Healing Your Heart From Within

Decided to dance a little deeper in life, and wow can spirit dance!

Sunrise

What is Love?

Ask yourself…what is love truly…is it an ability to hug someone with great feeling, share with another’s heartfelt energy and let go and just be in that moment, regardless if it is to a sad, happy, friend, partner, relative, child, adult, animal, green, lost or found soul? ❤️

But if so, can we hug ourselves…where is our love? ❤️🙏🏽

Fears…ours and others!

I was answering a comment to a post by Danielle, about those fears we go through and their impact. So in doing so Spirit nudged me to express it here as a post…

Going through our fears are what happens to us all, and on our own individual paths they can be a very painful thing to go through. But it is different for everyone, and as an example, its equivalent is when you see someone scared to death of a spider but many other would think nothing of it. This is the same in all our fears…born from many different paths, and, we will attract the very thing that is the most painful for us individually to face…or it would lose its impact, lessen its ability to make us face ourselves and go through something to break those barriers we build.

And this is why we are told to never judge another, simply because we cannot truly understand another’s path because it has a very different meaning for us because of our own experiences and environment so we cannot truthfully understand it. There may be many similarities but our differing experiences give us the strength, or not, to face them.

The only way we can truly understand ourselves, or others, is this…that fear we have for ourselves, that is what the other is feeling…regardless of its origins. All we have to do is remember how we felt in going through our fear, and give that compassion and empathy to another in their time of trouble.

We are all being asked to find that love inside us, whatever it takes to see our truth…His truth to find that unconditional love. And we are doing well, regardless of our journey, as whatever it is we face it is building that compassion, empathy and love inside us all. And in the end…it is the only thing we take back with us…what we have found in our own hearts in experiencing and going through it all ❤️🙏🏽

The Love!

Spirit said a heart was calling…so this is from the titles from my menu bar above ❤️


‘Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.’ – Dr. Seuss

Unconditional love…what is it?

Now we all know what ‘love’ is, that lovely beautiful feeling we associate with a partner, child, parents and even our amazing pets…but why is there a difference between that and unconditional love. In the dictionary, ‘Unconditional’ – meaning: having no exceptions or restrictions – (demanded an unconditional surrender, the unconditional love of a child), is inferring that it is a total act of giving, without restriction. So we must be saying then, that to give unconditional love is to give it with no conditions, expectations, ideals, wants, needs or anything else you want to tack onto it. Interesting! Beautiful for the very reason that, if we all gave from that perspective, this would create world peace, harmony and a love all around for everyone right now! But it’s not…why?

We strive for this love, on so many different levels. As a child feeling that love and security from mum and dad, but with the conditions that mum and dad have learned and now place unintentionally on you because that is all they know. The beginning of adulthood and that first blossom of teenage love that really opens the heart for the first time to this incredible feeling that can move mountains…only to have it, sometimes unintentionally, smashed on the ground by the very person you felt would never ever hurt you, in any way. To now realizing that this very act has now produced more intense emotions within because of the pain that loss has created. Anger, fear and hurt creating an incredible range of emotions that in reality couldn’t be further from this ‘unconditional love’ if it wanted to be. Or could it?

How many times have you looked back at those emotionally intense times, fighting with your partner, and thinking to yourself ‘why did I say that’. You know it is the worst most hateful thing you can say…but you say it anyway. The situation is bad enough, but your partner always knows which button to push, which words to say and more to the point…do it willingly. Now think about this…why?…You know as well as I do, that all this will do, is create anger, hurt, pain and worst of all, do the one thing that you do not want…push them away because of our fear (See The Fear above) of not wanting to be hurt any more.

So…why no unconditional love! Well I am going to pass on a little, (I say little but this was one of the most profound things that spirit has ever passed on to me), journey that I was blessed to partake in. It was at a time where I was really starting to look within and be open to what was really occurring around me. A time when I began to step back within myself (See The Reverse above) and actually see more of what was going on around me from a spiritual perspective. I was becoming comfortable with my new direction and accepting of what spirit was bringing through for my understanding. Little did I know of what was about to happen.

My mother, at 80yrs young, had had a couple of heart attacks, not major types where you become quite ill with a long stay in hospital and it changes your day to day living, but enough that it knocks you around and can leave you weak and unable to do some everyday things. I had just left my place of work (redundancy), so was footloose and fancy free (isn’t that a coincidence!), so I went down to her home, she lived 90min away, to stay a while and look after her. After a couple of months I went to the local shops to purchase some things and ran into a young lady that had the most incredible energy I have ever felt. (Remember as a Massage Therapist I have learned to ‘feel’ others energy, but beyond that we all do it but don’t trust what it is we feel). Now this absolutely beautiful creature with this lovely energy rocked me to say the least…but…she looked about 32 at the most and I was a grand young age of 50 at the time so I thought what is this supposed to mean? The overall sensation was that it was going to be one of those ‘Events’ that I have had a few times in my life, a connection for us both to learn something quite intense with the added bonus of a lovely journey as well, and not as a romantic connection.

After getting to know this lovely lady for a while (and this was by going into the place she worked, getting items and just chatting), I started to realize that I needed to step this up a notch or we would just wander on happily chatting away, so after some weeks I thought, what the heck, I’ll ask her for a coffee. I had no idea how this would go down but spirit obviously needed me to step outside my safety zone and I suppose all she could do was say no. Now on the other side (I found out later), was that she had gone through a very traumatic time, divorce and all the emotional upheaval that it brought into her life and after a long struggle within herself she had finally decided that the next person that asked her out, she would say yes.(Isn’t spirit amazing!). So up I came the very weekend that she had decided this and asked her out. She told me later that she was amazed that she had said yes and tried to cancel it a few times afterwards as it wasn’t for another week, but thankfully never did. Our higher selves will always guide us to whatever our highest good is. And what a journey!

Now I will go directly to the actual event at this point otherwise there was a lot of other things that occurred during this time but are not a part of what I am trying to show in this part of The Love. (Mind you, The Love IS everything!).

After we had become much closer after a few weeks we realized that we were becoming very, very close, even though we had been fighting it the whole time. And by this time I found out she was a very young 39 years old (she looked so much younger), which made me realize that the age thing didn’t really mean anything, so we became even closer. Now spirit is a master at helping us on our journey so at this point spirit asked me one night during my sleep (this is explained in The Dreaming above), ‘Is this what you want to do…do you want to be a part of this relationship?’. And of course I said ‘yes!’. And spirit asked me this again, and I said ‘yes!’. But spirit asked me a third time, and I was feeling that something was happening here and to take this onboard with the seriousness that it was given. So I said ‘yes, I do!’. Now that left me a little aware that something important was going to happen, but within the context of starting to fall in love and really open my heart for the very first time and the feeling of having rose colored glasses on to boot, hey, I can move mountains now so bring it on.

Now I need to insert a very important piece about love here. You can love many, many people, pets & things in your life. Look at how you love your mum/dad…or your brother/sister…or your pet…or your memories of any of those things…no two are the same. You love them for the unique individual that they are…and…how you have interacted with those people in your life. I can love my mother in law…BUT…it’s with my knowledge that she can be impossible to do things with or she interferes too much or she is a controller etc etc (by the way ‘mum’, you’ve always been beautiful. I was not inferring you actually did the above, it’s just for explanatory purposes!). And those judgements and expectations that we apply, affect how we feel for everyone and thing in our lives.

So now I’ll go to the next important piece which occurred about twelve months later. Our relationship didn’t work out and my heart (and of course hers), took a major hit. To put it bluntly I was devastated. So I started to close up my heart and emotionally pull away to protect myself and tell myself it’s over so it’s time to leave. Now spirit decided it was time for some understanding on my part. So in my sleep spirit came to me and said ‘You wanted to be a part of this relationship?’, to which I replied ‘yes, but it’s over now’. To which spirit said ‘You wanted to be a part of this relationship?’. By now I’m becoming a little frustrated to say the least but said ‘yes, but it’s over now, there’s no longer any point’. And being the very, very loving and patient and kind spirit that I am/have said ‘You wanted to be a part of this relationship?’. So my heart began to understand that I was coming to something very important here so I said (with sincerity (finally!) and a bit confused), ‘Yes, I do wish to be part of this relationship!’. To which spirit asked ‘Would you like to know what unconditional love is?’. Well you could have knocked me over with a feather. It was the last thing I was expecting, but remember, my little pump, pump thing was all over the shop and not thinking from a spiritual place at all. You can get a little distracted when you’re going through this very trying time. So at this point I was now jumping for joy, singing hallelujah, thinking I’m going to be told the secret of the universe. And practically yelled at spirit ‘YES, PLEASE!’.

Spirit proceeded to explain in very simple layman’s terms just what unconditional love is. Spirit said to me ‘all you have to do is, go through, not over, not under, but through your fears!’. Now being the rational human being that I am, I said ‘speak to the hand…next idea please!’. Spirit then said ‘It’s very simple, you spend your entire life lifting your arms up to your chest when you feel threatened or think you’re going to be hurt to protect yourself. It’s a wall to protect yourself with physically. You do the same thing with your emotions. You put walls up to protect your emotions from all those hurts you get from the world every day. Like…you look terrible in those shoes…you can’t do that…don’t be silly…etc. When you put those walls up you block the one thing that is more important than all the others. That is the love that is everywhere. You project your fears in that one act. People see/feel your wall…and back away…thereby not giving you love because THEY then don’t want to be hurt by you. Which is what blocking does. You are not inviting anyone in to your heart by how you act. YOU are actually creating your fears.

When you understand and you see what you are really creating and you want to let these fears go, as you don’t want to create these things anymore…you take a deep breath, gather your courage…and step through those fears. And then, and only then, do you understand that you have created a heavy load that has hung over your head forever. And when you do step through that fear, the feeling that you have is an incredible deep breath and release of that load that you have carried with you for a long time. The next sensation is the joy and tears that you have finally released it, and you smile and laugh and are amazed that you have done this. And the most important part is now you have finally opened your arms (physically) and your heart (emotionally) and the overwhelming feeling of relief and emotional openness because of what you have been able to do, NOW allows the love to flow through, you begin to attract it to you instead of blocking it. That is why you feel so good after you’ve let go that fear. It is a rush of pure love, a let go of something you no longer want as a part of you, and allowing it to be replaced by a feeling so pure and open you will smile forever.

Well, that WAS the secret of the universe! I was totally flabbergasted to have it put to me in this way. So simple, so understandable that I was stunned to think it was always JUST there. Always with me but not be able to understand because I wasn’t ready yet. I needed to reach a certain point so that when I was ready and given this understanding, it was something that I would now begin to integrate in everything that I do. To put it bluntly, it was a game changer, it shocked me to such a degree that I now began to rethink, readjust and re-everything that was me up to that point. It opened so many walls that I had fervently built in my life to protect that little pump, pump thing that I now began to release and drop those walls. The weight loss (emotionally), was incredible, you really do not realize just what burdens we carry with us through our lives.

So now I have released that fear…the fear of losing something that I had held on to so hard because I WAS afraid to lose it. Afraid of losing something so much that I was in fact pushing it away with my fear. I now understand what it means to truly let that fear go and give from a place within that is not controlled by anything but the love that it is given. And an incredible freedom because of that. We put so many conditions on our love that it binds us. Binds us in fear because that is what it is created with. When you finally understand, and give truly, freely, with no expectations, it gives you such a feeling of joy and happiness that you can still move mountains, can still do amazing things and can still see the wonder of everything around you and not a pair of rose colored glasses in sight. This is truly you. Underneath all those fears and all those attitudes, lives the beating heart of unconditional love. Waiting…waiting to be finally, forever, set free! ❤️ 🙏🏽

Doubt!

As children, those we love and look up to pass on to us all we know, those beliefs, wisdom, habits…and unintentionally…their fears.
And through it all, those years of us being raised we ingrain those fears, unsure of what they are but building many doubts because we cannot understand them, and after years upon years it becomes us.
Always chaining us to whatever we do. A heart tested but our love never truly found because of that wall we build to protect it from those doubts.
But…without doubt, how can we ever appreciate what we do when one day we dare them, find courage to challenge them…and beat them.
And in doing so break free from their prison and can finally love us, believe truly in us because we did dare them.
But why?
Really why?
Simply because we dare to look at ourselves, to test those doubts, afraid that they might be true so ever struggle with that moment.
That child’s eyes…and heart…inside us…IS the one that ever avoids that moment. We don’t want to see that a doubt could be true.
And while ever it stays unknown, it will be that doubt.
While ever we hold it at bay, it cannot be understood.
Bring it closer, dare to hold it in your light.
See it for what it is, and it will be understood.
Understand it and you will see it is indeed held by a frightened child…even though they are now adult.
What do you say to a frightened child?
You calm them because you ‘know’ the fear is unfounded because it isn’t being seen clearly.
How can you help them see that it is unfounded?
You explain it to them in a way they can understand.
How…and then, how to give them that courage to face it?
You go with them through it, share those moments in heart and mind. Get them to express what they feel and why so that they can truly see and understand.
And like any map you explain, many pathways are there but only one will take us to our destination.
And this destination is…love…ours. The one we didn’t understand because we were afraid to see it.
And in that understanding you will see a light come on in their eyes, an understanding light.
And a freedom to that child in your heart, and a let go so that you can finally remove that separation…and be just you…a completion, so that you can see and appreciate what you have now become.
You cannot see and understand the ‘one’, until you experience and feel that separation.
And like any of those beautiful jigsaws in our lives, we must understand them all individually first…anger, happiness, doubt, and on through them all so that we can create that ‘one’, become that ‘one’ love that is a part of us all. To stand back and finally see that it wasn’t just those individual pieces but what it built in completing them.
It doesn’t matter what color you are, what intentions you hold or what fear sings in your blood.
Your heart ‘knows’ what is right, you just have to ask yourself its truth. Believe what it is asking you to see.
But first the doubt…so that we will dare to see that love.
Our love…
God’s love ❤️ 🙏🏽

Very Important Note: My mention of ‘walking them through their fears’ is for that child within us adults. A real child does not have the ‘life’ experiences yet to understand their fears. Now don’t get me wrong, it is very important to give your child permission to be able to talk about things, especially their fears…but…you cannot force it, they will not understand. In fact it can be detrimental because they will feel that they have failed somehow in not understanding and compound an already confusing thing called life that they go through. Us adults already struggle, so a child would be almost lost trying to understand. And ‘life’ is already at a pace that it can be slowly understood and bring about those changes as they have the courage to face those many aspects that they are. We are their support system for this journey…and yes, we wobble…often. But you have to laugh (and appreciate), when they say something…and teach us ❤️

Ego…Life’s Test Pilot!

A reply to a lovely Daily Kind Quote from Erika…’By understanding the ego, we overcome it’.

To be honest, it is just fear speaking the loudest that keeps the ego so prominent. We speak from within our joy, our sorrows and all other parts of us…its just that fear has a louder voice than most because its sits right up the front, even though we press it down. It wants to be healed so it becomes the prominent part of us, questioning in all that we do. It has such power simply because that is what we give it. It’s almost like a survival technique, we are always on guard to protect ourselves from those fearful things, afraid to die so it stands up front and center in our lives.

But like love always does, it attracts to us, or inside us, whatever we think about the most so that we can experience and understand them, release those conditions of self we place on them and become that beautiful love, the unconditional love waiting behind it all.

If we are madly in love we stand above it all, that overpowering feeling that we can conquer anything while holding that beauty inside us…the ego, even then, swinging us up but still challenging us when we say to that love we have found…I can give you anything, promising the world…and become challenged by those very words as that relationship dares that very ego within us. But in each we slowly succumb to our failures as the ego reasserts itself.

Or are they failures? How can they be if in experiencing them we become wiser, seeing a truth within ourselves so that any future mistake need not be made. In that the ego is an aid, challenging us to understand and move beyond, better prepared for that next duel within.

It was an interesting part of my journey, as I understood me through my fears…the ego became less and less. As self love wrapped its arms around me, my confidence grew…I could finally see that inner truth that I was. And ego, its still there…but in my understanding it lost its power. Appreciated for what it gave me, poked me as needed…but like all those things we climb in our hearts, once conquered we let them go but know they have built what we have become.

In fact, as I understood my fears all of those negative aspects of myself became less…they too had lost their power…I had let them go. Are we so powerful that we can be and do anything? Mountains climbed through found love, finally reaching that peak within us that unconditional love is so that we can appreciate them all for allowing their wisdom in experiencing them?

In reality it is in experiencing them all that we finally understand us…and then let it all go, all of it. It has all shown us what unconditional love is not, by going through it all, and left the only possible answer remaining, that understanding of what unconditional love really means.

And as Erika so beautifully said to me in reply to my comment to that post…

‘That’s the big insight, I think. I see the ego not necessarily as my enemy but rather as an instrument that pushes me through my lessons. Once we can differ between the ego self and our true self that is the ultimate breakthrough’.

Wise words dear lady, may we experience them all to become the beauty of that true self, that unconditional love within us all ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

A Lonely Soul!

This is a reply to a dear friend who has begun her awakening (not that there is a start or a finish), but who has become much more aware of her journey and so she created this short post called Feeling Distant from those beautiful new feelings found within as she opened to that inner understanding and began to see from a whole new way of being…but was also touching a loneliness as well, something seemingly so foreign to the beauty she was now opening to. Now this bit is a little hard to explain…but I’ll try.

While ever we are in that place of fear in our hearts, we need that connection from others, even though it is bound by those fearful expectations. It is even a huge attraction thing, that always seems to connect with someone that will always press our buttons. But when you see and understand your fear, you let it go, it loses its power over you. It no longer needs those attractions, simply because you are now loving yourself, the one thing that had been missing before…and in doing so, love will no longer draw to you ‘someone’ to press your buttons because you have begun to move beyond fears reach. So now that you are truly accepting yourself, it is a new journey in loving yourself, you will ‘just accept’ so much around you in a whole new way…and it can feel lonely as we are a human being and we revolve around those connections…but you have now stepped beyond them…not totally, but gradually in letting go all those old things that are no longer you.

And it is in that ‘let go’ of the old that those unusual lonely patches are felt, especially after finally touching that love within, the loneliness seems so out of character for this moment. And here is why…

Any relationship has its connection and let go. If you break up or get a divorce it hurts deeply in many ways. The missing of that connection, the sharing, the loving moments, and many other things. If I ask you how you are feeling five years after a divorce you will say I’m ok. Yes, some bits still hurt and sometimes deeply, but in general you will say you are fine. But if I see you again another five years later and ask how you are, you will say that you thought you were ok before, but on now looking back you still had many things to resolve within yourself.

On breaking through into your awareness you too will let go of that old connection, those beliefs that are no longer who you are, the way you were, the things you believed are now an old way of being, and it too needs time to be resolved and let go as you become that new understanding. And even among that there are still many things that were good in that old way of being that you will miss. It is even a grief of what is no longer there, but slowly you know that what you have found within you is something so much more profound, so much more loving so that you can now give from that place so as time passes by you become that new beautiful loving being. And in fact you will have days where that smile within will burst from your chest so that you feel so beautifully alive, and others where that beautiful inner smile seems to have deflated. But that is just ‘feeling’ the new, as you let go of the old. I had even reached a place where I thought I had become depressed it had grabbed me so hard for quite some time, but as time went by I could feel it was only me releasing that old way of being…and the smiles slowly took over so that I could live what I had now become.

And there is one more thing that does seemingly isolate us in that awareness…because you have now stepped into that understanding of why our fears held us as they did…you can now see this in others, see that they too are going through their struggle to find that awareness. If you speak to them of that awareness you have found, they will not understand (unless it is time for them to do so), and it will feel as though you cannot connect with them and it leaves you feeling that isolation and loneliness. As an example…you see a child doing something that is difficult for them and you know that it is something that takes time as they grow to reach that understanding so you help where you can but you ‘let them go’ because you know they will reach this understanding as time goes by (It would be like trying to explain dating to a six year old, it will not compute because it isn’t time for them to go there). Now if you were on a planet full of six year olds, you would begin to feel very isolated as you had no one to relate to at your level of understanding. And when you go through into your awakening it will seem that so many around you are still in that fearful place with none to truly relate to.

But because we no longer relate to others on that old level we will then attract those who have gone through that awareness and be more at ease…and…that awareness is that unconditional love. You could not go there and understand in that awareness until you have removed those conditions you had placed on yourself. Those doubts, disbelief and so many other fears you held against you. And as you resolve those many things in that awareness you will lose all those old feelings of loneliness, loss, grief and many other things. So much so that in going through it all you will understand that this is what it was all for, to find that unconditional love within ourselves and then give from that place. And every one of us is different so you will find releasing things are different for us all. You may need time to let go of a feeling of rejection so that even though you are now in that awakening it may still nudge you at times until you come to terms with letting it fully go. You have had an entire lifetime of being this way, it does take a little while to ‘let them go’. Awakening is quite fast because it gives you a quite sudden understanding, but us stubborn humans can still hold some things hard, but we will let them go, all of it. Now don’t get me wrong, my awareness is still going strong 10 years later…and still has me kicking my toes occasionally to let me know there is much more beauty to see in it all. Does it ever end…well…does love?

Now I’m going to add something here that may seem very contradictory…but…I have reached a place in understanding that if someone close to me passes away, I celebrate their journey, give thanks to all that they have given me, whether deliberately or just in me understanding something from them…even if only a smile when I felt down. Now, if it is someone very close, like say my mum, it will affect me deeply…but gladly so because of what I have just said. Yes, I’m human and it is such a profound connection…but I now know it has been a very beautiful one so that I could be who I am, as she was from me. And having gone ‘up there’ I also know that we will connect again…so it isn’t the loss that it once was. In fact it holds me in so much love for how much I can see it has given me…unconditionally. When all those pieces come together I can only stand with such profound loving tears in its understanding, to see my life come together in so many ways…there are no words for it…because unconditional love is beyond it all. I can see just how incredible that it all comes together to create something that is just indescribable it is that powerful.

And our journey is a long drawn out process so that we can truly ‘feel’ its touch, so that we can understand it fully and appreciate what it has given us. You have felt its pain but in feeling that you have created more self love, simply because you have created more empathy and compassion in doing it. You now give out what you are, feel from what you are…and love so much more profoundly because of it. This world is a very loving balance, there will always be a teacher, always a student, and attracting accordingly so that we will indeed pass this class of love. And always because a very, very loving hand will guide, and guide, and guide us towards that beautiful destination. But never given or we would never appreciate it, but discovered through that journey within ourselves…only then will we appreciate just what we have achieved in discovering that love.

And as for that lonely soul my friend…that’s ok too…it is just us experiencing that part of us so that we can appreciate the beauty behind it all. Experience one side of something so that we can appreciate the other, waiting for that understanding through us in that journey, to find that inner love patiently waiting inside. Until we have let it all go, resolved all that we are and stand in that place ‘up there’. I’ve only touched ‘unconditional love’ in its purity once…but in that moment was something so profound…I was everything, knew everything, understood everything…and was just ‘still’ not a movement need be made…and the feeling…trying to describe that is, believe me, something truly beyond words. And will be appreciated like nothing else when you see the truth within it all…because…you have understood you ‘down here’ in going through this incredible journey ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

Love!

What is it? Is it that moment you look into anothers eyes, feel that touch inside that you think wow, is this it?
Or is it those moments where that ‘love’ pokes your heart with a terror beyond words as they walk out the door…forever?
Or maybe is it that place where you sit out in nature and truly feel at peace with its beautiful surrounds and touches you within it?
Or that loss when a friend after many, many years leaves for another town, another life?
Or the birth of a child, that connection that goes so beyond anything else that this world brings?
Or…
Or…
Or…

Or maybe…just maybe it is them all. Each takes us beyond what we are…it may be painful or such a profound moment but it asks you to look deeper at its beginning within you and asks a simple question of you…each time it happens. And slowly you see that you are changing, understanding some things slowly, some things fast. Each time some things grows a little more…empathy and compassion. Until one day an understanding lets you see that it all does indeed lead to that love, see that there is no such thing as a bad love…just a persistent caring so that you can see its purpose, understand that it wants you to be the most beautiful, loving person that you can be.

And the easiest way to explain it is this (and a comment I recently made to Erika to which Spirit said ‘a post’ 😀)… It’s like a baby with a dirty face, we try to wipe that dirt off and they twist and squirm saying ‘I’m alright’…but we know better…as does that unconditional love. Now…just sit still for a moment… ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

The Side Effects Of Love!

Each and every thing that we go through down here, leaves a residue, an effect from its action or experience. We can go through many things but it is more pronounced the harder and more painful it is.

But what is that residue, what is left behind in all those experiences.

Each time we are hurt by something, an experience by going through something…we ‘know’ its journey, how it made us feel. And when we see another experience those very same or similar things, we ‘know’ their pain, we feel that experience all over again…but this time it is different. That residue within us can now be defined, its empathy, compassion and love now stands up and can ‘see’ from a whole new direction.

But what are these three musketeers that raise their heads when we see suffering, what instinct brings them to the surface to show their power. It is us…yes, us. We have become these very things by those changes that they brought within us…and attract accordingly.

How many times have you become the defense, swords drawn when another is being treated like you have been.

How many times have you not done it…and felt terrible because your bravery has not yet reached its peak within you.

How many times have you finally taken that one step, shaking like a leaf but daring to do it anyway.

My friend, you have just encountered the side effects of love, of loving yourself enough to stand up and be ‘you’. Yes, that ‘you’ is an encounter with those side effects…the empathy, compassion and love that you have become. You have finally stood in your truth and dared to show it, become something so slowly it has creeped up on you and sang. It has let go of something, something you’ve had for years and years, a condition that we all hold in the beginning. We held a feather, not a sword…and its name was fear, a terror of our belief in ourselves.

But you have slowly moved away from its grip, emboldened your empathy, compassion and love. One drop at a time, each step taken is to have experienced ‘something’ and built your courage to that edge of you, the real you within.

So my friend, you are building something very beautiful. Be proud, be confident, have faith…it all has a purpose. And that purpose is you…just you, but a you that you cannot truly see at first for it takes time from beginning to end. Your building a heart and it needs all of these things so that it can be refined, polished and stand out as it should. But first the ingredients, those residues from that inner fire as you build you, tempered by those many painful things.

So remember, it does hurt but as you go through these many things, something wonderful this way comes. Stand in your side effects of life and know it is creating something very profound, very beautiful and more loving than you can ever imagine. Your becoming that unconditional love, leaving behind what no longer serves and becoming a light that only it can.

And in that incredible journey, I bow to a master, a master of a love that only you can build…by first seeing and experiencing those effects…and then letting them all go and shine as only you can ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

Miracles Inside Us All!

And they can be found. It is a difficult life but fortunately there is a healing for that inner sadness that follows us, and it is a simple thing…just a little hard to find.

It’s hiding place we cover over and forget. But it does leave a trail to follow. Just follow that pain in our lives, that common denominator in all our relationships back to our childhood and dig deeply to the why it makes you feel as it does back then. That is when it was born.

Understand that pain and it will open like nothing else you have ever touched…and in there is that miracle.

It is because it takes so long to find and so painful a journey that we finally see and appreciate what we have gone through to find it…and…when you see it, it all makes sense. You finally see and understand why.

Happy Easter one and all, may all your miracles be like today’s. True love is indeed that miracle, and wait till you see it…there are no words for its beauty 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

Our Search For Love!

