Decided to dance a little deeper in life, and wow can spirit dance!

Sunrise

The Birth of Unconditional!

In reply to dear Amy’s heartfelt post Mirrors πŸ™‚

I hated my dad because of the way he treated me as a child. So I put up my wall of fear to block those painful feelings whenever I encountered them in all my relationships as I grew up. I would love them all to bits so that they would treat me the same and not hurt me. And when they didn’t I would blame them all for my breakups. But the truth was…I was petrified in being treated like my father treated me so I projected that by loving everyone ‘with’ my fear by putting all those expectations onto them. And that very thing made them pull away, they couldn’t respond because it was so overboard, so artificial, because it was built on fear…not love.

And we all do this in our own ways, in how we react to those events from our childhood. This we can see in how we have felt hurt, raged with anger or left in tears by those many relationships. They will all have a common theme of what actually triggers them. Not all are the same as mine but they will all be built from a way we have felt we have been treated by those we love and look up to, and the emotional coping strategies we put in place to handle them.

When I was asked by a friend to look deeper and try to understand the ‘why’ I was doing this in all my relationships, I finally saw the ‘why’ after many attempts to understand. And in doing so I went down in a screaming heap. A lifetime of acting in fear, which goes into everything we do, I had finally seen what it had done, what it was always doing, in all of my life. I cried from somewhere so deep I thought I was going to die, it was like the release of a lifetime of grief.

And then I understood, I had blocked everything because I thought my dad didn’t love me. And that was the thing that lay hidden inside me, the thing that as a child was so terrifying that the only thing this child could do was block, put up a wall so that it didn’t hurt so much. Even to such a degree that we actually forget the reason why because we are so immature at that age, we just want the hurt to stop. We just don’t want to look at it because of the pain that it causes.

Our journey has but one purpose, to find that inner truth through that fear. Because in there is an appreciation of what we have endured, an acceptance of the fact that we are in fact lovable, are beautiful exactly as we are and in removing the conditions of those expectations, will finally find that love and happiness we have always looked for…in ourselves. We had thought all those unloving and negative thoughts of ourselves obtained from out childhoods and brought them kicking and screaming all through our lives, and in finally seeing that they were actually built on a lie, an accidental reaction to those we loved and looked up to, we are finally set free of their bindings and allow our hearts to finally love unconditionally…especially to ourselves.

And I say accidental for one very important reason…those you love and look up to ‘still had their fears from their upbringing in place when you were born’ and could only love you with their fear twisting how you were raised. Imagine what you have accidentally passed onto your own children simply because you know no better. How many times have you heard that comment ‘you are just like your mother/father’. It may be terrible but remember, it is through that oh so hard journey that you will allow your heart to be set free, find that unconditional love and happiness we have so longed for all our lives. It must be endured to appreciate who we have become ‘because’ of that very journey.

I asked spirit about a solution I had come to, to repair this situation to bring the world to a much more loving and beautiful place without all this fear emanating from everyone. I thought that if I could bring into every school a counseling to all children to heal all of their pain and fear so that all could have a balanced life. And the silence from spirit was deafening. I thought, I must need to see something here, understand something that isn’t quite so obvious. And after a while it dawned on me, could you actually imagine going into a school to heal the children but not the parent’s. Could you then imagine going to these same ‘fearful’ people and saying you are not bringing your children up properly. Imagine having that said to you, that your child raising isn’t good.

It was then that spirit finally spoke and said, ‘This journey is like all else in this world, you must see and understand hate so that you can understand love, see and understand sadness so that you can understand happiness, and so with all of your emotions. That balance must be felt, experienced and understood so that finally unconditional will be your world.’

It was then that I felt the meaning of life had been opened in my heart. I had been given something so profound that I was at a loss for words. Truth does that, it touches so deeply that we ‘know’ we have been touched by it.

So my friends, may that angst, that so hard emotional journey finally set you free. But remember, at the peak of its pain you are standing at that light of understanding, it is almost within your reach even though you may wish it would just stop. It is pushing you so that you can ‘see’, can reach a little further and touch the one thing that will bring you out of that darkness and in its understanding break through that emotional wall and finally see what is truly on the other side…an unconditional love that any words would belittle, simply because its beauty is beyond words. And it will now be all yours ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½

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The Reasons of Love!

