The View From Within Here!
February 17, 2015
And then one day I saw it…and realised all our journeys have great purpose. I turned a corner and died to the things of man, but realised that those things are made of great beauty. The pain, the emotional turmoil that we endure, all take us to that one place we constantly search for in our hearts….unconditional love.
But it can only be found by being born into this world with all that it is, and finally see ourselves, our fear’s, our journey and the love that we understand as each mountain top is reached. We will always attract what is required for that understanding, and then one day we are there…and everything can be seen for the truth that it is…and our hearts open, totally, fully, and we then give from such a beautiful place.
I no longer see what is on the surface of things, because I now see below. I no longer judge another, as I now see purpose. And because of that understanding, I now stand in my truth and give from that place within…unconditionally…for I am no longer chained by the fears of this world!
We begin this journey totally open, innocent and ready for such an imprint from our surroundings. This time is a barrage of emotions and learning, the good and the bad, to create a journey that will test us so that we may find that balance that is in all things.
We see a life of struggle and pain over many years, and even those things that many think small, like a silly argument, build and create so that you may reach great understanding. Slowly and over a great time we poke and prod to see a way out of those things that keep us bound. And finally after much heartache and agony, a crack appears. But it’s like no other crack…each time you look through it all you can see is the fear you avoid, that one thing that you ignore, hide and never speak it out loud, lest it come to life. But the pain from your journey allows no other path, and in trepidation you finally can no longer stay in your circumstances any longer and take that dreaded step that you think will be the end of your sanity.
And at that moment your practically in shock. You’ve done the one thing that you thought you would never do. You burst into tears, scream and even fall into a heap. Your mind is going at a hundred miles an hour. But you’ve done it! You’ve gone through the one thing that you thought would never happen. And you realise…you didn’t die, you haven’t totally lost it (even though it feels very crazy still), and you suddenly understand…you’ve never been in this position before. You have always had that ‘fear’ leading you around in everything that you do. This is virgin territory, never before circumstances where now YOU are in control and not the fear.
And it does take time to get used to. That fear has been there most of your life, it was a part of who you were. Now you are free…released from its servitude and are able to take the reigns and steer whatever path you wish. That in itself can be a little disconcerting to start with, but don’t put expectations on yourself. Give yourself time to adjust to this new place within. And above all be gentle on yourself. That is a very long time to be in a jail from a fear you’ve held within.
Looking back we see those things we’ve been through, but they no longer hold us at bay. No longer constantly in our minds because we’ve stepped through the fear that they created and released us from it’s bondage. Wiser and with more love for ourselves because we now understand that we are worth so much more than those fears and have become more confident in ourselves because of that. This is our healing of that duality that separates us from within at birth, the spirit and the ego, and the journey to find that balance of the two. And we gradually understand ourselves each time we go through those upheavals in our lives, we’ve been through many years of the one side of that balance, it is now time to feel and understand the other and no longer be driven by the fears of the ego. And when we see others go through what we have now experienced, our compassion will arise because we know and understand their journey. We understand that pain and suffering and with great love will help another to find their heart within and see what you now see.
Each time we respect and love ourselves more and more as we go through these things. We realise those many things that initially gave us a feeling of not being good enough or belittled were not true. We ARE good enough, and more than that, we are loving ourselves because we now realise it has taken great courage and love to face this journey and accept just who we are within. Exactly for who we are, warts and all. What is on the outside, in truth, has no meaning at all. For what has been created in the heart…is everything. And everyone is going through their journey, in their own way, to realise that truth within, just as you did. Judgement of another is only built on our own fears. Once released they no longer drive us.
That freedom is the compassion we now use, and is the beginning of that unconditional love we all seek. It is in us all but blocked by our constant struggle by those fears that drive us. When released it allows that compassion to shine through, and as each of those fears are removed there is less and less holding you to this world…and more and more love being expressed by that freedom. And the spirit within starts to shine through, and you truly begin to see much purpose in this journey.
Then you too will understand, and be what you truly are within, that unconditional love that is inside us all!
The words you speak reach down deep to a very real place, I’m amazed at the stash of Treasure the Lord has placed within you… thank you for not only being such an amazing writer but also for being this faithful to Him, against all odds. I understand how invaluable it is to face a bit of furnace to sound this authentic, this healing. God bless you, and I mean it.
