Decided to dance a little deeper in life, and wow can spirit dance!

Sunrise

Empathy, a reply to Momus!

My return reply to Scottishmomus’s bullshite-and-empathy

It is very simple Anne Marie, and also quite profound. You have been brought up to be a caring, loving person. Simply because that was what you were shown or its your reaction to what you felt was the opposite of that, being brought up by those you love (sometimes mum, sometimes dad, or both), who you feel have treated you rather poorly and so you try to compensate for that.


And then we project what we are out into the world. You want the world to be a caring, beautiful place…but along comes those that (and as the song says), ‘shat’ on everything they touch and practically force you to live in it.
Your life steps into what it loves to do, teaching, caring, showing and even writing that what you express deep within.


The kids, even though they can be quite draining, leave you with a hope that they have heard you. Will grow up into a world with at least your empathy and care so that you can feel you have achieved something by giving them a start in this world. And they do the one thing in your ‘communicating’ that is an absolute must, it is the other half of communicating and probably the most important bit…is that they ‘listen’.


But here’s the 1st rub, ‘they’, as in those that like to ‘shat’ everywhere…don’t ‘care’ like you do, won’t ‘listen’ to anyone like you, will not ‘try’ like you do…simply because they have not been ‘taught’ as you have or are reacting to their upbringing. In fact, that pride of the world, that thing they call governments etc only attract one type of person…the controller, manipulator…to achieve only one end, to become everything for everybody while feathering their own nest. Every person that I know does not trust them because of that falseness. It is an instant signal they show that puts us on guard…they smile.


The 2nd rub is also very simple, they have been allowed to set up this ‘government’ in a way that they imply your absolute right to make choices by voting. And as soon as you do they then counter that by ‘party lines’ and ‘your choice’ has to follow those lines, even if they are the most honest person in the world. The system is corrupt and I don’t mean just the feathering the nest, I mean morally it is a cesspit.

So you are in fact beating your head against a wall, splattering your hard built sanity into a void of idiots that have absolutely no idea how to apply ’empathy’ because they fear it. They have been brought up in such a way that they wall it up and block its appearance, the exact opposite of you, and focus on ‘their’ ideas.

The only way to ‘live’ in this environment is to come from where your heart is. But to do this you have to let go all of ‘their’ stuff. Just focus on what you believe and give it out. Ignore where they are at…totally. Just give you out to those that want to listen.

And the reason that they win all the time is simply because they browbeat you into submission, screaming and yelling absolute garbage to drown out something that they are afraid of. The only thing that will beat this system is to run for a position that will do one thing and one thing only. Allow the people to have a direct say on decisions that go through parliament, whether by computer once a year on the main topics (that must be stuck by like a referendum). Which can only ever be changed by putting it out to a referendum.

And trust me, the howls from those parliamentarians would be heard from around the world, you would be removing the one thing that keeps that control in their pockets. The money ‘outside’ would no longer have anyone to corrupt to get through their needs and wants (they can’t pay off us millions of people). Hey, for me even suggesting such a thing I might suddenly disappear they are that afraid of this.

Now some sanity. And this can be a little confronting my friend. Those fears that we hold (and I mean all of us), are the very things that drive us in all that we do.

An example: (and I make a great crash test dummy here 🙂 ). I hated my father because I thought he didn’t love me. Fullstop. (I, and everybody else in their own way, lock in whatever their fears are by about 8 or 9 years old. This you can find in all the text books).

I thought I was unlovable so to compensate for that, and in all my relationships I wanted my partner to show that love, I expected them to respond to my overtures (pull out chairs, give flowers and poetry etc), so that I could feel that love…but all it ever did was reach a point that they felt smothered and pushed me away. I had in fact ‘created’ my fear. And we all do it. We ‘project’ our fear by trying to not have it happen.

I had spent most of my life ‘projecting’ because I knew it was everybody else’s fault. How could it be mine with all that I was doing. And this is what we all do in our own ways.

In your case you know you have a great idea, it is fair and gives a real opportunity to everyone to be part of something wonderful. But your great idea for everyone does what my wanting love (also my version), does for me. It puts a lot of people ‘against’ what I am after because it also presses their ‘fear’ buttons.

Now the hard bit, I’m asking you to find that bit in your life that keeps upsetting you. All the ways you feel that you have been treated badly and upsets you more than anything. And this will be in all your relationships, mum, dad, partner, your children and maybe even especially those children you teach.