When I understood my fears and let them go…I no longer feel the need to be in a relationship. Now I know that sounds strange but that very urge for a relationship is us looking for something, wanting something, missing something…seeking that love and happiness ‘out there’ or in another…but is quietly waiting within us, waiting for us to finally stop and look within, inside those fears we hold and understand them. Because in understanding them we finally see that love and happiness we ever search for is in fact our own, that fact as a child we have covered our hearts from that pain of those we love and looked up to and took it as a rejection of us, but in doing so blocked our own love too. So we go looking for it everywhere, and over such a long period of time, when we do finally find it inside us and see its truth, the urge to find it anywhere else has gone, we do not ‘need’ that love as we have finally found our own. That part of us that always seemed to be missing in our lives.

But, I’m still human and the human condition is one of connecting, sharing and being a part of family, groups etc. But now instead of sharing a very conditional love I now share me unconditionally. And no, I’m not that egotistical that I can purely give of that place as I’m still human, I still kick my toes if I don’t pick me feet up, I still have urges of chocolate (well, not that often 🤣 ), and I still have to breathe and walk and buy groceries…because this is a conditional world, but in showing it all to me I understand it and slowly let it go, becoming something that is as ready as it will ever be to stand at those gates and dare to smile and appreciate with what I was given down here, and in that appreciation give unconditionally that love that was given me.

THAT is all He wants to see, that gift that He gave us unconditionally. We can only love God unconditionally when we finally love ourselves unconditionally, and then become one with Him. And this world is indeed a gift, a purity beyond belief when we see, at the end, that it is indeed all that searching for something that can only be understood when we understand all else…and then by letting it all go.

All things begin with a nervousness, a doubt and even a fear…simply because we don’t understand them. And in experiencing them we do begin to understand them and as time goes by we ‘let them go’. Like a new job or driving a car for the first time, all begin with that nervousness, doubt or fear…but now after years we barely think about them. All that we do is built on exactly these things. And our love is no different, we need to experience it all, all those emotions that build our love…anger, hate and sadness need to be experienced so that we can understand and appreciate their opposites of joy, love and happiness. But in all those experiences we are still distorted by our fears, we doubt ourselves in all we do. And we only ever attract to us ‘wherever we are at within ourselves’…simply so that we can feel and understand ourselves and eventually that unconditional love waiting for us to uncover.

But with all those experiences we will one day see something that we had ever hidden from ourselves, afraid to look because of its pain. But when we have experienced so much, only then will we understand when we see the answer. The one doubt of ourselves had been built by a child…us…and locked away. And that fear was passed onward to a future us, no matter the age. But when that adult finally dares its combination and looks into that hidden place a treasure beyond words will be waiting…an understanding of it all…something that will wipe away everything, and so much so it will feel like your in another world, but this one built by something else. Instead of a world of pain, isolation and hurt, in finally understanding us in that one moment, we will see that all that we held onto is no longer required, no longer has meaning, and no longer is us…and we let it all go, all those ‘conditions’ we had bound ourselves by, is let go…and we become unconditional.

We must experience and ‘know’ conditional to see and understand unconditional. And it is in seeing us, within it all that we have ever done, built on that very fear we had held…that we finally understand our journey. Can now see that it had all had a great purpose, to show us something that cannot be shown any other way. You cannot know what a world looks like without first being shown a map, you cannot know what a mountaineer feels like without first climbing a mountain, you cannot understand love without first experiencing hate (and the opposites of all those other emotions). And we cannot know and understand unconditional love without first experiencing conditional love. We have been given a gift so beautiful to be beyond words…because on that day that you do see and understand ‘you’, you will not deny a step or a stumble you have experienced because you will know without them all you would be lost. It is in having faith in ourselves, trusting in our steps that we do dare to look within, dare to be loved…dare to see a hidden but unintentional child’s view of ourselves…understand it, and free ourselves from it forever ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

Anxiety/Panic Attack Help!

Spirit asked me to do a re-post of a very early post I did many, many years ago on what an anxiety/panic attack is, how it affects our body and mind and how we can actually do something about it. Simply because when explained it loses it power over us, as all things do. Understand them and we can set ourselves free. It is something that will touch us all in the many stressful situations we find ourselves in, but because of its nature we don’t want to tell anyone because we don’t want them to think we aren’t handling something or are going crazy. And believe me, it can make you feel like your going crazy but when you see how it works in your body to make you feel as you do, you can take back that control you thought you had lost.

It is a strange beast anxiety, seemingly taking you when least expected and driving you insane with many things that do not seem related to anything but your mind…which makes it all the worse. But when we realise just what drives anxiety we see that it is such a simple thing but its affects can truly make you feel terrible and lost, and the more you worry about it the worse it gets. It is called a negative loop locking you into a way of being that can over time become chronic, simply because you don’t understand what is happening and afraid to speak to someone because of how you think they will feel towards you. But it is a very common occurrence, at the very least speak to your doctor or a counselor, they deal with it day in and out. But I must add that there are some conditions that affect the adrenal gland as well so it is important to speak to a doctor anyway to initially wean out that truth. And trust me, whatever is found, when you finally see what it is the relief is unbelievable.

So read on and understand what it actually is…and begin to live again, really live and be free of it once more…

The mind is an amazing thing. It has all the power that you give it. And we can create some of the most incredible things when we focus on something. But in one area its power can be very traumatising and debilitating by the affects that it produces. We all have fears in so many different ways and how we deal with those fears come in many different forms, but the one common denominator in them all is the anxiety that they all produce. Even reaching a point of what are called panic or anxiety attacks when a fearful event becomes imminent or even for no reason which can be quite frightening because you think your having a heart attack, it is that pronounced.

Well, after having been through a time in my life many years ago, where I also went through a stage of ‘The Dark Night Of The Soul’ and had panic/anxiety attacks all over the place, I found a small written piece about how to handle these attacks and with the current training for my Massage Therapy at the time (synchronicity is amazing), I was able to put two and two together and take control of my life again, and very quickly at that.

This is an important part for keeping your stress levels and health in a good place while you’re trying to find your way through a very trying time, and that is while the situation can be very emotionally and physically draining, you must keep your eating and sleeping in as good a balance as you can while you are dealing with everything. The emotional side of this takes longer to go through for obvious reasons but if you keep the physical side going well, it will support you while you are dealing with it all.

This next bit sounds like a biology class (but very brief), and it will help you to deal with what you are going through. The adrenal gland is always working in your body to keep you functioning normally, it helps in walking and a million other physical things to keep your body functioning well to do many things. And in dangerous situations it is a trigger of the ‘fright or flight’ response where it gives a huge hit of adrenaline, like when you almost have an accident or fall down some stairs so that it allows you to react quickly to that danger for safety. But while going through a stressful time you are teaching your adrenal gland to release adrenaline at a constant rate above what is normal, and you will recognise it by a constant sick feeling in your stomach. But under constant stress it can begin to fire up at totally odd moments like when your just sitting quietly and not doing anything stressful, and unless you realise what it is, it can be quite scary. This is what they call a negative feedback loop when we do something for so long it becomes normal. And some of the symptoms for this are: the sickness in your stomach, you can’t focus your eyes properly and your vision can become blurry, your heart rate increases, you start breathing faster, you start to pace (you actually want to lay down because your sick but if forces you to get up and do something/anything but where you are because of that fight or flight response), you get sweaty and feel hot, your mind is going ten to the dozen and all simply because of the adrenaline. And this can be exacerbated by other medical conditions like andropause/menopause or using other hormonal medicines (not a finite list).

This next bit is in how to cope with an anxiety attack regardless of your circumstances. I’ve never seen it not help someone wherever you are at in your journey.

And this can be used even if you have not reached the above severity of the above symptoms, you need to get into a habit of some exercise (walks or anything for at least 30 min) at the end of the day. It will burn up any adrenaline in the system so that you can sleep. Any adrenaline that is still there keeps you awake as its purpose is to get you ready to run, so it keeps you wide awake. Burn it off and this will also create hunger which you need to keep yourself strong physically. If your eating gets out of balance, so does your body, adding more stress to an already stressed situation. It may not seem much but you will be surprised in the difference a few weeks of this can make. Stay strong physically so you can support yourself emotionally going through this time.

Now this is the important bit…

Whenever you feel an attack starting to occur, totally relax your body down, take a seat, lay down or whatever position will relax you. (After a while you can actually relax your system down even while you are actually doing things…you will be surprised in what you can teach yourself to do). Begin by slowly relaxing your toes and focus on them relaxing for 20 seconds, then do the same for your feet, then lower legs, then upper legs, waist, chest, hands, arms, neck and head. While you are doing this, regulate your breathing to a slow intake and outflow of a medium size breath. Don’t breath like a bellows, that increases the oxygen and forces the adrenal to fire more and aggravates the attack. Force yourself to breath slowly and regular. As the attack subsides you will naturally reduce your breath rate to a small regular breath. If you focus on these things, you are in fact retraining the adrenal gland to stop firing and relax. You will regain control of your body and teach it to function at its proper level. IE: It will then only happen when you nearly tread on a snake…or your mother in law is coming over for dinner (I’m only kidding, mother in laws are beautiful 🙂 ).

Your body is only out of whack because of the stress that has slowly piled onto it and it loses its ability to respond under a normal circumstance. After you do this relaxation continuously whenever you feel an attack coming on, you will begin to notice the difference of how often the attack occurs as it will begin to get longer and longer between attacks, and the severity of them will be reduced. I began to feel the difference within 2 to 3 weeks and the realisation that you DO in fact have control of your body, and not the other way around, is such a huge relief that it gives you greater confidence and it begins to disappear faster.

And when you begin to take control physically, you then have the strength to support the emotional turmoil that you have been going through. It is now time to put something in place to enable you to deal with what has been the stress that has caused this to occur in the first place. First and foremost, dial a friend, even if for just support. They are worth their weight in gold. Secondly, don’t look at it as you have been, that has caused your predicament in the first place. Try something else, another direction, or even remove the stress if possible. But do not just ignore it, it is there for a reason. Your approach to it, even if it is coming from another person, needs to change because what you are doing is not working. You need to take control of your life, even if that means confronting something that scares you. Get support from a professional therapist or couselor to walk you through it first. Have the backup of friends.

And first and foremost, after you go through something like this, you begin to appreciate just who you are within. You see the journey you have been through, and see that you do have what it takes, you are a stronger person because of it, and you now realise you have what it takes to be that beautiful person within. You have gone over a hurdle that you have balked at for a long time. You are now YOU, and fully appreciate the love that you now give to yourself because of what you have been through. Take a bow my friend, for it is a journey to find that unconditional love that is within us all. I wish you well, and hope this information gives you strength to continue on your journey, as it did for me 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

The Balance Of True Love?

We all know that we can never truly appreciate something unless we have worked at it. Sometimes worked very hard to create or achieve something. We know that when we have suffered a hard time, be it a relationship or a time in our lives…it gives us a full appreciation of the good times when they do come. But if we only ever knew one side of those journeys we would have nothing to compare our experiences with.

One day Spirit spoke to me and said…’If you would wish a better world and take away all those hard experiences would we really have a more beautiful world? Then I will give you a difficult thing to understand but it is a future with none of those hard experiences.’…Spirit then said…’I want you to imagine a generation that are used to everything being good in their lives, nothing going wrong and obtaining everything they have ever asked for…and begin to expect it like a spoiled child. You know the one’s you meet that are utterly spoiled by this, have everything their own way and demanding it be given them because they would not know any other way. Those who do some of the most selfish things you have ever seen. No empathy, no compassion…and love…they would never know its true meaning but a shallow, self centered image of their own. Simply because they cannot ‘see’ another way, don’t understand and appreciate what they do have and how they would be if they lost it. That would be your future. If you think this world is hard now, imagine it full of that. A balance would be lost…in us all’.

So my friends, some do go through the above but they are tempered by those around them. Can see that there is indeed many other ways, many paths to try. And yes this world can indeed throw us into some very hard and painful places…but in doing so we find us, appreciate us, and finally see through those many conditions we have lived through. All of those experiences are making us, developing us, and giving a true understanding of what we really are within so that we can see and appreciate what unconditional love truly is when we meet it. There is indeed a balance to everything, and yes it can swing sometimes too far. But like everything else in this world it will attract that balance by its love or lack thereof. Love wants that balance…love is that balance. So yes, it does ask you to go through some tough paths, but it wants you to find it, feel it, be it.

And through that hard work it is waiting within it, cheering you on like nothing else you could even compare it to. And when you finally see it, I swear in all that I am, you will never not appreciate the path you have taken…not one step will you doubt or deny…because in that love you will finally see it in all its glory, understand exactly what you have done to achieve and appreciate this very moment…and in doing so, finally love the one person you had doubted, thinking you were not lovable, not good enough or not a million other things…because you will see that you needed to doubt, needed to believe you weren’t good enough…so that when you finally saw that it was this exact journey which would give you an appreciation of you and just what you have now achieved because of it. Love wanted you to find it and you can’t be just ‘given it’…or you too would be spoiled and not appreciate its beauty. But in going through what you have, you have created something beyond words. A masterpiece that has taken much time and effort, something that in its beauty will attract many from afar. And they will all ask ‘how did you do this?’, to which you will reply…’I just had hope and faith and listened to my heart, the best that I could!’. And they will ask, why don’t I give them a straight answer of what they need to do? Because they then would not appreciate what it has taken you to find yours…as they must do to find theirs. Each a unique path, just as love is ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

An Unconditional Dilemma!

Where do I begin…I mean really? I had learned something many years ago, but found it so confronting that I had hesitated in applying it to the many situations I found myself in. This world allows only so much, many lines drawn in the sand or else…else what?

Where is that line you ask, upon receiving the 50th definition of what is allowed. The one that bespeaks of the terror and horror’s of what will happen if you do cross that line.

As a spiritual healer and empath, spirit has taken me on a great journey. I wanted to ‘see’ the truth of our paths, and understand its purpose. Little did I know that the first and last was to feel and face myself, for within that was a great truth…an unconditional one. For myself, and in that understanding, for others also. Hence the dilemma.

This world says, as a healer (or any other modality), that you must never ‘get close’ to your client, you must apply yourself diligently from a professional standpoint and never cross that ‘line’.

So off I went, manual in hand to heal the world.

And then it happened…I was asked to see a lady who had been attacked and almost killed by an assailant. I walked into her hospital room and in that one instant that our eyes met, I felt every emotion known to man…and many others that I had never touched before. The utter desolation that came from her as she cried out was so deep that she at first couldn’t make a sound, until finally a heart wrenching sob broke open a heart that was closed over from the shock of what had happened to her, and was something that I will never forget.

Her arms opened to just be held, supported, from something that her mind was staggering to comprehend. And allow her to release the fear that was locked inside and help her find a balance so she could understand.

I opened my arms as my heart went out to her and hugged her from somewhere I didn’t even realise I had within. At the time I didn’t realise just what had happened, only that I could not give to this lady without being totally unconditional. There are no rules when you stand in this space.

And as the days and weeks went by, I also saw that it could be no other way. I either stood in my truth within and healed from that place, or I followed the rules and gave from a superficial place that would have been felt by her and closed her heart back over, never releasing what had happened.

And over that time of being together in that place, it allowed her to go very deeply within and release a lifelong fear that had always kept her in a dark place, interfering with her life in so many aspects. In doing so we had become quite close because of what had been so closely shared. It is an awkward thing to understand, simply because you are sharing a love, an unconditional love, something that we all want so desperately in our lives but blocked by this conditional world.

But as time went by we both realised our journey together had a purpose, to look within ourselves, heal what no longer had purpose, and then move on. I also learned a huge thing in that healing, to be able to ‘touch’ anothers heart, go through whatever feelings they produce to be healed, and let go unconditionally. To heal by the integrity and love that unconditional is.

Yes, I crossed so many lines of this world, but ‘we’ healed two people in that journey, and closed over and healed the lines that this world builds.

And the manual…well, it had a purpose…so that I could see its folly and understand a greater truth within us all ❤️

Finding You!

You have a friend who can get upset or angry and bitter at times, feeling the world on their shoulders as they tend to get upset and judgemental at what seems to you to just be things that don’t really matter. Your interactions become a bit restricted because of this and you don’t really want to be in such a place of negativity but you have been together for a long time and don’t want to lose those fun things that you do share and the connection you have made over that time.

One day you go back to their parents place and are shocked to see their parents do those same things to them, much anger and accusing fingers of judgement at just little things that you can now see in your friend, an inability to show love and compassion and a hardness in relating to others. You finally see why your friend has acted as they do, as it is all they know from their parents. Your heart goes out to them, you have much empathy and compassion as you finally understand what they have been through and the pain and hurt that it causes themselves and others in all that they are.

Now do that for you…❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

Merry Christmas To All!

When we are in a relationship we HOLD that love, don’t ever want to lose it. But that is not unconditional love, it is conditional, it is bound by our needs, those fears of not being loved, hence the love we always WANT, those expectations where we ask the other to not do this or that because it is painful, our fears demanding a love, not giving a love.

Anything created on conditions cannot ‘be’ where unconditional is. And in fact it is the opposite to what we think. Anything we have ever striven for…we build. But unconditional is in fact when we ‘let go’…of everything. When understanding something, we release it, no longer having to think it over and over. Understand our fears (or anything else for that matter), and we will let it go. It loses the conditions we had placed on ourselves in holding it, becoming that unconditional love we ever search for.

Just for this Christmas, for a few days…let it all go…the pain, the tears, even the thinking…and just GIVE a hug, even the gift of some time to those around you. If it tugs at any anger or fears…deny them for a while. You deserve that, everybody does. Forget the world, it isn’t going anywhere…but you will go somewhere. Somewhere peaceful, somewhere calm even among the joyful screaming of those children (and some adults 😀), opening gifts. Look at those children’s eyes, copy that sparkle that you can see…it is there in us too, we just cover it over. Breathe…and uncover them for a while…give that gift to you, you deserve them too ❤️

Merry Christmas everyone, may its peace, love and joy visit you all ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋 🎅🏽 🕊 🎄 🎁 ⛄️

Negativity…The Healer!

Why do we ever give negativity or bad things so much priority in our minds?

It is simple really, anything that is positive or pleasurable we relax into and are at rest. Anything negative does not sit well with us and keeps us ‘on guard’ so it can be healed. We want that perfection of happiness and love, we ever seek it so anything that is not love we actually reach out to it, even by running away.

We’ve never been able to outrun one yet, but once healed it too goes into the healed zone and makes us a little more ‘at rest’, no longer rattling around in our minds 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

Aaaagh!

Right, I got your attention 😀 But it isn’t funny and I should know better being a web coder.
I left my WordPress contact page here without any real security on it so I just got hijacked and lost all of my WordPress and another accounts emails which began flooding everywhere with spam. All it takes is a ‘captcha’ code to stop any bots etc. So I shall disappear for a bit as it has indeed made a mess, I have to sort through to get the good stuff out. And I also must apologize if anyone has made a personal contact to me from that Contact Page…if I can find you among the 100,000 or so emails…I’ll reply. But I looked at the mass and cried…I’ve probably won the Lottery in an email in there too somewhere and I’ll never know 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋 😂 🤣

Who!

For the Gracefuladdict , and He knows who you are, He just wants you to find you too…

It is a very interesting thing to do ‘to find ourselves’. ‘Who am I’ echoes right down our lives in so many things. I got divorced after 26 yrs and found a very codependent man with enough fears to drown a house…and still tripped and stumbled through every relationship that I had…because they are all trying to show us one thing only…us. But those fears we hold don’t allow room for more than one person. But when they do…we have found us.

A clue in that long search…if I ask to treat or be treated in a certain way…then I still have expectations. Any expectation is built on something. Now I don’t expect to be hit with a baseball bat if I expect someone would be kind enough to pass the salt across the table. But if I expect someone to stay at home, clean and cook and ask permission any time they want to leave the room…then I am still holding my fears.

Just ask yourself what we expect, and more to the point, what upsets us the most by the actions of another…there is your pointer to your freedom. Find the meaning behind the pain that those actions make, understand why you react in that way…and that love and happiness you have always looked for in another…you will see it in yourself…and be finally, totally free. The only thing that ever holds us in handcuffs…is us.

But always remember, even if you finally see and understand, you’ve had a lifetime in ‘being’ a certain way. You realize that your fears have actually blinded you to so many things, like a blindfold in life. How many people stop and say, they’ve done it again, same old, same old, seemingly attracting the same type of person or situation because of that very thing. When you finally ‘see’ inside you it will be a shock to the system simply because your mind and body has been ‘on guard’ to so many things.

My understanding hit me so hard that I had to learn to walk again, clean my teeth, be with other people. I’m not kidding, your whole being unwinds and relaxes, really relaxes and you actually have to make a decision…what do I want to do? No more ‘reacting to everything’ but actually being able to make a decision based on you. In everything. You even begin to see again, and I mean that literally because you suddenly ‘see’ butterflies, flowers and on and on it goes. Why? When was the last time you wanted to look at all of nature around you…and…could feel its energy…and it make you smile inside, a real smile that lights you up in appreciation of what you can now see and feel. They do not call it a rebirth for nothing, and finally see and love the ‘who’ in who you really are ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

Why?

For a ‘graceful lady’, there is hope in His world, and a love un-imagined…

Yes…why? Why do we go through some of the most horrendous things in this world, experience so much pain and hurt in some place that is supposed to be so ‘heavenly’. A never ending story of suffering and barely a mention of happiness. Or is it?

I thought after years and years of bad relationships I had finally found ‘the one’, she had the most powerful energy, I could feel her heart from a thousand paces, down wind in a gale. So I fell madly, deeply in love, beyond anything that I had ever felt before. Even Spirit has asked me ‘do you wish to be in a relationship with this lady’…to which I obviously said yes please. A week later and I was so happy I had to put weights on my feet to stay down…and Spirit asked me again ‘do you wish to be in a relationship with this lady’…to which I said ‘most certainly’…and felt a little nudge that this was important, but hey, I’m there with bells on. A few weeks later walking around in my cement boots for safety as I was floating everywhere I went, Spirit asked me again ‘do you truly wish to be in a relationship with this lady’…to which I really pulled myself up and thought this is getting serious here, what do I really want. But I knew to touch something so deeply and walk away was just not possible, but with much seriousness I said to Spirit ‘to touch something so beautiful is a powerful thing and so worth its journey…yes, I want to share what we have’. And so on we went, not a fight, not an ounce of anger, no wish to be elsewhere, not even an argument on who’s turn to wash up the dishes…I wanted to…even that told me that this was something special. And it was but not quite for the reason I had in mind.

It wasn’t until almost two years later that we broke up, still no fight, no argument, just a wish for her to proceed in a way that I could not provide at that time. And down, down, down I went. The world went black, life was just a misery beyond words, I could not believe how bad I felt. I knew it wasn’t her fault in any way so there wasn’t even a point the finger and rant and rave or justify my feelings by it. I stayed like this for almost 5 years until one day someone I had just met asked my ‘why’ I still felt as I did. I said I opened with such power in that love, to have it close and lose it all. And this lady said then it must be in you, your the opener and closer. Look inside and ask yourself why do I feel as I do.

And after a couple of months work of trying to understand why I acted as I did, I saw something. I would, in any of my relationships, treat them all the same way. Pull out chairs, give flowers and not steal any of their chocolates even 😀. But they would eventually tell me to ‘ease up, back off a bit’ until it all came crashing down. And if we broke up I would always point the finger at ‘them’ and say ‘how could you not want any of this’, it’s your fault. But that wasn’t the ‘thing’…the thing I noticed was…I was doing all this so that ‘they’ would be nice back to me. I was petrified that they would reject me for who I was…so I had to ask myself why, what was I afraid of, why was I doing all of this.

So the digging began, back through all those same things in all my relationships, even to my friends I would act with ‘what can I do for you, can I help’ etc, etc. And on back to my childhood. And there it was again, trying to do all this stuff so as not to be rejected…but this time it was something different, I couldn’t see why I was trying so hard to be something for my…dad. The one I hated with all my mind. Why would I want to be anything for him. I loathed his existence let alone anything else. And with all these thoughts I realised…there it is, my anger, my hurt, my everything was focused to this one person in my life. Why?

I was determined to understand so I went over anything and everything back then and just became more and more frustrated because all I could see was ‘him’. So uncomfortable was I that I can truly understand why most people will just not go there because it is too painful. So I rang this lady and said this is pointless, there is nothing there but ‘him’ and all that he is. To which she said ‘didn’t he love you’…and down I went, I burst into tears like nothing I have ever touched before and the grief was incredible, like I had burst a wall, an emotional wall that had taken a lifetime to build and held back so much emotional pain and hurt like nothing else. It was the total of all my fears of that rejection from my dad, a lifetime…a huge piece of what I was suddenly let go. It broke…I broke…and suddenly I was free. Behind that wall was that very understanding waiting for me.

Now…the why? We spend our entire lives looking for that ‘love and happiness’ out there somewhere. We look and look hoping to find it in someone, even to the point that we project those very fears onto each and every soul that we meet. Why? Because we don’t realise the reason we look out there is because we don’t love ourselves, we have had it driven into us as children that there is something wrong with us, something unlovable because of how we are treated by those we love and look up to. Always with the ‘your useless, get out of the way and let me do it, I asked you to do one thing and you can’t even do that’ and on and on it goes. And we do indeed take it to heart always thinking that there ‘is’ something wrong with us and everyone else can see it too. And at about 9 or 10 yrs old the psychology books say we ‘lock it in’ to who we are. And drag it kicking and screaming into every relationship that we have…even the one with ourselves. Now with everyone it can vary in so many ways that we feel hurt…but…it will all come back to that hurt, rejection, lack of love in how we feel ‘we’ are being treated.

Now…the answer! At that moment that I went down hard in a mass of tears I had a very profound moment and understood two things immediately…I blamed my dad for everything miserable in my life but he actually, unintentionally treated me as he did…because his dad had treated him exactly the same. It was all he knew of being a parent. How many times do you hear…’your just like your mom/dad’, it’s as old as the pyramids that saying, and its true. But the one that bit the hardest was…I could see that was exactly how I had treated my son and daughter, I too had thought I had given them everything, and I had…the good ‘and the bad’ because I knew no other way. It is who I was. Yes…’was’.

Now…the bit that really shocked me! After many years of being a spiritual healer and counselor I had this fantastic idea that if we were able to get to children at a very young age and counsel them through these delicate years and save so many from such horror in their lives…and Spirit said…nothing. I thought bingo, I must be onto something here so I got into it some more and something then became blindingly obvious. Could you imagine going into a school or family home and telling a parent they aren’t loving their child properly. They’d probably at a minimum threaten you, mostly get very angry and a few might go to jail after putting you in hospital. And I thought there has to be something more profound in this…and there was.

We are given this journey, this very, very conditional journey so that we ‘feel’ everything. That ability to only truly understanding something when we experience it. Feel anger so that when we are given happiness we will appreciate it even more…and on through all those emotions. But the pain is the biggest teacher because it is that opposite of the love we feel we have lost. And given that pain so we can fight it, understand it, and finally realize the love inside that is waiting. Only then can we appreciate what we have endured. We only truly appreciate something we have lost, and we lose that love of ourselves in that rejection growing up as a child, not even realising we are doing it. Simply because as an emotionally immature child we have only one way to protect ourselves from pain and that is to ‘put up a wall, an emotional one’, ever building upon it as life pokes that raw thing in our hearts. Leaving us to ever look for that love and happiness ‘out there’ until we realize it is gently waiting within. You are being shown what unconditional love is by being shown conditional, and a more beautiful thing you will not find.

