Decided to dance a little deeper in life, and wow can spirit dance!

Sunrise

The Reasons of Love!

We have many reasons for the things we do. Justifications for our many ‘bits’ that we carry in our lives. And they are built from our lifelong fears, those things that hinder our paths in many ways. All of our relationships are built with them, until we finally understand the reasons that they are there.

And once understood our reasons lose their power, on love as well as hate, and we finally balance and become the natural state of unconditional. Once understood it is like discovering love for that very first time, a very beautiful, enamoring of our hearts, but this time of self. Which it is because we have spend our lives being negative of ourselves, to finally remove those ‘reasons’ and love ourselves truly.

We cannot love another truly unless we can truly love ourselves. How can we love someone when we don’t know what it is. Our love to another is always ‘conditional’ of our fears, like ‘do they really like me, will they leave, they’re looking at someone else, and a million other ‘bits’ that are held in our hearts’. Hence all those arguments in our relationships because we project them onto another.

Ask yourself why do I have this ‘reason’ for those many things that I react to in my relationships. What reason do I trigger when this or that occurs almost every time it comes up. And if I am courageous enough, look back at all my relationships to see the common denominator in them all, be strong to want to be free of the hold those ‘reasons’ we have created to justify our reactions. Look behind them and see truly the ‘why’. It is there waiting to be understood, breaking free of their emotional bindings.

Once we see and understand the reasons we hold those negativitie’s of ourselves, we truly see what has hindered our lives. Then we will see it in others and our compassion, and now unconditional love, is given to ourselves and others because we now have removed our ‘reasons’ ❤️

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The Birth of Unconditional!

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Choosing To Change!

54 Comments

  1. I read two books many years ago by the same man, two books that transformed the way I looked at myself and interacted with others. The writer, Don Miguel Ruiz. The books, The Four Agreements and The Mastery if Love. When we stop our inner need to ‘bargain’ for love, we realize the true nature of love as it was meant to be-free and without conditions.

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Yes we are interesting creatures in the regard of love…especially self love. I will have to check out the books, they sound interesting.
      Thank you for sharing Cheryl, it sounds like they most certainly helped you to find yours 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

  2. Dear Mark,
    Your wisdom is echoed throughout your post here my friend.. And those of us who have weathered the storm of our personal shadow work have gone through many levels of change as we have battled our inner demons to find that love within ourselves as we have learnt to navigate the many layers of our emotions that we have wrapped around ourselves from our childhood, and perhaps even further back in our previous life times..

    Your wisdom is always spot on..
    “You cannot know and understand happiness truly until you have felt sadness…cannot know and understand fear until you have felt anger, and as with all of our emotions. None of these can be appreciated until we have felt and experienced their counterpart. “..

    This is Sooo, so, true… and it often takes us to reach that rock bottom in order for us to realise we need to change. And our shake-up of self can be very traumatic… as we learn to climb up out of our deep dark wells.. In the pits we have often unintentionally dug ourselves into..

    I knew the moment the world began locking down, that this is Nature, and also by design… the perfect opportunity for exploring those inner realms… Learning to Listen to each other, and adapt that is bringing both the best and perhaps also the worst in us all, as we dive deeper emotionally…
    Some will have to re-evaluate and root out their inner most fears.. Fears need to be faced, and we all at one point or another try to run away from them.. But we also need to embrace them.. Because both positive and negative are all part of this experience.. Its how we navigate through them and its how we progress in our understanding..

    Our pre-programming has conditioned many of us to skip over facing our selves.. As we have been too occupied with our outer world..

    Now Nature is giving us this opportunity to re-evaluate our lives, as she makes us take stock, of our outer trappings as she teaches us what is truly important…

    Our choices now are what it is we want our New World to be.. What we want to hold onto and what we wish to let go of..
    And as you say Mark.. Nothing will ever be quite the same again, but we can choose this time to bring about a catalyst that brings about Positive changes in the future..

    The choice is to which Wolf we feed..