Your trying to give something but you are not being heard, trying to show something but are being ignored, trying to help but are being shunted, pushed, and relegated to the background.

Which part upsets you, what relationships reject who you are. In there is your answer. That very rejection is the very thing that drains you. You are trying to give from who you are but what you are giving is being shunned. That very thing you are trying to give is that inner core of who you are, it is the love you have built forever and it is being rejected. It is upsetting, it is painful, it is very distressing because you have opened your heart to share something that you ‘know’, and it is given with that love. But to have that ‘love’ slapped back in your face is a shock.

And the drain goes on. While ever our fear is with us, we will always react the same way. It is something that we have anchored into who we are. And each time it rears its head we go on the defensive and it drags us downward some more.

A second thing I will mention here is we are all nervous when we try something new, it is natural to be fearful of ‘new’ circumstances, it is a safety mechanism so we don’t do anything dangerous. So new job, new adventure, new relationship…we tend to be on guard until we get our answers to the circumstance and this allows us to relax, be at ease and no longer worry about that circumstance. It becomes second nature so we no longer give it any thought.

But our life fears have had no answer for years and years, we don’t understand the ‘why’ simply because they were locked into place by a very immature, childish emotional mind. And the only way that mind could operate was to block that horrible fear, put up that wall so that we had a coping mechanism in place to handle those moments that bring it into the open.

But each time that fears raises its head we will do some of the most crazy things…it is the child reactions that we have put in place all those years ago and reinforced as we grew up…but still not understood. So each time we enter that fear, regardless if its a life fear or scared from the first time jumping out of a plane…they all do one thing.

They put us on guard, they stress the body, they trigger the fright or flight syndrome which all does one thing…it begins to fire the adrenal gland. And how do we feel after being frightened or stressed (physically or emotionally), it tires us out, it drains us and leaves us in almost a state of shock if it is a large enough scare.

Combine that with a circumstance like your fight to get some sanity into a governing system that is built like a brick wall, and most certainly your heart and mind will become drained and leave you with a feeling of hopelessness.

Just remember there are ‘natural’ fears and there are ‘built’ ones. The natural ones are more brief, easier to get over and leave us wiser because we see and understand them. It is the built one that constantly drains us, as we never understand the ‘why’ of our reactions.

Now my fear, once I understood what drove it, became like the natural ones…because I understood it. And like those other natural ones, once understood they no longer have purpose and they lose that power over us. I can see that I don’t have to hold them anymore because they are no longer a danger to me.

My dad did love me…in his own way, simply because it was all he was ever taught. And even if he was the biggest heathen on this earth, he still did not know how to love any other way but what he was shown by his parents and his environment. It didn’t mean he was wrong…I thought he was. It didn’t mean he couldn’t love…I thought he couldn’t. It didn’t make him not my dad…I thought that. And I dragged it all kicking and screaming into my adulthood trying to make everyone else fit the bill. It is always at ‘my end’ that I have to deal with.

Note: After ranting and raving about how bad my father was to a friend one day, she slowly turned to me and said: ‘he’s been dead 13 years, who’s holding onto what and causing you grief?’

(I wouldn’t speak to her for weeks….but dammit she was so right 🙂 )

Once I finally understood, everything changed. And I mean everything. After seeing what I had blocked all my life, after that final admittance to myself that he did in fact love me, the ‘let go’ of so much that I had held inside, I began to ‘see’ the truth around me. I was so focused by eyes that were shuttered by my fear that in that ‘let go’ I finally saw things that were tarnished by those beliefs and realised I was living a lie in everything I did it was that profound.

And once I saw that I also realised that there was soooo much stuff that I was holding onto that was just rubbish. Worrying about this or that and now realising it was a safety mechanism. Gave me something to focus on…so that I wouldn’t have to face those things I didn’t want to.

And over the years afterwards I have become new. I have ‘created’ a new life, something so much more natural because it isn’t forced, no longer built by those fears and the reactions that it triggers. Shoot momus, I even had to learn to walk again because of that ‘let go’. You relax for the very first time afterwards but your legs (and the rest of your body) is so used to being a certain way that it now ‘feels’ so different.

Oh, nearly forgot, because of that ‘let go’ the rest of the world no longer matters. Yes I care very much about it all and those in it…but…I did me first (finally), found what was wrong with me and healed it…otherwise I am only giving out that bent fearful version and actually adding to the cacophony that is already there. Do me and then I can give out that healed loving version.