I have seen that light come on in someone who has been to hell and back, shared their journey to help find that lost soul in a world seemingly gone mad. And it is one of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed, seeing someone touch that place within themselves and see a hope and love come alive in a moment. Everyone’s journey is different, each a path to find themselves, but to witness this is like watching the birth of a child, the power and love within it is like nothing else.

Don’t be afraid to look…and yes, it is painful…but inside there is something that will forever set you free. And was I given something terrible, that ‘dark night of the soul?’…yes, and I am forever grateful for it. Why? Because without it I would just be…with it I grew in heart and soul. I endured, I struggled and I cried so many tears. But each one built on what went before and created something beautiful, that is inside each and every one of us. This place is a heaven like you wouldn’t believe when you can ‘see’. Our fears blind us to it all, but that has purpose so that we can travel this very path, to glimpse and see its light to give us something to work towards and find that unconditional love within us all, in all we do ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

Healers!

This is a reply to Kristine’s wonderful post It’s In The Sharing!, over at candidkay’s, on that part of us we have discovered in life and our way of sharing it. The wise lady always puts it so well 😀

Ah, the healer in us all. And we can only share what we have become, but those ‘bits’ are indeed treasures. Those who are in that moment will indeed open their hearts, and those not ready will just move on. Even friends will shake their heads at us and gradually/immediately disappear. It all comes down to what we project…if you project being a healed person, then most certainly it will attract those that wish to be there too. You become that healer and it takes a bit to rationalize, especially when you see it so clearly now you have awakened but they cannot. It is because they too must take your journey, and as you well know ‘we took a while’ to see it…a lifetime almost, because it isn’t easy, and it is built that way so we could appreciate the wisdom of it all when it arrives.

I had a friend that I gave all my pearly wisdom to…and it took almost 5 years for her to see. Simply because it wasn’t for her to understand yet, probably because she needed to experience other things first so that what I was explaining to her could be understood for ‘her’ journey later. And most certainly whenever we meet someone and interact it is ‘always’ a two way street, even if to just acknowledge something within ourselves from that connection, as I did in going through that time. And shoot, I even dare to think I have awakened sometimes…and then get sat on my backside from something I haven’t seen. Not that I would repeat doing (ahem), ‘old things’ of course 🤣

Plus sometimes it gets a bit lonely being awake, to share with another with like mind. But like any change it feels just a little more bigger and takes a while to ‘fit into’ what we now are. Remember, it has taken a lifetime to build it, it will take at least a few years to build something wonderful from the space we have now created. And no, once understood we can’t go back, it has changed us forever. But in truth we do realize what it has taken to be this free inside. And in fact, it is on the day that we also realize, having reached this awakening, that we don’t have to heal the world (simply because the world needs its chance to go through all of this and awaken too), and just share a little healing to those that do come our way.

But just sometimes you want to sit by the waves, a cool breeze on your face and eat an ice cream…the world can wait for an hour or so…simply because you can only give of what you are. Tired, angry or drained of love a good healer does not make…until we learn to understand our why’s and can see, truly see a very simple world but just buried in the avoidance of our fears. Once understood it is indeed a very calm and peaceful place…unless we have a little awakening to do…but that’s ok too, it is all done with a love like no other. Once we step through it will finally be seen and show us how it was indeed all worth every step we took ❤️ 🙏🏽

Thanks Kristine, I had an itch. Must have been from trying to take all those masks off 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

I Am The Giver Of Life!

God spoke to me and said ‘I AM THE GIVER OF LIFE’
So I no longer had to worry about that
All I had to do was find that purpose of the life He had given me
Become the love that it leads to, especially myself
Many say that is selfish, self centered
But they are the words of fear
If I become that unconditional love it is just that…unconditional
I give out exactly what I become within
And that is our journey, find that beauty inside
And like anything that is alive, it continually changes
Let that inner seed sprout, let it grow
Until it becomes the beauty that it is
Like a rose beginning in the dirt, it needs it also
Just as our conditional love is needed to become unconditional
And a bloom so far beyond where it began to be almost another being
You already have the seed, plant it, nurture it
Believe in your journey….He does ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

The Key To Freedom!

When we are raised as children we unintentionally take on the fears of those we love and look up to in the way they treat us. We know no other way so take on what we are taught and how we learn from that treatment. Don’t get me wrong, they love us to bits too, in their own ways. But those we look up to have not dealt with their own trauma so unintentionally ‘pass it on’, leaving us feeling rejected in some manner. Usually left feeling unloved (as they were), belittled (as they were), rejected as a person (as they were), in some way and so that anyone, be it friends, lovers or whoever treats us similarly will bring those emotions up that are connected to this.

That is what fears are, a constant treatment and our reaction to it condensing it into those negative reactions that can become very, at times, overpowering (remember you were only a child and your only coping strategies was to emotionally block that pain, build an emotional wall). And in the depth of that we are afraid to think that there is something wrong with us and try to hide it from everyone, even ourselves, simply because its pain, the hurt it gives is beyond words…it is…us.

But there is a key, to which you can apply to all those ‘fears’ in your life. It may be difficult but we would not appreciate it if it were not. It is only after we work hard at something that we fully appreciate it for what it is.

Fear in anything is basically not understanding something. If you are thrown into a situation that you have never been in before, say a new job, we are very nervous, unsure how we will go. And this will stay for a while but as you understand all of its workings it becomes easier and easier until you barely give it a thought.

Emotionally, with a fear, you are being asked to face something that continually upsets you because it always has, because you didn’t truly understand why. You think you do and point the finger at everything else but one…you. Yes, you…it is only you ‘reacting’ from your fear. Yes, ‘they’ are treating you a certain way ‘from their fears’ but you need to break those actions from ‘your’ fears…or you will ever be bound by its claws. Once you understand your fear, it loses its power over you, like that new job above. You have understood it and it will no longer matter to you, so you will no longer need to ‘point the finger at anything’.

Now you have to understand your fear, go back to where it began as a child…and be that child again. How was the treatment making you feel, how did it make you think. Find what it meant personally to you in those feelings, did it make you feel pain, rejection, unloved by the very people you wanted to love you. Understand it truly and it will set you free. That is the core of all of our journeys, understand that rejection AND how it made you feel about yourself and you will see you have carried this into every relationship you have had because that is what you have become because of it. Trust me, how many times has someone your in a relationship with do things that upset you? Many…because that is what your fear is built from, they treat you a certain way and you react to it. Yes, it is you that is reacting, your fears are triggered and you don’t want to go there so you demand that your partner never treats you like that again. And you will pile it with so many ‘reasonable’ reasons so that they cannot ‘see’ the pain beneath it. You curb and curb, project and stifle all around you because of ‘your’ fear. Break the chain, that negative loop that life has developed within you by understanding it, and it will set you free.

Now don’t get me wrong, this very lifetime action has much purpose. When you break free you will be able to truly see it all back through your life. All of your actions within those many relationships but more importantly the one you have with yourself. The belief in who you are and how you have felt because of that ever rejection in those many relationships. It has always asked you to look within and find that love you felt was denied you, and that is what you have always attracted to you in those people that make you feel that way so that you will look, hence those many people that have come out of nowhere and push your buttons. Trust me, that love wants you to look, wants you to be free, and does this with a great love so that you can see and appreciate what it has taught you after enduring such a painful, heartfelt journey.

Look at someone who has been through a very painful journey, see how they now act after it. They become a more loving, empathetic and heartfelt person…because ‘they’ have been through something very profound with ‘themselves’ and that journey has built something that they have never had…trust, and that trust is that belief in who they are and allows that self love that has never been there. It always comes back to how we feel about ourselves, that journey that has stripped us of that belief and that journey to find our way back to us, and realise in doing it, it has created something wonderful, something so profound that when we finally break through and see under that fear in understanding, it will break us into tears. Not fearful tears but big, beautiful loving tears…the one’s that set us free…forever…because we will see that it was all done for us, to guide us to that inner love ❤️

When you finally stop that painful, self denying journey you will see something unbelievable. The fear has made you into a liar (lots and lots of little white lies…and some big ones), to cover all that you do so that you don’t have to face its pain. But when it is understood it loses its power over you and for the first time ever, you trust…fully trust you, and can now speak from your heart, not a lie to be seen. And at that very moment you understand you will feel a huge tension leave your body and for the first time be at peace with you AND the world around you. You will drop…almost everything that you have ever held, inside and out. You no longer have to ‘be’ anything, no longer have to…have to anything. You can now see that freedom, see that it was in fact you who held the reins of that wild prancing mind, and in holding it, it fought tooth and nail back. You’ve let it go and in doing so have now truly found you. It has lost its power over you.

So grab a counselor, a trusted friend, one who you can ‘open’ to in all its painful bits inside and keep pushing yourself deeper, past that wall of emotional protection that has had a lifetime to build and believe in you, that you are good enough to ‘see’ who you truly are. And thank all those people and things who have turned up in your life to bring you home, be they helpers or hurtful things, they have all given you a guide to that love. Even you over time have felt that it was an unusual moment for it all to come together so many times like it has. Trust it, it comes with a love like no other, so that you can be that love too ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

What is love?

In the beginning it is all we are…in the end it is what we become. We are down here to become that love ❤️

Just imagine you are given a gift from four different people. The gift is identical from all four.

The first gift is from your partner, someone you love very much and so you show your appreciation by giving a hug and maybe a kiss as well.

The second gift is from a parent, someone you love very much too but life being as it is you may give a quick hug and at the least a smile and a thank you.

The third gift is from a friend, not your best friend but someone you know a bit so you at least give a smile and a thank you.

The fourth gift is from a small child and in this your empathy almost automatically responds with an ‘Oh isn’t that cute’ with a thank you darling and big hug.

They are all different people, yet its the same gift. You are responding according to your circumstances with each of those people and what you have been brought up with. You have learnt over many years of these many different ways with people and how you respond in your love, compassion, empathy and for that matter all of your emotions you have handled in all those circumstances to become who you are.

You are ‘allowing’ through that love, you are measuring it, you are quantifying it, you are the gatekeeper to its doorway, you are even the captain of its river in life.

But you will only ever fully appreciate that love when you have finally stopped measuring, quantifying, gatekeeping and captaining it…because you will finally see that true love is a gift, unconditional in its giving or receiving. After many, many years of gifts, physical or heartfelt, you will finally remove the tape you measured it by, the weights you quantified it with, the toll your heart paid at its gate, and the flow your mind staggered with in its rapids so that after having endured such a bewildering journey you will finally see that you have only allowed that restricted flow because you could not love freely simply because you cannot love you.

Your life has taught you that you weren’t lovable because of those things you were taught by those you loved and looked up to, how could they be wrong. But they were, only because they too had not seen that their rivers were also blocked by all those things taught from those they loved and looked up to also.

We need to learn and experience it all so that slowly we will understand that no appreciation can be met until we feel and understand its many opposites, comprehend it is only our own hearts that measure this world and blocks it by that very same measuring tape. See everything you measure, especially within you, and understand we cannot do anything but by what we know. How can you build love if you’ve only learnt hate. How can you give a hug if it has never been given to you.

Dare to break your heart free, dare to throw its measuring tape that is fear, away. All it takes is that one urge to go beyond what has held you. You don’t have to do it all at once, that is what life is for, to give you time to become that unconditional within you. Grab a friend, partner, cute child and just dare to do something. Even if to just talk, it too has great loving power. Even a child speaks to us without a word being said.

So, what is love? It is all we do…everything all comes from it, to it, and beyond. Eternity has very big, loving arms. Ask God, He will tell you all about it in each breath you take ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

A ‘little’ visitor to our shores!

I’ve mentioned a little visitor gracing our area in some comments and decided to share the experience. The whale appeared to just be having a rest or contemplating maybe giving birth on her migratory run up the coast. Either way it was delightful to see such a beautiful creature up close and personal for the three days she wandered around the entrance to the Great Lakes Area. Amazingly most of the time she was swimming in very shallow water and had passed under the bridge which wouldn’t have given much ‘breathing room’ through the pylons either side as she came underneath. Who knows, maybe she had heard how lovely the area is and just had to visit 😀

The following image and link (to video) below is from the 9News site. If you put ‘Forster Whale Australia’ into a search it should bring up many more images, videos etc.

Southern Right Whale in Forster - Tuncurry

Southern right whale visiting Forster – Tuncurry (East coast Australia)

Southern right whale visiting the twin towns of Forster-Tuncurry

Those Bits Called Love!

It is such a beautiful feeling isn’t it, that intensity that lets us feel something so intense and magical and wonderful! ❤️

But why is it that we can love so many but never all the same? Why do we love our brothers or sisters, mom’s and dad’s and even some friends, but all differently. Some more intensely, some as distant as the stars. And just to show the differences in intensities, everyone who has a pet is very, very connected to it. Why? Because their are no conditions on it, we are not on guard when it romps, flies, scuttles or slides up to us, we are always open armed , smiling and happy to see them.

So why the difference? Why that hesitancy with some and not others, that ‘on guard’ with some, not others. It is simply our ‘conditions and expectations’ we place on each person. Our love shielded from hurt or pain or maybe even worse, totally blocking what we feel will come from that person.

Ask yourself why, what is it that you feel from each person that makes you hesitate, restricts those bits or…dare I say it…is in you and not them at all. Look at what you feel is a way they treat you…and ask yourself why do I react in that way.

Dare to look, dare to feel and dare to be free. There is a love there that is nothing like any of the above. This love feels the same for them all, not needing to hold anything. Understanding it is only our fears that split our feelings in many pieces, guards what love we give and feel from the pain we think they hold. See it for what it truly is and understand that you are in fact loving yourself the same. Those very restrictions you place on yourself, YOU are only loving each one by those very restrictions you have.

Now find yours and open them. Set yourself free from those bars you hold and you will finally know a love that is no longer a bit but a bounty. Not a ripple on its surface anywhere, simply because you have ‘let go’ what you are holding in you, for yourself, and towards others. Be that love that is struggling to get out, set it free, and finally you will be too ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

Just Be You!

In all those things we ever do in this world, nothing comes close to a greater happiness than when we discover something. Let’s say you’ve never painted before and someone says let’s give it a try. You have never done it before so it doesn’t really mean too much but your prepared to give it a go. You start off dripping paint, splashing the un-splashable and outright smearing reality across surrealism right into abstract in five easy strokes…but…you had a ball.

You couldn’t believe how much fun it was to learn this stroke and that, and the ability to really create something from such a few lessons. Some are easy, some are difficult…but they are the ones that make you the most happy because you have understood them and done fantastic things with them. You don’t fully understand it all but as you do it, the more and more the brush feels like an extension of your hand. You can’t wait to do it again, and again. You’ve found something that truly makes you happy. Rembrandt look out, I’m here 😀

Now apply that to your life…all that dripping, smearing and even experimenting all over, again and again, finding rough bits but getting better and better and astounded when you have one of those breakthroughs and create something that truly feels like you. Especially that love that is one of life’s masterpieces, even if it has a tiny flaw that only you can see. And because of that you put it in the backroom because you want to do better. In fact you will do better because that is just practice till you do get it right, do get it perfect, and this won’t be from rote and teachings but a style that is all your own. And it will answer you the day you create that masterpiece that is you.

You will be mesmerized by what you have created, like a dream on canvas it will glow it is that perfect. You have created unconditional love. You don’t even have to touch it anymore, you have achieved life’s purpose and now you can be that gallery of perfection and be on display as the masters always are…you now know that this could not have happened unless all that went before led you to this moment, teaching your heart exactly how to be…just by being you ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

Another Life!

I have just read Eddie’s post, of which I hope he doesn’t mind me repeating here…

“Those who are not attached to life will not fear death. They are more fortunate than those who give life too much meaning. Tao Teh Ching”.

I thought I too was not attached to life and had no fear of death…until on the floor gasping for breath I felt what it was to lose it…and there sprang to life, literally, what it was to actually have that life.

An appreciation was born at that very moment to what it was that I had all around me, a love so profound that it met every need that this conditional world has, so that I could understand its very nature…and in that one act…accept it, and let me go. Yes me.

For I, I of the ego cling to so much so that I can see, not realising that this very act keeps me blind. But that blindness has a purpose, it will truly allow me to appreciate that light when it comes, and understand it in a way no other way can. It is only when we lose something we love that its meaning becomes apparent. Losing ‘life’ is a very profound love not fully understood…until taken.

Appreciate this life, it is a gift indeed ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

He Took It All!

I have never in my life ‘projected’ any sort of religion or belief around except my own ‘belief’ of what I feel is there. In fact, in my early years I confidently rejected one and all religions in any form. But Spirit has rocked up and I have slowly through my life realised the importance of that journey so I now project the healing that this gives but never going beyond that…until recently. I have had another quite profound ‘touch’ by God/Spirit to show me something. And the foundations of what I believe are becoming quite fragile. You cannot be touched by something like this and not be moved.

Now I’m still trying to understand this but in my last post ‘Life’ I explained the pain of having all love removed from me and the terror of that feeling. It is the blocking we all do on a much smaller scale in our day to day life by our fears and how we face them and the love that it blocks in blocking those fears. But in that moment on my kitchen floor when all that love was removed from me and the terror of that feeling was upon me, it left me desolate. And I mean desolate it was just that painful.

Well God/Spirit a few nights ago came to me again and said…’What you felt, Jesus took in on himself on the cross…but that time was for all!’.

I can’t stop crying each time I think of it. I know you can’t fully understand because you haven’t had that ‘love’ removed to such a degree…but let me put it this way. When you are in the middle of a divorce or the loss of a loved one, imagine multiplying that loss of love by the millions and taking it all into yourself like a empath, feeling every little nuance from all around. It is only when you ‘feel’ and understand the pain of all those emotions that you are set free and become that ‘unconditional’ love.

I think He’s now very free…and I thank God if I never have to feel that ever again ❤️ 🙏🏽

Life!

As many are aware I recently had a rather abrupt health problem a couple of months ago which I posted about earlier in a few posts as it progressed…’As Above, So Below’, ‘To Live, First Allow Yourself’, ‘A Perspective Of Life’, ‘Hope’, ‘The Last Day’ and now this post. Each time I thought it had touched what it needed to for my understanding and resolved itself, but no, another event would take it a step further so that I could ‘see’ properly. Each moment was a step. Each time I thought that this couldn’t possibly go further or I would die. But it did. And in fact the post on this (‘Hope’), touched something that I haven’t spoken of yet as it has done the one thing that I thought wasn’t possible. I have been shown over the years so many things by Spirit that my confidence in my journey is beyond words, simply because I thought that all my fears had been dealt with, leaving me in such a place that I thought even death no longer worried me in any way.

Ah, the minds and ego’s of men. Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. I haven’t done this post till now because on the night I almost died I was shown something that I literally could not fathom at all, it went against everything I knew up until now, of what I believed of myself. It was so powerful that Spirit left me to digest it, this was somewhere I had to go on my own because what I saw and felt tore my foundations of ‘self’ completely out from under me. It left me in shock because of what I initially saw, to me, I did not think was possible. In hindsight…I needed to see to understand, to see so that I could appreciate just what is there.

Let me explain, and I will say now that I have had to debate long and hard to even be putting this into words as it can be quite abrupt to many because of what I experienced. But remember, THIS WAS SPECIFICALLY MY JOURNEY and what I needed to see…and possibly because it is what I believe happens in all else in our lives. So remember these following next two sentences as you read further below.

‘All events in our lives have their opposites so we can understand. We cannot know and appreciate happiness unless we know and appreciate our experiences of sadness too, as with all of our emotions in our lives.’

So to now go to the ‘event’…I had waited too long in calling the ambulance and had reached a point where I could no longer speak to do so anyway. (IMPORTANT NOTE: I did not know this but (in Australia at least), I found out later that even if I had my ‘location’ turned off on my mobile phone you CAN still call an ambulance anyway and they will track it back to where you live (or where your currently located at), if you cannot speak for any reason).

So I was on my hands and knees on the floor of my kitchen, I couldn’t breathe but for a very tiny gasp in and out due to my lungs inflaming (from the emphysema), to the point that even the gasp of air had to be forced in and out. It is such a pronounced moment that you can barely think of anything but trying to get some air. I first tried to reach my hand out to ‘something, anything’ to help me…but there wasn’t anything there. What do you reach for to help you breathe? I started to even move out of the kitchen towards its doorway…seeking…what? And in that instant two things happened. The first was…I was thinking this is it, I’m going to die and all I could feel was this incredible loss and dare I say it (this scared me more than anything else that happened)…it was like every piece of love that ever existed was taken from me and left me absolutely rejected and tossed into hell. It was the most horrible thing I have ever touched in my life, I felt that I had not been good enough and there was no other chance at anything. I was done, had my chance and lost it. It was just so terrible I can hardly put it into words.

I do not know how long this lasted for but it must have only been seconds when the next instant hit with even more force than the first. And it was in that moment that God (and I do mean God), touched me with a very profound touch and thought of…I am the giver of Life…and left me stunned as He moved away. Spirit was there but this moment gave such a feeling that I was to understand that the gift of Spirit had shared so much with me but only God had the gift of Life.

Trying to absorb such an incredible moment while barely able to breathe was hard enough but I think the important part was understanding that, like all else in this world there are always two sides. Like happiness and sadness, neither can be appreciated for what they are unless they are both experienced and felt for what they truly are. I have experienced life in so many ways over the years and to now have that ‘life’ taken away has stripped me bare of any attitudes of confidence or knowing or what’s important or not. It leaves you KNOWING that down here is one of the most incredibly beautiful gifts we will ever be given…so that we can see truly the gift of unconditional love. We must touch this conditional side in all that we do down here so we can know and understand unconditional love.

And just so that my ‘condition’ was understood properly, I had very, very slowly begun to breathe again, slowly getting a tiny bit more and a tiny bit more until I felt I’m ok. So I sat up on my heels and went straight into another coughing fit to take me back to no breathing again, even worse than what it was before. To which Spirit said…you are being shown this a second time so that you do not ‘justify’ this event as ‘chance’…life is a gift, appreciate that gift.

Again, I very slowly regained my breath till I eventually dared to attempt to sit up again. After a long time I got up as it appeared that the emergency medicine I had taken earlier had finally began to work (or maybe God’s compassion), and went and sat on a chair and could do nothing but try to understand what I had been shown. Yes, it was terrible, but as I say, on its other side is something so profoundly beautiful. It has taken me a long time to digest something that most never get to see…except those that have survived ‘their’ encounter with death from accidents etc. And even they may not touch these things but I do know this…you are forever changed by touching its doorway, and in that I believe is its purpose. Like all else it gives us an understanding of what we truly do have down here, and will appreciate even more when we go up there.

Please believe me, I now understand better what life is, and what its like to have it taken away. Down here may seem like a hell some days, but truly it is a place in our hearts that we change each day as we experience it in all its ways. It can do nothing but change us each step we take. I was blessed…yes blessed, with seeing and touching something beyond words. I will never be the same…as you will also each step you take. Yes, it does hurt, but its opposite is to heal in a way that opens and allows us to appreciate that love hidden behind our walls. I thought I was impervious to life’s pain…Life had other ideas, so that I could see the beauty that God has given us with a great love, an unconditional one so that we will take those steps to feel and touch that love and happiness we have always looked for ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

Furniture Packs Have Feelings Too!

It is an interesting thing that fear we hold, and for something that controls so much of our lives it is something just built from a child. For all those inner walls that we build ‘back then’ are only a lack of understanding. Seriously, once you understand it or anything for that matter, it loses its fear for you.

Try it. You get one of those furniture packs…a simple chair for instance…it frustrates you, it can be so difficult to put together, but you understand that ‘this goes with that’ etc. We can get more serious with say a cupboard pack, it tests us a bit more and we can get a bit testy with this one and it will take a bit longer, a weekend or two to understand its ‘five easy steps’….but we understand that it is a beginning and an end. And we will do it, and also because if we read the fine print it says…’This product has been very carefully put together for your enjoyment!’. Hey, what more could we want 😀

But people, wow, they are the hardest to understand. There is a beginning but which bits go where. How can someone think like that, hurt like that, attack like that? Are they seriously wanting me to do that. I can’t relate to all these button pushing, mind wrenching, heart crunching creatures that project themselves in everything that they do.

Hey, I’m glad I don’t do that…I’m just an ordinary me!

But they too we understand eventually, and mostly accept them for all their quirks even though we avoid one or two just to be safe.

But us…yes us. What is it that we don’t understand about ourselves? Never seem to go beyond that fear that lurks at every corner, on guard for its tentacles that seem to appear out of nowhere.

I’ll give you a hint…that child that felt terrified by the way it was treated, that rejection, the pain of not being loved…didn’t know what to do. Could only realise that it must be them, something wrong with who they are…and in that time could only face it by not facing it, covering it over so its pain would no longer hurt so badly and slowly grow into that covering. Not wanting anyone to see that they have this ‘thing’ wrong with them, become someone else than what they truly are, a mask for the world so it cannot see what is underneath even as it too pokes and prods that tenderness that always seems to be in great pain.

And we do it so well that eventually we ‘mask’ like its second nature and even believe that is now us. But we now don’t know why we do this, we have done this living so well of forgetting and denying that hurt that it is now just the actions that we are fearful of. The ‘why’ is barely remembered, if at all.

This is your furniture pack.

Yes, it’s frustrating. And yes, many the time I’ve thrown the screwdriver away in disgust. But the instructions said it was so easy. Five stupid steps and it was done!

Ok, I’ve taken a deep breath, picked up my screwdriver, thrown the 4lb hammer away so that I ‘don’t’ use it instead, and attempt number 25 of reading those five easy steps. Trust me, if you do persevere, do believe in yourself, do think that you can do this…you will. And yes, it does say at step one to undo the strapping first…in our case the emotional ones that bind it. So now you ‘can’ use the screwdriver properly, just take your time. You have your whole life to achieve something wonderful. You know that moment, the one where you tighten the last screw and stand back and finally see it all put together like the magic packs that they are. (ok, I had a yellow bit once where it should have been red 😂).

And you will…if you face it. Inside that wall is the answer, and you don’t need a 4lb hammer either. Tucked into your instructions is a line that says ‘believe in who you are’, and that you can do this…because you can…900 billion people before you have done this. Yes, they sometimes scream, sometimes they do crazy things. But IT IS THERE waiting for you to look, ask yourself why these same painful things always happen in all those relationships, and finally take that step of asking your heart why it cries itself to sleep, hides when those horrible situations arrive or face what it thinks is that place of pain. For in there is the answer, waiting for you to ask it THAT question.

Why do these people make me truly feel so hurt? Why do I react this way? And yes, the answer is in why ‘I’ feel this way, what ‘they’ do is actually done with great love (even though they may not be aware of that), so that you can ‘see’ why…in the ‘I’. When you do finally see it truly, it will leave you speechless because it is all done exactly as is needed for you to find that truth, that love and happiness you have always looked for.

Yes, in there is your freedom, and believe me it is much more than admiring your handiwork after a ‘furniture-pack’ episode. It will give you a love beyond words, finally a total acceptance of what and who you are. This one won’t bite you, hurt you or even think anything odd…because this one is unconditional, you have finally understood it and you can put your emotional screwdriver down forever…your free 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

What is our journey!