It is something waiting inside us all my friend, only blocked by those fears in our lives. We spend our life trying to justify ourselves with that lie we hold in our hearts, and it only creates an in-authentic voice wandering aimlessly in the wilderness. But once that path is trodden to finally face that very fear, our hearts will bloom like a flower, released from those bars inside us and we begin to stand in our truth, that connection with God and all that is, to finally understand that it all does have purpose. One cannot be understood without the other so that we can ‘see’ that journey, and in doing so become the very thing we have always sought. That happiness and love that never seemed to be found is when we finally look within ourselves, and not ‘out there’, to realise it was only us not being happy with ourselves, holding those fears that were unintentionally taught us by our parents, those we loved and looked up to, and only because that is what they were taught by their parents. This world is full of those conditions so that when we face them we will realise and understand what it is to be unconditional. And like all those other emotions, we cannot understand and appreciate love unless we know hate, sadness to appreciate happiness, and on this world goes with its many conditions that we place on ourselves…to understand, to heal, and to be set free <3
How very beautifully you just said that! … one has to understand hate… sadness….
I’m going to have to link back to one of our posts in mine, give me a day. Your writings are stilling…
😀 <3
Good evening Mark! So beautiful and well written post, just what I needed to read now:-)
Today I have done/said something I never thought I would do and that because I must stay true/honest to myself about Love..A hard day but from now on it can only be better;-)
Have a nice day tomorrow
Hi Elaine. I’m glad that you have resonated with this post. It is something we avoid because it is painful, but when we face those fears we are released, and life becomes so much more liveable, beautiful and free. And if you have faced a hard truth within yourself, you have my blessing for you have taken a path that is more loving to yourself, even though it is hard, and been courageous to face something that has taken a long time to reach, but now will release you from its servitude.
Just remember to give yourself time, it will take time to see something within yourself and slowly adjust to how you feel as you go through something. But most of all, you have now given yourself permission to be that truth within, which is being loving to yourself, and now begin a new journey for yourself. This can be a bit testing, but only because you are now in new territory and not used to not being led by your fear. Be gentle and take your time. You are the most important person in the world. Allow yourself to be that change you wish, be more loving, be free….and give from there. And then you will attract from a more beautiful place and no longer attract those fears from within another. Take care. Mark
Beautifully written, and simply the Truth. We need to walk the hot coals, feel the sheer white panic, tumble into the black hole, before we can come to our rebirth. I can remember the feeling, standing bare before the world, and asking, “But where do I go from here?”
I was afraid I had an empty toolbox, my strength and resolve had left me, or so I thought. Dazed and confused, I began to crawl, then to walk, onward, to run. I am left to soar.
Thank you very much coffeegrounded. It is an important part of understanding ourselves. And even though I must seem to talk consistently about our fears, there is much beauty and happiness in amongst this journey so that our adventures are balanced to show both sides of the coin. Your comment is beautifully written and does show that journey well 🙂 Namaste
Enlightenment… a beautiful treasure to find. Wonderful post, Mark.
Thank you Michele. The urge to express something came upon me 🙂 It is amazing that this one journey can be explained from a thousand different perspectives…and they’re all true. We all approach our journey in so many different ways, and they’re all correct….for each of us. Thank you for your lovely comment. Mark
Oh, I so love this. “That dreaded step you think will be the end of your sanity.” I’m about there. Or coming out of it. Not sure which. But hallelujah b/c you put it so well you’re giving me some hope again:). Thank you.
My pleasure Kay. It does take us very deep, but that does have great purpose. It’s like giving up sugar. You fiddle with doing it, you stop and start but just never seem to ‘want’ to. But the day they diagnose you with diabetes…everything changes very quickly. We must reach those places within so we will step through our fears, understand them so that we can then let them go…truly. Not because we have to, but because we do realise what they mean to us and so therefore ‘want’ to be free of something that no longer has any meaning any more.
That step may seem like the end of everything, but the moment you say to yourself…’I’m not going to be controlled by this any longer’ and you ask yourself why is it making me feel this way, and really look inside to feel the fear…you will find that place that you have hidden and ignored because of that fear, and you will finally see and understand something that has controlled your entire life…and you didn’t realise it. It is usually taken on in childhood and repeated throughout life, but in your youth you don’t have the emotional maturity to deal with it so you hide it in any way you can (usually just ignore it or totally avoid those situations that bring it up). If your game to really look into your heart and ‘feel’ the fear, and ask yourself how is this really making you feel inside…hurt, angry, rejected…and then ask yourself why. And speak it out loud…and I mean that literally. The spoken word, especially to yourself has great power….to heal or hurt. Be gentle on yourself as this journey unfolds. Good luck, your heart will be healed by loving yourself from finding that truth. Mark
This post is rich with compassion, Mark. It would serve well on the 20th. Have you seen this? #1000voices
https://summat2thinkon.wordpress.com/2015/01/11/we-all-need-the-village/
Maybe think about it?