Once you see and understand those fears that we hold, we then realise that this conditional world is here for a very important reason. We must experience and feel each opposite feeling or to what can we judge each of those individually by? It is that journey to touch, feel and understand all those opposites so that the good and bad, the happy and the sad, the joy and the anger and many other opposites all have one very distinctive purpose. They show us…us. They allow us to experience, feel, reason and argue until that wall we hold loses its argument with us and it comes crumbling down. And we finally see a love and empathy that it has blocked forever…inside of us. And in doing so we realise that much of what went before was a great teacher but the wisdom we have now gained no longer needs those things so they are released.

And with that wisdom, and because of all that has been experienced, we can now see it within others because of their thinking and actions. And in the beginning we try to help them through this world to reach where we are (like the children in your classes…you know, when you finally see that light go on in their eyes when that type of math’s problem gives them that aha moment), but the beauty of it is that they can only hear what they are ready for so that the adventure is a very personal, achievable, and oh so loving thing to break through and realise that it is you and you only that has created this beauty inside. No one else can be blamed or interfere because of that…and that only allows one thing to happen, a love and belief in yourself.

That ending is perfection in itself. And all because you have endured a great journey, achieved something against some of the most tremendous odds, believed when there seemed to be no ending, and found a treasure that when you finally see it, will bring you to tears. Not painful ones from a tearing heart, but ones that finally are built from a love that finally see’s a light where none had been seen before.

Become that light and it will shine out as a beacon of truth forever and attract accordingly.

I look forward to Prime Minister Momus and finally someone I would vote for gladly, someone who has that light that gives hope for the future, simply because I can see her heart and know where she has been to find it 💜

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44 Comments

  1. Mark, I’m just checking in to see if you’re okay wherever you live in Australia dealing with the fires. Your contact page is not working so I hope you get this message. Take care and sure hope you are okay.

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Thank you Michele, I’ll check the Contact page out to find out whats happening 😀
      My fires and breathing smoke instead of oxygen have been and gone around my town. We had that for 3 months at the end of last year. It is those poor souls down south that are going through a very hard time now with many losses of houses (2000), livelihoods and sadly loss of life (25). Considering the fire’s sizes and ferocity it is surprising that there hasn’t been more but our firefighters has kept it low. That and the constant dealing with them each year, everyone is getting the hang of being packed and ready to get out at a moments notice.
      Thank you for your concern dear lady, it is much appreciated. Much love and blessings to you and yours also 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋 🦘

      • Good to hear Mark that you are doing well. Such a terrible thing these fires. Not a good way to be living. All the best to you.

        • Mark Lanesbury

          No they are not very nice to have constantly in your mind…but, it is our country. It goes from fires to floods in the blink of an eye. And just to show you, a place in severe drought across the mountain from me had a freak 150mm of rain a few days ago so they had a flash flood. From bone dry to a (small) flood in an instant. Here is the link to the story and video. Flash Flood
          Thank you for your blessings and wishes dear lady. And returned in kind 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋 🦘

  2. Just dropping in dear Mark to wish you all the very best for a beautiful new decade as we enter 2020 my friend..
    Thank you dear Mark for all of your friendship, your kindness and above all your inspiration and encouragement over the years.. Its been a Joy and a pleasure to call you my friend, thank you for your guidance, and for your wisdom…
    Much love is sent your way.. Stay safe and take care..
    Sue ❤️

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Thank you kindly Sue. Love and light returned in kind for your New Year and the love that is you. You have been a beacon yourself my friend, lighting up your journey so that others can see ❤️
      And I also have seen the wisdom you have become and been cheered by the love and integrity in your words. They are your truth, and I hear them too. Thank you for sharing it ❤️
      Much love and light for your journey, even the silent steps you are now taking. They can be a bit confronting at times as we are our greatest judges. But it all builds us, shows us deeper light and allows us to give a greater love by being that truth we find in its wisdom 🙏🏽
      Have a beautiful year dear lady, may it ever be from that light within 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽

  3. Much wisdom here Mark L. in your posts and in comments! Our journey is rich with necessary pain I guess, an endurance test par excellence. Thankyou for a truly inspiring post… ay a light.

