was the most incredible feeling of love like no other, down here in all we do we are being shown how to be so we can accept that love openly from that awakening. Much love to you also my friend, enjoy something that as you understand it, it will give nothing but that heartfelt smile as you know it all has a purpose…a very beautiful purpose πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

          • Oh, Mark, this is just so beautiful, these words you penned. You have a way of expressing things that I know are true yet I don’t have the ability as you do to put those experiences into words as you do. Yes, I am seeing differently and yes it is showing in my photography. Only those with eyes open and an open heart filled with Love does notice. I’ve done SO much Inner Work to get where I am yet to be able to connect to LIFE itself as I do now in the way I do now, all the hells have been so worth it. I keep saying to Spirit all the fun and all the JOY and adventures I missed out on in my childhood, I want to have that now in my life moving forward. SO many conversations I’ve had as the “list” of what I want manifested (that I manifest via God in me) happens. I’ve been witnessing “miracles” already and believe me, the Gratitude is immense. My Goal, Mark, is to experience and show and live Unconditional Love on this earth. Is that possible? I honestly don’t know yet that is what I walk towards with Faith that it shall BE. xoxoxoxo Much LOVE!! xoxoxo

            • Mark Lanesbury

              Dear Amy, we most certainly can live that unconditional love down here. I only say from my own experience that the difference for what I felt up there and down here was still a vast difference. But that was up there without the conditions of our bodies etc. What we have down here, when seen and understood, is its equivalent because we have opened to it. And we can stand in that truth, that inner place we finally find and share it accordingly. It amazed me when I realized that by standing in that love and giving it, it does indeed come back to me in so many other ways. After a life of ‘hanging on’ to survive and live, it is the exact opposite of what we have had a lifetime of living. But remember, that journey must be made or we will not understand and appreciate it for what it is without experiencing that un-awakened part. So unconditional means just that, live your life without wrapping it in anything, and it will flower as it should. But do remember we are still in this conditional world, if you step on a thorn it will still hurt. Even have life intrude as it must…but…we are coming from a different place so it no longer holds us as it did. We are seeing and feeling from another space so many may shake their heads…until they too, in their own time, break through and finally see what was before not there. Much love to you also dear lady, may those smiles be felt by many πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  7. This is such a beautiful write-up of discovering ourselves and loving ourselves a little more.
    Thank you❀️

    • Mark Lanesbury

      It is an incredible thing when we understand that even though it is a tough journey, behind it all is something wonderful. A love we ever look for ‘out there’ and finally understanding it is waiting inside us all. Thank you for sharing πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  8. I am one of the lucky ones. I had an idyllic childhood. My angst came from within as I grew older and compared myself to others. But I know it’s there and it’s part of what makes me who I am.

    • Mark Lanesbury

      That it does dear lady, it makes us who we are indeed. The environment will most certainly add to us, even us wanting to be like someone else, someone we look up to. I have generalized somewhat but I’ll give an example. I can get 10 people to hit a golf ball who have never tried it before, 2 or 3 will be brilliant (you? πŸ˜€), 2 or 3 will be shockers, and the rest will range all through the middle. Our upbringing will be like that. Some will fly through, some will get it tough and many through the middle. I suppose my post is to give some guidance to those that are struggling…I suppose I’m the caddie in life giving some tips to the golfers πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹ πŸ˜‚ 🀣

      • Every decent golfer needs a great caddy! You do your golfer proud.

        • Mark Lanesbury

          Lol 🀣 thank you dear lady. And I think you must have a decent drive and putt anyway…a natural πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹ πŸ˜‚ 🀣

  9. Anonymous

    This is so beautiful and resonates with my life so much. I wish I could sit and have a long chat with you about all these concepts. πŸŒΉπŸ™

    • Mark Lanesbury

      When something is ‘felt’ in something you read or hear it is usually giving a direction in your journey. If you wish, up on my menu or even among my posts are various topics which may at least assist in where you feel the urge to go. I hope they may help πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  10. Beautiful Mark. The first step to healing those childhood hurts is to go deep within. Very painful indeed but so worth it in the end. Only by doing and experiencing this pain of the past can we finally be free of the demons that hold us back. And after going through this we can start to forgive, and forgiveness of those that hurt us and of ourselves is the key to a happy life that is truly lived in only the present. Hugs to you.