    Love and Blessings my friend.. A beautiful well written post… I have been choosing nature and observing, many things… As I too learn and grow and adapt…

    Love and Gratitude Mark… ❤️💖🙏

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Thank you Sue, it is a journey and a half. And as you have so beautifully said, it depends on which wolf we feed. And eventually we realise we had only been forcing ourselves to feed one of them because we were afraid if we didn’t it would bite us, but after we got to know it we finally realised it was just showing trying to show us…us. And in that understanding we began to feed the other.
      This virus event is also allowing us to become known, so that we realise all those things that really don’t matter and those things that do. Yes, it will scare many and they will hold tighter but it will also show them even more of themselves. I’ve noticed that because of what we have been going through there are many now ‘asking, sharing, helping’ with others, even the politicians have gone quiet. I’ve never seen a political chamber so quiet. Here’s hoping that they too will see and feel that their lives have been so false when there was no need.
      This shift has begun well my friend, it has touched us all and will now begin a real change so that our reality will no longer be such a ‘mask only’ affair, hiding our truths behind them when all that is required is to speak from our hearts and feel empowered by it. It will be a new way of being but it will be felt for what it is…lighter, more heartfelt and truly connecting in such a way that even just getting out of bed will no longer feel to be such a chore 😀
      Thank you for sharing your heart on here dear lady, may you be one of those lights out of the darkness, a guide to bring it all about. Love and light to you also 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

      • Agreed many hearts are now looking from a different perspectives and its changing peoples perceptions of what is important… There will always be those whom will never change as they hang onto their possessions and ways of being… While others are throwing caution to the wind and embracing their fate in seeing their path has been changed and are now making the best of this situation in solving problems and uniting with others..
        Already on our very street I see neighbours speaking to each other that never communicated before… As helping hands reach out …
        My neighbour has offered to help us repair our roof on our garage that hubby was intending to start in the Summer… He even fetched the materials.. I give him and his family some of our surplus veggies and flowers over the last few years… Its a community coming together… Which I hope will unite us stronger in the future..
        Its exciting to witness… and brings a smile to my heart…. Change is Here, and we bring in the light of Love in dissolving the shadows that have gripped us for so long.. ❤️ Thank YOU Mark…. and Blessings your way ❤️ 🙏

        • Mark Lanesbury

          It most certainly is good to see that love and care around us Sue, it has brought a lovely change to the surface and needed so that all can see it does exist and we don’t have to be how we were before.
          The old way was too isolating and quite simply we weren’t ‘connecting’ as us humans are built to do 😀
          May it spread like the virus dear lady, as even it has a silver lining 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

  3. The only reason for love is love. I truly believe that agape love is unconditional! We need to have self love to love others 🙂 Thank you for this beautiful post, Mark!

    • Mark Lanesbury

      We can love Himali, its just that it is distorted by the fears (conditions) we have. Remove the fear and only then it becomes unconditional. We cannot understand unconditional until we understand the ‘why’ of those conditions we place on ourselves from childhood. It is the actual going through those pains that we only then fully understand true love. Like needing to understand sadness so that we can then fully appreciate happiness. This journey will show us all of these emotions so that we can truly see both sides and find our balance, the balance of knowing and understanding both sides.
      Then our self love is given truly and openly. We are always but a mirror reflecting what we are within.
      Thank you for the share kind lady, I do hope your ‘holiday’ is finding you happiness 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

  4. This is such a beautiful post Mark! I felt like I should applaud after reading your post – for being you and for explaining love in such a wonderful way. I think you need to write a book…just my humble opinion. xo

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Thank you Yvonne. Spirit nudged me about the book many years ago but after much thought I thought the concept would be a little more ‘alive’ by speaking it (well, a blog anyway 😀).
      But I have reached a point where that book idea is beginning to swirl around again, spirit ‘gently’ shows me its benefits too 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

  5. Powerful post 💚👏🏻

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Thank you kind lady, it is a powerful journey for us all. To go through something so difficult to finally find that love and happiness we have all sought is indeed a very powerful and beautiful discovery.
      We all drag the weight of those reasons within until we understand them, and in doing so they lose their power over us which gives us a freedom in heart and mind like no other 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽