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Thank you kind lady, it is indeed a journey of love even though filled with many bumps. But thankfully a light will come on through that tunnel to show we are in fact traveling in the right direction ❤️
      Thank you for sharing, may that distant light be glowing well ❤️

  4. Mark, wow! A passionate and heartfelt post packed with sage advice offered in accessible and direct language. Throughout I was agreeing with your words, nodding in agreement. You had a wise friend who dared suggest that you were only hurting yourself with your thoughts about your father. Such pain, anger distills into our very being and halts any positive approach to living, friendships, relationships. It’s often a lesson learned the hard way. Great post and your warmth and kindness is seen not only in the post itself but your caring replies to the comments. 😀

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Thank you Annika. It is a very important part of our journey to touch and see those fears that seem to tag us wherever we go. We need to feel that pain so that we reach a point to say ‘enough, I am worth so much more than this’, and so begins our journey to find what causes those pains and heal. And in doing so appreciate what we have endured to finally find that love within us all ❤️
      Thank you for sharing kind lady, and like on your site, a place to laugh and smile also 😀

  5. Oh, Roy. I, too, know what it’s like to have a friend that speaks hard truths. I, too, was mad at her. But she was so very right. Thank goodness we have people in our lives who will set us straight and speak their hearts!

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Those beautiful friends are the mirrors in our lives Kristine, always reflecting back what we put out. And how many of them are always there to give us guidance, talk us out of rash decisions, or back us up in folly…to share what may come, winning or losing 😀
      The love and empathy we build needs them both so we understand who we are, what has purpose in our lives, and eventually find that one treasure we always seek. That love and happiness, held in hope and faith, that awaits their discovery inside the very last place we look. And in that wisdom a light comes on, one never ever to be extinguished again 💜

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Ooops, I spelt distinguished instead of extinguished. My folly 😀

  6. Bravo Mark! A wonderful and helpful reply to Momus. You my friend are so very gifted in how you explain all of the emotions and tribulations we humans experience on our journey. You are a wise man guiding us all.

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Why thank you Michele. It is a gift I was given to heal hearts. And I asked God where was our purpose down here, and just like everyone else I had to trip and stumble so that I could finally see that truth. I am just now passing it on so that others can be guided by it. Nobody can absorb anything until they are ready for it.
      I can explain swimming until I am black and blue in the face, but until you take that step into the water, only then will it all be understood 😀
      Thank you for your kind words dear lady, and as spirit told me, there are many, many teachers all around. When the student is ready, the teacher will come. And I have been taught by many students as well 😀

  7. Honestly I reply. I questioned all day today why do I get anger, criticism, sarcasm, and ridicule from someone? I looked deep within myself and sure enough I saw a huge disquiet, a definite disgust that I hold towards this person for the way I am treated. I have to put my gears into neutral. And stay there. Walk in peace. And stay there. Does this mean I am responsible for how someone acts? An emphatic NO! But I can control my response or should I say non-response, or better still find a way to respond in such a way that brings vulnerability and love to the foreground. My responses are directly yep you got it, from my childhood when my Mother treated me in parallel ways, no respect of any kind and always put down. I’ve yet to heal that, Mark. Or so it seems. I seem to still be attracting this kind of behavior because I have not healed fully. And darn it I will so help me God!

    Then situation two has me reeling from A-Z emotions, anger most of all as again (and I can safely say this here) my neighbor brought another horse into the barn next door to us for one reason only and that is to get a break on taxes. This is an ex-race thoroughbred who had a hairline fracture of one of her ankles so no more racing. Now she has been condemned to a life of isolation and neglect. Whew! Calm, Ame. So, even though my schedule is crazy, I’ve been going over every day with 2 apples a day, and making friends with this horse. I for the first time today persuaded her to come out into the pasture with me. She is scared and very skittish coming out of the stall. I have been brushing her, and showing her love. I am doing this for this precious horse who is only 9 years old and used to being around other horses and tons of people. Today for the first time since she has been here, I am seeing her settling down and an aura of peace around her. My magic is working!

    And this time, my friend, with history repeating itself here with these people, I will not be quiet. When I have enough proof, authorities will be called. The thought of doing that on top of my emotions, sends Ms. panic along. I will not allow this gorgeous magnificent horse to suffer a life of imprisonment and ugly neglect. I don’t know how this is going to work out, but, I’m focused on the moment and only on this horse’s welfare. Nothing more. Maybe just maybe this horse will settle in here and she won’t be miserable as long as I keep going to visit with her and then begin walking her in the pasture. In the process I am fast making a friend who puts her huge head next to mine and kisses me. All this since Sunday. I will not hold judgment in my heart towards anyone. And I will work through my emotions.

