Self Love!
October 2, 2015
It takes a big event in our lives to reach that place within where we finally stop, and sometimes after a very long time of persevering with something…a marriage, relationships with friends or family, a personal situation or even at work, and come to that place where we can see that enough is enough.
It is a very pivotal moment. It draws the fears to the surface but now instead of recoiling and trying to shove it down so it can no longer be seen as we usually do, we finally reach a place that we no longer wish to fight this any more and so we step through it. And it will push buttons that you have never tested before, a strange world where you stand up inside and take those first tentative, wobbly steps to reclaim a sense of self and a realisation that ‘I am worth so much more than this’.
And finally, in that realisation you will achieve something that a lifetime had not. The ability to give within…to give that self love from a truthful place and realise you ARE worth so much more.
So starts the journey to stand in that truth and become what this path seeks, the creation of a love that builds an understanding of love inside, but all starting from a place of fear so that we can see and appreciate what it has taken to find that place within. Both have much purpose, as one cannot be achieved without the other. Hard yes, but if it was easy it would be forgotten in a moment.
That relationship you have persevered with has given you the one thing that you have been seeking all your life…to find that self love and the true happiness that it holds.
Lets say your going through a divorce. And your ex-partner was to find another partner who makes them feel all happy, alive and excited with life…inside they will still be seeking their self love in that need to be with another…based on their fears. That happiness they seek can only be found in that self realisation. If you have found the reason that drove your fears within that relationship, you can now release them but not through anger or hurt, but from a place of understanding as you will now realise ‘why’ you were attracted to that relationship. This will allow you to forgive them (and yourself), now in your self realisation of what you have now understood…as they may not have found the beauty of what you have now become, and still looking to fill the pain and loss in their hearts.
This may take several relationships to ‘see’ that you seem to be hitting the same snags in your relationships, going through the same patterns, but this has purpose so that you ‘can’ see what is holding you back, the fear that will be underneath all your actions and keep you travelling that journey. Until finally it all comes to the surface and it cannot be hidden any longer. This is your moment, your chance to release something that has held you forever in a half truth of life, a place that had happiness but always marred by this thing that would pounce to always let you know that it was still a part of who you are.
And as that uproar settles you are now free to truly look inside and understand that the more you act in that self love, and I mean that with integrity and not a selfish way, your life will now slowly find a happiness, a true happiness where you no longer seek another based on those earlier fears of ‘not being loved or insecurity’ because you have now found that within yourself, the entire purpose of your journey.
Self love is an ability to truly look inside and realise what those fears were, and see how they have driven your life in so many ways and held you in those patterns. To face them IS self love for you will give to yourself something worth more than any other thing in this world. It is a freedom that is unbelievable when you finally step past it and feel that freedom for the first time, and in doing so you realise just how constrained you have been in all of your life. That fear constantly held ‘out of sight, out of mind’, not realising just how conformed you have become to living with it riding on your shoulders.
And as time slowly goes by you become more relaxed, more ‘seeing’ the world from a whole new perspective as you are no longer ‘on guard’ for the fear that was always there as you went about your life. This freedom begins to rebuild what you ‘want’ to be, rather than feeling ‘forced’ to be something by the world around you. A happier place where even if anything comes up in your life, your ability to cope is more at ease, relaxed and understanding….because you have been there, have much wisdom because of that journey and can now help others from now being in that place…and glad to do so.
The anger and pain that usually comes with these events are a part of being able to ‘let go’ from the loss of the security and love that we feel we are losing. And usually because it feels like a total rejection of who and what we are, and a very painful experience that hurts because we feel so unloved…and that is the key…it is a fear that is built on our own self worth. Our own inability for self love. And this is built from childhood and the relationships we have with (usually), our parents and how they were able to express the love that THEY were shown by their parents….and on and on it goes. We are always trying to find what we feel we haven’t got. And we feel we haven’t got that love, and the happiness within that, so we try to find that love in others…but it is in our self love that the answer is hidden.