63 Comments

  1. Thank you for sharing, Mark, and taking us on that poignant, powerful and relatable journey with you.πŸŒΊπŸ’–πŸŒΊ

    • Mark Lanesbury

      My pleasure MW, it is simple yet profound all those places in our hearts we must go. But teach us to love it will, especially that love that is ours ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½
      And thank you for sharing also, self love does that in all its ways πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  2. Thank you, Mark for sharing your story. It was enlightening and touching ❀️

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Thank you Himali, it was indeed a journey I will never forget. But that is its purpose, to struggle and endure so that we WILL appreciate that self love when we find it. We will finally understand us for all those things we held against ourselves throughout our lives, and realise it was in fact the journey to understand is what makes us. And finally truly love the one person we have had difficulty with because of those fears.
      May your heart stand in that love dear lady, and forever be free πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  3. Thank you Mark for your post, I too am going on this painful journey and it is wonderful to meet a fellow traveler. ❀️to you

    • Mark Lanesbury

      It is indeed a very hard journey to face that very thing that causes us so much pain. But I promise, it is in there that our answers lay. Our path to a freedom like no other.
      When you finally understand your coping strategy, the pattern that we put in place to cope with our pain in all of our interactions with others that relates from our childhood, you will suddenly throw a switch and see everything suddenly clear and beautiful like a view from a mountain top.
      Keep going dear lady, it is when we are in our most emotional pain and we think we can go no further, that it will make itself known. Have courage, have faith in you, it is being done with a love so profound that when you see it, it will bring you to tears…loving tears of joy because you can now see the love in it all…your love πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

      • ❀️so much love from me to you. πŸ™

        • Mark Lanesbury

          Thank you kind lady, and may your journey find that inner love that is yours also πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½

  4. Thank you for sharing this enlightening experience, a great reminder that we’re not alone.

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Thank you Astrid, it is most certainly a very shared experience for us all. We all teach and give as we go through life, being a light or following one so that we can become that love and happiness we all seek. A self love gently waiting within to share with us an acceptance that a beautiful journey guides us to find πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  5. Beautiful self-discovery, Mark. Thanks for sharing.

    • Mark Lanesbury

      My pleasure dear lady, and thank you for sharing also. It is a very difficult journey to find that inner love. We’ve had a lifetime of thinking we are unlovable, damaged in who we are and forever on guard so that its pain is carefully tamped down so that we can ‘live’. But thankfully all those beautiful souls that are our relationships, good and bad, give us the clues to finally see within and beyond those walls we carry. Both sides of all those emotions so that we can finally ‘see’ who we really are inside so that in understanding us we let go all those conditions we use to struggle through life and become that final place that is unconditional. And it is so incredibly beautiful in that understanding, and truly a freedom like no other πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

      • Thank you Mark and I can only agree with you.
        It feels like a victory for each of the walls, we are able to break down to learn ourselves to know, to be able to live in unconditional love. A long way, but absolutely worth it πŸ˜€

        • Mark Lanesbury

          I think because it is such a long journey Irene, enduring some incredibly emotional times that we really appreciate what it has taken to discover that place within us.
          May your heart ever stand in its light πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  6. I am always amazed when I read someone’s thoughts they penned and see…feel so much of me of my past life’s pain in between their words…. no it isn’t about me, just an energy I relate to from that once upon a time moment.