    I am determined to not compromise with my Inner Peace I know exists. Today I walked for hours in a park I love and I swear heaven itself wrapped itself around me. That is what I deserve in every way in every day in every moment for the rest of my life! I have been on this healing journey since 1984, and I’m not about to give up any time soon.

    Thank you, dear friend, for writing such a powerful post. I related to everything you wrote. And I mean everything. Healing this world begins with self. If we don’t love ourselves, we will not be able to touch this world in a profound way with our love.

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Bravo Amy, the words of a love singing that truth. When you can admit to reacting because of something from your childhood, your half way there dear lady. And I know as we have talked over the years that you have faced many painful parts of that journey. So take a bow warrior 😀
      Now I must add a piece here that is beyond what I spoke of. Once you understand and ‘see’ the anger and reaction to that treatment as a child and how it has gone all through your life, and realise it is only how you have coped with it all, a pattern to keep that pain at bay…you feel that you have had a breakthrough. Which you most certainly do. But because your ‘reactions’ are a lifetime ingrained way of dealing with those situations, it takes quite a while to stop doing it. It is a lifelong way of being and out of habit we can ‘go backwards’, but each time it occurs now it is not taken on board quite as strongly. The universe will bring those situations back into your face for very important reasons.
      One is to show you how far you have understood what you have gone through and be able to see that as time goes by your reactions are getting less and less stronger…and two, it gives you much more confidence within yourself because you understand that you are truly standing in a beautiful place, that love and truth you now give yourself is built purely and no longer ‘bent’ by our fears.
      Once I had my breakthrough it took me a few years to reach a point where those ‘incidents’ would happen and they no longer get a ‘reaction’ from me. Now of course everyone is different, some people can go through some of the most horrendous things and it takes time to even face those things, let alone break through. That is why the quote ‘judge not others’ is quite profound. We may think a walk in the park is nothing to us. But I have seen people with agoraphobia in an absolute panic attack, hyperventilating and almost passing out when I suggested a walk out the front door. We all are on a journey that will ‘touch’ something in many different ways.
      Oh, and I nearly forgot something very important…horses, animals of any kind and even other humans can ‘feel’ your breakthrough. Your heart is finally beginning to open and its energy and light is especially felt by those in pain. They won’t even know why they are attracted to you.
      Oh, and the other thing I almost forgot…because of what I just said above, you will now, in your own way, become a healer of hearts. The teacher student thing will feel a little more pronounced AND (and I’m not trying to scare you), but as you attract those situations to you, and because you are now stepping into another level of awareness, you will be shown the love and integrity of giving from that level. If you stand in your truth, and I mean total honesty and give it with the love you have now given yourself because of what you have been through, your life and those around you will become more balanced, peaceful and loving. But if it is done without that, it can actually rebound on you. And I mean that as in it won’t go the way you wanted to and the universe will ‘teach’ you that error. And all of them are given with you ‘experiencing’ the downside or upside. The more you stand in your truth the more beautiful and loving the outcome. Mind you, even now things still happen to me because the learning never stops, but at this stage it is a much more refined understanding and we slowly ‘become’ fear free, not on guard like we used to be. And to appreciate that beauty it does take quite some time. My fear was faced seven years ago to reach where I am now at. If I read my early posts…ahem…they are a little rough around the edges but I can see the beginning of standing in my truth.
      Sorry Amy, I’m almost doing another post, I hope this gives you more courage to know that there is much beauty and love waiting with open arms 💜

      • Your response, Mark, I am reading over and over again today. Bless you for taking the time to write in such detail, expounding your wisdom to me.

        Years ago, in my early 20’s I attempted to go for traditional counseling. My very last appt. I kept asking, “But what do I do with all this anger?????” I was furious! I received no answer of any kind. I remember vibrating with rage that day as I stormed from out of that office never to return again.

        The Universe heard and has been sending me situation after situation to deal with my anger, as I learn how to put it to rest. Ohhhhhhhh, it’s been tough! I’m learning HEALTHY anger has its place and in the process, ridding myself of the unhealthy anger that has had me a prisoner.

