When we are raised as children we unintentionally take on the fears of those we love and look up to in the way they treat us. We know no other way so take on what we are taught and how we learn from that treatment. Don’t get me wrong, they love us to bits too, in their own ways. But those we look up to have not dealt with their own trauma so unintentionally ‘pass it on’, leaving us feeling rejected in some manner. Usually left feeling unloved (as they were), belittled (as they were), rejected as a person (as they were), in some way and so that anyone, be it friends, lovers or whoever treats us similarly will bring those emotions up that are connected to this.
That is what fears are, a constant treatment and our reaction to it condensing it into those negative reactions that can become very, at times, overpowering (remember you were only a child and your only coping strategies was to emotionally block that pain, build an emotional wall). And in the depth of that we are afraid to think that there is something wrong with us and try to hide it from everyone, even ourselves, simply because its pain, the hurt it gives is beyond words…it is…us.
But there is a key, to which you can apply to all those ‘fears’ in your life. It may be difficult but we would not appreciate it if it were not. It is only after we work hard at something that we fully appreciate it for what it is.
Fear in anything is basically not understanding something. If you are thrown into a situation that you have never been in before, say a new job, we are very nervous, unsure how we will go. And this will stay for a while but as you understand all of its workings it becomes easier and easier until you barely give it a thought.
Emotionally, with a fear, you are being asked to face something that continually upsets you because it always has, because you didn’t truly understand why. You think you do and point the finger at everything else but one…you. Yes, you…it is only you ‘reacting’ from your fear. Yes, ‘they’ are treating you a certain way ‘from their fears’ but you need to break those actions from ‘your’ fears…or you will ever be bound by its claws. Once you understand your fear, it loses its power over you, like that new job above. You have understood it and it will no longer matter to you, so you will no longer need to ‘point the finger at anything’.
Now you have to understand your fear, go back to where it began as a child…and be that child again. How was the treatment making you feel, how did it make you think. Find what it meant personally to you in those feelings, did it make you feel pain, rejection, unloved by the very people you wanted to love you. Understand it truly and it will set you free. That is the core of all of our journeys, understand that rejection AND how it made you feel about yourself and you will see you have carried this into every relationship you have had because that is what you have become because of it. Trust me, how many times has someone your in a relationship with do things that upset you? Many…because that is what your fear is built from, they treat you a certain way and you react to it. Yes, it is you that is reacting, your fears are triggered and you don’t want to go there so you demand that your partner never treats you like that again. And you will pile it with so many ‘reasonable’ reasons so that they cannot ‘see’ the pain beneath it. You curb and curb, project and stifle all around you because of ‘your’ fear. Break the chain, that negative loop that life has developed within you by understanding it, and it will set you free.
Now don’t get me wrong, this very lifetime action has much purpose. When you break free you will be able to truly see it all back through your life. All of your actions within those many relationships but more importantly the one you have with yourself. The belief in who you are and how you have felt because of that ever rejection in those many relationships. It has always asked you to look within and find that love you felt was denied you, and that is what you have always attracted to you in those people that make you feel that way so that you will look, hence those many people that have come out of nowhere and push your buttons. Trust me, that love wants you to look, wants you to be free, and does this with a great love so that you can see and appreciate what it has taught you after enduring such a painful, heartfelt journey.
Look at someone who has been through a very painful journey, see how they now act after it. They become a more loving, empathetic and heartfelt person…because ‘they’ have been through something very profound with ‘themselves’ and that journey has built something that they have never had…trust, and that trust is that belief in who they are and allows that self love that has never been there. It always comes back to how we feel about ourselves, that journey that has stripped us of that belief and that journey to find our way back to us, and realise in doing it, it has created something wonderful, something so profound that when we finally break through and see under that fear in understanding, it will break us into tears. Not fearful tears but big, beautiful loving tears…the one’s that set us free…forever…because we will see that it was all done for us, to guide us to that inner love ❤️
When you finally stop that painful, self denying journey you will see something unbelievable. The fear has made you into a liar (lots and lots of little white lies…and some big ones), to cover all that you do so that you don’t have to face its pain. But when it is understood it loses its power over you and for the first time ever, you trust…fully trust you, and can now speak from your heart, not a lie to be seen. And at that very moment you understand you will feel a huge tension leave your body and for the first time be at peace with you AND the world around you. You will drop…almost everything that you have ever held, inside and out. You no longer have to ‘be’ anything, no longer have to…have to anything. You can now see that freedom, see that it was in fact you who held the reins of that wild prancing mind, and in holding it, it fought tooth and nail back. You’ve let it go and in doing so have now truly found you. It has lost its power over you.
So grab a counselor, a trusted friend, one who you can ‘open’ to in all its painful bits inside and keep pushing yourself deeper, past that wall of emotional protection that has had a lifetime to build and believe in you, that you are good enough to ‘see’ who you truly are. And thank all those people and things who have turned up in your life to bring you home, be they helpers or hurtful things, they have all given you a guide to that love. Even you over time have felt that it was an unusual moment for it all to come together so many times like it has. Trust it, it comes with a love like no other, so that you can be that love too ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