    • Mark Lanesbury

      You have it truly Michele, all our answers lay waiting inside for an intrepid mind to dare that walk. It takes great courage and heart but will indeed give it back tenfold when discovered for what it truly is. And it will indeed allow forgiveness, of ourselves as well as others, because that understanding will show us the deception that fear kept us in, and the lies that we lived because of it. Hugs returned in kind my friend, and may your discoveries ever be of that love inside πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  11. What a beautiful (even though painful) story to share! Yes. We experience the absence of love to figure out how to find it within ourselves.

    • Mark Lanesbury

      It is a very hard journey dear lady, but each step takes us closer inside. Allowing us to see and understand that we need those conditional experiences to see the unconditional. Like any experience it always seems so frightening at first until we understand it and get used to it. Understanding life just seems to keep us at bay, simply because we don’t understand ourselves, cannot see that the love we look for is the one we cannot give to ourselves because our belief is one that says we aren’t lovable so put all the conditions on everyone because of that. But one day we will see them and finally understand why, and in that one moment our fears will lose their power over us and set us free. And in any I ask afterwards ‘would you change any part of your life?’, and they all say no, never. Because they now understand every step created what they found, it is all needed so that they can understand and be free. Thank you for sharing kind lady, may your discovery be of that inner love ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  12. Mark, I’ve read this twice. I’ve had tears streaming down my face. Through hell and back, I have finally seen “heaven”. I had to “unwrap” all the reasons I failed at relationships. Our backgrounds are similar. I had felt abandoned. I wanted to be fought for…it’s taken me to age 51 to find true love. The love that comes from loving myself and accepting the grace and love of Jesus Christ. To let go of the past and and help others navigate through their own journeys–to be a support and love. Even when they don’t feel it. We are made to love. And to be loved. And when you experience that breakthrough, everything seems brighter. No, it won’t always be easier. But the boundaries come from the right place now. And the doors to my heart can only open to than which draws me closer to my Creator. Thank you for sharing your heart, soul, and mind. We all benefit from your rawness and beautiful writing. Hugs, peace, and prayers to you my friend. Thank you.πŸ€β€πŸ™πŸŒˆ

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Thank you Karla, it is indeed a very profound journey, finally seeing something that kept us blind. But that has a very beautiful, profound purpose so we can finally understand what we are actually going through. It feels like our lives are just a mess with no purpose in any step we take…but when we finally see it we can truly understand it is given with a love like nothing else. Spirit once showed me what it felt like to be in an unconditional state…I was so stunned by its absolute magnificence, the beauty was indescribable it was just everything…so much so that I began to ‘fall’ towards it gladly. But Spirit had to stop me or I would have ‘let go’ down here, I still had much to do. Fall, trip, stumble and understand truly what creates unconditional love, by going through exactly as this world gives…and given with His unconditional love, allowing those trips and stumbles however we wish, to find His love waiting within us ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

      • You’re welcome. You have such a beautiful way with words, Mark. You can say what my heart feels, but I struggle to put into words at times. βœ¨πŸ¦‹πŸ’•πŸŒˆ

        • Mark Lanesbury

          I call it a gift that He gave me Karla…but to reach it I had to go somewhere within myself, understand my ‘dark night of the soul’ so that I could see my heart. Only then, by experiencing it could I truly ‘see’ in myself or others. I did have it when I was much younger but it was messy and haphazard because I didn’t understand it truly, it needed a bit of fine tuning πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹ πŸ˜‚ 🀣

  13. Thank you for your honesty and courage, Mark. Such a powerful post with so much wisdom for every one of us to face our fears and childhood wounds. πŸ’–πŸ’πŸ™πŸ₯°

    • Mark Lanesbury

      The more Spirit shares with me the more amazed I am at what it is doing for us, even though it feels like a terror. Underneath it all is something wonderful, my words don’t truly do it justice. Thank you for sharing Val, may your journey discover that heartscape ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

      • Words can never describe what is beyond mind. Trust in the love and deeper knowing within. This is where healing takes place and gives us the freedom to truly be ourselves. πŸ’›πŸ™πŸ’›

        • Mark Lanesbury

          Well said Val, the meaning we always search for ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  14. Mark, I have no words for how deeply your post touched my heart. I can so relate to every line. The pleasing others not to be rejected. Making yourself depending on the love of someone else and looking for happiness through them. And in seeing those not adjusting to me, not backing me up as I did them, not showing the same closeness as I did, made me stumble and fall over and over again. Until one day, I realized that I will never find love as long as I am searching it outside of me. Once I connect with the love inside of me, it gives me all I need AND I become more unconditional towards others because I am not depending on them anymore.
    Mark, you wrote this so beautifully. I than you from my heart. Again, I am deeply touched. So much love in your words. Thank you πŸ’–