        Situation 1: I am apply the principal of Truth and standing up for myself when the hurtful words come hurling towards me. Something I was never able to do with my Mother and if I dared, I would have been severely punished. Now, today, learning to control the anger impulse (NOT easy!) I state the Truth when the lies pour forth and I stand there calmly not backing down until the venom coming my way finally decides it has no where to go. I’m changing the patterns, again NOT easy! I’m getting to the place I am no longer drained. I AM doing this! And yes I do forgive “seeing” the issues of why this person is acting in the way I see. Not my problem however. I have my own issues to deal with.

        Situation 2: I’m applying the principal of Love and compassion. I’m “weaving my magic” with all involved so that all within this situation, feel uplifted and happy. I’m already seeing it happen with this horse. As for the owner, our paths crossed just this morning, and I made it a point to talk to her, telling her a funny story from my life (you’ll hear it too), and making sure no judgment of any kind was present. Full eye contact and gentleness was apparent from me. I feel good things happening here …..

        Two main themes have been present in my life, no surprise. Abuse and anger. As I work on my anger the abuse decreases. Now, Mark, this is far from easy for me because to see someone being neglected or abused makes my blood boil! Believe me! I was on the receiving end of that since a baby. Pushing all that aside, I am creating a new world with this owner and horse, one that holds laughter and love and trust in it. I’m also seeing by addressing my anger with the hurtful words they too are decreasing in both volume and intensity.

        Good things are happening!! Bless you for this comment. I shall return to read it again! You are the best!! xoxoxo

        • Mark Lanesbury

          Thank you Amy. It is great to hear your journey is breaking that cycle and setting you free. For many, many years I pointed the finger at my dad and accused him of all my ills because of how I felt. And the one thing that would upset me more than anything, was that rejection from someones especially after I had just helped them or did something to assist. And it took many years to realise it was that rejection from my dad that I was trying to make up for, hence the pain each time it happened. I was creating it by my expectations.

          I wanted to be accepted and loved so I did everything to get that. But because I was coming from that artificial place it could be felt by others and would push them away. It wasn’t until I could finally see and understand that, that I realised I was the only one hanging onto that. My dad was long gone. I could scream the unfairness of it until I was black and blue but the universe with all the love in the world wants me to get past that so it will keep giving those circumstances until I realised my dad was only being who he was because of his growing up and circumstances. Following that line of thought we should shoot all parents. Mind you, you feel like it sometimes. But I’m also sure they probably wish to do the same as we have grown up and tested their mettle 😀

          But underneath it all there is a magic happening, we are being taught to forgive…ourselves as well as those that cause us that pain. We cannot love until we do. Yes we feel great love to the many around us but while ever our hearts are torn by that underlying angst it isn’t that unconditional love and happiness we all seek. And even when we finally see and feel that amazing breakthrough, its pain still hangs around for quite a while as we rebuild our lives, our minds and that love we have finally found inside us. But as time goes by, it too goes away because we are now becoming used to that ‘unconditional’, no longer hanging on to anything that holds us back.

          I can also feel in your words your breakthrough with the neighbor. Initially, after facing my fear and from acting out of habit from my fearful way, I would expect the usual rejections etc in my interactions, but slowly I realised I wasn’t ‘on guard’ any more and was coming across from a more relaxed and ‘unexpecting’ way. I was no longer ‘holding onto’ my fear. This can be felt by others even if they don’t know why. And as time went by the ‘on guard’ just disappeared because I could feel the change and realised that it was only a lifelong habit so I ‘let it go’.

          The one thing that all fears have in common is that rejection from those we love and look up to. There may be many , many different ways and actions that it can be done but it is that ‘treatment’ that trashes us because it is the one profound thing that all children love as they grow up, and that is that connection of love with a parent or carer. Trash that connection, safety line, hold on life and you have been cast out into the terrors of this life and so begins that ‘dark night of the soul’ we all go through. But that very action allows us to see the meaning behind it all which enables us to understand love. Take it away and we strive like nothing else to get it back. We spend the rest of our lives trying to recreate that love from childhood, expecting our relationships, partners and friends to treat us in a way that creates that loving atmosphere that we so miss. And it is in that ‘life’ that we learn to understand exactly what love is, the beauty of enduring and experiencing all of those opposites of sad, happy…anger, elation etc, to allow us to understand that love. We block it because of that event in childhood because of the pain that it causes, but in doing so we block ‘our’ love by fixing a negativity to it…’I’m not good enough, I can’t do this or that’ etc, and spend the rest of our lives breaking free from its grip.