Thank you very much Anne-Marie. I will go have a look see and check it out 🙂
to be in that space….I am most days, then those memories sneak up and blindside me 🙂
I saw a photo of a memory and usually I see a gentle and kind energy, today I saw the lines etched in his face that looked like cruelty…not sure that makes sense, most of the time one can feel the cruelty, I saw it though, in those lines… made me sad, as I didn’t recognize the love I felt once upon a time…I see his fears repeating into his childs life…
all I can do is let go of one those connecting threads that is still woven within my heart
this human experience has me peaks and valleys
Good post Mark…I like knowing you have let go of fear
Take Care…You Matter…
)0(
maryrose
That is the beautiful empath in you maryrose. Your sensitivity has grown to such a degree that you can see things around a person, in their face or just energetically coming from them.
Our journey is understanding what we do and knowing that even though we feel this person, whether it is an anger, hate or love…it is them and not ourselves.
With great love we can use this gift to help others, and ourselves, and that is who we are. Not those waves of others emotions that pass through us.
You have needed to learn some great things from this person to allow you to understand, step through your pain, and be free from being controlled by something within. And you have done that as you can now see and feel your sadness towards someone who once made you feel whole. You now do that for yourself after being through a very hard journey. You have changed and become so much more beautiful, within and without because of what you have found in your heart because of this journey. Your love for self has reached a new level and it will give you great strength as you understand that path.
The last string is for when you are ready to let go. It can be hard but it will only hold you back. But when you do, you are free to be that truth you have now become. You are now loving yourself more for doing that one act, and you are worth so much more than what that string represents.
Sending much love and light to the lady you have become maryrose. May you attract that love from all around you. Mark xo
P.S. I haven’t let go of all of those fears yet maryrose. (I’m still petrified to stand up and speak in front of a group of people. Death, people and taxes I can do! 😀 ) And that has been the amazing thing will all this. I can ‘see’ something within myself, know its purpose there, but still have to go through it and experience things just like everyone else ( I apparently don’t get any free tickets to sidestep anything 🙂 , but in all honesty, then I would not find that self love because I hadn’t experienced those highs and lows that teach our hearts to love truly). And spirit will shut my awareness down so that I can fully experience something, in myself or another. But I feel so blessed to be able to see these things now, and give from that understanding, it is so magical to see it all unfold.
I was thinking of you as i wrote my last poem, Layers……and as I was sitting here lost or perhaps just drifting last night I thought about your words again…I realized I how connected I am to someone, I can hear his sadness, I feel his struggles and I held his fears for him…and instead of letting him carry his own guilt for the betrayal of us, I have been carrying it for him, I have allowed him to let me hold the blame for the reactions to his fears, I have enabled him to make me the scapegoat so he doesn’t have to ever face his fears …I have taken his lessons and held on to the hard parts so he wouldn’t have to live, he could be complacent in existing in a house with four walls….always wondering what we could have been…I have let him show me no respect…in turn belittling myself…
I think I cried a river of tears this morning as I was writing about my last night thoughts…
I have wondered for so long where… what did I do so wrong that he could throw us away like yesterdays garbage… and in the end a friend here said something to me that shook my world… it’s not the rejection,… it is the denying of what we are together, what we were on our way to becoming in this journey of now…. he denies the words he spoke, the promises he made…with that denial he made us a lie, as if I was the sin that should be punished if i am not pleased and happy for him….and now as time passes us by he cannot undo the lie because it would cost him that happiness he seeks and thinks he found…
how does life get so twisted that one cannot and will not undo the lie they created, surely one cannot build a strong foundation with someone else if it is built on the broken, jagged pieces of the heart they broke…
this was a big sigh moment for me…I cannot carry his guilt anymore, its too heavy, and I have no guilt over love, I do not give into the theory that if something is so good it will not last, so what does it matter…….that leaves one standing in quick sand…I am tired of being in the limbo his lie and fears have created, so i just give it all back to him to carry himself
Thank you for you wise words….I listen..if it takes me awhile to know what I am hearing
Take Care Mark…You Matter…
)0(
maryrose
I hear your heart maryrose, and like us all you wish to see the best in someone, even though they may dash our hearts against the rocks repeatedly. We connect so strongly to someone that we know when they think of us or about to call. But in that closeness we lose ourselves. We become embroiled in that thing called love…the place we sing, dance and can move mountains because of the power of that love.