Our lives are always filled with a ‘need’. You know the one, we try to fix it when we buy clothes, chocolate, holidays and even the big one, that absolute ‘need’ to be loved. But never seeming to remove that empty feeling. Many relationships have been sought to assuage that need. But all those needs have great purpose. That ’empty’ that is a constant in our lives is always asking us to fill it. And as we go through life we are taught the good, the bad and the ugly. Each and every one of them point our hearts to that inner truth that is gently waiting inside us.

If the ‘need’ was not there we would wander aimlessly and not ‘become’ something greater, something wonderful. Simply because we will find that all those things we thought were needed are then put into the ‘experiences’ of life and we don’t have to go there again…er, except for those times where we forget to turn the repeat off. Mind you, I have to admit our fears really keep those repeat functions in full swing…but we do avoid the fears a lot.

But I tell you this, the day you finally see through all those needs because you have finally broke through the fear, the one thing that keeps us in that full swing of ‘need’, is the day that our hearts finally touch a love and peace that lets it all go. Our needs just no longer matter because we have found what was beneath it all, that ‘need’ to be loved, wanted, happy and all those other things that our fears stir within us. When we finally see that our fear was us blocking our love, our belief in ourselves, all because the fear is our inability to believe in who and what we are. That negativity (fear), of ourselves, no matter what it is built on, will not allow us to give us that one thing we have missed and ‘needed’ all our lives…acceptance of who we are. The fear is a condition we place on ourselves, and in understanding it that condition is finally removed and we can then love us ‘unconditionally’ and it is the most beautiful thing we will all touch in this entire journey.

It takes a long time, but that too has great purpose. After enduring a life of ‘need’, when that inner ‘need’ is finally met, the release, the let go, the absolute appreciation of what we have achieved in its true understanding, will allow us to see its true purpose and understand it is all done with a love like no other…by us, for us…the one ‘need’ we have been missing all our lives ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

Merry Christmas To All!

Merry Christmas everyone, and many blessings to your journey, be it with friends, loved one’s or even on your own. Each and every one of us are indeed being showered with much even though at times we struggle to believe it. But slowly this journey does ask us to keep taking a step, just enough to see around the next corner, discover that we do in fact have a bit more courage, a bit more strength and even realising we have a bit more love of ourselves, the reason we do in fact take those steps.

May that love show itself in each and every stride you take, in each hope that you can do it, and in the faith that each one brings to the next. For beyond it is something wonderful, a touch so beautiful to be beyond words, for as you take those steps you change you…and become that hope.

Believe in you and be free! ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋 🎅🏽 🌹 🌟 🌈 🕊 ❄️ ⛄️ ❤️

 

The Last Day!

A reply to Erika’s post at What if…I only had one day left!
I began to write a reply Erika but spirit ‘touched’ my heart to see something that this moment ‘What if…I only had one day left’ would bring…….

Slowly I touched those many things that I thought mattered. Slowly I released each one as they were accepted as what I had achieved, arrived at or were even created.

But at the end, after touching these things, only one thing remained. An acceptance of myself. Yes, I wanted to live…especially after truly realising what ‘life’ really was and could now appreciate it all the more because of that. But I have no control of when or even how I leave this world except by living it consciously with the love I have discovered in living this life.

So what is left…just me. And it is an unusual thing to not ‘attach’ to something in this world as we usually do. And it is then that I feel a very profound moment…I have always been a part of ‘everything’. This sudden ‘let go’ of ‘here’ is that moment of change, that creating a vacuum to allow something else to come forth. Become something that cannot be achieved ‘as is’, but be created from it.

A new journey, a new way of being, a part of something that has been created in each journey we make. Something evolving…that love, like any love, becoming more beautiful and profound each experiencing and understanding of it within that we feel regardless of that ‘moment’ that touches it. And becoming a part of it again and again, each time more refined.

So…is this that step…into that vacuum. In fact I think it calls me as love always does. It is only this way of being, that holding on to ‘life’ that holds me here…do I dare to ‘let go’…for that is what love is…unconditional. My holding on is in fact a condition. Dare I?

I have touched that moment when I felt there was nothing left, fighting for breath when I couldn’t breathe, realising that there was nothing left but that will to live, fight for ‘life’…and it is a very profound moment. I have a few times now come to this moment where breathing becomes harder and harder and I call an ambulance, each time a little harder as any medicine used seems to struggle a little more.

Emphysema has no master.

But I do…life, and the love that creates it! ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

Hope!

…continued from ‘A Perspective Of Life!’

‘Another ‘event’ has visited and shown me my foolishness in allowing myself to become that spirituality above this physicality. They are of the same master, in that love we seek, even in the very simple act of breathing does great things come. I had it taken away, my physicality, to make me realise, appreciate, be grateful for that poor creature I have abused, maimed, scarred and even poisoned in my pursuit of happiness. And like those great words have said ‘it is only in losing something does its worth sing the loudest’.’

The above comment was to one of the many beautiful bloggers and others who had been supporting me through my ‘rebirth’ if you will, a very large change that many are going through as we let go the old and bring in the new. Realise our worth is so much more than the fear that bound us within them, and take a step on that new path.

Now most of us may require a little ‘nudge’ onto that path. It may be a meeting of minds that sets us thinking, a new relationship or even a little more impact by facing those fears directly by those very relationships we surround ourselves with. Even when we become ill does our minds seek our worth, asking that age old question ‘why am I like this, what did I do to deserve this?’ etc. And in my instance, and many, many others, we can bring into our bodies those negativities and self worth issues, coming out as disease or even an emotional holding pattern.

My lungs were where I held my past as a child, that connection I broke with my parents as I felt rejected and abandoned to carry it ever onwards so that it would indeed be tested in every relationship I had. Only in that can it be faced or we would forever hide it beneath our beds.

In my 2nd last post (To Live, First Allow Yourself!) I thought I had faced what I needed to see and felt my ‘event’ had been achieved. I gave a reference at the bottom to ‘my connection with God’ not sure what meaning it had as nothing seemed to offer itself as an answer so I was just going to let it go with the flow and it would come in its own time…until now.

So as I have written so far my lungs were getting worse by the day, so rapidly in fact that my breathing was becoming distressed from just walking half a dozen steps. I had called an ambulance on the last two nights and on the third night they took me to the hospital but that just turned into watch and ware exercise. So now I have just purchased an adrenal nebulizer to reduce inflammation and allow easier breathing. This gave me confidence that it would help me to ‘live’ while I waited for the medical reaction to die down.

God had other ideas…notice I say God, not spirit (even though to me they are one and the same).

I was getting a bit ‘chesty’ so I thought I would test out the new nebulizer before I went to bed and hopefully actually get some sleep. Half way through it I could feel a lot of fluid building up higher in my lung than normal and the urge to cough became too much so I did. And went into a spasm of coughing because the fluid just kept coming up. But at each cough the ‘tickle’ urged another and another until my lungs had blown up so bad I could now barely breathe. The coughing just would not stop and I was becoming very scared because it was so bad I could not stop and focus on my breathing at all, it was just a mess and I could feel I was losing the fight. So much so that I turned desperately around to grab something, anything to help me but there was nothing there.

At this moment I realise I am in big trouble, not like in the other post where I can focus and slowly bring myself out of this situation (which I think now was a lesson for what was to come), but in a place where I am now only getting air to what feels like the last inch in my throat. My breathing and heartbeat is so rapid that I fear that neither can keep this rate up or something else will let go.

And it is at this point that I suddenly ‘feel’ that this is a direct link with God, that ‘life’ is a direct link with God, that like all other things they have their opposites so that both can be understood. I was having my understanding of ‘life’ taken away so that I could finally see that horror and truly appreciate what ‘life’ does indeed mean to me without it. I burst into tears (and trust me, I didn’t think that was possible), and let out a sound (and I didn’t think this was possible either), that was so primal, so base to be an acknowledgement or answer to that very question. I then fell to my hands and knees and knew that if I didn’t relax now I was dead. It took forever to even admit that there may be extra air in my breathing and it was very slowly coming back..I was given Hope. And almost broke into tears again and lost all I had done.

At the point where I was almost relaxing another coughing fit hit me and I was back where I was before, but this time I stopped breathing, there was no sound, my eyes were almost popping and I was losing my vision and my head hurt from lack of oxygen and I began the fear all over again. But spirit nudged me with ‘Hope’ and ‘this second time is a confirmation of what happened’, so I began to relax and focus again. Nothing seemed to happen at first, so it tested my resolve to believe, but finally a sound came out and gave me confidence to find that ‘life’ again. It took so, so long, my lungs were on fire, I ached all over. But slowly I breathed.

I will be the first to admit it…I have never been so scared in my life. I cry on and off this day because it has taken that hardened confident ego away, and beneath it is another presence. But this is different, the new that has been created and will now test an even newer heart. What do I now want…if at all. All urges are gone, how could they compare to what I have received. Just, finally, an acceptance of who I am.

I have been through many things in my life, been shown many things by spirit…but to be ‘shown’ something by God will never leave me…how could it. This was His territory, ‘He is the life giver…and He taketh away’ and allowed me to see, understand and appreciate just what life really is…a Hope for us all ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

A Perspective Of Life!

….continued from posts ‘As Above, So Below!’ and ‘To Live..First Allow Yourself!’

Is it that moment you look into your newborns eyes and feel a connection way beyond words. Cheer on a friend who has finally stepped into their dreams after so much work. That moment your standing at the alter watching your partner in life walking down the aisle or maybe even just by being happy because at this moment life is good…just as it is.

To achieve all of these, and many, many more of these magical moments we must experience what it took to bring them into being. The struggles, the sweat, the physical and emotional toll that they all take in some way as we build something. A hope, a dream, an expression of something that gives us meaning in all that we do.

I have spoken of these in many ways, how we must experience and know these meanings to understand them truly. One cannot truly understand and appreciate happiness unless they know and understand sadness, and on through those many emotions. They are all a ladder that we climb to see higher and higher, that beauty we can see further and further in life with the wisdom that they show.

I am currently sitting at my kitchen table, among the mess that the ambulance officers had swept away to help me through another quite abrupt ‘life’ experience. My body is still reacting to the medicine I had been on until it decided an allergic response was necessary, careening my immune system so wildly that most symptoms I told the ambulance officer left him shaking his head. My lungs are now filling with fluid and barely enough room left to breath. And after our little chat and a nebulizer to ease my breathing I could feel his empathy as he obtains a promise from me that I will ring my doctor first thing in the morning. I shake my head as I realise I’m being blocked again and need to step through this on my own. And no sleep for at least 12 hours as the adrenal rams my heart up, eyes wide open and a shaking like tree.

In the last two hours this had rapidly reached a point where this emergency call had to happen. To even move about I’m literally gasping like a fish out of water and as I had earlier looked up I see I have to go 30 feet to unlock the door to let them in. Do you know how far 30 feet is? And I am amazed at the next thought from spirit…’it just depends on your perspective’.

And in hindsight life is definitely like that..all of it is our perspective. If your just ducking out for some milk, it does not even compute. But right at this moment and your at your last breath, it has all the meaning in the world. If I don’t unlock that door, they can’t get in.

So my beautiful friends, life does indeed come right down to you, what experiences you get from those many millions of miles you travel, and is indeed in return giving its all to you. Each moment changing that little barometer within to seek that ultimate goal of unconditional love we all look for. And yes, it will step on your toes because you only have a lifetime…this lifetime…a bare 60 odd years to achieve so many things so that the beautiful flower within you will blossom and reach for the sun.

And just to make sure I was listening spirit asked me ‘now that you have perspective, what do you want to do with this time that is left you?’. I sit there and ponder…and each and every thing I come to is summarily dismissed as it no longer has meaning. Until I reach one, one thing that had automatically gone to the bin in that first instance because it just didn’t register but now in hindsight it has more meaning than all that went before…this post.

How many people really get a chance to say thank you to all those that gave him perspective, gave him a love profound in their words and care. Told him of hopes and dreams so that he could indeed find perspective in his own. And I have too, in that few feet to my door is a perspective I didn’t know I had. In feeling I was losing life I had in fact gained it, and in that one magical moment realised that it all was built on a love profound, the one that touches us all.

So remember, all it takes is perspective…your perspective to share that love. Each and every moment a jewel is being formed, a black coal pressured into a majestic diamond sparkling to the world. It takes both sides of every moment to see the heights of that beauty and realise the wisdom it shares with us truly.

So my friends, I love you all…each and every perspective of you, the ones you shared with me to make me exactly who I am. You shared something so profound in each moment we were together in heart, mind and soul. And for that I am ever grateful. Even if for but a moment…for there are worlds…even in those few steps.

Oh, and just one more perspective…in all that you do, hold your heart in your hands. It is amazing how much more gently we become in making a life with it out in front to see and feel. Could you be angry at someone who was holding their hearts up to you? Lead with your heart and this world will change beyond what you could ever imagine, and trust me, it is much, much more than 30 feet! 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

To Live…First Allow Yourself!

…continued on from post ‘As Above, So Below’.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

WARNING: DO NOT do the following.

I am an experienced spiritual healer and this ‘event’ was meant literally for me and my circumstances. Yes, it can be done but not without guidance as spirit gave me…otherwise I would be dead. Learn to release your inner pain…and live. The outcome of this and its beauty is beyond words.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The ‘event’ Part 2.

Day 5 after my allergic reaction to my emphysema medication and I begin to feel the tightness in my chest as the inflammation begins and my lungs begin to fill with fluid. The benefit of the anti-inflammatory medicine is diminishing.

Day 6 is the same but now as I try to sleep there is a dehydration happening, dry mouth and throat and the alveoli (sacs) in my lungs are bubbling as the air passes through trapped fluid. The noise my wheezing is making and the vibration at each breath is also keeping me awake. The emergency asthma puffer becomes necessary and more often. And I have found in warnings that the medicine I was on should not be stopped suddenly as it can have an exacerbation rebound effect like asthma attacks (can’t breath, more inflammation and fluid) and because the medicine I’ve been on for so long gives my body the signal that my adrenal gland is not required, it has ceased to produce cortisol and no longer work properly (adrenal insufficiency), which reduces hormones for many functions in the body. It is used in almost everything and it leaves your body in an extreme fatigue. The medicine must be very, very slowly reduced. Well, that won’t be happening after the reaction I’ve had.

Day 7 and I’m really beginning to struggle as I cannot sleep, I have to manually breath out on each breath as the air is trapped in the fluid in my lungs. My heart rate is becoming quite pronounced and because it is straining the odd missing heartbeat is felt quite strongly. The medicine I had been on can cause a slight irregular heartbeat, nothing dangerous but uncomfortable when in my current circumstances.

Day 8 and I have reached a point where I can barely breathe and have resorted to being on my hands and knees on the floor to open my lungs and just breathe. Each time I get into a coughing fit now there is specks of blood in it.
I am feeling spirit around me quite strongly now and I know this journey is going somewhere…but is it I ask myself? For the 100th time, ego wanting a share of the debate. An argument erupts about calling an ambulance, stop being so stupid and go. Spirit calms me by saying ‘this is done with great love’, and I realise that this is what I have been waiting for, my approach to actually face death and what does it mean after all is said and done. And trust me, this is so confronting…life is wanting me to win…but which path is life? I was born into this world fighting, kicking, screaming to partake of it…but now it asks that I release that fight, a lifetime and way of being let go for…for what am I asking?

Day 9. Even just walking from my chair into the kitchen is done at a 95 year olds pace. I puff and wheeze on arriving and the headaches and sickness from lack of oxygen is beginning to be felt. It is now night, I now dread this time from the moment I lay my head down (against the wall, as I can no longer lay flat, I feel like I’ll drown). I am wide awake from the asthma puffer filling me with adrenalin, bug eyed to counting down each minute as the night passes me by. But I suddenly find myself awakening from a fitful sleep and can’t breathe, I go onto my hands and knee’s but its affect is not working. The pain and pressure in my lungs has increased badly and I just cannot do this anymore, I am so, so tired and exhausted …I just can’t. I…just…can’t…do…this…anymore…and finally let go.

And that is what ‘life’ has been waiting for. I had been grasping desperately to hold it inside me, keep it close so that I could breathe and like all I tell everyone…we only create what we fear and in my grasping I had in fact been pushing life away…so that when this moment came and I emotionally let go…life would finally come rushing in and speak to me in words that are built on love, not the one branded by our fears nor the one we guardedly give to the many we do try so hard to love. No, this one is as pure as life itself because I’m going to do the one thing that we all struggle with down here, that ability to love ourselves, to trust our hearts absolutely in something where a fear of failure at this moment is to die.

So I breathe…not the panicked, struggling, fearful, I’m going to die breath, but one where my trust in me is total, and I slow everything down with that belief and it all begins to change, my rushing heart and its syndicate of triggered body reactions change to a calmness of that belief.

And then it happens, I am impaled by a great spear down from above through my lungs into the ground, almost like a personal Calvary(*** see below), and an image appears…and in that one image everything that is my life come together so that I can ‘see’. I am with my mum and dad, and he has hurt me again by his unloving attitude so I turn to my mum for help and she also rejects me by waving me away and acknowledging that my dad is right. And in that one instant of time I bring everything that a seven year old can bring together to reject them both, close off that connection that bonds us all and isolate from that pain. Folding my arms in front of my chest as a sign of that closure and the isolation it portends.

The power in that one action I took and its reverberations is…unbelievable. We are forever a part of everything…but in that stream of life we add something, a rock in a stream, a tree blocking the wind, even a wall to protect our hearts so that we may experience its loss. And in that one action I took on its loss into my lungs, my life giver, the breath that keeps me alive but now distorted by the pain of that grief in the loss and rejection of love that I had had all my life. It slowly took years and years of that grief and pain from that one moment and each time that followed, where I held my breath so see if they said yes to a date, yes to my acceptance and yes to who I am. Each time holding tighter as ‘no’ was created by that very fear I projected.

Yes, I created it with great power. And the body kept its stress at bay physically as it was designed to. But my battle was getting weaker, my body was responding less. All because my fear drove it to its destination, that address we avoid as it lives in the wrong part of town. But now I had arrived. And I could see everything I had built from when I was born to where I now crouched in sickness on hands and knee’s finally allowing life to have its say. So with a great sigh in finally understanding the building of my heart in this journey, its completeness in that understanding so that I could release that pain as it had now been changed, I let it all go because now that I could see and understand it, it no longer had power over me… and incredibly in doing so I felt a firm pop in my lungs, and then a huge in rushing of sweet, sweet air and the let go of pain and tightness and fell to the floor in shock and tears.

I didn’t understand at first, just to breath was such a blessing and I savored it for long, long minutes before my brain engaged and questioned what had just happened. So I sat up and wished I hadn’t…it stopped, the wheeze was back full swing and I almost panicked but I now knew I had been touched by my destination, in more ways than one. So I let ‘life’ live by ‘letting go’ again and relaxed…and a trickle of air came in. So I tentatively moved in a few directions until I found the sweet spot. It wasn’t nice, God most certainly didn’t design me this way, my right arm straight up, twisting around to the right while leaning to my left (and I am not kidding), gave me a flow unlike anything I have ever felt before. The inflow was beyond anything I have felt since I was a child, a seven year old one. Somehow in that one powerful moment of blocking my parents I had shut down a lung. As most people would know, if a lung shuts down it is very painful but I did not feel its pain, just the emotional tightness that the moment gave forever after. I have always been restricted in sports etc and just thought I wasn’t ‘good enough’ to be like others so I just avoided those physical things that required air and just lived with it. And in this one moment of time my whole life has come rushing back to speak to me. My miracle credits had found me, I hadn’t given it the wrong address after all.

And the words it spoke were this…yes, it is all meant to happen because all of it speaks to us. It appears in our lives whether physically or emotionally so that we can ‘see’ who we are and adjust our paths accordingly. It all has something to say from way back whenever, until you die. I could not ‘see’ until it is all done. But at times in our lives it will give us a loving hold of our hearts and say well done for achieving another mountain peak. But I could not be totally free until it is fully understood…but after enduring such things in our lives, only then will its magic be shown and an appreciation of your beauty in doing it for ‘you’ can it be seen. And it is all done with a great, great love.

As spirit told me a long time ago…’as spirit they know everything…but they do not ‘know’ it’. I can tell you what its like to climb Mount Everest so that you will know it, but to actually experience it and ‘know’ it coldness, its altitude sickness, its frostbite…and the great elation of attaining its peak…is beyond words because it can only be achieved by ‘experiencing it’. And as spirit said, coming down here into this ‘conditional’ world is that ‘experiencing it’ to achieve an understanding that unconditional love is. This great trip, stumble and emotionally blocking of those we love and share this journey with does indeed have great purpose, to obtain that summit that life has for us, that incredible touch inside that we are creating inside us as we experience it all and become something so profound to leave you in tears…big, aware, happy tears…and a breath of fresh air, no sweeter thing is that purpose of life ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

This has taken 7 years to build to this moment (well, maybe a lifetime), so many things came together for this ‘rebirth’ to let go of a way of being and to ‘see’ what had actually been in the mists of my fears. I thought I had resolved so many things but in hindsight ‘thought’ was just ego dancing in the rain. But it too was needed to keep me blind so that all would come as it should in its ‘time’ and set me free. At the moment I’m a bit floaty (must be all that oxygen I’m not used to), but it has changed me forever in meeting myself at that one moment when I gave myself in complete trust ‘to myself’ and realised that this is truly what love is. An unconditional one where there is a complete surrender in that trust and accepted me for who I truly am. It is quite difficult to truly explain what happened in that moment…but very simple…as all of love is. It is that undeniable acceptance of who we are, no longer hampered by ‘I can’t do this or that, I’m not good enough etc’, where there is nothing left but our truth, that one that says unreservedly ‘I love you’ ❤️

Do I have emphysema still? Who knows! My breathing is still very ragged but my lung has been shut down for a very long time, I think I have to retrain it to live 😀

Do I still want chocolate? Funny that, when you realise you could be dying…all of these things I thought were important soon left the building and lost their meaning 😀

How do I really feel after this ‘event’? Alive…just very alive! And very, very appreciative of it! And confirms to me more that everything we touch, good or bad, ever guides us to that love! 😀

There is in fact much more was shown in this ‘event’ but will take some time to digest. At the moment I’m just trying to get my breath back 😂 🤣

And to those many, many lovely people out there who have commented at the last post, helped, cheered, prayed, healed, sent blessings, emails and just downright been beautiful…I thank you all from all of my heart. It has brought me to tears knowing this and that you all had my heart. And also to know that you guys are all building this new world, and in that I know it is in safe hands. Thank you! And a Namaste to you all! 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

An important note: I have never been able to tell my mum I loved her until the last few years. My dad had passed away many years ago so I was not able to face that moment with him. And after finally seeing that it was not in fact their fault for their actions, they were just living out what they had been taught by those they loved and looked up to, and also find that love within themselves. So I took great courage one day and said ‘I love you’…and she almost went into shock, the tears were from somewhere very, very deep and I could see the terror in her eyes of what my rejection had caused. It left me with so many emotions it took a long, long time to digest, for us both. And as time went by I can say it now without that nervous lump in my throat and a guilt that fear brings. And more importantly, a very big emotional healing and stress release of all that was bound within it. For many this is a moment to see if indeed your heart has been opened to your truth, regardless of how you feel they may still be acting towards you. It is a defining moment in ‘our’ lives as well as theirs. If a first step is not taken then that is how it will stay and keep you bound within it.

And one last word…it is hard our journey, but the beauty in the rewards is beyond it to such a degree that in hindsight you will see that it was so, so worth it all ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋


*** in hindsight spirit wants me to look closely at this particular imagery to see something. A meaning? …in our connection with God? 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

As Above, So Below!

Hey guys, I’m just going to put my soul on the table for a minute or two. Not the real one, just the figurative one 😀

The ‘event’ that I could feel coming on has finally arrived. It has caught me out a bit as I knew it was something to do with the physical side of me but this was ‘out there’. I have emphysema (C.O.P.D) from working in the coal industry and I’ve had a very large allergic reaction to a medicine I was on and it has really sent my body into a spin. The more amazing part has been where I am being blocked in all aspects of trying to heal from the outside ‘medical’ world. Spirit only said I need to ‘see’ something within myself…as in, I am going to have to deal with it myself to go where it needs to.

I’ve had three trips by ambulance in the last year with regard to this as this medicine has made my immune system go haywire and they just observe you for an hour or two and as soon as you say yes to the magic question ‘are you feeling better’ they push you out the door. Even my specialist I made an appointment with has totally disappeared (I thought it was just the covid-19 virus distracting so many at this time so us ‘normal’ sick people just got shuffled down the line but a phone call would have been nice). There is no medicine to replace what I had been using, my doctor has been ignoring me (simply because he can do nothing), and my questions must go to the local chemist to find what the cause is below the obvious ingredients. And it appears my allergy to sulphur (its a preservative in everything (especially food), as well as sometimes part of the healing in medicine), is in my medicine but for some strange reason it has only now decided to react. But strange I think not, as I ‘feel’ it has been waiting for its time in my journey.

And just to really ram home the timing of this event, I had caught pneumonia in june and as I’m also allergic to all antibiotics (most groups have sulphur in them), the only way I could heal myself besides my own hands on healing (and a thank you to Rhapsody for her recent distance Reiki, I slept like a baby 😀), was to reduce that medicine so my immune system could restore itself and fight off the pneumonia (the medicine is a steroid and an immune suppressant to stop my immune system attacking my lungs, emphysema is an autoimmune disease). And you wouldn’t believe it, the really bad constant headaches I had suffered from for years from crushed disks in my neck…stopped. So I went on and off the medicine over the next six weeks and sure enough as soon as I stopped it, the headaches went, as soon as I restarted back they came. I was so stunned that I had in fact been feeding the headaches because of this medicine, not because of the injury. And then to really make sure I was going to go through something and face it bare bones, over the years I found that I was allergic to all over the counter and some scripted pain killers and couldn’t even fight the headache pain. I stopped testing the script ones because the allergic reactions were so severe I just wasn’t game to keep killing myself. For 4 years I have been bringing my brain to the boil for nothing (grrrrr, while shaking head). They kill you while trying to heal you…go big pharma ☹️

Actually that isn’t true, I’m now about to face something that is very important in my life and couldn’t have got here without this journey….I have to remember that. It is what this world gives us so that we can find us, and that love we so diligently search for is in fact through that pain, emotional or physical…otherwise we will never appreciate the beauty that we are, in that very discovery ❤️

I can feel specifically that this is a rebirth, a letting go of the old to bring in the new. I am effectively allergic to the 21st century and I am letting so much of it go and it is an interesting experience to lay at night not being able to breath and ‘feel’ that you could die at any moment as the emergency ventolin is working less and less. Spirit showed me death so that I could see it truthfully and it holds no fear for me (‘The Death’ up on my menu bar at the top)…but I have never actually experienced it (there is a very big difference in its totality), so I’m being shown my mortality as ‘The Death’ did in a way that leaves nothing to question but the way I am facing it by who I am within.