      • The power of the mind is …well, mind-blowing. 😀 the past is gone. All I have of it is the “thoughts” of it. It has no power over me. And my mind can control my thoughts~therefore, like you, it has no power over me anymore. 💚🙏🏻❣️😊

        • Mark Lanesbury

          And a self love like no other 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽

  6. More wise words from you, Mark . . . thank you! Always an inspiration.

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Thank you kindly Kristine, I do hope you are feeling much better and your world is looking forward to some lovely Spring warmth 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋 🦘 🐬 🐳 🌺 🌹 🌈

  7. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18 <3 <3 <3

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Exactly. We allow our fears to distort our love, in all our relationships, and until we understand those fears only then will they lose their power over us.
      Thank you for the share Laura 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽

  8. Beautiful post Mark… I love it that we all inspire each other to bring about more and more understandings on what’s going on and how to respond to it all. Thankyou!

    I began writing about… how you are helping us all check that we are unconditionally accepting and loving all of ourselves❤️ Making sure there are no more cracks to heal… otherwise so do e or something will keep on prodding, not accepting our behaviour, only seeing the bad or good! Why can’t you accept all of me unconditionally? As I accept you! But truthfully we cannot accept another, neither they us, if we don’t accept ourself, our own behaviour. The judging will continue and we keep ourself in a vicious circle. Until one sees what still continues to play out, sees some part of themself remaining hooked into the old pattern… of being right or wrong! and less than perfect!

    Which brought me to feeling quite intimidated, knowing how I’ve worked so long and I still have cracks! I’m still hooked into an old pattern believing IAM imperfect!?

    AND then the wisdom of consciousness came in to remind me IAM the light, the love… a multidimensional being having lived many lifetimes… that all now have the opportunity to come back home into this now physical body/moment. AND as they return, seemingly broken and cracked from their human, even alien experience. I feel it all, I experience again and again how conditional and unloving we’ve been to each other. And we play it out with the ones close to us! who need to be received and accepted with unconditional love.

    Can you see me dancing?💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻 It’s not about us, because yes we’ve done the work, loving ourselves so much, it’s time to embrace everything and everyone… no matter what. As we accept them unconditionally, we inspire them to accept and love themselves… unconditionally❤️

    Thanks so much mark, I’ve been sitting with this for a while, wondering how to respond to someone close who just keeps finding another reason to make me mad🙄 Thanks for helping me see this. Much love Barbara x