    I’ll have to think on this tonight as I attempt sleep, this hit a little closer than I thought πŸ™‚
    I will be back to your new blog?
    Have a great day Mark
    Take Care…You Matter…

    Blessing
    just me

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Your heart is beckoning dear lady, she just wants you to be happy, hence the feeling from the past. You may have already dealt with it and so it is just reminding you of just how far you’ve come and the courage and love that it took to be where you are now dear lady. Or she will show you a beauty behind the pain of long ago so that you can be free ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½
      Blessings to you also mary, may that journey ever be with that inner love, a part of us all πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹ 🦘 🐬 🐳 🌺 🌹 🌈

    • Mark Lanesbury

      And yes, my new blog. The old one was being a bit hiccupy so I built this…and this one caused me all sorts of grief. I lost so many followers, likes, loves and comments I wondered why?
      Apparently it was one of those journeys mary, to see if I was listening πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹ 🦘 🐬 🐳 🌺 🌹 🌈

      • and you were listening ! πŸ™‚ I still haven’t figure my new blog out, when I write I figure if it’s meant to be posted and heard it will πŸ™‚ works for me …no expectation, makes me smile if it works LOLs

        • Mark Lanesbury

          That is just you letting your heart speak dear lady, unconditionally. Love will speak as it must, even if to just sing in the rain πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  7. I am coming to understand this more and more Mark.. I could not feel my fathers love until very recently because of the hurts he enacted.. Now that he has been dead for so long he visits me all the time to say sorry to me and I see how I feared men so much I put up walls. Also I was prepared to take anything they dished out.. The past few days I had to say to two different men that I could not honour unfair treatment with a response.. I could finally say it softly and feel okay and not experience that agonising fear of being abandoned that would allow me to accept anything just to stay connected…

    I know you wrote this a while back but I just wanted to comment and say thank you..

    Deborah

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Been in my heart for a long time Deborah but I wrote about it some time back and again here recently, it is a healing to do so. Maybe you can write about it, even if only for yourself. You never know, you may help others go through their journey, that is as unconditional as it comes πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½
      It is a very big journey in our hearts to face those things and all we have ever felt was the pain that those actions bring, and as a child our ability to handle them is very limited. But as those relationships keep touching those very things that trigger us we are left with no choice but to eventually face them and dig deep because we have had enough, are tired of being treated so poorly and feeling unloved even though we hide them under our masks.
      And even more difficult is in that true reason beneath it all, to find that one thing that we have blocked forever. Find that and you are free.
      I can always remember the help of a very dear friend of mine, she had been listening to me rant and rave about how much I hated my father for quite some time, building up to a nice full head of steam. And like all people who love you they will tell you a truth, and probably one you don’t want to hear. She said to me ‘he’s been dead for thirteen years…who’s hanging on to what?’. I was so angry I wouldn’t talk to her for weeks…but…I finally realised it was me that WAS hanging on to it, I needed to understand why.
      That began my freedom, to have the courage to search and truly understand what it was that I was reacting to each time and see that it wasn’t anyone else but the reason I had my reactions to those circumstances. It takes a while but believe me, when you finally SEE what those masks are built on, see what emotional chains are binding us, you will truly free your heart. In in that one act you will love the one person you have denied all your life…you. Those years of having circumstances pushed at you, making you believe and feel those negativities and unloving actions about yourself BECAUSE of how you felt you have been treated.
      It takes much courage but I can hear your steps from here dear lady, be proud of that even if it still feels raw. It does take time, but as you understand those actions and feelings it will begin a rebirth like no other. May his visits encourage that self love, he is helping you to see πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½

      • Beautiful…yes I’m so soft toward my father now. I see his wounds and that he did so much..the very very best he could. I’m truly starting to feel free Mark..to taste the gift of peace. My tears for my true self released me slowly and the realisation that anger can only take us so far and eventually becomes a prison. Many blessings to you. Thanks for being here. πŸ’–πŸŒ·

        • Mark Lanesbury

          It is an amazing journey when we can look back and SEE that it did in fact become the making of us, the very act of going through all of this in fact clears us so that we can become what we have searched for all our lives, that love and happiness. Hard yes, but beneath it an unconditional like no other. Simply because, like all other emotions, we cannot understand one without experiencing the other side of each and every emotion we are faced with. Finally reaching that balance of understanding and truth of them both πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½

      • I feel I am coming to have that peace now Mark..I truly see my Dad gave his very best and carried his own trauma. Anger only takes you so far..my therapist often says it kept me alive but in the end it becomes a prison. My tears freed me. Thanks for such a beautiful reply. ❀🌷😍