And amazingly, as I am ‘clearing’ myself physically, my spiritual sensitivity flows more smoothly. My inner ‘sense’ feels more balanced. It is like I’m stepping out of my own way even further. Even physically my sense of taste and smell has increased dramatically. Hey, I can smell the insides of a chocolate wrapper from a thousand yards…go figure 😂 🤣

So at this point dear friends, I am doing as I tell all others…I follow my heart, the love that I know I am, and going where my highest good shall be found. In this I am being shown a deeper meaning to the beauty that I have seen and felt. But I do know this, and amazing as it may sound…after seeing so much pain in life but understanding that it does have a great purpose in the love that we all seek, I know that if I was to die (and I do not know if I am), I will go to an absolutely magnificent place…but…I now know that ‘down here’ holds just as much beauty and I would miss it totally, simply because…with no fear it all changes and down here is just as majestical as heaven is…and as I ‘feel’ this a tap on my shoulder from spirit says ‘as above, so below’…we just have to understand it, to see it in our journey. We are given this with so much love because that is its design. It can do no other but gradually show us its beauty, that beauty that is love and within us all…wherever we are.

P.S. I’ve probably built up enough credits for a miracle or two so who knows, I’ll ‘see’ something amazing and heal myself. And shoot, speaking of miracles, I’ll probably get ‘un-blocked’ and can comment everywhere again…see, there is always a rainbow in our circumstances somewhere…and no, I think the chocolate may have to go this time, wherever I am 😂 🤣

P.S.S. If I go quiet for a while I may be having a little chat with spirit for a bit, somehow I don’t think this is going to be a quick journey. Maybe I’ll get to do another trip up to heaven again. I wonder what varieties of chocolate they have, I must ask 😂 🤣

P.S.S.S. If it is my time, keep an eye out for a white feather. I’ll be whipping around somewhere to show you all I can still tickle your heart and bring a smile 😂 🤣

Take care my friends, may your journey give you a few cloudy days so that you will appreciate the sunshine that our world is…above and below 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

Unconditional Love!

Unconditional love is the opposite of total fear.
We cannot ‘know’ and appreciate one without experiencing the same with the other.
We understand and can give love only by the very measure that we understand our fear, and its hold over us.
The day we fully understand our fear is the day we understand unconditional love.
And on that day…something wonderful will happen, something that mere words cannot even express.
But at the very least of all that will happen, we will truly see our purpose…and in knowing it we will allow ourselves to be free.
Beautifully…lovingly…unconditionally…free.
And it awaits us all. Each step we take, even those ones we think we failed, are for a purpose…your purpose.
Believe in you…have faith in you…it is already there within you, just waiting to be understood…and set free ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

Understanding II – Fear!

Is it a monster, that dark thing in our closets? Or is it just a pathway through an unknown forest?
That ‘thing’ that we think that we can hold, bound, locked inside from the light…is fighting to break free.
That ‘thing’ is trying to tell us something.
That ‘thing’ is asking us to see something from a completely new place.
That ‘thing’ is a Yin to our Yang.
That ‘thing’ is our life in denial.
That ‘thing’ is a ‘condition’ so that we can learn to see.
That ‘thing’ is showing us how to appreciate life.
That ‘thing’ is helping us build courage, hope and faith.
That ‘thing’ is a series of very profound events.
That ‘thing’ is in fact given with a great love.
That ‘thing’ is the very thing that will guide us to our light.
That ‘thing’ is the gateway to our freedom.
That ‘thing’ is asking us to recognise our way home.
That ‘thing’ is an emotional map, we cannot truly ‘know’ what love is, without first ‘knowing’ what fear is.
That ‘thing’ is the pathway to unconditional love’s true understanding.
That ‘fear’ is enfolding us in its arms, so that we can ‘know’ the beauty that we are.
Know it, respect it, but most of all…listen to it. It has a secret to tell, and its wisdom will set you free.
❤️ 🙏🏼 🦋

Understanding!

When you are younger and trying to learn to drive a car, you focus on it day in and day out. Studying the rules, practicing driving, nervous and unsure as you hit the wrong pedal or button…again. So focused on this are you that wrong turns are common place, missing the odd stop lights or pedestrian crossing, and even forgetting to put petrol in your car, engine suddenly conking out. And always on guard for that ‘other thoughtless driver’ that may crash into you. But as time goes by you get better at understanding all those rules and regulations, you can see why they are all in place, and it all becomes second nature. And as time goes by barely a thought is needed now,  as it is fully understood.

Fear is the same.

This world will give you many nervous moments as you learn to drive ‘your’ car, it will put you in many situations so that you will get better. A stop light here, a corner there. Many other drivers crowding your road who are all trying to do the same. Blocking a movement this way or that, and sometimes cutting us off. We will even forget to fill our car occasionally as we focus on so many things.

But they will all give us something that will bring about something very, very loving and powerful. They will give us understanding…of us. And because you have understood fear, you have changed it. And we too will barely give it a thought…ever again  ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

 

 

Theme Change!

Hi to you all. I’ve had a few hiccups with my site so I’ve just grabbed a new theme to see if it ‘shifts’ anything.

This may happen a few times over the next week or so, so don’t panic if you suddenly can’t even find my site, I may just turn it off a few times to get to the problem.

If not you will find me on the beach watching the dolphins 🐬 and whales 🐳 , word is out that the albino whale (Migaloo) has been seen coming up the coast ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

For anyone wishing to see Migaloo and read of his details, go here . The video’s are down the bottom of the fact sheet 😀 🐳

The short video’s play one after the other and I think in the 3rd video there has been an albino baby spotted around our central coast area. I think Migaloo senior has been…ahem…busy 😂 🤣 🐳

I Feel!

This post was triggered by a post Mary’s Room over at SaaniaSparkle the lady of philosophy. Her story asks us…what are the ‘senses’ really within us. And I went to reply but my answer soon turned into a post so with thanks to the young lady…

The ‘senses’ are most certainly beyond mere words, the brain is wired with so many personal individual associations as well as that inner being who is a ‘sense’ organ all within itself.

The ‘I feel’ that we all use 24hrs a day is so much a part of us that we give it no heed, not realising it is the very thing we use when we ‘feel’ uncomfortable when we are somewhere but no obvious reason or feel danger but nothing is there.

We are a ‘feeling’ radar and sense so many things, hence why there is so much pain in a relationship breakup. Hey, its just two people going there own ways, why the pain. Simply because we have integrated who we are with another. We aren’t a contained unit, pack our bags and walk away. We have ‘become’ something that is shared in so many ways.

Our energy of senses and feeling are who we are, the human ‘being’ who is built this way so that we can adventure, feel, sense and experience all that this world gives and become something more, something greater than what we were. By experiencing the conditions that this world is, we learn to release them and become something beyond the black and white of the books, we reach an inner place that is happy, at peace and a beautiful love because we have felt our own pain, understood it and in releasing it have completed the journey by finally loving ourselves in that understanding.

And in doing that we are now totally open and ‘feeling’ everything, no longer any fearful walls to snag on anything and hold its pain because we have cleared any blockages and can now ‘sense’ everything…and glad to because everything before was filtered by those fears.

And once cleared another world opens, and it can ‘sense’ a hundred times more than what went before. The colors of a butterfly now become amazing, its fluttering takes on new motion…and the integration that we are now becoming…is a whole new world because we can now ‘sense’ the butterfly AND the flower AND nature AND us, all a part of an amazing, beautiful sensory organ that to put into words would belittle it.

I never used to understand the ‘I AM’, it was always the…I am tired, I am running, I am singing etc, etc. But once I experienced my journey and found and understood the fear that held me back, I finally realised it was a very profound acceptance of who I had become…because of all that.

I now ‘feel’, and that really means I have become, the ‘I AM’…it is an amazing adventure from the beginning to the end using all those ‘senses’. To be so conditional in so many things which actually creates the unconditional we always ‘feel’ drawn to, that constant feeling of wanting to be happy, to be loved and at peace within ourselves is the ‘I feel’ that is as natural as breathing.

I suppose it is like being madly in love with someone, putting that into words is not as easy as it sounds. Our words explain much, but our feelings, our senses, are so much more.

Wait till you love yourself…that ‘feeling’ is beyond words ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋



Growth!

If the wind didn’t blow…how would the tree’s grow stronger?

If the fire didn’t burn…how would that renew much of nature?

If the rain didn’t flood…how would those pastures restore their fertility?

If the earth didn’t break down…how would the mountains crumble to build the land below?

If you don’t trip, fall and stumble…how are you going to, emotionally and physically, create that strength, renewal and restoration to build that love within you?

Have faith in your journey. Yes there will be very hard bits, and these are the one’s we always remember. But among the bruises, scraped knee’s and tears to bind them, will be some magic. Some we may not even recognise, but truly we are building something very profound.

On those days when nothing matters while we are looking lovingly into another’s heart, we can eventually do that when we are looking into our own…just by those bruises and scrapes.

How much more beautiful and profound will it be when we want to.



Magical New Earth!

(This following post I shared with Barbara as a guest blogger on her topic of a Magical New Earth!)

This world is a magnificent place, many things coming together to create something so wonderful that we can go out in nature and immediately ‘feel’ its beauty and relax, ground ourselves in its energy and even come to a stop. If you close your eyes it allows a calmness, a serenity of what it is and if your not careful you will drift off into a sleep that Sleeping Beauty would be proud of.

And in this beautiful world is something else that on the surface cannot be seen. We get up each morning groaning about work and what the day will bring, let alone those things that are buried a little deeper and continuously worry us in all our waking moments. But what if I was to tell you that underneath all this is something so wonderful to be almost unbelievable.

It is true. I have seen and even touched it with my own eyes and inner being. It was beyond words it was so powerful. And had left me in tears because it had now built a new hope within, and begun a faith that this journey was not just a series of blind steps to nowhere, but a very beautifully crafted creation that had only one destination in mind. A destination that I had now seen with my own eyes.

But what purpose does this staggering around on this world have but multitudes of bumps, bruises (emotionally and physically), and an alarm clock only ever attuned to begin more of it each day. How can this be even in the same breath as what I had found.

And this was the part that staggered me when I understood. This very place is one of the greatest places to begin that journey and ‘become’ that destination. We begin it by just coming here to see and feel all that it can share with us, and each and every step will ask us a question, ‘who am I’, to which we will balk, run away or contemplate its meaning. Simply because that is our nature, the nature of a magic like no other. It wants to be found, but like all magic we must first believe in it, only then will it begin to show itself.

Each and every moment it is there, even in the simplest of things, to which can be the most profound moments as we realise what had built it. A smile will leave us speechless in its power, so much so that we cannot help but give it back. And this magic is entangled in everything…but up to us to use it in the faith it was given us.

If it is given with an intent that is wrong, by that very intent will it remove its magic and show us what we had now created. By giving from a positive intent it will increase and flow more freely. It is that balance that the entire universe is built on, understand that intent and your magic will be like an alpine mountain stream, clear, sweet and free.

And we will never understand happy unless we have experienced sadness so that we can see and understand them both. As we must do as we go through life in all those physical and emotional things that touch us in our life or with what would we compare them to. Experience is that understanding.

And in our journey we must experience this balance, it is the very thing that will allow us to truly understand the magic we have created within us. We will attempt many things that will build or destroy, and each of these actions build or diminish whatever we attempt. And in each of these movements will it create many magical emotions that will guide us to that inner place within us all. By how it has made us feel will it build within us a magic beyond words. And in each and every moment will it share so that we can become that very magic we have built. It is so natural that it will always be a part of us, and each time building on what went before.

Balance is in and of itself an understanding. You must understand who you are to find that balance. In the beginning your struggling to breath, eat and figure out who this lovely smiling face is that gives you everything while changing your nappy. And it takes many years to begin to realise the many things that happen to you have two sides. Like taking the car without asking has another side that did not seem apparent at the time…but it will when you return the car.

And just to complicate it a little further, you will also realise you are ‘different’ from everyone else, and I mean everyone. Because this very magical environment you live in is also very different from everywhere else. And this is where the magic comes into its own. You will try to integrate and balance who you are in any circumstance. It will juggle, pull, poke and prod so that you can fit…into ‘you’. Even though it feels like we need to fit into ‘them’. More magic.

You will attempt the ‘them’ for many, many years wanting to go with the flow of that mountain stream. But something keeps building dams on it and blocking forward progress. And this too is the magic of the universe. You are still too unknowing and unbalanced to go with that flow. You have to understand what you are doing isn’t going to fit. After attempt 462,837.

So, after many years, you become disillusioned, tired and just plain had enough (and remember this bit because this is where the true magic is). Your heart feels empty after all this work and nothing seems to have happened that remotely feels like magic. But this is where the magic gets serious and can see that you are now ready to attempt something that only belief can give.

An event will now stop you in your tracks, ask you look deeper into those old bits that you had covered over as not working. That place that you have avoided as useless as all it did was the opposite of what you want. The universe taught you that, if it diminishes you it doesn’t feel good and doesn’t open your flow. But here is the dilemma, you have in fact avoided it because it didn’t work…but never understood why.

Let me show you the secret of the universe…just because a car doesn’t have any fuel in its tank doesn’t mean its unusable…’understand why’ it doesn’t work and it all changes, so much so that a whole new world is open to you when you understand it just needs fuel and you can then travel far, adventure far, and touch and feel so many new things…all because you understood it.

Now when you go poking around in this ‘painful bit’ that didn’t work, like before you will feel those bits that aren’t very comfortable and want to bury them again. But be patient, this has been sitting there interfering with everything that you do. You know that because of the weight it has given you to carry because of you not understanding.

Now remember this bit, each and every thing you do understand…you let go of it. You don’t have to do anything with it because you now truly understand it. Its weight is no longer a yolk around your neck. An example…you realise the car has no petrol. You ‘understand’ that if you put petrol in it you can go anywhere to your hearts content. So you no longer give it any thought. You understand it. But if it is broken down half way to your favourite restaurant, it now becomes a weight, simply because you don’t understand why it has broken down. This can be applied to every single thing in your life.

Now back to the painful bit. Dig. And I mean dig because you have used a shovel in your coping strategies to give it a decent burial because of the pain that it caused. You know the pain, one of those magical emotions so that we can ‘see’. It’s just that this particular emotion you put very dark sunglasses on. And for the life of you, you cannot pinpoint the ‘why’ behind it, but that is only because you don’t want to remember because of its pain.

Now here is another piece of magic, the time factor in you burying it and you refacing it is intended to be a very long time. This thing has been holding you down, back and every other thing you can think of for one very good reason. The magic wants you to see and appreciate all that you have been through for this moment. It wants you to understand that this very painful journey is in fact for you. No one else, no ‘them’, no anything…but you.

The weight has made you feel inferior, lower, ungainly, and just uncomfortable as you have chipped away at it for so long. Remember the disillusionment and empty feelings, those negative feelings of self worth that held you from yourself. Well this moment is where all that magic you have created is about to come together and put so much petrol in your tank that you will now be able to travel forever.

Now I will give my ‘dug up’ bit here as an explanation. Everyone’s is different even though they all lead back to the same place in our hearts.

I had as a child ‘feared’ that my dad didn’t love me, and all through my life I ‘did’ so many things for people so that they too wouldn’t ‘not love me’. But what I didn’t realise was I had buried this, I was just being nice to people because it felt good to me and the responses from others. What I didn’t understand (and remember this fear is blocked by a very young immature mind), was the ‘why’ I had it in place. As I got older I didn’t understand my fear or why I would react to anyone who treated my ‘un-lovingly’.

Find your ‘un-lovingly’ in all your relationships. Find that common denominator and you are standing at magics doorstep. Be courageous and take that final step. Allow it was a long time ago and the X on your map may be a little off. But you are in magics ground now, and it will lead you to your X and begin your dig for something that will change you forever, as any treasure will.

And when you finally uncover that last piece of dirt, allow light into this very dark place, you will for the first time in your life ‘look back’ at what created it. And it will shock you to tears because you can finally, truly see what it is, and the why behind all that you have been in this life. And in that one moment you understand. You see why you have blocked it, why you have become what you are, and why it was needed so that you can now understand fully this journey and why you are here.

I have seen faces so profoundly moved in this moment. Hearts suddenly opened beyond words. And the flame…a flame finally lit by a magic that sits quietly within us all, just waiting for this moment to open that treasure and sing. It will from this moment on shine very brightly, beautifully showing what we have become because we have dared this journey to find something so profound…and finally become what we had always sought…that magic within. It is then that we begin a new journey, this time on a very well lit and loving path home.

Barbara asks what it is that I would envision as ‘a new you and a new life’. Actually I know that we will all become a new us and a new life from this magic that is a part of all we are. It will not matter what happens ‘on top’ because underneath it all is something that will renew all that we are regardless.

But if I was to envision anything, it would be that an event has occurred to ask us truly what has meaning for us, to look deeper in our ‘life’ and see that many things that we held no longer seem to have the importance that they once did, and many other things that didn’t have meaning, now do. That is the magic that we have created within us, it is asking us to look just a little deeper and dare to take this step towards it…for us…and for us all to become the change that we envision ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋



Me@ErickErick
Just Erick (his story in the post below), and I chatting eye to eye about our magic! 😀 🦜





Erick!

A few weeks ago in the midst of this ‘nesting’ (Amy’s lovely new word instead of ‘lockdown’) experience, I had a visitor who arrived with great fanfare…and by the back door I might add. His arrival was noisy and I could feel a little distress, so on going out onto my balcony I was confronted (and I use that word deliberately), by the most beautiful bird I have ever seen. And he let me know it by coming straight to me and asking the question…food, wheres the food?

We had had a storm the previous night so I can only assume he had escaped from his cage and decided out here was much more to his liking. And as he had been captive bred he didn’t have a clue how to fend for himself. So I could not see him starve.

I could see on his leg a breeders band so he obviously wasn’t afraid of us humans but I got such strange looks because I didn’t have in my hands said food. So I went in and retrieved some bread and honey as he is a Rainbow Lorikeet even though I have never ever seen these magnificent colors before, and they are a pollen and nectar feeder. And it wasn’t until later that I learned that honey as a food is an absolute no, no. It is the equivalent to letting a child into a lolly shop with lots of money. You are returned with a very sick child…who will then do it again at every chance you give it. They have a brush like tongue to get among the nectar producing flowers to eat the nectar and pollen within them, and eating honey (or seeds) is actually bad for their digestive system and the seeds can actually damage and destroy that ‘brush’.

Well before you knew it he had ‘moved in’ and took over the place. In that one action of feeding it, it now chose to alight on my railing each morning at 6am (and many other times throughout the day), screeching to be fed. They have a very distinct call (screech) that would not only awaken me but every neighbor within half a mile so he had me over a barrel as I had effectively told him I was the chef.

Well after two days of this, one morning I had forgotten some clean water so I went back inside and left the door open. Well, that’s an invitation isn’t it? He came straight in and landed on my shoulder to see where I was up to…is it ready yet? And his inquisitiveness was astounding. Everything within reach was chewed to be tested for food, fun or festivities.

The only time I saw him really come to a stop was when I went into the bathroom to grab some toothpaste one day and he saw his reflection in the mirror…he froze…then after a while a slow threat dance began to keep this intruder away from ‘his’ chef. It was so funny to watch but I thought I had better not do that. He was in a strange world as it was without another intruder.

And during all of this spirit wanted him to be always let outside for what I thought was to hopefully let him learn the ways of the wild and fend for himself. One day he never came back and spirit said he had gone to where he was needed and I could feel this ‘knowing’ of this young child and the beautiful gift that was going to see them through this enforced isolation with the virus which made me feel grateful. I only named him Erick after he left as he was a little magic for me also. Naming him before would have built a stronger connection and made it harder for him to settle in his new home.

So I shall show this young man in all his glory below, just click on the arrows either side of the images to go forward or back, or click on each of the dots below the pictures to go through the gallery. Please excuse the mess and I’m afraid, the blurry shots. He wouldn’t keep still (well, that’s my excuse anyway, plus my mobile phone isn’t a great shooter while you have this fellow bouncing from shoulder to head to keyboard. Amy, now I understand your difficulty in taking pictures of moving targets 😂 🤣 ) 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋



  • Arrival
    Arrival day


Choosing To Change!

When we are in a situation with a friend, partner, family or stranger that we react to, it is only our emotional response to that inner pain that we hold onto so tightly. That bound wall to keep the pain at bay. But because this is so sensitive we react quite strongly or hold it in so no one can see we are affected but eventually explode in anger or tears because it has reached through our walls to touch our fear.

If you respond in anger or tears (whether just internally or externally) THERE is where the fear is. Ask yourself how did that person make you feel. You were obviously hurt but in what way. Did it make you feel rejected…worthless…unloved. Pinpoint exactly how it made you feel…and then take it back to how you felt your parents or those you loved and looked up to had treated you in your childhood. It is there you will find the connection.

Deep inside that child a wall was put up so that this pain could no longer be felt, but it will still hurt on up into adulthood. But we block it so well we forget the ‘why’ because we didn’t want to face it, and as a child our emotional handling capacity has not been developed yet so the only thing they knew how to do was block, put up a wall because it was just too painful. Dig deep, be totally honest with yourself and in there is your freedom.

Now for the nice bit…the day you see and understand that fear will be the day that you realise it wasn’t ‘them’ at all but your reaction to your fear. Once you understand it, it loses its power over you forever. You will see why you did it and realise that it is only your response to a childhood fear that now no longer has any meaning to you. You will also see that your parents brought you up in the best way they knew how…with ‘their’ fears still intact…and treating all those around them through those fears.

When you see and understand that, you forgive them, forgive yourself and all those around you because you realise that they are all only responding to their fears and at that time can’t help it. But you now will understand yours and let it all go, no longer reacting to those things from before.

Out of habit you will now still react but you will ‘feel’ that it has lost its purpose and in fact makes you feel uncomfortable because you now know it is not your truth to act that way and you will begin to change into the truth you have become. And in fact, our fears are so ingrained from a lifetime of ‘being on guard’ to the world, that you will even begin to walk and just plain old talk differently because that old ‘holding pattern’ no longer holds sway.

When I discovered the meaning behind my fears I actually had to learn to walk again. No, I’m not kidding. Once you let go, everything lets go. You become a new person. And you can see that in others, the ones that have been through a very big emotional event and have had to face their fears. And they are so changed even you cannot believe the change in them. That is what is meant by being reborn. Shedding the blocked heart of that old person and taking on the cleared heart of the new, reborn to that truth of what you have now become, no longer living the lie of a fear.

And the thing that still amazes me is, it is only in going through this very thing that we will understand unconditional love. We must first go through a ‘conditional’ love by those very fears. Those conditions that says…I’m not good enough…I can’t do this or that…they don’t like me…feeling rejected, hated, unloved or a million other things.

You cannot know and understand happiness truly until you have felt sadness…cannot know and understand fear until you have felt anger, and as with all of our emotions. None of these can be appreciated until we have felt and experienced their counterpart.

This world is designed perfectly so that we can experience them all. Even now the virus is asking us to look within and touch many emotions that we have never felt before. It is showing us a journey, a much deeper one that will now bring out what has laid beneath the level of this world and ask us…who am I…what do I believe…and face the real things in our hearts instead of the many so called ‘important’ things that are now shown to be just a mask on our feelings.

To touch something so profound can be unsettling but to see the truth of how we have been living all our lives can be a freedom indeed.

Choosing those next steps you take after this event will begin something new. What path has meaning for you? Where do you really want to be? And as you are now beginning to see, even love has a new meaning without a mask.

We have seen this world for all of our lives, now a new one begins. Take those steps that your heart wants, not those that you ‘always did’. You have a choice now, and an understanding of why if it feels threatening and you feel that you are reacting to that choice.

Find your heart, the real one underneath that fear and I give you my heart that underneath it all is a love like no other and it will set you free in soul and mind like nothing you have ever touched before, and this old world will be changed forever…simply because you have ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

The Reasons of Love!

We have many reasons for the things we do. Justifications for our many ‘bits’ that we carry in our lives. And they are built from our lifelong fears, those things that hinder our paths in many ways. All of our relationships are built with them, until we finally understand the reasons that they are there.

And once understood our reasons lose their power, on love as well as hate, and we finally balance and become the natural state of unconditional. Once understood it is like discovering love for that very first time, a very beautiful, enamoring of our hearts, but this time of self. Which it is because we have spend our lives being negative of ourselves, to finally remove those ‘reasons’ and love ourselves truly.

We cannot love another truly unless we can truly love ourselves. How can we love someone when we don’t know what it is. Our love to another is always ‘conditional’ of our fears, like ‘do they really like me, will they leave, they’re looking at someone else, and a million other ‘bits’ that are held in our hearts’. Hence all those arguments in our relationships because we project them onto another.

Ask yourself why do I have this ‘reason’ for those many things that I react to in my relationships. What reason do I trigger when this or that occurs almost every time it comes up. And if I am courageous enough, look back at all my relationships to see the common denominator in them all, be strong to want to be free of the hold those ‘reasons’ we have created to justify our reactions. Look behind them and see truly the ‘why’. It is there waiting to be understood, breaking free of their emotional bindings.

Once we see and understand the reasons we hold those negativitie’s of ourselves, we truly see what has hindered our lives. Then we will see it in others and our compassion, and now unconditional love, is given to ourselves and others because we now have removed our ‘reasons’ ❤️

The Birth of Unconditional!

In reply to dear Amy’s heartfelt post Mirrors 🙂

I hated my dad because of the way he treated me as a child. So I put up my wall of fear to block those painful feelings whenever I encountered them in all my relationships as I grew up. I would love them all to bits so that they would treat me the same and not hurt me. And when they didn’t I would blame them all for my breakups. But the truth was…I was petrified in being treated like my father treated me so I projected that by loving everyone ‘with’ my fear by putting all those expectations onto them. And that very thing made them pull away, they couldn’t respond because it was so overboard, so artificial, because it was built on fear…not love.

And we all do this in our own ways, in how we react to those events from our childhood. This we can see in how we have felt hurt, raged with anger or left in tears by those many relationships. They will all have a common theme of what actually triggers them. Not all are the same as mine but they will all be built from a way we have felt we have been treated by those we love and look up to, and the emotional coping strategies we put in place to handle them.

When I was asked by a friend to look deeper and try to understand the ‘why’ I was doing this in all my relationships, I finally saw the ‘why’ after many attempts to understand. And in doing so I went down in a screaming heap. A lifetime of acting in fear, which goes into everything we do, I had finally seen what it had done, what it was always doing, in all of my life. I cried from somewhere so deep I thought I was going to die, it was like the release of a lifetime of grief.

And then I understood, I had blocked everything because I thought my dad didn’t love me. And that was the thing that lay hidden inside me, the thing that as a child was so terrifying that the only thing this child could do was block, put up a wall so that it didn’t hurt so much. Even to such a degree that we actually forget the reason why because we are so immature at that age, we just want the hurt to stop. We just don’t want to look at it because of the pain that it causes.

Our journey has but one purpose, to find that inner truth through that fear. Because in there is an appreciation of what we have endured, an acceptance of the fact that we are in fact lovable, are beautiful exactly as we are and in removing the conditions of those expectations, will finally find that love and happiness we have always looked for…in ourselves. We had thought all those unloving and negative thoughts of ourselves obtained from out childhoods and brought them kicking and screaming all through our lives, and in finally seeing that they were actually built on a lie, an accidental reaction to those we loved and looked up to, we are finally set free of their bindings and allow our hearts to finally love unconditionally…especially to ourselves.

And I say accidental for one very important reason…those you love and look up to ‘still had their fears from their upbringing in place when you were born’ and could only love you with their fear twisting how you were raised. Imagine what you have accidentally passed onto your own children simply because you know no better. How many times have you heard that comment ‘you are just like your mother/father’. It may be terrible but remember, it is through that oh so hard journey that you will allow your heart to be set free, find that unconditional love and happiness we have so longed for all our lives. It must be endured to appreciate who we have become ‘because’ of that very journey.