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Now that was a very heartfelt and soulful response dear lady, thank you. And yes, this beautiful, beautiful thing called love does have two sides to it, like all other emotions. We must be able to experience both sides to understand otherwise its just another judgement with no basis. As we become more wise with our experiences we understand and realise we hold many things that are taught to us, but as time goes by they don’t live up to our reality.
      We have many conditions placed on us ‘down here’. Even to breathe is a condition that as spirit we don’t need, but to live we must. And each and every condition asks us to understand one thing only, to love. And each of those conditions we place on ourselves is projected straight back out into this world and hang like a drunken sailor onto our emotions until we say stop, I can’t do this any more. Our fears have reached a point where we no longer wish to be those conditions and ask us to step beyond them. But to do that isn’t like learning to step over a puddle, we have to understand why we are reacting to that puddle. Then in that realisation we can see it is only the conditions of our thoughts that tell us the puddle is yucky, we realise it is just water and it no longer matters if we momentarily get wet, we will dry in a moment. AND LET IT GO. Understanding does that. Wisdom is gaining that understanding.
      And yes, much of that understanding is a painful journey indeed. But we would not appreciate what we had endured and loved ourselves all the more because of it. If we are just given something we don’t give it much thought, but if we have had to slog, scream and drag ourselves through some of the most painful emotional events…only then can we appreciate what it has taken to achieve what we have in those understandings.
      And your dancing is that elation as we do finally see our hearts for the very first time underneath all of its coverings, the masks we wear to help us adjust to some very hard emotional holding patterns. And this is needed too because if we had it hit us all at once we would most certainly be a mess and not truly understand what is happening. Time is given to us so that we can ‘feel’ it all, can understand and can become all we are meant to be.
      And in doing so we do finally project a most beautiful, clear, radiant love like no other out into this world so that it can ‘see’ that this is achievable, that it is a beautiful place within us and gives courage to others to find it.
      And the feelings of anger, they too are a signal like all other emotions for us to see and ask ourselves why. They, of all emotions, are truly a pointer to what ails us within. We are asking ourselves to not feel anger because of all things that is the hardest to bear. But it is most beautifully bringing to the surface that which we must see. As this world does on a daily basis. If you watch her you will see that there are many sides to all emotional happenings, whether in our own country or half way round the world. She is balanced even though at times it wobbles too far. But like us we realise this and must face those things to bring back that balance. We cannot stay in that dark because love always calls us and we respond in kind. Love will attract to us an experience so that we can see into that dark place, build a few cracks into our hardened shell as time goes by, and eventually in understanding why we have held this pain, let it go. Its power is diminished because now we can see the puddle for what it is, and let go something that no longer matters. We will remember it though because it is now a part of us, of what we have become in going through it.
      We are a very unconditional spirit in a very conditional body, and for every condition we experience we are building an even greater unconditional. The more we go through the more beautiful we become, like a diamond it must be cut to bring out its beauty.
      And you dear lady have been cut many, many times by this world and all it brings. Take a bow, you are a very original, very perfect, and oh so lovable creature that has been projecting those beautiful prisms out into this world so that it can see that inner light as each piece is cut away.
      Thank you for sharing that light my friend, it is a dazzling beauty beyond words…and we can most certainly all see it indeed. Much love and light to you also, may that love within ever shine brightly xox 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽

      • I wanted to reply and say Thankyou for your continued beautiful words of kindness and wisdom❤️ then I got into writing my own blogpost about this all and totally let you go🙄. Not sure if you read it or not… I did mention you! https://www.memymagnificentself.com/2020/03/03/being-your-magnificent-self/

        In the meantime hope you’re well and thriving in this extraordinary time❤️ The confinement will be over as soon as each chooses for them self or not🥰 much love mark x

        • Mark Lanesbury

          Oh Barbara, they snuck you into my spam folder, how dare they 😀
          And I’m also not sure why but since I have opened my new blog here your site refuses to allow me to follow you. I have re-followed on about five different occasions and it is rejecting me, just like my father did…but you know what, my reactions to my father have long gone…but this…not allowing me to follow you is just not on. I shall be in a very sad state until I am re-admitted to your sanctuary dear lady 😀
          In the meantime, thank you for the link, I shall manually come over and go through what I have missed until the sun goes down each day and the blessing of all this time I now have to do just that. Always a silver lining within dear lady 🙏🏽
          Much love to you also my friend, be across soon…and thank you 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

  9. “Once we see and understand the reasons we hold those negativitie’s of ourselves, we truly see what has hindered our lives.” So true dear Mark..
    Another insightful read, It is a journey that we all must travel , learning and growing along the way… We often do not see we are the biggest obstacles to our progression… As we fall ” Victim” to our own behaviours and emotions.. It took me a long while before I started to love myself, and see myself as worthy of loving… But when one opens up your heart to yourself, a whole new world opens up,….
    Much love my friend.. Hope alls well down under.. no let up here with the rain and floods either.. But we are safe and dry.. ❤️
    Take care my friend 🙂 🌈💛

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Thank you Sue and very well put dear lady. Our journey tests us in so many ways but each step it is just asking us to look beyond what we have labelled ourselves and find that inner love that is always there. We can be a little obstinate but fear has a way of making us ‘blind’ to what is truly underneath it all. But that path has purpose so that much will be learnt of the opposites of our emotions and find that balance so that we can understand and be free.
      Much beautiful coastal rain but poor souls inland have only had a hit and miss rain. In many places not a drop. But up north Queensland and the Northern Territory the monsoon season has finally appeared and almost drowned them like you guys. Ah nature, she will ever be fire or flood in this country, as she ever has been. We just have to adjust to her needs 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽

  10. Wonderful post. Learning to embrace, forgive and accept all parts of ourselves even our shadow self, etc is part of our learning which enables us to open our hearts wider. Something I’ve been learning. Well said. 💜❤️.