        • Mark Lanesbury

          My pleasure dear lady. And yes, a very strong prison indeed. But amazingly enough broken by something even more powerful…self love. It WILL move mountains and the toughest hearts ever built πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½

  8. Nice, Mark,

    I’m sorry I missed this earlier, but glad I came to it after you mentioned your blog inside my blog. In my blog I talk about the little girl and her father, but of course, there’s all the pain so many of us have had with father’s who couldn’t share or express their love. And yes, it takes generations to heal and to have the compassion for the pain we’ve all gone through. Before I spent the time with my father in Buenos Aires, he had said to me that he didn’t want to die with his relationships with us being like that of him with his mother (their last words, before she died, were not loving). So, I was grateful that my father wanted to end the pain of generations. Blessings to you with all the love you give and receive. May you continue to discover the love and blessing you are.

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Thank you for your kind words Michelle. It is a very heartfelt journey this parenting path, and it most certainly takes us to places that keep us chained in pain for so long. It is beautiful to see your dads courage to break free of his fear and begin the healing of himself and those who most certainly mean the most too him. It takes great heart to step past a lifetime of holding walls to keep the fear at bay and dare to be free. And the courage of his daughter was most certainly a sign from the courage of her dad with the love that he became from daring to take those steps. His ‘conditions’ engraved in his life are now gone, entering an ‘unconditional’ to bring a new heartfelt relationship with himself and you. May those blessing always be shared to set us free and be a love unconditional also πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  9. Such a powerful post Mark and one that I understand. God has indeed blessed us with your posts and your innate ability to get to the heart of the matter and allow us to process in our own ways as our situations are similar. Beautifully written Mark xo

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Thank you Yvonne. It is a journey for us all to understand, finally seeing that there is great purpose for our tripping and stumbling down here. Without it we would not appreciate what we have endured nor find that final love and happiness that we have spend our lives looking for.
      We spend our lives thinking those negatives of ourselves that we have been brought up with, from those we love and look up to who don’t know any better because at this time they too have not found that inner love yet. Until that magic day when we have reached a point where we just can’t ‘do the pain’ anymore, as we go through some event that forces us to look deeper, and we suddenly ‘see’ the reason our fears are held in place. That understanding is very powerful for it breaks our chains and releases us into such a freedom and true love that words would diminish if I tried.
      May your journey sing with that understanding dear lady, and within that glow be that unconditional we all strive for xox πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹ 🦘 🐬 🐳 🌺 🌹 🌈

      • Mark, you did a marvelous job of explaining true love…thank you for sharing your wisdom and light with us. May your journey continue as you share your understanding with all of us and as love increases in every breath! β™₯ πŸ™‚

        • Mark Lanesbury

          It will dear lady, with our steps ever moving us a little more closer to unconditional πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹ 🦘 🐬 🐳 🌺 🌹 🌈

      • Mark you write so beautifully that it seems like a prayer when I read your blog and your peaceful comments. Thank you for sharing your heartlight wisdom with the world, and especially with me. πŸ™‚ β™₯

        • Mark Lanesbury

          My pleasure dear lady, and remember, your love and truth is always a part of your heart and what you have created within you. All those beautiful trips and stumbles are yours to understand and build from, no other can take it away because none can understand what you have felt and seen from where you stand within yourself. Unconditional is a great love because of that, only you can build it, only you can face those things within and defeat them, only you can understand what it has taken to reach this place and finally see in your heart all of these things that had been blocking that love of self, those conditions of fear, and in understanding that let them go as they no longer have power of you in that understanding…and be free…totally, finally, unconditionally free πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹ 🦘 🐬 🐳 🌺 🌹 🌈

          • Amen Mark! Beautifully explained and written! You get it and I am so appreciative! You radiate with undconditional love as well! πŸ™‚ β™₯

  10. ❀️

  11. A beautiful post. I was very fortunate to have had 11 years with my partner who taught me and showed me unconditional love. For the first time in my life. Such a blessing. It enabled me to eventually after his death and my breakdown to forgive my family.

    forgiving my family was for me, not for them. It has enabled me to be able to let go of them. As I will never be the person they wish I was, and they have no desire to know me as I was and as I develop now. It does not mean the damage has been removed from what happened over my childhood and life, but what forgiving them has done for me is that I can let go of them. It means by letting them go I am now able to begin to let go of many of the feelings, and change my responses. It also has been wonderful to discover that the things I see as quite negative have actually been the way my brain and spirit have kept me going. Blessings to You all.