I asked spirit about a solution I had come to, to repair this situation to bring the world to a much more loving and beautiful place without all this fear emanating from everyone. I thought that if I could bring into every school a counseling to all children to heal all of their pain and fear so that all could have a balanced life. And the silence from spirit was deafening. I thought, I must need to see something here, understand something that isn’t quite so obvious. And after a while it dawned on me, could you actually imagine going into a school to heal the children but not the parent’s. Could you then imagine going to these same ‘fearful’ people and saying you are not bringing your children up properly. Imagine having that said to you, that your child raising isn’t good.

It was then that spirit finally spoke and said, ‘This journey is like all else in this world, you must see and understand hate so that you can understand love, see and understand sadness so that you can understand happiness, and so with all of your emotions. That balance must be felt, experienced and understood so that finally unconditional will be your world.’

It was then that I felt the meaning of life had been opened in my heart. I had been given something so profound that I was at a loss for words. Truth does that, it touches so deeply that we ‘know’ we have been touched by it.

So my friends, may that angst, that so hard emotional journey finally set you free. But remember, at the peak of its pain you are standing at that light of understanding, it is almost within your reach even though you may wish it would just stop. It is pushing you so that you can ‘see’, can reach a little further and touch the one thing that will bring you out of that darkness and in its understanding break through that emotional wall and finally see what is truly on the other side…an unconditional love that any words would belittle, simply because its beauty is beyond words. And it will now be all yours ❤️ 🙏🏽

Empathy, a reply to Momus!

My return reply to Scottishmomus’s bullshite-and-empathy

It is very simple Anne Marie, and also quite profound. You have been brought up to be a caring, loving person. Simply because that was what you were shown or its your reaction to what you felt was the opposite of that, being brought up by those you love (sometimes mum, sometimes dad, or both), who you feel have treated you rather poorly and so you try to compensate for that.


And then we project what we are out into the world. You want the world to be a caring, beautiful place…but along comes those that (and as the song says), ‘shat’ on everything they touch and practically force you to live in it.
Your life steps into what it loves to do, teaching, caring, showing and even writing that what you express deep within.


The kids, even though they can be quite draining, leave you with a hope that they have heard you. Will grow up into a world with at least your empathy and care so that you can feel you have achieved something by giving them a start in this world. And they do the one thing in your ‘communicating’ that is an absolute must, it is the other half of communicating and probably the most important bit…is that they ‘listen’.


But here’s the 1st rub, ‘they’, as in those that like to ‘shat’ everywhere…don’t ‘care’ like you do, won’t ‘listen’ to anyone like you, will not ‘try’ like you do…simply because they have not been ‘taught’ as you have or are reacting to their upbringing. In fact, that pride of the world, that thing they call governments etc only attract one type of person…the controller, manipulator…to achieve only one end, to become everything for everybody while feathering their own nest. Every person that I know does not trust them because of that falseness. It is an instant signal they show that puts us on guard…they smile.


The 2nd rub is also very simple, they have been allowed to set up this ‘government’ in a way that they imply your absolute right to make choices by voting. And as soon as you do they then counter that by ‘party lines’ and ‘your choice’ has to follow those lines, even if they are the most honest person in the world. The system is corrupt and I don’t mean just the feathering the nest, I mean morally it is a cesspit.

So you are in fact beating your head against a wall, splattering your hard built sanity into a void of idiots that have absolutely no idea how to apply ’empathy’ because they fear it. They have been brought up in such a way that they wall it up and block its appearance, the exact opposite of you, and focus on ‘their’ ideas.

The only way to ‘live’ in this environment is to come from where your heart is. But to do this you have to let go all of ‘their’ stuff. Just focus on what you believe and give it out. Ignore where they are at…totally. Just give you out to those that want to listen.

And the reason that they win all the time is simply because they browbeat you into submission, screaming and yelling absolute garbage to drown out something that they are afraid of. The only thing that will beat this system is to run for a position that will do one thing and one thing only. Allow the people to have a direct say on decisions that go through parliament, whether by computer once a year on the main topics (that must be stuck by like a referendum). Which can only ever be changed by putting it out to a referendum.

And trust me, the howls from those parliamentarians would be heard from around the world, you would be removing the one thing that keeps that control in their pockets. The money ‘outside’ would no longer have anyone to corrupt to get through their needs and wants (they can’t pay off us millions of people). Hey, for me even suggesting such a thing I might suddenly disappear they are that afraid of this.

Now some sanity. And this can be a little confronting my friend. Those fears that we hold (and I mean all of us), are the very things that drive us in all that we do.

An example: (and I make a great crash test dummy here 🙂 ). I hated my father because I thought he didn’t love me. Fullstop. (I, and everybody else in their own way, lock in whatever their fears are by about 8 or 9 years old. This you can find in all the text books).

I thought I was unlovable so to compensate for that, and in all my relationships I wanted my partner to show that love, I expected them to respond to my overtures (pull out chairs, give flowers and poetry etc), so that I could feel that love…but all it ever did was reach a point that they felt smothered and pushed me away. I had in fact ‘created’ my fear. And we all do it. We ‘project’ our fear by trying to not have it happen.

I had spent most of my life ‘projecting’ because I knew it was everybody else’s fault. How could it be mine with all that I was doing. And this is what we all do in our own ways.

In your case you know you have a great idea, it is fair and gives a real opportunity to everyone to be part of something wonderful. But your great idea for everyone does what my wanting love (also my version), does for me. It puts a lot of people ‘against’ what I am after because it also presses their ‘fear’ buttons.

Now the hard bit, I’m asking you to find that bit in your life that keeps upsetting you. All the ways you feel that you have been treated badly and upsets you more than anything. And this will be in all your relationships, mum, dad, partner, your children and maybe even especially those children you teach.

Your trying to give something but you are not being heard, trying to show something but are being ignored, trying to help but are being shunted, pushed, and relegated to the background.

Which part upsets you, what relationships reject who you are. In there is your answer. That very rejection is the very thing that drains you. You are trying to give from who you are but what you are giving is being shunned. That very thing you are trying to give is that inner core of who you are, it is the love you have built forever and it is being rejected. It is upsetting, it is painful, it is very distressing because you have opened your heart to share something that you ‘know’, and it is given with that love. But to have that ‘love’ slapped back in your face is a shock.

And the drain goes on. While ever our fear is with us, we will always react the same way. It is something that we have anchored into who we are. And each time it rears its head we go on the defensive and it drags us downward some more.

A second thing I will mention here is we are all nervous when we try something new, it is natural to be fearful of ‘new’ circumstances, it is a safety mechanism so we don’t do anything dangerous. So new job, new adventure, new relationship…we tend to be on guard until we get our answers to the circumstance and this allows us to relax, be at ease and no longer worry about that circumstance. It becomes second nature so we no longer give it any thought.

But our life fears have had no answer for years and years, we don’t understand the ‘why’ simply because they were locked into place by a very immature, childish emotional mind. And the only way that mind could operate was to block that horrible fear, put up that wall so that we had a coping mechanism in place to handle those moments that bring it into the open.

But each time that fears raises its head we will do some of the most crazy things…it is the child reactions that we have put in place all those years ago and reinforced as we grew up…but still not understood. So each time we enter that fear, regardless if its a life fear or scared from the first time jumping out of a plane…they all do one thing.

They put us on guard, they stress the body, they trigger the fright or flight syndrome which all does one thing…it begins to fire the adrenal gland. And how do we feel after being frightened or stressed (physically or emotionally), it tires us out, it drains us and leaves us in almost a state of shock if it is a large enough scare.

Combine that with a circumstance like your fight to get some sanity into a governing system that is built like a brick wall, and most certainly your heart and mind will become drained and leave you with a feeling of hopelessness.

Just remember there are ‘natural’ fears and there are ‘built’ ones. The natural ones are more brief, easier to get over and leave us wiser because we see and understand them. It is the built one that constantly drains us, as we never understand the ‘why’ of our reactions.

Now my fear, once I understood what drove it, became like the natural ones…because I understood it. And like those other natural ones, once understood they no longer have purpose and they lose that power over us. I can see that I don’t have to hold them anymore because they are no longer a danger to me.

My dad did love me…in his own way, simply because it was all he was ever taught. And even if he was the biggest heathen on this earth, he still did not know how to love any other way but what he was shown by his parents and his environment. It didn’t mean he was wrong…I thought he was. It didn’t mean he couldn’t love…I thought he couldn’t. It didn’t make him not my dad…I thought that. And I dragged it all kicking and screaming into my adulthood trying to make everyone else fit the bill. It is always at ‘my end’ that I have to deal with.

Note: After ranting and raving about how bad my father was to a friend one day, she slowly turned to me and said: ‘he’s been dead 13 years, who’s holding onto what and causing you grief?’

(I wouldn’t speak to her for weeks….but dammit she was so right 🙂 )

Once I finally understood, everything changed. And I mean everything. After seeing what I had blocked all my life, after that final admittance to myself that he did in fact love me, the ‘let go’ of so much that I had held inside, I began to ‘see’ the truth around me. I was so focused by eyes that were shuttered by my fear that in that ‘let go’ I finally saw things that were tarnished by those beliefs and realised I was living a lie in everything I did it was that profound.

And once I saw that I also realised that there was soooo much stuff that I was holding onto that was just rubbish. Worrying about this or that and now realising it was a safety mechanism. Gave me something to focus on…so that I wouldn’t have to face those things I didn’t want to.

And over the years afterwards I have become new. I have ‘created’ a new life, something so much more natural because it isn’t forced, no longer built by those fears and the reactions that it triggers. Shoot momus, I even had to learn to walk again because of that ‘let go’. You relax for the very first time afterwards but your legs (and the rest of your body) is so used to being a certain way that it now ‘feels’ so different.

Oh, nearly forgot, because of that ‘let go’ the rest of the world no longer matters. Yes I care very much about it all and those in it…but…I did me first (finally), found what was wrong with me and healed it…otherwise I am only giving out that bent fearful version and actually adding to the cacophony that is already there. Do me and then I can give out that healed loving version.

Once you see and understand those fears that we hold, we then realise that this conditional world is here for a very important reason. We must experience and feel each opposite feeling or to what can we judge each of those individually by? It is that journey to touch, feel and understand all those opposites so that the good and bad, the happy and the sad, the joy and the anger and many other opposites all have one very distinctive purpose. They show us…us. They allow us to experience, feel, reason and argue until that wall we hold loses its argument with us and it comes crumbling down. And we finally see a love and empathy that it has blocked forever…inside of us. And in doing so we realise that much of what went before was a great teacher but the wisdom we have now gained no longer needs those things so they are released.

And with that wisdom, and because of all that has been experienced, we can now see it within others because of their thinking and actions. And in the beginning we try to help them through this world to reach where we are (like the children in your classes…you know, when you finally see that light go on in their eyes when that type of math’s problem gives them that aha moment), but the beauty of it is that they can only hear what they are ready for so that the adventure is a very personal, achievable, and oh so loving thing to break through and realise that it is you and you only that has created this beauty inside. No one else can be blamed or interfere because of that…and that only allows one thing to happen, a love and belief in yourself.

That ending is perfection in itself. And all because you have endured a great journey, achieved something against some of the most tremendous odds, believed when there seemed to be no ending, and found a treasure that when you finally see it, will bring you to tears. Not painful ones from a tearing heart, but ones that finally are built from a love that finally see’s a light where none had been seen before.

Become that light and it will shine out as a beacon of truth forever and attract accordingly.

I look forward to Prime Minister Momus and finally someone I would vote for gladly, someone who has that light that gives hope for the future, simply because I can see her heart and know where she has been to find it 💜

Empathy!

After reading a post on empathy called Opinions from a lovely lady across the big water, I decided I would throw in my journey with empathy and how it affected me over the years.

Empathy…it conjures thoughts of being at one with another, ‘feeling’ another’s heart by connecting and understanding what they are going through…and sometimes whether you wish to or not.

For those sensitive people a ‘connection’ can be like someone pulling a plug and that feeling of being drained with each step you take when you are with someone.

Now personally, because I can feel the energy of another, it was like that plug pulling exercise. Each time that I gave a massage to a client it would range from a zero to crawling out of the room at the completion feeling like I had been hit by a truck (they of course felt fantastic).

But as time went by and as I faced and understood my fears, that draining empathy while connecting to another receded until it now very rarely raises its head.

Why? I can still ‘feel’ another, in fact it is now very high. But as spirit guided me through my fears it soon became plain that those very fears were the culprits. They act as a magnet. We project those fears and actually create them by our actions, whether physically or emotionally. And in doing so we automatically attract that very energy back to us.

We open ourselves to others to help and guide which in itself can be quite emotionally draining, but while ever we are holding our fear we never quite truly ‘open’ . There is a reserve, a protection by that very wall we build to keep us from our fear, and that very thing is amplifying the drain we feel.

Now I must jump forward to explain that last remark. It is when I finally faced my fear, saw it and understood it, that it was finally let go. It had lost its power over me. And then a strange thing happened. Because I was no longer ‘holding onto’ those fears…I opened…and I mean opened. Each time I faced something that used to ‘hold me’ in its pattern, it now had no hold at all. To start with, out of habit, I would go into my old ways of dealing with things…but it was just that, a habit. Each time now I am not ‘holding’ anything, so each and every time I face anyone who is stressed or emotionally upset…there is nothing for it to hold, I am no longer a magnet to those emotions.

I, after so many years, was set free. I had released myself from that emotional pain by becoming fear free.

It is an amazing thing to stand with someone, feel the upset and emotional mayhem…and no longer be touched by it. Don’t get me wrong, my heart does go out to them, great empathy is generated from sharing such a moment. But it is now unconditional. I removed those conditions we place on ourselves from those fears. Those very things hold us in so many patterns so we cannot be hurt by them. But those very actions draw them, with great love (even though it is painful time), to break us free from their hold so that we too can be free, free to give from a well that is now always full, no longer restricted and fully open.

Let me put it this way…while ever we are carrying stuff, physically or emotionally, we will struggle even though we can do many other things at the same time. But while ever we are free, we will relax, be more at ease, more open simply because there are no other distractions draining our focus.

While ever there is a restriction in our lives it will act like those plugs and drains…restricting all that we do. When we clear those blockages, remove the plugs we have built, it becomes an open channel with nothing to hinder any flow that comes through.

Be free, clear and flowing…your heart will thank you for it ❤️

Come into the light!

This is in reply to a lovely post by Trini, Come into the light and her beautiful energy drawing many to her that not only take advantage of her but can cause great pain in their actions.

Mind you, she has a heart of gold so why wouldn’t everybody be attracted to a calm in the storm, someone who made them feel good about themselves even though they are in great pain emotionally themselves.

And being attracted ourselves to people we admire is the other side of that balance, to have someone who inspires us, gives us heart to take those steps to achieve our hopes and dreams.

A trick I learned, is in being brave enough to stand in your truth around everybody, only then will we attract like people. All else we attract will only test those fears we hold deeply. But that has great purpose, to break those walls of fear and set us free. Without those ‘bad’ people we stay in that cocoon of fear forever.

It is with great love (even though it causes great angst), that they are attracted to us so that we can, with great courage, face them, slay them, and become that beauty that unconditional love is.

We just have to crack that cocoon, become that transition to a butterfly and become the beauty that it creates. When we finally see and understand what is beyond that wall…it will amaze, bring us to tears, and in its understanding we will love the beauty we have now become…because we can finally ‘see’ why we had to go through what we did, and what we have become because of it. A balance of that inner light.

May that inner love always call you, regardless of its disguise ❤️ 💕 💞 💓 💗 💖 💘 💝

Rumi!

“What you seek is seeking you”

Rumi

“Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form”

Rumi

“There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled.
There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled.
You feel it, don’t you?”

Rumi

“Start a huge, foolish project, like Noah…it makes absolutely no difference what people think of you”

Rumi

“When the world pushes you to your knees, you’re in the perfect position to pray”

Rumi

“Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open”

Rumi

“The universe is not outside of you. Look inside yourself; everything that you want, you already are”

Rumi

“Forget safety. Live where you fear to live”

Rumi

“Take someone who doesn’t keep score, who’s not looking to be richer, or afraid of losing, who has not the slightest interest even in his own personality: he’s free”

Rumi



Understanding Change!

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”

Rumi

“And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?”

Rumi

“You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.”

Rumi

“Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes.
Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation.”

Rumi

“Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love.
It will not lead you astray.”

Rumi

“The breezes at dawn have secrets to tell you
Don’t go back to sleep!
You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep!
People are going back and forth
across the doorsill where the two worlds touch,
The door is round and open
Don’t go back to sleep!”

Rumi

“In Silence there is eloquence. Stop weaving and see how the pattern improves.”

Rumi

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

Rumi

“What you seek is seeking you.”

Rumi

“Raise your words, not voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.”

Rumi

“Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life.”

Rumi

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”

Rumi

“Silence is the language of god, all else is poor translation.”

Rumi

“Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.”

Rumi

“Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself.”

Rumi

The Journey of Awareness!

Our awareness can open on us at any time in our lives. Those times when we are working on something and that light bulb moment will touch us and give us that feeling of elation and happiness because we have understood and completed something, especially if it has taken considerable effort and been very difficult to achieve. And there are many moments in our lives where these wonderful things have happened, giving us more confidence in ourselves and an ability to set our goals even higher, to test us further in our journey and the happiness we seek.

But there is another awareness in our journey, one that may not be as obvious. One where it will touch us but we may only realise it as a happy moment or ‘just one of those things’ and let it go. They can be a ‘moment’ where we seem to come to some point in our lives where we feel this ‘synchronicity’ or ‘coming together’ of an unusual set of circumstances, leaving us feeling quite emotional in some way.

Like the moment where you meet someone for the first time and their energy on meeting can be quite profound or helping someone out even though it may seem something simple but will leave you feeling touched by it in that moment or even days later. These are those times where we are ‘touched’ by something else but tend to let them go because we are not sure of their label.

And as our lives go on and we are faced with more profound and quite difficult things to go through, those awareness’s take on a more subtle but also more lasting place in our lives. As each emotional battle is raged in our lives from breakups to facing the walls that they leave, something else is taking place in our hearts. The emotional turmoil asks us to judge and weigh our every decision, to find that balance so that we can become that happiness we have always sought. But with what do we judge it against? With what do we compare those emotions to?

Those many scars inside are an encyclopedia of those many things we have faced, and among them is the love we have built from those broken places mixed with the delight and wonder in those happy times as well. And our awareness created from this, is life in the many parts that we play. Each and every time we are faced with something that love is brought forward to ‘see’ if it has worth and measured against our own hearts to see if we find ourselves worthy…or not. To test it against where we are now at within our journey, especially that wall we hold to stop the pain in our life, in those many trials and encounters we face. And in those times we struggle, each time covering the scars with a new layer trying to find a way past what didn’t work before.

But the measurement is fixed, even though we have changed in so many ways before. It is asking of us to see but one thing and one thing only. To ‘see’ the awareness of what our love is built on, to really look deeply into those many scars and appreciate what our journey has entailed and built stronger and stronger within. To ‘see’ that we are in fact worth so much more than the walls that we build, understand that those many scars are building an unseen pathway in the beginning, one that is leading us slowly towards that very wall we hold between us and life. Until with much courage, we are finally at its front door, hand raised to knock and ask ‘why’ are you being held out, blocked from the truth of life being held behind its walls.

And in that very moment an ‘awareness’ will descend and touch us with an understanding of all that went before, from the love and awareness that had been built to now raise a blow to open that wall and finally see the truth that had been blocking each step in our lives. For in finally seeing and understanding what created that wall, it becomes powerless, rendered from concrete to dust in that moment of recognition.

And after that wall is removed by the courage, scars and love we have built, a new awareness will have been created, one where we will no longer have to measure anything, because we are now beyond that fixed conditional wall that we had before. For in its removal is created something that has no measure, has no boundaries and is as unconditional as the love it now represents. You have now become that ‘awareness’, no longer being ‘touched’ by it at different moments, but now living and breathing it in its entirety.

The peace and love that you have now become is no longer tempered by any hammer or blow because they no longer have meaning, for love is a shield by the very understanding of its nature. It is a total giving, rendering all negativity powerless.

You are now that beautiful awareness, no longer held back by anything. Standing in its truth is the achievement of enduring life’s meaning…to be conditional, so that you can understand it, bring its walls down, and becoming the unconditional we are meant to be ❤️

Mirror, Mirror!

I find that if I’m with someone I trust, I can talk about my fears. This has the purpose of helping me to find out why I have these fears in place, understand what is the driving factors behind them, try to resolve them, and release them so that my life is more balanced and not being driven by those fears. (You will be surprised just how a fear really integrates itself into your life 🙂 ). But in doing this you must be gentle with yourself. We have small fears and big ones. The big ones are usually what is called ‘life’ issues and should be dealt with, with someone who can really support you through such a big event. (Mind you, the universe will put exactly who you need in front of you, to go through it).

They are very life altering on going through these events and should be approached with that in mind. My biggest event that I went through was with a nice lady that I had only just met…but she was the right person for it…and she helped me to look deep inside. I ended up on the floor crying my eyes out and releasing the most incredible grief, of a loss within myself, of actually not loving myself because I didn’t believe I was worth it. (And on the surface my fear didn’t seem to have anything to do with that.) And the result is something like, suddenly finding out that your parents aren’t your real parents or without warning, your partner, the man/woman of your dreams, has just run off with someone else.

Your whole life suddenly seems like a dream, no reality, because you have believed something so solidly for so long which has now been pulled out from underneath you. You begin to try to rationalise it within yourself, but initially it is very difficult because you have nothing to now pin your life to. The foundations have been removed and your walking around in a daze. It is then that you realise that this ‘fear’ was holding up so much of your life, in such a way that it was totally a part of who you are…and it is now gone.

You are left with this emptiness. A part of who you were. But…in its place…is the realisation that it is gone…that ‘on edge’, ‘on guard’, ‘always ready’ feeling that has always been a part of who you are…is gone…left the building. Your left feeling quite tired, emotionally spent and not very focused. And a period is now needed to digest this, and balance yourself with a long period of rest, and I’m talking months, or even longer here. We’re talking about the removal of something that has been a large part of your whole life, something from childhood, and to recuperate from something like that takes quite a while.

But in that process you will come to understand what that fear did to your thinking and actions in your life. And in its place will be your decisions based on what you now want out of life. What now has meaning, and what doesn’t. Allow yourself to find ‘you’ again and begin what you will now find is the ‘truth’ of who you want to be. Find what has meaning for you…and release those things that were only propping up the fearful you. The change can be quite dramatic, and most people find they now swing a bit hard in the opposite direction to where they were, but this is usually only to find a balance from where they were previously coming from. This will gradually come back to a ‘middle ground’ for you.

These events always teach a very big lesson. And they will nearly always come back to how you feel within, about yourself. They are put in place and built on, even though we avoid them, and really integrate them into our lives. (In reality this is the Law of Attraction, we are always thinking about them, as far as the universe is concerned, THAT is the sign we hold out in front of us all the time so in the total love that the universe is, it gives us what we need, the love to go through those fears). And as such their impact is quite strong, so that when we finally go through them it is a very big event. But there is a reason for this…if you go through something and it is easy or doesn’t test you in any way…you will forget it by the next day or the one after…but if it is a serious test in who you are…it will leave an imprint…and that imprint is to realise your connection with that love within and the total self worth that you have now discovered.

It is that realisation of that love, and the realisation of that connection within, that now builds that new relationship with yourself. Which in turn is now how you relate to everyone else around you. You are no longer coming from a place of fear, an untruth, a complete projection of something you are not. You have now reached a place that is clear, and can now build from a place of truth, a projection of the real truth within, with the confidence that creates. The change is quite dramatic and you will see it in people who have changed around you because of what they have been through to come to that understanding.

If you find it hard to believe me…(and I mean this seriously), go up close to your bathroom mirror, look into your eyes and say ‘I love you with all my heart!’. You will look or swing away, laugh or even just pull a face. Even not be able to do it at all…especially if someone else is around.

And that says it all. The day you can do that, and believe it, is the day that all your fears have been dealt with and you are now free, and understand what unconditional love truly is within.

May you find that place within, and be the beautiful being you are, for all the world to see.

But most of all…let it be for you!    ❤️

Namaste

The Ropes That Bind Us!

The following is something that I found in my draft folder in my move across to my new site here. I had tucked it away 3 years ago because it was missing something. I know it looks like something I would write but I have this strange feeling that it is something I have copied (or at least a part of it and I’ve added to it), and was waiting to get copyright to it. From a spiritual sense these words have come through from a ‘knowing’, those words that come through us , I can feel that depth in its words. I had hunted all over the net to find even a piece of it but it would not be found. As soon as I found it in my folder again spirit said it should not be hidden in the darkness but see the light of day. It’s words are too profound to be silenced.

If this is someone else’s work please let me know so that I may obtain proper permissions and attribute copyright to its rightful place.

—————————————————————————————————–

 

 

“Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”

~Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

And out of the mouths of those few in the world who have great fear and ignorance in their heart, came forth a greed that is insatiable.
In constant movement, forever seeking to sate that fear within, but only building it bigger and stronger in each morsel it takes, only satisfying an instant in time before wanting more.
And in each movement it takes, the rope gets longer and longer, slowly becoming a weight that we all must hold.
For that rope is our acceptance, whether consciously or not, allowing them more and more room for their fear.
And our fears hold us from standing in our truth, allowing the ropes in this world to extend further with each denial we give ourselves.
And as each second goes by, we are tested, as that balance within asks of us our truth.
Must we stay in this pain of un-love, this life of subservience to the fears of ourselves and others.
Or do we love ourselves enough to stand, release the ropes that bind us, and in doing so, find a truth that we deny ourselves.
For in our hearts is a key, to love ourselves enough to stand truthfully and deny what binds us by those fears.
Choose, for in that journey we can become what they project, be subservient to their greed, and allow that weight.
Or love ourselves enough for us, our children and our future, to become our truth by denying their fear.
Ask your heart, is this me?…or the wishes of another?
What is my truth?
This will always be the question until that love within is released, by being that love to yourself…and finally you will see.
By beginning to create a world that no longer accepts their fears, by destroying ours, no longer holds the ropes of others, by releasing our own rope.
Stand in that love, it will save you, others, and a world that deserves that freedom too, no longer controlled by the fear of a few.
Stand and I will stand too, together we can build what we have forever looked for within. Break that cycle and stand in your truth.
Become the beauty that you are, and re-build this world from the discovery of that love within.
Believe in you and what you want to become…a rope less world, and a freedom like no other.
Be that love…your love!

My New home!

Ok, this is my first post at my new blog address. Welcome to all that have followed me over, and to those that have just popped in 💜🙏

It is a little clean over here as I was unable to transfer the ‘likes’ , ‘like’ counts on comments and ‘followers’ for some reason. But I was happy to at least get all of your comments on the posts. And I’m still trying to get all of the heart emoji’s to work, which are still coming out as <3 (short code) everywhere. I’ve gone into the settings and ticked to convert the short code into graphics but it refuses to do the heart. I’ve now loaded a plugin for the emoji’s so I will at least be able to add to future posts etc. Maybe I have to look into my own heart a little deeper to express it more clearly ❤

And I pray fervently that this post does not end up in some place ‘out there’ ( unless my higher self wishes to have a peek ) 😀

My old blog site was wobbling quite a bit, to the point that I couldn’t answer a comment, like anything or even sing from my mountain top.