    • Mark Lanesbury

      It is an incredible journey. Each part of us is touched so that we can feel those opposites in life and learn to share that love as it is opened within us. When we finally break through those conditions in life we will finally see all of our journey and its purpose, and it will leave us very open, very understanding and very unconditional.
      May your heart open to that light each step you take 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽

  11. It really does start with knowing ourselves and accepting who we are before we can truly give to another. Sadly when we are young we sometimes don’t realize this and waste a lot of time wondering why the relationship we’re in just isn’t working. I think every child should be taught to love and accept themselves just the way they are.

    • Mark Lanesbury

      It does have great purpose dear lady, it is a great teacher so that after all the pain and angst has been faced for the millionth time and we finally break through those barriers of fear…the magnificence and beauty that is waiting behind it will open a flower we never knew existed…in us. It is almost beyond words what is gently waiting inside with great love. And when we see it we will fully appreciate exactly what it took to get there, to hold something that ever seemed to be a dream but now is our savior. It is built perfectly even though it has great pain. Its structure once understood and seen is unbelievable even though our foundations always seemed to wobble in all that we do. And the unconditional love that it will show us, is through those very conditions we built around it.
      Each and every one of us will walk towards it, it is impossible to avoid. Because the very act of being human attracts that eternal energy that is love, in all its shapes and sizes so that we will fit like a glove for exactly who we are.
      Take a bow my friend, your energy is dancing…it will take you to your hearts desire, through many gateways…but ever towards that love eternal 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽

  12. How your words reminded me of how my husband “reacted” when I began to tell him how cool the way others around me at the gym noticed how hard I was working out. Even though I understand the “reason” behind why he acts the way he does …. his inability to love and accept himself which then forms into jealousy and insecurity …. it still rocks me when these kind of reactions happen. If roles were reversed, I would be so proud that he was getting the recognition he deserves. Even with these insights and more, I [patiently] keep loving him just for who he is. Mark, if I can change into the person I’ve become, then I have every hope that he too will grow into all he is. He has yet to be able to see the why behind the actions. So I wait with faith. (smile)

    Thank you for this post! xo

    • Mark Lanesbury

      You triggered it dear lady after I read one of your comments ‘again’. You are ‘teaching’ as you understand and release your fears just by being yourself, even to me. It can be confronting for others to ‘see’ the energy of a person who has opened from understanding their fears. Hubby is seeing himself with those reactions, and because of the new patient you, you are allowing him to just be himself and just be there for him as he breaks through ‘his’ stuff when it occurs. It’s called unconditional love 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽
      Take a bow young lady, it takes great courage to be as you are from all you’ve been through xox 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽

      • Dearest friend, me being a teacher was not intentional. It just evolved. In fact, for a lot of years my intention was not to be a teacher but just to live by example. There is a huge amount of responsibility in association with what you are teaching. That more of less puts me in the spotlight all the time as I stay accountable to what I am teaching.
        As for Hubby, he’s come a long ways. LONG. He carries so many wounds and horrors from Vietnam. In his counselor’s own words when I spoke to him last, this man has built an incredibly complex coping mechanism that literally drives his counselor nuts at times. His walls are so thick and so tall that no one is able to scale them. Hubby won’t allow them to. That being said, through my own weaknesses and pain from my past, that has gotten through to Hubby to change. And when he understands something he really puts his best foot forward to change. I’ll share …. we’ve had one huge breakthrough lately. For years I have been TELLING him why certain behaviors of his trigger me terribly due to my childhood. A few weeks back, he was doing research for a Homeopathic Remedy that addresses my emotional body to assist me to heal those painful wounds I will carry with me for the rest of my life. In that research he READ how devastating some of his actions were on me and why. When he READ that, the lightbulb went off. Years worth of verbal words did not do the trick. One reading session however did. Hubby learns through reading not listening.
        The Peace we have had in this house ever since his “a-ha” moment has been wonderful. He doesn’t realize it, but in changing certain behaviors he is healing wounds within himself.
        All is good! And now you wrote this wonderful post from what I said. The Circle of Life ….. glorious!! Much love to you! xo