We have been through a childhood where we have felt either a rejection of love, a hurt or a denial by someone we loved and looked up to. And in that is built our self worth. Are we loveable or not? That self worth takes a battering at this time and we spend the rest of our lives trying to rebuilt that feeling of love and connection with another, to rebuilt that loss we hold forever in our hearts as a consequence of this hurt, and to find that happiness again that has so much meaning within it. But when each time we are with another and they do something that gives us that feeling of rejection again, it re-ignites that fear and we jump straight back behind those emotional walls to keep that pain out.
Holding onto the pain and fear will only hold us in that pattern. We must look within it to find why it makes us feel this way…deeper in your heart to find what you are afraid of, and seek its meaning. In that you disarm it, realise the truth behind your fear…AND LET IT GO.
In total truth the above journeys do have great meaning…those relationships that seem to be a horror at the time ARE done from a place of great love, so that we DO find that self love within. Those instances where the world seems to be crumbling around us DO allow us to eventually come to that place within, and in doing so we heal that hole that always seems to be in our lives, and completes us in such a way that we ‘let go’ and no longer hold onto so many things that in the end, have no meaning or worth and opens us back up to that love and eventually give back out what we have now become.
Because I have been on this journey from a healer’s perspective and actively searched for meaning within my journey, spirit has shown me a great deal of understanding as I step through my fears and see those fears within others. We all must go through them to find that self love within, and gradually we are shown where the love really is…inside us, not ‘out there’. And in that realisation we finally see that all the stress and pain in our lives are all built upon the foundation of our fears that we have held in place since childhood. It is our path…a painful one but with an outcome that will far outshine all that went before.
Some people come to us to teach us a lesson about ourselves. And this is the only way to find our truth, to look deep inside by going through a tremendous upheaval so that we can finally see the truth of what we are within and ‘know’ the love of ourselves. If we didn’t we would always be wandering around pointing the finger at the world for the pain that we are in. If you look around you will see this, but eventually they begin to realise that they are changing, and in that change they find a new heart, a new direction and a peace that goes with that understanding. There is a silver lining to all events, it is made that way even though at times it may not feel like it, and slowly we are guided to find that truth within.
This world has many things for us all…much beauty AND much fear, so that we can become what we all truly seek. It is a balance where we will attract exactly what we need to find that beautiful heart within and finally understand the love that we are.
Where is your heart now?
Look inside, find that self love…your happiness is there…that unconditional love that is who you are…you are so worth it!
I guess I have to add my thanks to this long “graditude list” I think you “hit a chord” Mark as you have touched many with this entry. Not many realize you important self love is and how it is the pathway to enlightenment. You have read some of my posts before. You may like “a soul in balance” on my Heartstrings site. Have a beautiful day!
Thank you MickE, it is a huge journey, but it is because of the impact that we will learn to look within and finally ‘see’ the beauty that has been inside there all along.
Like all else in life, these impacts leave their mark in so many different ways so that we can be guided to find what has always been there. We cannot understand and appreciate love until we experience hate and anger etc. And it is in experiencing non love of ourselves that when we do begin to look inside, that self love has great impact and begins the change that we all seek.
I have dropped into your blog and realised I hadn’t followed, so I’m not sure whether that was me or the WordPress has dropped a few people off my follow list and I’ve had to re-follow. Seems to be happening to quite a few people on here.
Thank you for your comment, I’m glad it has ‘hit a chord’, just as your mom’s buttons did. Her love is everywhere, she is a part of who you are 🙂
Sometimes messages arrive at the perfect time. Although this was posted in Oct. as I read this on the eve of Thanksgiving the message resonates within me. Thank you for your insight. There are times along my journey that I look outside of myself for what I need even though on the journey to self-discovery and self-love. It is true that you can’t truly love another until you learn to love yourself. Once that occurs your world will never look the same. There have been glimpses – more now than ever before and your message was a good reminder. Thank you – Love and Light!
Thank you Sandy. I’m glad that it resonates with you.
It is all part of the journey that we must see those things that are difficult, so that we can appreciate the beauty so much more. And in that we gradually find us, the truth of what we are within, and in that acceptance release the many things that we hold onto as a security.