    • Mark Lanesbury

      It is a very big thing to face those things in life that caused us the most pain Tazzie. The world, and most certainly those most close to us, project their ‘stuff’ due to their own fears.
      The beauty of that though is we reach that place within ourselves that finally says ‘enough’, I am worth so much more than this, so we begin those changes that is us, for us, and the one journey we have struggled all our lives with is, ‘to love us’. Always held in those many negatives because of how we are brought up, never believing beyond what we were shown.
      Those changes, and they are usually triggered by a huge event like, as you have said, a death of a loved one, or a divorce etc, break those many coping strategies we have held for a lifetime and we begin a new path, one that only takes one step because in truth it isn’t the step but the change in who we want to be. And most certainly what we ‘don’t’ want to be any longer.
      Your path has been a long, long emotional seesaw dear lady, forever seemingly caged into ‘ours and others’ expectations, let alone the climb back from those crashes that we go through. But the most amazing thing I hear in your voice is the courage and belief in who you have now become because you reached that inner place that said ‘enough’. Be proud of that discovery, it is that final step to the top of the mountain where you can see all around…and now choose which path ‘you’ want to take. And create something so unique, beautiful and powerful beyond words.
      Unconditional is the letting go of those bindings and fears that are the ‘conditions’ of this world and finally setting yourself free.
      Blessings to you also kind lady, may the wings of that freedom ever be yours πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

  12. A very honest and beautiful post Mark. So much that we carry around is from our childhood and especially from our parents. I had to finally realize that my parents did the best they could even though many times it wasn’t very good. If we can get rid of our expectations and fear we will then be on the road to a balanced and happy life. It’s a work that’s ongoing for me. πŸ™‚ xx

    • Mark Lanesbury

      It is always an ongoing journey Michele, ever showing us that inner love as we clear away those parts of us we hold in fear. Our parents are just like us, we all do the best we can with what we have. And in doing so we eventually discover that there is much more waiting to be found and seen in a new light, the one we are creating each step we take.
      Our journey is always for who we are, each individually guiding us into that unconditional love by showing us…us. Hard yes, but appreciated all the more because of it, and what we find within.
      Take a bow young lady, for when you look back you will find a warrior, a very heartfelt warrior of love. A more beautiful thing in this world you will not find πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹ 🦘 🐬 🐳 🌺

  13. Such a beautiful post Mark and I learnt some of your story from your older blog some years past. What always amazes me is how many of us are caught in our emotional traps that often stem from our perceptions as children…
    I guess its so true what they say as we learn and absorb so much in those tender years as our hearts are open to such wounding we unconsciously bury it so deep so as not to feel the pain any more for it only to haunt and affect us the rest of our lives, until we dive deep and get to the bottom and route out its cause..

    You managed to sneak this post past me, lol, I came via after your comment on my garden blog the other day and today I return and find this wonderful addition to help Amy see is far from alone and we are on this journey of discovery, as we dive deeper into ourselves..
    Learning truly what Unconditional Love means…

    This world is our Kindergarten where we are let loose to play… We learn from our mistakes, and we learn through our experiences… Opposites have to exist for us to feel what love is and what love isn’t.

    My lowest points in my life, have also been the ones which I took my greatest leaps forward.. In coming to understand Who I am and why I am Me, and it showed me I am so much stronger than I ever thought possible…

    Those sad and down moments give us the compassion and empathy to enable us to help others who are going through similar things..
    Your words here dear Mark and such a tool,
    Many thanks for sharing your wisdom. Reading yours and Amy’s comments shows just how that Healing takes place..