        • Mark Lanesbury

          That is fantastic Amy. And it is amazing when and where those moments come from for those light bulb moments. And ‘your’ journey with hubby is exactly what is needed for you both to find that inner heart. It brings such a smile to ‘see’ an event when someone close to us can finally ‘let go’ that inner dragon and be at peace. Our love for them opens even further simply because they are a further step closer to that unconditional love, the one that no longer has its chains bound around it.
          I have to admit that not having experienced war (I was too young for conscript), I most certainly do not know the terror that they experienced. But I do know from what I have felt it does take them to a very core survival mode that can make a mess within to survive it. He is doing well from what you have said, and the love that you are to have that patience to be there for him.
          Much love to you both then dear lady, may you both lose those ‘reasons’ we hold in place as your love grows xox 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽

  13. this is very powerful and very deep……..thank you.

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Thank you kind lady. Most parts I repeat but spirit asks me to nudge it from another direction so that others may see the meaning from their beliefs and understanding. I suppose its like teaching something in school, some people hear things to understand better, some see to understand, some have to ‘do’ to understand and some just don’t want to understand. We all have our patterns in life and face them as life affects us and there is no two the same. But there is one common denominator in them all, our fears are triggered by a perceived lack of, blocking of or understanding of love…and the reasons we replace this with. May your reasons be ever understood dear lady so that ‘unconditional’ lives in your heart 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽

  14. That is such a wonderful post, Mark. Indeed, we can never truly love someone as long as we don’t love ourselves. And how much we (don’t) love ourselves we can tell from what makes us angry about others. Having a resistance against somebody or something in a relationship always triggers some anger we really need to consider this reaction as a sign that this may be something we don’t love about ourselves. We do mirror one another! Thank you for this post, Mark 💖

    • Mark Lanesbury

      My pleasure dear lady. We all have our ‘reasons’ but they will always be with us holding us in those patterns until we understand them. And we avoid looking at them because of the pain they cause. If we but knew that in facing them and understanding them we will be set free, no longer slaves to their demands.
      Thank you for sharing Erika, may your reasons be but a memory 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽

      • Oh, yes, yes, yes, that is THE dilemma. We don’t look at them because we are too afraid although it would be freeing us. And the crazy thing is that we basically even know that it would be the solution while turning away. Liberation has so much to do with taking responsibility!

        • Mark Lanesbury

          But we don’t take that responsibility in something that we don’t believe or understand…or afraid to. It is so beautifully put together so that we will suffer, so that we will appreciate what we have endured to finally break free of the chains that fear creates…and see the crime of what we have believed about ourselves, that inability to love ourselves because we didn’t think that we were lovable because of how we were treated as we grew up by those we loved.
          But in that understanding we will see that those we loved and looked up to were ALSO in the grip of their fear and were just passing on something that they knew no better about. That is its magic, it will forever be passed down to each generation so that we will come through our pain to find that inner self love by achieving that understanding, seeing it for what it is and truly appreciate who we really are…and knowing that we ARE lovable, are beautiful and are unconditional exactly as we are…for all that went before was but a lie. We had assumed as children that there was something wrong with us because of how we were treated, but in truth we could not see our parents fears and how it held them in their treatment of us. Once understood and we see this, it loses its power over us…and sets us free.
          Great chat Erika, I hope your heart too is now open and free 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽

          • Wow, that is awesome how you summed this up here, Mark. That completely nails the circle in details. Again, wow! Even more wow, since I talked about exactly this. How liberating it was for myself to understand that my parents themselves were controlled
            by their fears and blocks and simply did what they thought were best. As then I did it. A deep core realization. Awesome again, how you said it here.
            Yes, definitely, my heart is much more open when even the experience taught me that there is always potential to open it a bit more which makes it so exciting to keep up the path.
            Thanks a lot for you immensely inspiring words, Mark 😊🙏💖

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