Please let me know if anything isn’t working as I’m still getting used to this setup.

May this journey be with much love, happiness and a ‘like’ click that works  💜 

Why Do We Climb Mountains?

To understand our lives. It is one of the most simple and exquisitely beautiful things we will ever touch on our journey. When achieved we will stand in amazement as its meaning washes over us and the bars of our self built cages will break and set us free.

All of life is a cycle, whether it be our first time at something and the nervousness and fear of facing up to it, to our very laid back approach because we have now faced those things and now understand them because of those experiences, slowly building a confidence each time they are faced.

First time at a sport, driving a car, climbing mountains, singing (ok, it never was my forte 😀 ), being a Mother or Father, and on and on with those many, many things that we face through life to eventually be better, more understanding and even a pride at achieving those many things.

And life is that very thing, to dream, to attempt, experience and achieve so many parts that are of this world. And even some of these things will be a bit rough around the edges, like my singing, because it will not be our forte, but we will have attempted it in their doing. And as each and every bit is added to the mix of understanding a wisdom is achieved, an acceptance of who we are because we do understand our limitations and excellence in all that we do.

But in the beginning this world is very conditional with all of these many things that we have never faced. And as we have been taught from birth by those we love and looked up to, that those very people are struggling with ‘their’ early experiences, not fully understanding as yet that wisdom achieved from many years of experience and unintentionally ‘passing on’ those early understandings that are woven with many conditions as they struggle to find that nirvana that never seems to be achieved as each mountain peak is climbed.

Like that first job, all nerves and afraid to do it wrong, we will face life exactly the same way, slowly building an emotional understanding and confidence and be tested in many ways as time goes by. And when we feel that we have failed at something it leaves us disappointed, a mark on us that keeps niggling us to look and see why. A dent in our emotional armor for all to see.

And slowly that ache inside that holds us will keep entering our lives because it never seems to be resolved, the pain of it a reminder of some inability within ourselves that never seems to break free and become that love and happiness that we always seek.

But it is asking of us to find the key, with many hints of what this pain is built of, but never seeing it for what it really is. Even to the point of asking us to look deeper because a particularly traumatic time asks us to uncover that pain once more, see if we can break through ‘this time’ and finally understand. It can be such a painful journey but the very thing we seek at those mountain tops requires it of us. An appreciation of something that it has taken our lives to find and understand. That last peak, the big one that will finally be the tallest so that we can ‘see’ all around and appreciate what it has taken to achieve this wondrous view…finally seeing the forest…because of the tree’s.

Without the struggle it has no meaning, as all cycles have a beginning and an end. No part can be achieved without what went before. That understanding and appreciation of love ‘because of’ the pain, anger, struggle and fear that we have faced to achieve it. All those emotions brought about because of what we each individually needed to face to fine tune that understanding. And like that last step to the summit, an appreciation of what went before.

It is no small feat. A lifetime of trying to break free of this ‘thing’ that will not let us go until we understand. Fine tune each step so that whenever it holds us in its thrall we slowly understand that what went before was not that key we have been looking for so we try again. Sometimes blocking because we are not ready yet.

But one day all of those paths come together, all of those experiences and the wisdom that we have gained will push us to do the unknown, step beyond what we think we can do and like all masters challenge our beliefs to step where no man/woman has gone before…a belief beyond what had held us for so, so long and finally ‘see’ that what we have held in our hearts had great purpose. To ‘see’ that stairway leading up the mountain in all its glory, to understand that we had to follow our own paths exactly as we have to achieve that very understanding. To ‘see’ that by doing exactly as we have, trips, stumbles and falls guiding us to that very key to open a lock within to a beauty almost beyond belief as it shows us how it has all been done exactly as it is so that we can ‘see’ and appreciate that love like no other. There is no ‘wrong’ as each and every step has only one thing in its purpose, to guide, give understanding and find that thing we always seek. It is the only path or we would never finally ‘feel’ its beauty in our understanding of that path.

Climb my friends and understand that even if you do fall down, know that beneath it has great purpose, because behind it all is a love like no other. It wishes to show you someone, a someone who does know how to struggle, does believe enough of themselves to take that next step, and in doing so will find that nirvana of love and happiness that they looked for, for so long, is really there waiting for them.

Believe in you…climb and be free ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

The Sound Love Makes!

‘When the heart speaks the conscious objections crumble in an instant, and there is nothing left to decide. There are no doubts and there is no insecurity. As long as there is doubt and insecurity, the heart has simply not spoken yet.’

I just read the above but it had no author attached so I went for look see on the internet and up popped a book called ‘The Enchanted World’ by Sylvia Hartmann. I read a part of it and it may be an interesting read 😀

Regardless the above is a very beautiful truth <3

Merry Christmas To All!

Still here guys, just still a little sidetracked with some healing, my own and others 😀
I tried to individually give a little Merry Christmas message to everyone I follow on the reader but as I have followed in the hundreds that soon became ridiculous 😀
So hopefully this will still post and go out to the one and all beautiful people on this blog world and give a little cheer to join the many heart lights that this world brings <3
Thank you all for a very interesting year to say the least, and to those magical people who’s caring and love is always to the fore for each and every soul on here, and especially to those whose care towards my ‘journey’ showed that love also, thank you! <3
May the blessings of the season be returned in kind to everyone, show the beauty that a helping, guiding light can bring, and the love that is within us all shine on that path to our happiness <3

A New Year beckons a new journey, may yours be built on that love! <3

Mark    <3     xox

Our Nakedness!

I am walking down the middle of the main street of my town, many people on both sides. Each step I take shows me a different part of the street, a new shop, different people…even the energy can be felt at levels never before touched. I have started at the beginning of the street, slowly making my way along its length and the people are quite loud. It is laughter and becoming quite distinct, and for some reason I’m really affected by it, squirming at each step and afraid that it is at me.

Then I realise why…I’m naked…exposed physically and emotionally, and totally at odds with the environment and bringing myself to the attention of one and all. There is nowhere to go, nowhere to hide…I just have to keep walking. At each step I begin to hear voices now, but they are no longer laughing, they are now voicing their concerns, branding me with their shock at what I am doing, letting me know that this is not acceptable. Many emotions can now be distinguished, laughter becoming embarrassment, raised voices becoming more stern and touching on anger as their judgement comes to the fore. I try to disappear in plain sight but regardless of my direction I must face what is happening.

And in that humdrum of noise it is my turn to be shocked, and strengthened by a lone voice, one of praise for daring the un-darable and standing in the nakedness of my truth, no longer masked by my fears. It puts another brick into the foundation of the path I am walking.

I have almost reached the end of the street and an overpowering urge to stop and look back overcomes me. And in that moment I finally ‘see’ where I have been and realise this is my life’s path. Many judgements from all around, reinforcing beliefs that were never mine, but locking me into their owners. All of these built on the fears that they held from that very same process I now tread.

My walk has taken quite a long time and I now realise that as each step gives me these understandings my nakedness no longer matters, and in fact has built a quiet strength as my belief in self grows. The people back at the beginning of my walk have forgotten me and moved on. I can see everything that has been directed at me was only coming from their fears, their embarrassment, their inability to deal with a moment because of where ‘they’ were at within themselves as they deal with their own ‘naked’ walk.

 

So, what does this all mean. No, I didn’t dream the above, it was shown to me after a little wander into my own main street that lives within each of us. In fact spirit has taken me on a guided tour ‘back’, and I mean ‘way back’ into my past, the beginning of my walk up that same main street to a time of my childhood to where my fears of rejection were really being ‘locked in’ at around that tender time of 9 years old.

That rejection I felt was a lack of love from my father and my attempts at gaining it by doing so many things to please and being knocked back each time until a coping strategy was put in place to deal with its pain. A wall of fear. And each time I faced that rejection in the future it would raise its head.

I thought I had faced that life fear over the last couple of years and understood that journey…and I had as an adult…but that 9 year old was still lost and needed to touch that understanding and the reassurance that it brings.

Over the last couple of years I had met this very nice lady that had an incredible energy that always gives me a signal that something is about to happen. But as the years went by nothing seemed to be occurring so I thought that it was just something in the ‘connection’ and it was doing its thing. Little did I know I was being prepared for that event.

I have visited this ladies home out in the country a few times now, each time to mind her home while she was away or on a mercy errand to help with a healing with her animals. And to be truthful, an enjoyable re-connection with her and my childhood love of nature growing up in a similar place.

But on the second last visit she had given me some Bowen Therapy that released something very powerful within me. And as I was minding her home while she was away at a workshop I was left to fend for myself, not realising I was about to re-enact those childhood fears in a big way.

When I was a child in those moments of rejection I would go out into the nearby forest, lay down in the long grass and just close down and hear the nature all around me, wind blowing through the tree’s, and an intense loneliness would envelop me. The first night at this ladies home after the Bowen Therapy felt exactly like those moments in the forest. Her home buffs against a state forest, so wind in the tree’s, birds and other animals calling…and that loneliness descended like a blanket, to a point that I was almost in shock because of my reaction.

At first I wasn’t sure of what it meant, an emotion that seemed to touch me and leave me drained, but with no understanding to follow. But the next journey to her home months later now finally opened that door, allowed that 9 year old to touch a missing link but with the wisdom of that hindsight above, and look back into my journey to ‘see’ a time traveled and why I reacted as I did.

I’ve seen that my dad had also been treated that very same way by his father and it was all he knew. He could only be what he had become on that journey, given to him by those he loved and looked up to, just as I had through my life. But understanding changes us, and that wind in the tree’s showed me that I have come a long way indeed, so far that I can now see, forgive, release and become the nakedness of my truth, no longer held back by thinking it was ‘others’ and uncovering those things that I had buried through fear.

It was a raw touch of those past feelings of a 9 year old, but for that 9 year old to see those truths and finally understand them released a way of being that had held him for way too long, no longer stealing life by living within those shackles that we mold because of our journey.

The road has cleared a little more, the light is extending further on my path, and an acceptance of myself has shown me that even though these paths are pretty rough, beneath them all is a love like no other, under those muddy steps there really is a yellow brick road for us all. The peace that has descended on me is quite profound, even though I feel I am still in shock dealing with these understandings. So much so that on arriving ‘home’ I feel very disjointed like I no longer live here and feel that I’m in a strange place. But the overall feeling is one of change, the releasing of the old so that a new path can be built. No longer ‘reacting’ to life but one of building a future of wherever I wish to go.

There may be more to add to this story yet as time goes by but its like going through any event, when we look back we see it with new eyes and understand it in its different pieces until an acceptance of who and what we have become because of it settles into place.

And in fact, and to be totally honest…at the moment I just feel like sitting in the sun and eating an ice cream…I wonder where that 9 year old really is right now, do we ever really leave them behind, no longer a part of what we have become? 😀

Becoming The Love You’ve Been Looking For

A wonderful understanding of that search for the love in our lives  <3

Reblogged from Unfiltered From the Heart

Becoming The Love You’ve Been Looking For

Fantasies about knights in shining armor started at a young age for me. I wanted a man to save me from my miseries; to whisk me away on his stead into the sunset. Fairytales, it seems, were a vast part of my psyche.

Then in my late thirties when my marriage dissolved and I was left to face my life, with my miseries and messes, I turned away by looking for the knight in shining armor again; and to no avail. In seeking, I upped my misery. Yet while I sought, I also began to look inward. This blog, in all of its iterations, reflects a good part of that journey.

Today, I am seeing that the love and acceptance I’ve sought in others was quietly waiting…right here, inside of me. Yes, I’ve read in books this concept of self-love. Yet, it was only recently that I began to experience it as a regular part of my daily life and reality.

How has this come to be, you may be wondering? It really is more simple than you may want to believe. If you’ve been following my story, you may see the pattern. It is about the consistent application of self-love and self-compassion in the face of e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

To be more specific: The places where we have built walls must be torn down. Those walls are the thoughts and beliefs that block us from our own light, our own love and in maintaining those walls, it eats up our energy.

This place of self-love is behind those walls. It can feel scary to “walk into” those blockades, for each brick is a thought we have taken the time to place and mortar together to form these walls. Then we take to painting our beliefs of who we are, like murals, on these walls. So to look closely at any of the murals or walls is to question our very own self-concept. It can feel like death to question who we are. In a way it is: it is the death of who we believed we were.

Furthermore, we feel vulnerable when we take those walls down. As each of those bricks was formed in the belief that life or love hurts us. Yet the reality is that those very walls keep us locked in with the pain, while the love we seek remains on the other side of the keep.

The very thing we seek is within us. It is up to us to break down the walls that separate us from ourselves and hence from others. We can be so busy blaming others for our pain that we avoid seeing how we are hurting ourselves and creating the very things that keep us locked in that hell.

So go to those walls. Breathe through the fear, the heartache. Write, cry, dance and be moved by the emotions that you’ve been keeping locked up. In freeing them, you free yourself. With each wall you break down, you will find another measure of love for yourself.

It is in “feeling the rainbow” of human emotions that we become who we are here to be: ourselves unlimited, ourselves being free.

Namaste

The People In Our Lives!

People come into your path for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you know which one it is, you will know what to do with that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty…

To provide you with guidance and support…

To aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually…

They may seem like they are a godsend, and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die…

Sometimes they walk away…

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand….

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled…

Their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has now been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON.

Because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.

They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons.

Things you must build upon to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind, but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life…

Whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime

~ Unknown author ~


They are guiding us towards that self love those many people in our lives…the good ones, bad and in between…they each show us…us!
May those that you meet see the truth and beauty that those before encouraged us to stand in ❤️

Finding our Happiness!

All of your life you are seeking that mythical place called happiness. Well…I found it…but not where I was looking.

This world will bring into our lives something called a fear, in our childhood actually, and we spend our entire lives avoiding it, on guard in case it jumps out from who knows where. And one day while I was going through the most horrendous time in my life, I had to look inside it because it had made me reach a point where I finally admitted to myself that I could not do this ‘pain’ thing anymore, I was worth so much more than this.

So I went looking at this thing that kept bobbing up in my life, those relationships that seemed to keep doing the same things to me…and in there was ‘it’. But I had to go digging because as a child my emotional handling capacity was very immature so I had just built a wall, you know, that block, block, block we do with the things we can’t handle emotionally so that it won’t cause us any pain.

But down behind that wall is something so amazing that when you see it, it will blow your mind. It will hit you like a steam train, simply because its simplicity will be incredible. But its power in that moment will awaken the slumberer, again simply because of the understanding of something that has held you at bay for many years. And in that moment the fear will lose ‘its’ power forever.

It will set you free…and a happiness we had searched for, for so long, will empower you with the one thing we have been missing for so long…that ability to love ourselves <3

Is there a 'happy ever after' in this world…you better believe it my friend…and its got your name all over it <3 😀

The Love in Time!

Many years ago I had an ‘event’ where I was with a friend suffering from a bipolar condition, and during the evening she was emotionally escalating and I could feel the emotional pain that she was beginning to go through. And as my heart went out to her because of the fear I could feel within her, something happened. In that instant I was suddenly no longer there, I had opened and given from my empathy so deeply that I ‘let go’ of this world and was in such a place that was so beautiful, peaceful and loving. One moment I was touching that place where you feel so heartfelt for someone else’s pain, and suddenly I just ‘let go’. My awareness knew no bounds and an elation beyond anything I could describe even though I could still ‘feel’ myself sitting on my lounge…but not.

And while I was within this place I ‘knew’ everything, I did not have to ask. And the one thing that did stay with me was the total unconditional love all around me…because I had ‘let go’ of me and given with such an open heart, no longer guarded and held by those things that hold us back in ‘this’ world. And that there was no ‘time’ as it did not exist in a way that I could measure or feel its progress, it just ‘was’.

Well since that ‘event’ I have noticed something quite interesting. Depending where we are at within ourselves time does some amazing things. Have you noticed that if you are in a beautiful place feeling happy and elated, that time seems to fly on by. But if you are in an unhappy, or sad place, the time seems to drag on, especially if it is a time of real pain like the passing of someone very close or going through a divorce etc, almost to the point you can feel each and every second that goes by. There are even times that when something really amazing in our lives happens, time seems to almost go in slow motion, like we’re trying to absorb every single second of something that has great meaning for us, and we look back and ask ourselves ‘what just happened?’ as we relive something that leaves a great impact on our lives. We even think it flew by, even though we can touch many emotions and feelings that went with each and every part of it. One of those events that we never forget because it touches us so deeply.

I feel that time is our teacher, coming here so that we can fully experience the many things that we go through, touching the feelings that they bring. Slowing down in those hard parts to appreciate just what message they bring, so that in understanding ourselves a little more, that self love is built a little stronger and our vibration speeds up, coming a little closer, clearer and quicker to our destination.

When we are so madly in love, we feel we can fly, time no longer has any meaning…imagine where we would be when we love ourselves unconditionally…and it IS there waiting for us, I have touched it, when I fully opened and let go of this world. And we are all capable of doing that because that is what this world is built on…finding more love and empathy each time we go through those many hard things, able then to give that empathy to another because of what we have experienced.

But most of all, they each show us our love, unblocking those many fears in our life, unraveling what holds us back. Those fears block time, almost making it go backwards as we go through them many times, asking us to relive their pain so that we can break free in their understanding. Finally letting go of that time loop that we always seem to be in.

Have time for another in their time of need, it will speed theirs up. But most of all, have faith and believe in yourself, that self love is the cushion of time and will soften and speed this flight of a lifetime and show you an amazing journey in each step you take.

How many times have you come close to ‘letting go’ and opening to that place within, touching something so profound in the depth of your many emotions, opening your heart to the beauty of love’s tenderness? It is there…waiting, for it knows your destination, using a timetable so incredible that you will look back and see the many visits where your heart did open and show you a new path, each one coming closer to that place we call home. That final time when we ‘let go’ to be that timeless unconditional within us all <3

I Had Lunch With God……..

Reblogged from Boundless Blessings by Kamal

A little boy aged 8 years old told his mother that he wanted to meet God. His mother very sweetly told him, ‘Okay, dear but where will you find him in this vast Universe.’ The little boy insisted that he would set out to look for God and come back safely once he did.’ His mother knew that was not possible and did not seem to argue with him. She knew he would come back home so she packed his suitcase with two sets of his dress, a water-bottle and some packets of cakes for him on his way. The boy very happily started his journey, he walked a long distance and found a park! He was feeling tired so he decided to sit in the park and take some refreshment and water as he was feeling thirsty too. He opened a packet of cake to eat.[…]

Tree’s!

I read these words by Ram Dass over on Grief Happens blog, and like her I thought it appropriate for the season too…

‘When you go out into the woods and you look at trees, you see all these different trees.

And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever.

And you look at the tree and you allow it.

You see why it is the way it is.

You sort of understand that it didn’t get enough light, and so it turned that way.

And you don’t get all emotional about it.

You just allow it.

You appreciate the tree.

The minute you get near humans, you lose all that.

And you are constantly saying ‘You’re too this, or I’m too this.’

That judging mind comes in.

And so I practice turning people into trees.

Which means appreciating them just the way they are’

And at the bottom of her post she simply says…

‘Who are you turning into a tree this holiday season?’ 😀

Compassion! (The Post)

‘Our love, our compassion is in understanding the tears of another, and sharing that moment with them…our hearts cannot connect in a more truer way, hence the power within that moment’

What an incredible word. It brings so much feeling to whatever it is applied to.

But…why is it that some people have it, and others appear to have none. Where is this switch that it can be on or off at the drop of a hat?

And that my dear friend’s is where the secret of compassion is.

We all have compassion because it is built on our ‘experiences’ in this life. And if we aren’t shown compassion in our journey, we find it difficult to show others. But it is very difficult to have true compassion for someone when they are struggling with something that we don’t truly understand, because we haven’t experienced it.

I would feel compassion for a man who is married, lost his job and has fourteen children and struggling to make ends meet…but, when I realise he sits around all day drinking and chatting to his friends with not a care in world, my compassion diminishes…why?

Because my upbringing in life tells me that I should put effort into things, to achieve by that effort and within those struggles to create what I want, is the path I should take. And I measure everyone else by that, realising that everyone does have different dreams and hopes in this world, so shouldn’t be judged by their different dreams or their efforts. But to actually sit around and not really try to do anything lowers my compassion because I only see laziness or a lack of effort.

So in judging this man, I confront him and say ‘what a life! I wish I could do this, lazing around drinking and chatting to friends all day, it would be fantastic’. To which he burst’s into tears, shows much emotion to this accusation. And then begins to tell me of his journey where as a fireman he had rushed into a building to save four people, two adults and two little children. He had brought them out but heard their calls for their pet dog, to which he went back in but was caught in a collapse and badly injured by breaking his back and burning his lungs. Hence the sitting around drinking and chatting was just his friends giving him compassion for what he had gone through. And the fact that he could no longer contribute to himself, family or community because of what had happened.

I would be stunned, my compassion going through the roof for this man that had put his life on the line for the safety of others.

So because of what I had seen and experienced in life, I was judging another, when in truth I had no idea.

My compassion has changed five times in relating the above story. But why?

Well, in saying the above, there is one more thing that drives our compassion more than any other thing in this world.

Yes, our experiences are a big driver. To experience something means we can have true compassion because we relate to it directly, and can then truly understand what another is experiencing. But even then there is one other thing that will affect our compassion, and by its very nature it is a block to all that we do.

Our world is built on ‘conditional’. Loaded with it. And as we grow up it will implant its fears in such a way that we become that ‘conditional’, avoiding many things because of their pain. And in doing so we ‘hold’ much emotion within…because of that pain, and the love that we feel we are losing or we don’t deserve. And those walls are a buffer to the one thing that this life is trying to teach us. To love ourselves!

We cannot give out what we cannot give to ourselves. We are a reflection of what we are. If you are angry, you give out anger. If you are sad, you give out sadness. You can cover it by ‘acting’ a certain way, but deep inside you are still the person that you are from your experiences.

So our compassion is built on our experiences and how we are able to reflect that into the world.

Now I’m going to rock your boat a little further. Spirit said to me…’We know everything, but we do not ‘know’ it!’. Meaning that as Spirit they too must experience this conditional world to understand ‘unconditional’ love. That is our whole purpose down here. It is the only thing we take back ‘up there’, the compassion and love that we experience and develop ‘down here’.

So I will tell you something that happened to me many years ago.

I was with a beautiful friend who was going through a very rough period with her diagnosis of being Bi-Polar. During this afternoon I was watching her escalate beyond anything I could even imagine, becoming angrier and more agitated as the afternoon went on…and as a healer I could ‘feel’ that struggle of this little frightened girl inside struggling to come out of this wilderness that she was in…and my heart just ‘opened’ with so much compassion, and my heart totally went out to her.

And the most incredible thing happened…I was suddenly no longer there, I was ‘somewhere’ that could touch and feel everything. I no longer needed to ask any questions…I ‘knew’. Time was irrelevant, and the most incredible love and compassion I could never put into words, I would diminish it if I tried. But the one thing I did know was…I had ‘let go’ of my worlds fears and totally gave from my heart to this friend from a place I ‘know’ is within us all, a place that is all our destinations as we experience everything on our individual paths. And to reach this place we ‘need’ to have ‘conditional’ so that we can then truly ‘know’ and understand ‘compassion’, to achieve that ‘unconditional’ place within us all. We cannot ‘know’ happiness, unless we ‘know’ sadness. We cannot ‘know’ compassion, unless we ‘know’ fear. We cannot ‘know’ unconditional, unless we ‘know’ conditional. They are all our experiences.

So my journey has been built on that understanding, that all that we do is guiding us ever closer to that unconditional love that we all seek. To find that happiness within that is built on our ability to find that compassion within all that we do. And do it we will, because all experiences show us more and more of who we truly are within, the beauty that is only a wall away from a freedom like no other, and that happiness that we all search for.

I no longer judge anyone…no, not even a murderer. They too have their journey that affects them and all around them…but it all has purpose, to find that heart within by ‘seeing’ and ‘experiencing’ and find that balance inside, the one that says go past my fear, understand that it is just in place so that I can ‘see’ the truth within, release the duality of not loving myself because of that fear, and find that oneness that will make us whole once more.

My journey.

I have been blessed with touching something that is initially unseen by this world. And when I was ready, it came knocking to see if I was listening. And when I was ready, going through one of the most tumultuous times in my life, I was at a place where I asked God, ‘Why?… what meaning was there in such a ‘dark night of the soul’ experience. Show me, at the least, some purpose in what we do’.

And God did.

I didn’t know it at the time, but I had made the decision in my life to have meaning in what I do, so I became a Remedial Massage Therapist to help heal others. And it was within those healing’s that I began to actually ‘see’ myself within others as they responded to me. And as this grew, from each fear that I faced and understood, the clearer I could ‘see’ and understand others. The more I opened my heart to myself, the more I could share that opening to others. And as each step was taken, spirit would show me many things to understand what this journey really means.

I have shared what I was shown over the years here on my blog site. And with those incredible experiences is the one thing that spirit has always been very constant with…we are all here to find that self-love, it is what unconditional love is…that ability to no longer hold anything against ourselves, that negativity, self-loathing or fear because we feel we have been rejected by those we love and look up to as we have grown up. Always thinking deep down, ‘they don’t love me, there must be something wrong with me for them to treat me like that’ and not feeling loved because of those actions, and building emotional walls to block the pain that they cause. And we hold those doubts for a very long time, slowly simmering below the surface in all that we do.

Then along comes that event , a divorce or a death of someone very close, or a rejection from those we love, that will bring it rushing back up so that we can begin that journey to break free from our fear, a rebirth if you will, to finally understand and be released from its shackles…and touch that happiness we have always looked for.

And have that one compassion that always seemed to elude us…that compassion for ourselves.

Only then, in ‘knowing’ conditional, will we then ‘know’ unconditional, and a true compassion in all that we do.

( me 😀 )
I thought I better add a picture so everyone would finally ‘see’ who they were ‘listening’ to.

 

Compassion!

The lovely Barbara Franken at ‘Me My Magnificent Self’ has asked me to do a guest post on compassion at her website.

To which I firstly say thank you for thinking of me to contribute, and secondly for your site, a wellspring of so much positivity and love with an attitude of finding our own hearts so that we can bless those around us by being the healing and blessing that this discovery brings.

And of course in that discovery is found much compassion as it blossoms from within because we have now understood the meaning of those fears in our lives, and in breaking through them we realise what others are still going through. And in now understanding each side of the equation of fear and compassion, it now opens that love within, for ourselves and in our dealings with those around us.

To this day it still amazes me just how powerful our love and compassion is, for the strength and courage it has taken to step past many painful things in our lives. But the biggest wonder I ever see, is that beautiful recognition I see in the eyes of another as that understanding reaches its final destination…their hearts. The tears begin to flow in an acceptance of exactly who they are as the walls come tumbling down, and a glow like no other begins to shine from within.

To read this guest post on compassion at Barbara’s site, please click here… ‘Compassion!’

And thank you Barbara for allowing me to share my journey on your lovely site, and be a part of that compassion you share with all.

Namaste <3

Reflections of Life!

And eventually we do put ourselves first…not as we normally do in life, forcefully…but by understanding our fears, and giving a love to ourselves that we initially did not dare because of how we felt about ourselves. It is in putting us first instead of our fears.