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Beautiful words Erika, and I am sharing with the love it was given me. That life of thinking I was never loved by my dad took me on this path so that I could see what love truly is. Buried in the conditions that this world gives…what I give it, is the only way to see. Understand that we bind it in so many ways but finally understanding that is only that inner fear, in whatever form it takes, is the only thing holding us in a pattern so we can break through it and see, truly see what unconditional love is…by understanding the ‘why’ of those conditions we place on our love. And as you have said, we only ever reflect what we are feeling inside. Thank you for sharing dear lady, your words always show that opening heart as you project just what you are ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

      • It is terrible when a child thinks it has to earn its parent’s love. Maybe the parent does love the child anyway but it suffices if the child believes it. Some parents even think they have to raise their children by telling them how unworthy and unable the are because they think they would motivate the child to make more efforts in its life. But it is the opposite in my eyes. If you get raised with the thought that your parents believe in you and support you even when you failed (because you dared to go for your visions) you won’t ever be discouraged to try. And you feel like you can start whatever you want because you cannot really fail. In the end, it is that crucial matter of selflove that is given or taken. I can hear you well.
        But with all I learned, I know, that this all was necessary. We chose this life and we needed this illusion in order to have this unbelievable breakthought and discover the wholeness of what love really is. Discovered it that way, it cannot be lost anymore.
        In the end, everything in our live was organized and sent from and with love… to find love… πŸ’–

        • Mark Lanesbury

          Now why didn’t I come ask you to contribute to this post dear lady, beautifully said. And I have seen, and felt, where something is said to a child, and seemingly offhand, and it has terrified them. So much so that they are ‘onguard’ thereafter, afraid that this ‘thing’ will happen. What we don’t realise is the child has a very limited experience and coping strategy for life. Just a parent fighting or yelling at a driver in front of them or even just saying something like ‘don’t be stupid’, even only the once can have detrimental affects. And yes, they need to experience it all…but…it all shapes and molds them, builds those fears that life gives us. And yes, it does have purpose, to find that self love blocked by our fears and truly realize that beauty within us. And as you so eloquently said… ‘In the end, everything in our live was organized and sent from and with love… to find love… πŸ’–’. Thank you for sharing it beautifully ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

          • That’s very important to mention, Mark. Yes, a child has only little experience in life and therefore it believes literally what those say it depends on. It puts it together in its little head in a way that is the beginning of “the big misunderstanding”. The worst is when a parent makes the child responsible for how they feel or that the child should be more compassionate than a narcissistic adult.
            I do understand you very well. I am so glad we have developed a healing view on this all. πŸ’–

            • Mark Lanesbury

              And it can be unintentionally ‘programmed’. The do gooders of society (and I might add that this is their own fears), as teachers they have projected those very fears onto our children in preschool where they were not allowing any of them to ‘fail’ in anything they did. Everyone was a winner in a race or doing some project and it has developed the most spoilt, temper throwing children (now adults), who now don’t know how to deal with any sort of so called failure, they expect the world to give them everything. Can you imagine that generation if they become leaders. Now having said that, our environment most certainly adds to the mix. I can remember when I was a young adult and the horror I would feel hearing about an accident, and on the news and everyone would be talking about it. Now 20 accidents a day, a quick mention in the news and we forget about it in a moment. We too have become hardened to what happens around us, so much so that this is also passed onto our children. They say that as each generation goes by the adults will say each generation is getting worse…but where does it end? May they all awaken dear lady, see that there is indeed a light among that darkness. Maybe that is what it is all for, to be able to see within regardless of what is around us ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

              • Yes, indeed, I think the lesson to learn is that the generations may have needed to harden in order to break that shell to recognize the light and love again. We come here to remember who we really are and to remember, we need to see our light in the darkness. I believe that awakening will happen because that is the main purpose or our incarnations. Everything that happens takes us closer to that point when even it may look different. Love to the world to blow the wall of ignorance and blindness πŸ’–

              • Mark Lanesbury

                Amen! And well said Erika. It can indeed only open us to that light ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

              • πŸ’–βœ¨πŸ’–

  15. Amazing Grace !!! Wonderful thank you!

    • Mark Lanesbury

      My pleasure dear lady, it is a journey we all must share to find that love inside. This life is designed specifically so we can find it, understand it and appreciate it for what it truly is ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

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