We have been shown from birth many negatives and it takes a long time to finally see that these are not true. But they have purpose, to help us look within and ‘see’ that we are so much more, and be that truth that we discover.
Thank you for sharing Sandy, love and light to you also.
Well written my friend 🙂 Let go the fear and open your heart to a new life in oneness with your soul 🙂 Namaste, with Love, Mark
Thank you Mark. A big journey, but a most welcome one. The changes are so beautiful, the blinds have been lifted and the view goes on forever 🙂 Namaste, with love as well my friend. Mark
Thank you, Mark, this post spoke directly to my heart and to a life of relationships and change. You have put it all in perspective. I have finally come to a place where I truly love myself.
Great work Dennis. This journey gives us so many ups and downs, it at times makes us think we have lost the plot.
But eventually it guides us so that we do eventually realise our truth, see the pain and hurt for what it is, and finally understand what is underneath it all so that we see those fears and let them go.
It is a long, slow process so that we can understand and absorb exactly what it means to us, and allow us to rebuild that battered heart by loving ourselves again. But in that journey is built the foundations and wisdom of what we have been through….the unconditional love that we are now becoming.
Glad to hear you have reached that place Dennis. It is a beautiful thing to finally understand it…and stand in its truth, and live from a whole new perspective. The sun just seems to shine more beautifully, the birds sing much clearer, and so many other things suddenly appear, where before we couldn’t see them. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Mark I s always great to read your posts!
I nominated you for this Awesome Award!
http://yesterdayafter.com/2015/10/28/the-respect-award/
And many thanks Carolina, I am flattered by the nomination and appreciate your awarding it to me. I usually don’t go through the process, simply due to the time factors involved, even though they are given with great heart. But as this is given from you unconditionally, it will be accepted by the grace it was given with much appreciation. My biggest thanks for that respect, I am honoured to receive it. Thank you! Namaste
You are very welcome Mark I know time is never enough I have the same problem 🙂 but this award was given to me with great heart and I am happy to pass it to you is very well deserved – Namaste 🙂
And for that I thank you kind lady….it is accepted with the love that it was given. Namaste
I read your words again and again to take them in, so wise Words Mark! During the time I get caught in the words “enough is enough” and “I´m worth so much more than this” …
Everything so well written. It´s kind of healing to read your words, they give me strenght! 🙂
Thank´s Mark and have a wonderful Day!
Elaine
It is a time that we finally reach in our life, a time to stop and rethink what is not working for us and begin to make long overdue changes in the way we go through life.
And it must be with ‘us’ in mind. Begin to love ourselves by ‘letting go’ of things that keep us locked in patterns that deep inside we know are not good for us.
And they are important too, so we can see this within ourselves. But now its time for change, a change for you, but done with integrity and a truth of what you are within without those, ‘I have to or I should’ that is never for you, but all those expectations in live.
Have a great day to Elaine 🙂
So true! How does one expect love from others, if one doesn’t love oneself? Amazing post! 🙂
Thank you Ramexa. We tend to fear looking within because of the pain. But gradually our life leads us there, so that we can find that beauty within and become what we are designed for, be that unconditional love that is within us all. Thank you for sharing 🙂
Anytime! 🙂
A wonderful post mark, self love must me our first rule and everything flows from that… And trusting that everything is released when it no longer serves, also when IAM not serving my highest self… barbara x
It just takes a little while to understand the wisdom of this life and realise it does ALL come from within. To eventually realise it is a very natural process to BE that love within…or not, and then attract accordingly. So beautifully balanced to guide us. Thank you for sharing Barbara xo
A perfect, perfect post, Mark! We have to let go of all that negative baggage we drag along, and learn to trust and love ourselves. If we can’t love ourselves and feel worthy, then how can we ever love anyone else?
Thank you Michele. We do gradually learn to ‘let go’ of all our bits, and because it is done this way, in the end we really appreciate what we have endured, built and guided ourselves through. It is in finding that self love that we discover our ability to love another in that truth, and this allows that beauty inside to shine forth, with a wisdom and understanding to finally ‘know’ that love within. Like all journeys we are forever changed by their passing. Thank you for sharing 🙂
Well, you know I’ve been there. All wise words. All well said.