Our fears have to be lived to be understood, and in their outcome is the wisdom of that love. We always give from where we are at. And that is mirrored back to us in our lives by those around us. And as we grow up we give from those fears, a place where we feel unloved and unwanted. Each time we give a flower or argue with a friend, those actions are reflected back to us so that we can ‘see’ where our hearts are, giving out a curved version of who we are because of the expectations of ourselves built from those walls of fear.

And we can never see or understand our fears for many years because we avoid them because of their pain…but as life goes on, those around us keep reflecting back who we are, so that we can ‘see’ where we truly are inside. You know, those situations in relationships that always seem to keep repeating themselves, leaving you totally amazed at how these events keep happening. Making you feel like the universe is picking on you. Until you reach that point where ‘I can’t do this anymore’ becomes your mantra.

But once the fear is understood, it loses its power, and we then see that it has only been us that is blocking our love for ourselves…because we didn’t feel worthy of it.

Our negativities and low self worth from childhood hold those walls up until we are forced to step through them. As we have done by going through the many ups and downs within our life. Slowly we have been able to ‘see’ those walls and with great courage and strength, dared those fears to find that belief of who we really are within and become that love we always seek in our lives, that happiness that we look for but never seem to find.

It is there, gently waiting, prodding us to take the next step, to at last find that love, and be that true freedom within. And to be totally happy, for we have finally found what we have been seeking all our lives…to love ourselves unconditionally. For those fears ARE the conditions we had placed on our journey, and in defeating them we totally appreciate what it has taken to break through and find who we really are within.

And in doing so, we are finally free. Because that happiness is the love we dared to give ourselves, releasing the conditions that held us in chains, to find an unconditional that will leave you in tears…tears of love and gratitude because of what you have now found within.

May your journey dare those fears, for through them is a light like no other, and a beauty beyond measure…….your light   <3

To Live!

As many would know, spirit spoke to me about 5 years ago and said that I would die when I was 60. And as everything else that spirit spoke to me about has come true, I had no doubt that it would happen.
This left me to face some very big and entrenched fears in my life, and in doing so, thankfully, I have climbed and removed many walls in my life, understood the reasons behind those fears so that I am now free from their tyranny.
Don’t get me wrong, they have a very important part in our lives. In living them and enduring their pain, it shows us compassion and the ability to love ourselves as nothing else can.
So I find myself in a beautiful place in my life…so spirit decided it was time to look a little deeper…much deeper.
Spirit came to me and said (and I wasn’t even thinking of death or anything even associated with it)…’Who said you would not live again!’ And that was it.
It was so out of nowhere that I wondered if I hadn’t ‘seen’ something after all that death had so far shown me.

  1. Would I literally die, but come alive again. Like those stories you hear about people dying on the operating table but ‘coming back’?
  2. Would I truthfully ‘live again’ in the spirit world.
  3. Or would I ‘live again’ in another lifetime.

I have thought about it for a while and the one thing that it showed me promise for on my journey is…it doesn’t matter. And in realising that I’m comfortable that it no longer ‘holds me back’.
Maybe that was what it was for…to ‘see’ that we will all be alive again…once our walls come down <3

I Would Rather be Strange

I too would deny the ‘strange’ of this world…only then will our world become clear.

Reblogged from Cristen Rodgers

I Would Rather be Strange

To those who would call me strange, I say that I would rather be your kind of strange than mine because, to me, strange is denying the truth of our nature.

To me, strange is ignoring the pull of the moon’s tides in our veins simply because we can’t yet measure its influence.

Strange is pretending that our bones aren’t made of the same dust that’s beneath our feet, or that our bodies aren’t filled with the same water that crashes in waves on the shores.

To me, strange would be to deny kinship with the animals, even though we’re born of the same union between the earth and the sky.

What I consider strange is clinging to one identity, like a summer that refuses to concede to the coming autumn.

  And stranger still is to reject our responsibility to one another, like a maple tree denying the birds and squirrels a home in its branches.

To those who would call me improper, I say that I would rather be your kind of improper than mine because, to me, improper is the desecration of our mother earth.

To me, improper is interrupting the natural flow of water through her veins.

Improper is poisoning her breath with pesticides while tearing down her lungs with tractors.

To me, improper is raping the land and forcing her to give birth out of season, while wondering why she seems to fight us every step of the way.

What I consider improper is the way we’ve drawn imaginary lines across her body for so long that we think they’re real and, even worse, that they will somehow prevent the cancer from spreading.

Improper is that no one seems to mourn a freshly stripped forest, as if its roots weren’t also our own; and pretending that what’s done to it isn’t also done to us all.

To those who would call me weird, I say that I would rather be your kind of weird than mine because, to me, weird is choosing an imitation over the real thing.

To me, weird is covering my feet with dead leather instead of walking barefoot on the living earth and feeling her heart beating beneath me.

Weird is covering ourselves with chemicals to protect our bare skin from the same sun that helped to create it.

To me, weird is needing entertainment when every evening a great invisible artist comes out to paint one stroke of color at a time across the entire sky until the day’s blue transitions into midnight’s black.

What I find weird is the way that we’re taught to fear the wild, as if we are not wild ourselves.

Weird is how we’re supposed to trust what comes from a factory but not what came before that factory existed.  Even weirder is the way that we eat food from a bag while we bulldoze the forest, or we hide from the rain and then go home to take a shower.

To those who would call me naive, I say I would rather be your kind of naive than mine because, to me, naive is believing that the creator is separate from her creation.

Naïve is believing that the Painter feels no pain when you spoil her canvas.  It’s pretending that the Great Writer’s soul doesn’t live in the poems she carves out in the rivers and the songs that she sings on the wind.

To me, naïve is calling for God’s help as we slay sparks of her soul that live in the fields and the forests, in the corals, the coasts and the clouds; and more naïve still is to convince ourselves that those sparks were never there.

What I consider naïve is the assumption that we can kill pieces of a body without its consciousness slowly dying.

Naïve is expecting that we can hollow out the ground beneath our feet and somehow remain standing.

To me, naive is incessantly talking to God rather than shutting up long enough to hear to what she’s been trying to tell us all along.

To those who would call me strange, I say that I would rather be your kind of strange than mine because, to me, strange is listening to the weather but not hearing the wind.  It’s living under the sun but never seeing the light.  Strange is drinking earth’s water but never swallowing the truth.

To those who would call me strange, I say let them call me strange; this is a title I will happily accept, because in a world that lives in denial, the truth will sound false.  I accept it because in a society of conformists, authenticity will seem rebellious and because when it’s built on dualism, oneness will be frightening.

I say let them call me strange, because if it’s strange to live as my mother intends rather than according to what my brothers and sisters pretend, then I would rather be their kind of strange than mine.

©2016 Cristen Rodgers

Sometimes it Hurts

 
And sometimes you can ‘hear’ a post in your heart.
This is one of those posts! ❤️

Reblogged from Cristen Rodgers

Sometimes it Hurts

The thing about spiritual awakening is that sometimes it hurts.

We talk a lot about the way that everything gets a little brighter and how the world transforms before your eyes.  We relish describing how there’s this bottomless well of love hidden right inside your own chest and the way that your relationships – with yourself, with others, with the earth, with god – suddenly and drastically change for the better once you learn how to tap into it.  We take joy in sharing the beauty of the journey; but what we often fail to mention is all of the pain that must be endured along the way.

We neglect to talk about how much your feet start to grow tired and eventually bleed as you learn how to walk through rather than around the thorns and barbs in your path.  And we forget to mention that courage doesn’t just happen; that you have to face your deepest fears and stand in the darkest of your inner shadows before you learn how to become the light.  We don’t talk much about the way that your concept of self is shaken until the meat of your identity begins to fall off; or how, even after that, your bones continue to rattle until even they turn to dust lying at the feet of your naked soul.

Perhaps it would be more accurate to call the process emerging rather than awakening.  Awakening deceptively illustrates the process as an effortless transition from the dream landscape of the unconscious to the sharp brightness of reality, wherein the closest thing to pain is a few stiff muscles easily alieved by a short stretch.  The word emerging, on the other hand, implies struggle.  You don’t emerge effortlessly; emerging is something that must be done in steps, each of which can only be taken because you grew stronger by taking the one before it.

The first step is perhaps the hardest, because it requires the kind of bravery that one only develops in the face of immense fear, the kind of fear that comes from challenging core assumptions.  When your foundational beliefs are questioned, the ground beneath your feet begins to tremble and shake.  Up and down begin looking eerily alike and the only certainty is that you still exist somewhere in between them.

This is how we learn courage.

It’s not by avoiding fear but by walking into it that we learn how to rise above it.  Then you discover the courage of your spirit – it’s not your mind or your muscles that put your feet in motion, but something far stronger, and deeper, pulling you forward from the inside until you finally crack the inner layer of your shell.

But this is only the first step.

Emerging requires more than just growing tired of confinement.  You have to break free; you must strip away layer after layer of who you have learned to be before you can get to the truth of who you really are.  Stripping away layers of self can be painful, and it can be frightening.   We deposit our beliefs, our assumptions, expectations, and definitions over our souls one layer at a time until they harden into a sort of shell behind which hides our true self – that wild, free, formless, beautiful energy that we call the spirit.  The longer that this shell remains in place, the more it begins to attach itself to the tender spirit beneath, so that peeling it away tests and pulls at the spirit. It can hurt but it also makes it that much stronger.

Usually these layers don’t just fall away easily like dead skin.  They have to be pulled away, like ripping flesh from the bone.  But, with each layer that gets pulled away, the light within shines through a little more.  And if we keep tugging at all of the things that we thought we should be, eventually we strip away that final layer to discover the true intensity of who we really are.

That’s the truth of it.  It hurts.  It’s frightening.  But it’s the most worthwhile challenge that you will ever go through.

Once all of those layers have been stripped away, you discover what it means to breathe.  You marvel at how you didn’t know that you were suffocating; and you can imagine no greater purpose than to help others find their breath.  You no longer fear shadows because you have become the source of the light.  You can be truly happy because you aren’t always fighting against unhappiness.

This is what it means when we say that if you run from the shadow you also run from the light, or that to know love you must be willing to walk through fear.

A flower cannot bloom without first suffering the darkness of being a buried seed.  A bird cannot learn to fly without first facing the fear of falling.  And you, my friend, cannot emerge without first suffering the process of tearing away at what confines you.

©2015 Cristen Rodgers

A Moment in Time!

A time to stand still and look within after a realisation of self…

Reblogged from Healing Your Heart From Within

A Moment in Time!

And you will never forget that moment…all has led to this beautiful point. All the striving and hardships to achieve some unknown yearning, some direction or path that has meaning. And suddenly a understanding comes within…just a flutter, you try to grasp it, and it turns away. Release it and it comes back, opening like a flower. Sometimes it is difficult, but I realise now, that was because I was getting in the way. The mind trying to grasp something by the good old fashioned way of logic.

Totally useless when you begin to realise this understanding comes from within. It has always been there but life just gets in the way. It has taken me many years to gain this understanding, and like any journey there is a beginning.

You read and read, listening to others around you, all the while taking some things on board and rejecting what doesn’t seem to fit. And even coming back to them because over time you have changed, and you now have some pull towards them. At this point you realise you had to go through something, which changed you, and you now understand what you had rejected. A little more is added to the mix.

This goes on, bit by bit as you gain enough wisdom to release those fears and that interaction with life that block that understanding within. It is perfectly balanced so that until you reach that point of ‘wanting something more’out of life, you will stay on that path of the world. Keep trudging until that guiding sentinel within gently shows you something, a moment of understanding that sits you up and allows you to realise ‘there is something more’, and the change begins.

You hold it to the side, not speaking of it for fear of being labelled as ‘different’, but this is also part of the understanding. As you realise there is significance in these ‘events’, your attitude begins to change. You start to feel a purpose, a reason for being who and what you are within. Even though this begins a struggle with the world all around. For until you step fully into this journey, it will keep you at bay. Law of attraction, you hold it at bay, it will hold you at bay.

You are now developing your truth and integrity because of what you are now feeling. You are beginning to understand that you needed to feel everything that you have, so that you will understand these events as they come. You are now beginning to accelerate by letting go of the world, your understanding increases because you are letting go of all those things in life that block your journey.

And then one day you are just being…nothing more, and an understanding will come forward within. It will be so incredible that it will stop you in your tracks. The world around you will disappear for it will no longer have any meaning as you feel the truth of what has been revealed. The tears will flow, and gladly, for the beauty in this understanding will wrap your heart in the most incredible love that you will never, ever forget. You are free, and open to this love now forever. You also see that this beauty within has always been there, just waiting until you are ready.

As more time goes by and you come from this new place within, you see the truth of all your interactions with your life, within others and the purpose that it holds for you. Yes, just you, so that you may realise the beauty from within, and in doing so, give to others from that place because that is what you have gradually attracted. A love to self. A release of that life long ‘I can’t do this!…I’m not good enough!’, that has kept that duality, that non connection within. And in that belief in self, that beginning of that love for you, you stop blocking the one thing that has been trying to gain a foothold in your life, that unconditional love that is all around.

At this time you realise, yes, you are still on this earth, but it no longer has the drag of life you have endured. Your lessons in life and hardships, have reached their purpose, and you now stand in your truth, giving totally and freely within, as the understanding of that unconditional love unfolds.

Welcome to my world fellow traveller, I bid you wel-come, for even though it is a journey of much pain, it’s destination is one of such incredible beauty. Be strong, persevere and know that this path is one of completion, and the freedom and love gained will far, far outweigh anything that went before. Be at peace in that knowledge, for it is with great love that our creator wants us to be a part of all that is, that unconditional love, forever.

Namaste

My Very First Post – #MyFirstPostRevisited

A tag started by a blogger/writer called Sarah Brentyn, asking us to revisit our first ever blog posts! <3

I have been very nicely asked by my friend Carolina to visit my first ever post…and after 3 minutes of scrolling down the page…ta daaaa!

Here is my very first Blog Post:


THE JOURNEY HAS BEGUN!

Ok, I’ve created a few pages, rearranged a few things , and now getting used to WordPress and its particulars. The first four pages are up, The Journey, The Heart, The Beginning, The Reverse and these will be followed by The Fear, The Love, The Truth, The Dreaming and The Death (I hope to complete these over the next few weeks). And maybe more as I do this wander through life and the urge to ‘live’ and feel some of the most incredible things. I become more amazed as spirit shows me some of life’s ‘realities’ under our day to day life that we all lead.

For many years it has been a slog, as it is for most all of us initially, but that is only to show us one side of the coin, a familiar track that has been taught to us by our parents, family and friends and of course, let us not forget the ‘system’ of schools, law and community. Now I’m not being derogatory by the previous statement as they are needed very much to assist in the creation of who we all are. A lesson in this very physical world showing us how to live and be a part of this world we live in.

It’s when we reach those places in our life where we realise ‘there has to be more’, and then we start to look, to search, and try to understand just what it is we are missing. It can be frustrating just trying to come to terms, with what it is, that we seem to be trying to achieve. So the hunt begins. A clue here, a hint there, and sometimes we lock onto something that appears to be what we are after but it doesn’t quite fill the void. So we keep looking. And looking.

And then one day after some serious searching throughout your life, you finally begin to realise that the most happiest times in your life have been when you have actually given to yourself. Released any expectations of yourself, and just been in the moment with something you have enjoyed doing. Whether it was an occasion with family or friends or something you enjoy doing for yourself. After doing this it leaves you with a smile, even if not so much an external one, but one that you feel within.

It is then that you begin to realise that the more you give to yourself, the more you give from that place. The more happier you are within, the more you radiate that out from where you are at. The important bit is to be that Truth, live that way on a day to day basis. If you do this with integrity, and not selfishly, everything begins to change. You begin to change, and all those negative things that you seem to attract to you before, change to a more positive and happier outcome.

Yes, life can still throw things in your direction but the more you follow this path the more you realise that ninety nine percent of the time we keep this ‘what if’ going in our heads and ninety nine percent of the time…none of it happens. And the reality is you always put your best foot forward anyway. Tell me when you’ve deliberately done something wrong? Made mistakes yes, sometimes some doozies (me too), but never deliberately. Learn, take in the wisdom that it taught you, and let it go. The lesson is for you, no one else, just you.

It takes time, but hey, you’ve got the rest of your life to do it. Don’t make it a chore, just take one day at a time. Live now and let the world take care of itself. It will, and with that new attitude begin to love the most important person in that world. You are more important than you realise. You are starting a new you. You are beginning the realisation that you are a part of the most incredibly beautiful creation that ever existed, and ever will.

It all begins…with a smile…and another…and before long it just comes naturally!


Here we come to the rules:

Obvious rules:

No cheating. (It must be your first post. Not your second post, not one you love…first post only.)

Link back to the person who tagged you (thank them if you feel like it or, if not, curse them with a plague of ladybugs).

Other rules:

Cut and paste your old post into a new post or reblog your own bad self. (Either way is fine but NO editing.)

Put the hashtag #MyFirstPostRevisited in your title.

Tag…um…tentwotwelve five (5) other bloggers to take up this challenge.

Notify your tags in the comment section of their blog (don’t just hope they notice a pingback somewhere in their spam).

Feel free to cut and paste the badge to use in your post.

Include “the rules” in your post.

Completely silly rules that I’m making up as I type:

Transmute yourself from wherever you are to a nice tropical island for a two week stay at absolutely no cost,
and force yourself to enjoy it! 😀

Here there are my tag choices:

Amanda

Pam

Anne-Marie

You are by no mean obligated to participate but if you do would be a fun way to look at your Blog growth and transformation!

My thanks to Carolina at Yesterdayafter for including me in her Tag, and it was fun to look back to the beginning and see where my blog’s travel began!

Love and light to you all!

Mark

P.S. No, I normally do not do any awards or such, but for only the second time since I’ve been on WordPress, I have dared, simply as it was different and ‘touched’ what I needed to see! 😀

The Waters of Life!

Life and all its hardships, the rivers we do dare
Traveling dangerous waters, captaining its glare
The mastering of the winds, the swells of our pride
The holding of our tiller, for there is nowhere else to hide
But if I could but show, the beauty that dwells within
The reality in this path, built from where we’ve been
We see so much in our wake, but only through our fear
All the while on lookout, glancing to the rear
So grab that tiller firmer, know through this gale we go
That the sails of this journey, need this truth to blow
Find the hearts compass, point it as a guide
Hold it with gratitude, for in there you know you’ve tried
So seek out all your glory, venture to every port above
For within that travel far and wide, is a journey full of love

Happy New Year everyone, may it be full of adventure, beautiful waters and much love! <3

Mark

Joy…is it a myth?

This post is triggered by a friend, Leigh, who was wondering out loud in her post, ‘Joy, what is it?’ , and its part in her life. So I thought I would pass on what I personally found, and maybe it will help or give an understanding in something that we all ask at times in our lives.

In my own journey I felt a joy from what I was taught…lets say it was my birthday (as a child) was coming up, so I would get all excited and happy leading up to it. And children are much more unconditional until ‘life’ gets in the way. So it was my environment guided me in many things like this, from what I was shown and experienced as I grew up.

But the one thing that never seemed to be satisfied, was this ‘something’ that I never seemed to reach, a place where everyone said I would be happy when I reached it, but in finding this ‘so called’ nirvana, it left a lingering hollow that just didn’t touch what I thought would be ‘joy’. A career, home, partner, children and so on would bring it into my life, but never a lasting one to make you feel you had found ‘it’, that place we all search for.

Until I did ‘touch’ it, after picking myself up off the floor in a crying heap as I finally ‘saw’ what was truly holding me back. After a divorce, severe anxiety, loss of family and friends…I finally dared to look within and ask that question…’is this it down here, a life of misery and pain?’, as my fear dragged me kicking and screaming into changing what I had re-inforced my whole life up till that point.

Through my life I saw one thing, and one thing only…as a child it was my reaction to (I felt), was my dad treating me in such a way that I felt he didn’t love me, and that I couldn’t handle it anymore…so I blocked him emotionally (I was a grand old age of about 7 or 8). And anyone else who said they loved me needed to then ‘be’ a certain way to prove themselves, and I would drown them in some artificial love (because it had conditions tied to it everywhere), by sending flowers, invite them out, do grand things for them…all built on my fear of not being loved, being rejected by those who I loved and looked up to. Of which I carried on into adult hood.

So began my journey to find ‘why’, and once I saw what it was….I finally let go something that had weighed a ton on my life up to that point, physically, emotionally and most certainly spiritually as I had blocked it with all my walls.

My point being, once that fear was finally understood, you let go, and I mean really let go of expectations (of you and others), wants, needs, judgement, and a million other things that we don’t realise we do in avoiding that fear. The world completely changed overnight…well, actually I did…and without that one constant of fear affecting everything that I did…I began to ‘see’…and I mean really ‘see’ what had always been there, but I was blinded by my walls.

Let me show you an example of how it happens….your boss asks you to do something for your work, it is going to take some serious effort to get done so it will take over your life while you finish it. It is done at work, at home, in the shower and even sidetracks you in your family life. When you finally come back up for air at the jobs end, half your life has passed you by. A child’s birthday missed, a presentation for a family member or even friends invites are ignored.

And that is what fear does, it blinds you to life, keeps you on-guard and sidetracked in so many ways. But when it is finally understood, it is YOUR jobs end. You will release it because it no longer has power over you. You…are…free.

And in that freedom is a relief, release and self love because of what you have endured to see it for what it is, and break free of that life of drudgery.

And then something comes in that you weren’t expecting….you can now ‘see’ life (dancing under your tree’s Leigh 🙂 ), and it brings a joy like no other. It is a feeling that you have never had, simply because it has been blocked all your life. And there where it has always been is…your lovely tree’s on a roadway :), a butterfly with beautiful wings, flowers with color that you have never been able to really see before, even just a child’s happy face.

You can even now see and feel joy in others, because you ARE now joy because of what you now understand within yourself.

Yes, through your life you will feel bursts of joy in different events, simply because you have let your fear go, its overpowering reins on your life for just a while…until it slowly comes back in, reminding you of what you hold deep within.

That is our journey, to find that joy, in the love we have of ourselves. It holds so much joy unlike anything in this world…but it is only blocked by that wall of fear. Beneath that wall is an indescribable beauty…a place that will bring a smile from within like no other, regardless of where you are, whenever you are…it is timeless, and very unconditional.

I wish I could just show you what I found…but then you wouldn’t understand, because you hadn’t experienced giving that love to you, and finding that joy…the most important part of this entire journey down here 🙂

Change…it is our birthright!

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”

Rumi

“And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?”

Rumi

“You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.”

Rumi

First Love! (Part II)

What can I say, that first encounter (First Love!) was over 12 months ago.
She crossed my mind often, in between life’s many wanderings…but not to make ‘that’ meeting again.
It felt like a loss, but not, because I was blessed with touching something so beautiful for what it was.
So I moved on, lived in a world somehow devoid a little because it felt so wonderfully close and personal, but never to be touched.
I had even tried to measure it against what I thought my life should be like, constantly a part of someone who made me feel that way.
Fool…expectations are a brace for the unwary, wanting of something that I couldn’t find in myself.
And because of that realisation, I let it go…gently, oh so gently.
And so in doing this, I allowed it to happen again…just by minding my own business, expectation-less and celebrating a birthday with a friend.
And there she was…I wasn’t sure what to do at first…a quick hello because of how unsure I felt, many people around us.
But the glow in that smile, the sparkle in those eyes could never hide this…this ‘connection’ beyond time.
We mingled with friends, always aware of a darted eye, a comment, and that smile that can only come from one place.
I also became aware my jaw was hurting again, like the first time, from smiling so much…but I didn’t care. I would recite a prayer 5 million times just to see her smile.
Many little chats began, but broken because we realised we were ignoring everyone else…but flowing so smoothly.
And suddenly we were by ourselves, wiping up the dishes, a chore by anyone’s standards…but we didn’t see it.
And even that came to an end, and my time was up, I had to leave…but never wanting to.
Unsure of what to say to end this day…I lifted my arms to show a farewell at the least by that embrace.
And it happened…….we gently embraced and joined together in the most beautiful serenity, melting into each other.
We floated in a sensation that when we met before was but a gentle flutter, now turning full force.
The world did not exist, nothing did but that beautiful touch within.
A moment as the ego wanted to know what it meant, but I released it and moved beyond it into acceptance. Just a perfect moment where everything was…was…just so perfect.
Not a word was spoken, it didn’t need to be. Not a movement was made, it was no longer required…we just were.
I have felt many things in this life, touched many hearts, experienced much love, physically and spiritually in the healing’s around me.
But this…words could not utter what was there in that moment…I was lost…and found…in the simplicity of that connection.
A singularity where all comes together in that one instant of time, to touch that perfection.
We finally released each other, very reluctantly, after what seemed like forever, and searched for a way to be together again.
And the universe opened and showed us a way…she would be back in two weeks.
I left. I smiled inside and out, my jaw hurting like crazy…by a pain I did not want to stop.
Two weeks?…14 days? Could I wait that long.
This is only day three…and look at what I have written.
Even my heart is beginning to ache…but it too is a pain I would gladly endure forever.
But above all that, is the one thing that is there above all else.
I ‘knew’, even before a word had been spoken…a calm ‘knowing’ that I was already there, a connection unlike any before.
Soul Mates? Or is that just the Universe opening a gate, to help us to walk through and find that truth within.
I’m reaching for the latch…hesitating…but I am lost already, and know it.
Smiling the smile of the heart, I follow my path…touching that place within us all, with a love like no other to guide us truly.

***Footnote: Well, a little time has now passed since I wrote the above, spirit had asked me to ‘delay’ putting it up. And I realise why now. I’ve had time to digest something that still leaves me amazed at this connection. But it wasn’t meant to be.
The lady in question is going through a very difficult time in her life so is in no space to be wanting a relationship at the moment.
So, what does that mean…well, I do now realise, because of the previous relationship that I was in, that if it didn’t ‘connect’ with the incredible power that it did, I may not have told myself ‘it is time to move on’, and wanted to. It isn’t until we are faced with these issues that we really look within and make those decisions. Don’t get me wrong, I have been quite happy in going where I have gone in life, but I think it may be time to ‘change’ my direction, hence the ‘contact’ with another beautiful soul.
But beyond that…I was allowed to touch something…feel and see something that is within us all. And I smile all the more inside for the ‘knowing’ of that beauty, and what is gently waiting as we step past our fears, and open truly to a whole new way of being 🙂

Finding Your Heart!

(An old, but important reblog for a friend)

But which one? The one that goes pump, pump…or the one we feel every little emotional vibration with? Or are they the same one?

The Journey we all make within, one way or the other, can come at any time in our lives. Usually at a time of deep emotional upheaval due to a loss of something…a partner through divorce, the security of a job, a death in the family or even from facing a fear …and sometimes all of them. And in response to this we often feel the pain deep inside with an emotional agony that we think will never leave us. We have all been there sometime in our lives and know this isn’t an easy time.

It takes a long time, going through the stages of grief, anger, fear, loss to finally reach an acceptance of what has happened. This can take years and in the final view, we look back at different times in our life and see that we actually change over this time frame and see we have actually changed in how we feel about what has happened. Why? Is it because we are not as close to the situation any more…or maybe we have reached an understanding that yes, we have lost something but now that the waves of emotion have finally settled to a more