    Many thanks dear Mark… You have always helped me along my own road of discovery, I hope many more will find your words a comfort, because every dark tunnel sooner or later comes to an end, and at the end of each tunnel, The Light awaits….

    Much love β€οΈπŸ’›πŸ’™πŸ˜˜πŸ™

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Thank you Sue. Once seen, after our awakening, this journey most certainly gives us an understanding as we go through the many phases in our lives. It touches such pain then in understanding it wraps us in a love to heal. In each moment that unconditional is just ‘there’ waiting for us to see until eventually we do see and realise this journey is not a horror film but one given with an incredible love to find our way home. Yes it is hard but we would not appreciate what we have achieved unless it was.
      I have been also blessed in sharing your journey and watching as your heart has gone through much pain to finally blossom in its opening my friend. Those low points are such a hard path but as you say, it is the making of us to finally step through and begin to shine a light like no other. You are glowing beautifully dear lady, take a bow πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½
      And at the moment I think between many of us there has been much movement as we can feel the changes coming through, and it is asking us to look a little deeper even now. It was interesting that you, and many others, fired up posts along a similar theme at the moment. Something is moving, I can feel it but cannot understand it yet. Just an inner light smiling, if that makes sense πŸ˜€
      Thank you for your lovely comment Sue, received with the love it was given. I can see a light at the end of this tunnel, as for us all. Much love to you also πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹ 🦘 🐬 🐳 🌺

      • We are both Blessed Mark in that we have discovered each other along our journeys my friend… And I can not thank you enough also for helping nudge me along to the see the Beauty in Self..
        Sending Huge hugs your way dear Mark.. Enjoy the rain… May is cool your spirit and quench your thirst , and may the land once again thrive from its rejuvenating life.. πŸŒˆπŸ™πŸŒ¨β˜”

        • Mark Lanesbury

          Most certainly dear lady. It is good to meet a fellow traveler and share a part of our journey, giving warnings of rough paths ahead or the blessings of a magnificent views on roads already traveled πŸ˜€
          Nudges are the universe’s tools, many a bump has brought great discoveries, heartfelt touches and love’s unbound. May there be many more in our journey my friend πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½
          As for the rain…definitely a cooled spirit here Sue. Australia is an amazing country in its extremes, which I might add is quite normal for here, just not so many things happening at once. From drought to the entire east coast drowning in hundreds of millimeters or rain. Mind you, the main inland of NSW has only had enough to dampen a tissue. But the most important part is that it has hit about a third of the fire’s which will be a great blessing. Hopefully it will spread and get the rest of them.
          Thank you for sharing dear lady, your posts are always looked for to ease a journey when a nudge is imminent πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹ 🦘 🐬 🐳 🌺

          • Indeed Mark we have to take our blessings in many ways.. Stay well, and enjoy your week ahead my friend… Come rain or shine…. β€οΈπŸ’›πŸ’šπŸŒˆπŸ™

            • Mark Lanesbury

              Will do kind lady. And a little good news, the biggest fire has been hit by this wild weather and appears to have been put out. Considering the size of this thing, it is a miracle. And I mean a real one πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹ 🦘 🐬 🐳 🌺

              • Wow.. that is wonderful to Know Mark… A miracle indeed… Showing they do happen… Its all about our belief in them.. ❀️ πŸ™‚ ❀️

              • Mark Lanesbury

                Most certainly Sue πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹ 🦘🐬 🐳 🌺 🌹 🌈