Hi Kay, and thank you. Yes, you are now very wise…and don’t kid yourself, you have become a very wise person indeed for having to have gone through all you have. It is a big journey and it can be seen in the words at your blog.
Mind you, and maybe its the stubborn male thing, but as I wrote, I’ve only just dealt with a very big piece of what is commonly called a life issue…my fear of rejection from childhood. I still look back and am amazed at just how integrated it had become in my life…and I couldn’t see it. I thought I was this very aware person, getting to grips with life and had everything flowing smoothly 🙂
And when I stumbled on through this piece of my life and finally saw what it meant, and the understanding it has now given me…I wouldn’t swap it for the world because of what I can now see in its journey. That ‘knowing’ is the wisdom and the ability to truly find that ‘self love’ and without it we are lost.
I bow to a master my friend, AND the beauty I now know you have inside 🙂
Wonderful Mark.. Each word spoken from that inner knowledge and from the heart.
It’s often a long long road we travel upon until we learn the art of Letting GO!.. but once we understand and as you so rightly said as we come to understand why some paths are difficult with certain people.. It’s not until you understand that “Some people come to us to teach us a lesson about ourselves. And this is the only way to find our truth, to look deep inside by going through a tremendous upheaval so that we can finally see the truth of what we are within and ‘know’ the love of ourselves.”..
I know I have learnt many a lesson, and most likely still have many more to learn.. Seeing beyond and realising why we have people who act like mirrors, means we are shown daily the traits we do not like in others, but perhaps they are also traits we need to iron out within our own being..
Life is all about LOVE.. and learning to nurture ourselves.. is often the hardest to master.
many thanks Mark for all your wisdom you share here..
Blessings
Sue xx <3
Thank you Sue. It is a continuous ‘healing’ as we find those things within ourselves as we travel this world. And as you said, there are many mirrors that allow us to see (eventually 🙂 ), those parts that hold our love for ourselves at bay.
But once found, the realisation of that journey stands out so that the walls we held in place fall away and allow us to see the truth, love and wisdom that has always been within, and gives us that ‘knowing’ that we get from the experience.
There are many lessons but each time gives us a new hope, a new understanding and a new love to see the beauty within.
Thank you for sharing Sue, and expressing your journey as you do on your blog. It is amazing the things that can help another, even in the most offhand comments, that shows a little light to another. I have found many gems in your journey 🙂
Love and blessings to you also xo
Thank you dear Mark. that last sentence is a Gem in itself my friend.. In gratitude and Love.. Sue 🙂
🙂
Yes! Exactly- I know for sure I couldn’t do this alone. I was thinking last night about when I was younger and how confident I was and free I felt- I realized how much all of these life experiences- and not just the losses but the many unhealthy relationships- have chipped away at my self worth- my self love. And making the decision to not be around people like that has sadly been hard for me- because, as you say- I have lost that self loving feeling- that feeling that says- no! You should NOT be treated this way- you are worth more. I am getting back on the love path Mark- I am making those hard choices and believing again- believing that I am worthy to be valued, just like I would tell someone else. It’s been a inner fight so far but the self love is winning out :))
Thank you so much for what and how you share. Thank you for taking your time and helping me and uplifting me. I appreciate you so much- you my friend are a positive light and help in my life!
My pleasure Soldiergirl. As hard as it is, those hard relationships are actually for your highest good. They take you places so that you can ‘see’ your fears and gradually find the beauty inside that lovely heart.
They also allow you to really appreciate a lovely relationship because you have been through and felt the painful ones. Yes, they do chip away at your heart, but in doing so you finally reach a place where enough is enough and if you really look inside you can see and feel what the fear is that drives these times.