          But when we do, the sun shines again, the rain has so much more meaning, the birds flying over are amazing and even the flowers are glowing like nothing else…all simply because we are no longer ‘on guard’ in all that we do. I’ll never forget watching a bee on a flower for the first time. Seriously, when was the last time we stopped, and I mean stop and watch something like that. We don’t have time, in a hurry for this or that or our minds are just go, go, go. Those fears hold us in that pattern. Now I just walk and enjoy the sunshine, rain, wind, just being is fantastic. I even got splattered by some pelican poop the other day…and I laughed. Instead of being angry, upset etc.

          You’ll know when you have crossed that line, no longer ‘reacting’ because you smile a lot, and not only do you not know why but you will not care. So dear lady, you are going fine, mastering your journey by letting it all go. Be proud of that, it isn’t easy. But unconditional love sure makes up for it when you come out the other side…they’ll think your on something 😁 ❤️ 💝 💚 💓 💞 💙 💖 💜 💕 💗 💘

          • Thank you for sharing such a personal journey, Mark, with me. I still to this day struggle with acceptance and getting recognition for what I do. It is a work in progress. The moment I really just accept me for all I do and that is enough, things will change. And the only way I can stay strong with the “no reaction” is to remain in my camera zone, or my garden zone, or recently my singing zone. I call it my Zen. Then carry that throughout my life. We’ve both have gone such a great way and I am so proud of us both. We’re gonna do this! I have a saying …. act as though you already are there. Act as though what you are striving towards is already present. It works. But! When I’m tired not so easy.

            Have a GREAT Sunday!!! I send my LOVE to you over the waters. We both are flying into a freedom we’ve not ever experienced. YAYAYAYAYAY!! xo

            • Mark Lanesbury

              My pleasure dear lady and that is a great saying. Hold that faith in ourselves as we are always a work in progress as their are many places inside us to touch and understand. You will be amazed each time you ‘see’ another way of being 😀
              And thank you, my Sunday was a delightful Spring day with all the children and parents on their first day of their Spring break from school. It was pretty hectic but that laughter and chatter everywhere just shows there are great patches among the low times as well. How can we not smile when an innocence of childhood is giggling away madly playing on the beach 😀
              And I am cruising over the land in that freedom too young lady, may it ever be that way xox 💜

  8. I read this upon first waking this morning, Mark and I’ve been mulling it over, back and forth, all day. I see that I need to go within myself in a different fashion and discover those reasons. I can’t say I relish it. I thought I knew me pretty well! But, life is nothing if not a neverending school day. 🙂
    I can guarantee you there will never be a Prime Minister Momus. I’d rather chew off my own foot!
    Thank you for this, Mark. I will reflect and, hopefully, learn more. x

    • Mark Lanesbury

      I scattered it a bit because I was coming at it from two directions, but I thought that it would show that there is two worlds and we initially need to finally let this one go and focus on that inner place. The one we ignore because of that emotional pain we are always in.
      No Prime Minister Momus? I think you’d whup em into shape dear lady quick smart. And the public could finally breath a sigh of relief 😀 And ok then, you can keep your foot 😀
      And please, if you have a specific question or thought on this, go to my contact page and let me know. This particular place in our lives open us up to share some of the most painful things in our lives and privacy is a must xo

  9. Dear Mark this spoke to my heart. Each new paragraph I found myself nodding in total alignment.
    Having had such a low esteem and blaming all that hurt and unworthy feelings it’s only by finally doing and realising exactly what you have so clearly and eloquently said do we learn and let go. Truly understanding what WE have carried. And finally learning to let it all go as we relearn how to love ourselves.
    Great post and wisdom to your friend 💚🧡💕🤗

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Thank you Sue. As you now know, to look back and truly ‘see’ that it all has purpose, even though it is the toughest thing we go through in our lives, is something so beautiful to see and feel.
      It all builds towards that moment when that true understanding of love settles on our hearts and we know we are free…and loved truly 💜
      Thank you for sharing your journey dear lady, may it always sing that freedom 💜

      • Mark I came back here again today my friend and re read word for word again this Wow of a post.. And I found so much more the second time in reading too.. It spoke even deeper into my heart.. And I know that our journey is on course for we are finding that freedom at long last as we learn to let go of all that no longer serves us..
        Many MANY thanks dear Mark for your friendship, your encouraging words, your help and your feedback.. You have no idea how much I have appreciated you in your wisdom..
        Love and Hugs my friend ❤️