              • πŸ™πŸŒˆπŸ™

  14. Beautiful post, Mark! I truly know how painful what you experienced is and why you kept repeating the patterns you did into your life. Somehow our DNA is changed with these tremendously painful experiences, especially when we are such vulnerable children. That in turn continuously attracts like to like. It is only when we SEE what is really going on, and acknowledge not only what was done to us as children and what we in turn have done to ourselves, and than LET THAT GO, it is only then we can welcome NEW into our life that is a lot closer to what love is. For in experiencing what love is not, that is when we can truly understand what love is. In the process, we gain wisdom and compassion. We understand others’ plights even if we are not guided to say anything. So many times this is the case. Why? It is not our place to tell others anything … we can only live our own lives through example. I am so so proud of you! This healing journey of the heart is perhaps, IMO, the most incredibly difficult one any one of us can undertake. Many do not choose this path and only end up repeating what was taught them.
    I realized a while ago, my Mother, who was a terror and my main abuser, only could act what she herself was shown as a child. With that realization, the Compassion I felt for her was Mt. Everest high. How miserable her own childhood must have been. I look at her picture constantly and feel such love for her, Mark. And in those nights when I am awakened with terror due to what is attempting to be seen in me, I reach for the afghan she crocheted for me, wrapping it around me to derive comfort.
    I am honored that my post triggered this one. You’ve come a long ways! Bless you! xoxoxoxoxoxo

    • Mark Lanesbury

      As has your journey dear lady. It is an Everest to climb but in doing so, as you have said, you gain all that understanding, wisdom and a great love ‘because’ of it.
      I’ll never forget the moment I realised my dad didn’t hate me, he just didn’t ‘know’ how to love because of how he was brought up. And like your understanding with your mom it takes away those long years of bitterness because what we held inside was not the truth but a painful journey to see what our truth was.
      It changes us so much that truth, to suddenly be able to ‘see’ everything in a whole new way, begin to appreciate what we do have, not what we don’t. Even a blessing that we also no longer take those negativities on board that the world throws at us.
      It does take time because we have ingrained a lifetime way of being, but as time goes by dear lady we slowly come to a way of being that is so peaceful and loving, so much so that the change can be seen by others, even ‘felt’ because our energy is being shared from a whole new place within.
      Open hearts do that, a glow where once darkness held sway. And I have seen your journey over the years young lady and your glow is beautiful. I almost have to put sunglasses on to see your posts and their lovely pictures made with love ❀️
      Thank you my friend, you did indeed trigger a response for a post. I had been quiet for a while. Even though most I had mentioned before, spirit asked that I express it another way. So your higher self/ spirit is dancing nicely. The love and empathy that is set free when we break free of our fears is a very powerful thing indeed, just like when you meet someone and they smile from the heart, you can do no other than smile from deep within back to that beautiful soul.
      Blessings and love back to you also Amy, you too have come a long way. Take a bow lady, you are now a butterfly xoxoxoxoxoxo πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹ 🦘 🐬 🐳 🌺

      • As promised …. am taking a break from deep vacuuming …..
        Mark, you do not speak of yourself much so when you do, I know it is of monumental proportions. You have also by writing this for anyone to see, validated your own life which all of itself is powerful! Within our weaknesses, therein lies our greatest strengths. I like you do not relish showing my weaknesses yet more and more lately, I’ve become transparently honest regarding my weaknesses. It boils down to this one fact …. YOU are YOU in your totality, says one Butterfly to another Butterfly.
        You were meant to live a life as you have in order to SEE through the illusion of your past. That done, you now have the wisdom and knowledge how to reach out to others who are still imprisoned in their own pain. Don’t get me wrong. We who have lived through hell only to victoriously rise to heaven, do bear and will bear the scars of what “was”. Despite those scars we become the very essence of who we are meant to be. Within that process we at times are crawling opon, others “see” and if they are aware enough will begin to question their own lives in order to see to set themselves free. No one, as you well know, can set us free but us.
        Perhaps this post is a catalyst for you to begin writing again. You had to come to some very painful places within yourself in order to be more YOU so now may be a signal to write. There are some of us who miss reading words from your heart. (smile)
        Now this Butterfly goes back to her vacuum. It is so pretty here with snow coming down. I have every intention of going out later to capture some unique views. I am so so proud of you, Mark. This journey is arduous to say the least! May you enjoy the plateau of Peace you have arrived at. You have earned it!! Much love to you! xoxoxoxo