Me, personally, I found that I felt I had been pushed away and unloved as a child. My fear was always in thinking I was unlovable. So to compensate for that I would take out a lady, shower her with flowers and dinners and be very attentive…until finally they would say…’whoooa! Back up a bit, your drowning me in these things, it doesn’t feel right’. I would get all upset thinking THEY ALSO were rejecting me, how could they possibly not want to be loved, and I always pointed my finger at them as being the fault. But all the time, all I was doing was creating my fear (as we all do), and just trying to allay the fear instead of just loving them.
It was a very big life lesson that had taken me most of my life to see because I had pushed it so far under day to day life and I couldn’t see it. And the truth be known, it was my fear…I didn’t WANT to look at it….who does? But in truth, it will never be released until we do look inside, understand what drives those painful things in our lives, and release them. It is only then that we are free. All else leaves us constantly on guard for the next time it comes up.
Once I realised what was holding me back, and really understood what drove that fear, I could finally let it go….and it was like I had let go of the weight of the world all in one go. The relief is instant when you finally see what it is, and your whole life changes overnight it is that profound.
It is not an easy thing to do, but if your heart has said enough, no more of this pain, then we begin that tentative look within and begin that journey. You will never regret it. When I finally decided to look deeper (and this was by having quite a few very deep discussions with a friend who would push me into asking myself ‘why’ I was feeling the feelings that I had. In the end I broke down in sobbing tears when it dawned on me what was driving the fear, it is that profound), I found it turned out to be, what I felt, was a rejection from my dad that began this journey. But I also realised that he only treated me with this distance because HE was also brought up this way and he didn’t know how to express that love (but I didn’t know that at the time).
In the end we have to forgive them AND the feelings WE have had towards them because of that. And even in amongst that I have made comments to my parents on things that I felt very hurt by….only to have my parents say things like…that wasn’t what was meant by such and such an incident. That is when spirit took me aside and showed me that, as a child our coping strategies and ability to comprehend a lot of things are very immature because we are so young and our experiences with those things are very limited. So we can take things so very much to heart when in fact they were only offhanded comments or events.
BUT, they, in the scheme of things have great purpose. They are MEANT to take place so that you can go through these things and find YOU. That beautiful heart within that will slowly understand and become the unconditional love inside us all. This journey will build you, and because you see and understand this as you go through all these tough journeys you begin to realise it is all for you, so that you can be the most beautiful, glowing, wise and loving heart within that is possible. This is what spirit has called the ‘knowing’. Spirit said, ‘as spirit we know everything, but we do not ‘know it’. To ‘know’ something so completely it has to be experienced, and that experience teaches much, much wisdom so that we can ‘know’ love…unconditional love.
Sorry Soldiergirl, got a bit excited and nearly did another post here 🙂 Take care beautiful lady, all those people in your life are giving you the most incredible love and wisdom from hearts that only have yours in mind so that you can find you, even in the most darkest of places. Truly, beneath all of this is a wonder beyond our comprehensions. I have only been shown small bits, and they blew me away 🙂
I am so beyond touched by what you shared with me. It’s really just what I needed- I haven’t slept- I’ve been up praying for help and i read this. Yes enough is enough but now I am not sure how to proceed. Talk to myself trying to figure it out? Letting go to be free is hard- I can feel the pull to be dragged down and I am pushing so hard but it’s difficult. Not sure if I am making sense- there is a lot on my heart and I want that weight to be pushed off as you described. I just don’t know how. I so appreciate you. Thank you for everything you share with me- it’s a big deal to me. Thank you.
My pleasure Soldiergirl. The journey to look within is a very personal one for each of us, and that path is quite profound as we touch the many things that guide us.
If you don’t mind I will send you an email and talk with you from a more private direction as it will touch on many private thoughts and emotions that I don’t think need to be aired on the blog :), if you are ok with that?
Wow! This is so what I needed in this moment on this day- thank you so much??
My pleasure Soldiergirl. It is a big journey but underneath it all you can sense some of what is happening, and gradually it becomes clear.
And of course, with a little help from your friends…those loving, beautiful, pains in the backside that we love so dearly to help us through the rough spots 🙂
I hope your journey is blossoming for that lovely heart inside…give it love….lots of it, you deserve it 🙂