One day spirit comes to me and says…’and why can’t you be in that place by loving yourself?’. And I said ‘but I do love myself’. And spirit says…’then why are you hurt by the actions of another, why are you angry through their inactions’. And I said…’because I need to feel loved, be wanted for who I am, be a part of another so I can feel complete’.
You could have heard a pin drop. And spirit said…’and that is built on a fear of not feeling good enough, not being loveable, not being accepted for who you are, a rejection of who you are. And a partner will be the exact thing that you need to bring those fears out for you to see and realise those walls you hold within. They will show the beauty of those weaknesses so that we may know the true love of our hearts. We will begin to see and understand why we hold those fears, what built them, and in that understanding release those things that restrict living, hold us back, and see life through the lens of a glass darkly’.
So as hard as it is to go through maryrose, that beautiful man has chosen, with great love, to show you your way home to you. To help you to find the beauty within and know that unconditional love that we all carry behind our walls. I know it is a very hard thing to go through, and in this writing I can feel you have reached that point of ‘I don’t wish to do this any more, I can’t go on this way!’. Which is great, because it shows you are coming back into yourself. Coming back to who YOU are in this world. Coming back to loving yourself because of what you have been shown in this journey. To understand that you are a beautiful soul with much love to give, and you will by accepting who you are within for exactly who you have now become. He now stands in his own fears and projects those fears. It is his journey to find himself and find what holds him within that pattern of relating. And if we look back over all our relationships, their are repeating patterns until that understanding is made that releases us from that path.
You are a beautiful soul maryrose, and I can feel your heart bleeding. But that lovely heart isn’t for giving TO someone else, but giving TO self. Then by the love you give to self, it naturally shines that beauty outwards to all who come near, and attracts accordingly. Like I have said on occasion, when you walk into a room and you see someone chatting away happily in one corner, and in the other corner is someone being angry and moaning in the other….who are you attracted to? Then this journey washes away more and more of those fears and the emotions they are built on so that you become that beautiful soul in the happy corner. In fact, when you do release those fears, you actually don’t think about what you ‘want’ any more. Because you have accepted yourself totally for exactly who you are…and then everything is added, because you do accept yourself unconditionally.
I have found the more I let everything go, my expectations (and I used to do that a lot), my wants and needs, the more things would go smoothly, the more I knew that I was on my path. Yes, things still happen because I haven’t dealt with many things yet. And they ARE only given as we can handle them so that we do become that beauty within. But if I look back over the many years of relationships in all their forms, I HAVE come a long way. So many changes, and I know I wouldn’t want to go back to ANY of them, simply because I have changed. I have become something much more than any one of those relationships. And that is the point. I am more loving to myself because of these journeys and I am now exactly where I want to be. Yes, I could be madly in love with Sandra Bullock, ensconced in a beautiful home overlooking the ocean somewhere. But would I be happy? Not understanding the hardships we go through so that we will then really appreciate those times that are magical would leave us in a place of limbo. Not understanding those things that are all around us, but cannot be seen because we don’t have that wisdom to understand them.
This journey must have those hardships, and the beauty at the other end to create that wisdom and balance so that we can understand the unconditional love that we create in every step that we take. This journey has been very difficult for you my friend, but I do know it is creating a very soft, beautiful and loving heart, full of much wisdom, for you to have and share from now on. Have faith in a process that has you as its heart, for your heart, even though it feels so hard.
And even as a positive, as all events have both sides (even though sometimes they can be hard to see), your poetry is becoming such lovely reading BECAUSE of what you have experienced, and you now share that beauty that you have now created in your heart by those words. Your journey just may in fact have created another great ‘poetess’ to express something very beautiful within from the hardships that have been endured.
So my lovely friend, I send you much love, light and blessing that this journey is one of love and understanding. It shows you a great love within, much strength and faith that it will be a worthwhile journey, and allow you to find your way home, to self, so that the light in your heart may glow much more from the beauty you have found. Take care maryrose, and be gentle with yourself. Cry and release all that no longer serves, as in itself is a healing within. Mark xo