        • Mark Lanesbury

          You’ve blown me out of the water Amy. Those are the wise words of a survivor. A victory speech that can only come from the heart of someone who has reached that inner place and seen her truth, that place we all seek to find of a love and happiness bar none ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½
          And you are right when those weaknesses we used to feel no longer matter, they are a badge of honor to wear even though in truth they hold us no longer as they now have no meaning to us. Our cages and masks have been dismantled, old ways of being have been let go. But most of all is our acceptance of us, for the first time ‘allowing’ who we are to come forward instead of the usual ‘on guard’ to those many circumstances in our lives.
          I have watched your journey too dear lady, and the day you spoke to your mom was one of the most magical changes I saw. That instance was the transformation into that butterfly for you, and you have flown ever since with a new smile, one that is built on a discovered light within. I am proud of you as you should be too my friend, it is a victory indeed πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½
          And you are correct, I have been distracted in my journey to see something a little deeper in my life, this journey is ever teaching us all. The book is floating at the moment as I need to go through something to understand before I begin that journey. I thought this blog would be enough as it is a constant living and changing thing, our ability to share on here is amazing in itself. But maybe a new leaf needs to be turned.
          And just a tiny side issue, much you have spoken here is from that inner place, your listening to your higher self as you write. It can be felt in your words as you are becoming aware. As you stand in that place of love, integrity and truth it will flow naturally like water. Thank you dear lady for sharing your heart, it is graciously received with the love it is given. Namaste πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹ 🦘 🐬 🐳 🌺

        • Your reply to my reply did not show in my notifications, Mark. I really just want you to know I read your words through several times and you touched me deeply as I know I touched you deeply as well. We both are writing straight from our hearts. Does it not feel wonderful to have no preconceived idea what words to write but just have the confidence to start and the rest will follow?
          FYI …. I was tested today. While at the gym, I told someone I know some very exciting news. In my telling this man did all he could to pull me out of my bubble. I finally just looked at him and said without getting angry, “You really are in a bad place today. I’m going to go back to finish up my workout. I’ll talk to you later.” And then I walked away. I’m not going to allow someone to pull me down and tell me I don’t know what I am talking about just because … well, that’s not on me. And I’m learning to stick up for myself and walk away even if the other person “thinks” I’m being rude. No I am not. I just don’t want to be around cess.
          We’ve both earned a respite from the intensity of the “work”. No matter what others are doing around me, that respite is not leaving. (smile) I wish the very same for you! Enjoy your plateau! YAYAYAYAYAY! Love and BIG (((HUGS)))! xoxoxoxo

          • Mark Lanesbury

            Well done Amy. As time goes by we get better and better at just being ourselves. The universe was testing you, and you responded well my friend. And you are right, we don’t ‘need’ to be anything for anyone else, just follow our hearts as it knows what direction our love is πŸ˜€
            We did synchronize with our posts and the most touching thing was ‘hearing’ your heart dear lady, your journey is opening that love always looked for and now found ❀️
            Big (((HUGS))) and love to you also my friend ❀️ xoxoxo
            P.S. When you post a comment on my site it is supposed to say ‘Your comment is awaiting moderation’ along with your comment or some such, and then will come up properly after I answer it. It has been not working well since I began using this theme, I may have to get another one…but I’m afraid to. I lost so many followers, comments etc last time that if it happens again…after so many years of goodies…I might cry for a bit just before I take to my computer with an axe lol 🀣
            Maybe spirit wants me to just get on with my book…hence the problems πŸ˜‚

            • Mark, sounds to me like you have been through the wringer with your blog. Have you gone to your reader to like and comment on those blogs you follow? This is the way I keep in contact with those I follow among others. You may be very surprised to see many who you “thought” you have lost. It also does not make a difference if you change themes either. As long as your website name is the same that will make no difference. Or it shouldn’t at any rate. Hope this helped. xo

              • Mark Lanesbury

                Thank you Amy, I am being shown patience ‘RIGHT BLOODY NOW’ sort of, maybe, kinda πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹ 🦘 🐬 🐳 🌺
                I shall have a play with the reader then with your wisdom young lady, maybe I can create some magic like you do. You never know, maybe there is many wondering where ‘I’ got to xoxoxo πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹ 🦘 🐬 🐳 🌺

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