        • Mark Lanesbury

          My pleasure dear lady. And as you now know, when we finally touch that inner place and realise our journey has great purpose in tripping and stumbling, we want to share that discovery. And yes, we can then share it with others so that they too get that chance to open and blossom with that secret of the universe 😀
          I still shake my head when I can now see the perfection in that we all are exactly what is needed to break us all free, the many relationships that love us physically, emotionally and spiritually by being that test in each step we take. Yes it is hard, but nothing appreciated is gained by doing nothing. We endure to show us a huge appreciation because of what we have experienced, and this very process builds that inner love but not recognised until we face those fears.
          And many thanks to you also Sue, this journey is ever a two way street. In healing it teaches to open each step I take. It took some time to realise I can only heal from where I am at, and it took some time to ‘see’ what I was still holding on to. It is amazing, even after seeing my fear, how easy it was to go back into that fearful holding pattern. But each time I did it no longer felt right, simply because I now knew the ‘why’ of its creation and could see I was living a lie and let it go. Plus the universe will keep bringing it up as part of its teaching so that we can see we are moving forward, gradually moving away from those fears and in doing so creating a new life, one built on a true love , a love built on smiles, eyes that can now truly see and a freedom like no other ❤️
          Love and hugs coming across to you also dear lady, may that freedom let your heart sing ❤️

          • Here’s to the Song of our hearts Mark.. May we always hold the joy we have found within that releases us from the prisons we create for ourselves in repeating old patterns…
            Like you, it took a long while to see I was repeating same old fears.. But the freedom and lightness of being once you really let it all go is tremendous.. THANK YOU my friend for being part of my journey in your wisdom and support.. <3 🙂

  10. Dearest Mark, this post is so intense, so deep, with so much in it, I couldn’t possibly reply right now. I must process this and then will come back with a proper reply. All I can say right now is, your words spoke very loudly to me as I find myself in a “new” situation that really is a repeating pattern from someone else and yeah, it is tearing me up. Will get back to you …..

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Then give to yourself by taking that time to feel what your heart needs to feel young lady, a greater love you cannot give ❤️

  11. Wonderful words from the heart Mark! So well expressed and so forthcoming. These are definitely teaching times and hopefully we are learning! It’s amazing how long we hold on, some never letting go and for what? Have a wonderful Autumn weekend my friend…love and gentle peace….VK ❤️

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Thank you VK, and yes it most certainly is a time of learning. I think we are more game to take that inner journey because we can see much more of the results around us. Many more have reached that place within where they say ‘I am worth so much more than this’ and begin those steps from this world and its pain into that inner world where our self worth and love is waiting 💜

  12. Oh mark, I love this explanation as to why we can all find ourselves at times fighting the good fight… fighting for our rights… the future and our children AND dare I mention climate change😁AND only ever end up draining ourselves, not changing a thing!

    You write so clearly, sharing the bigger picture of this fight we find ourselves in and how, quite simply by understanding the energy dynamics we can free ourselves from it and get on and enjoy a life of joy.

    Thankyou dear Mark… much love Barbara x

    • Mark Lanesbury

      Thank you Barbara. It is such a beautiful fight. Seemingly so painful and terrorizing our hearts…but at that last hurdle is a vision, something grand and so explanatory to what went before that we burst into tears as we surrender to its understanding 💜
      Thank you for sharing your journey also, they all most certainly arrive at the same finish line 💜

      • Hi,
        Needed to check if things were alright with my old blog links > your old email; I’ve followed here?
        Also if you and yours are safe /well?
        Apologies, I just saw your email regarding the mailing hiccup.

        My old blog/domain isn’t in action so there should be no trouble. I cant see what caused the issue.

        Trusting its all resolved?
        Do stay well safe happy, blessed as always!

        Wishing you the best year yet!🌻

        • Mark Lanesbury

          Thank you for your blessings dear lady, things are well here…but still not getting your posts. I’ve had quite a few problems ‘following’ people and have lost quite a few great blogs because of it. It is saying I am following you but I’m still not receiving your posts. I shall try again and pray, if that doesn’t sort it I’ll speak to the man ‘upstairs’. If that doesn’t sort it I give up 🙁 😯 😱 🥴 😇

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